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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
we're not kids anymore.
dirt enthusiast
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Product Placement
if i look back, i am lost
Cosimo Galluzzi
Kiana Khansmith
KIROKAZE
shark vs the universe
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izzy's playlists!
Xuebing Du
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Peter Solarz
Three Goblin Art
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@anxiousautie
Haven’t been on here in a really long time because life was really good for a while but I just had a massive meltdown after a long week of a lot of sensory overload and socializing and my mom wouldn’t let me eat soup in my room and it just completely set me off and now I’m sitting here actually feeling decent for a minute and my mom is pissed at me
Love it
How to tell a brief story when every story needs five paragraphs of background info and three relevant tangents?
.
So like I know I pretty much abandoned this blog for a while So here's what happened. I was all set to get tested and it was pretty clear that I was about to be diagnosed. So building up to the day of my testing I started getting very anxious. You see, I have not told my parents about any of this and I was suddenly more afraid than ever that I was going to have to tell them and I couldn't imagine doing that. So I very suddenly canceled my testing, ensuring beforehand that I could return anytime and not have to go through the entire interview process. So that was like 2 months ago now, probably more. I still fully believe I'm autistic but I'm still on the fence about getting diagnosed. Anyway, tonight is the worst sensory overload I've had since I canceled my testing. Something somewhat minor changed in my life and suddenly I lost all my spoons and everything was 10x more painful than it was seconds before. My teeth are on fire and I can't touch them together or I think I'll die. Light and sound are making my head tight. It's far too cold in here. I'm just so drained and I hate it. It makes me want to get diagnosed but there's so much affecting that decision. I've come out once to my family and I can't come out as another thing. It took me 6 years to come out the first time. Maybe I'll build up the courage before it's too late. Maybe I'll email them when I get back to school. Idk. It's a really hard decision.
I get attached to random objects, does anyone else do this? Like I’ll find a balloon or something at a party and after holding it for a while I’ll just be like “wow this is mine now. I love this random balloon I found” that’s just an example, I do this with a lot of objects
only reblog if youre autistic
reblog and tag your autism brand tired autism: - has insomnia - autism is backed with major depression and eight thousand metric tons of trauma - always has a headache/chronic pain - has meltdown if strict schedule is disrupted - is mentally 51 years old but also mentally 9 - eats a certain handful of food and wont eat anything else - never tries new things spicy autism: - hyper empathetic - loves friends but has a Hard Time - loves spicy foods and foreign food - has screaming crying tantrums/meltdowns - makes weird noises - tells stories of their life alot - wears the same few shirts and one pair of jeans stay at home autism: - likes to be taken care of by others - can cook kinda good though - has one thousand pets - never not dissociating. Always - skips school a whole bunch and sleeps instead - probably like five textures theyre okay with, the rest make them die - has one friend maybe manic autism: - hallucinating right now - “i promise ill stop!” They Didnt. - tries really hard to do their makeup but is bad at it - gets lost in fantasy worlds nonstop - texts everyone, cant take a hint when they dont respond - has eaten mcdonalds for a whole month straight and considers it an accomplishment - identity changes every five minutes
“Wanting to be left alone is rude. If I want to talk to you, you’re required to listen. The conversation ends when I want it to end. If you’re clearly not interested, I don’t care. But if you talk for just 5 seconds about something that doesn’t interest me, I’ll ignore you.”
- Neurotypicals
@candidlyautistic
@strangerdarkerbetter
Someone please explain to me,
how to draw the line between memories
and reality.
“When you deliberately lie, when you’re a compulsive liar and you KNOW you’re lying, it’s hard to come clean. It’s extremely difficult to admit you lied about it, because admitting to such a thing is humiliating. Embarrassing. Something that is unforgivable to most. Something that people will stamp you ‘crazy’ over, if the lie is big enough. But when a compulsive liar lies, they don’t usually think 'I’m making up a lie right now.’ They’re putting themselves in a different dimension. They’re not just convincing you, they’re convincing themselves. They truly convince themselves that this lie is true. When they bring it up, they know – deep down – that they’re not being truthful. But they’re so wound in it, so aware that they’ll gain attention from it, the attention they’ve been searching for, it’s more than just 'fessing up’ when you call them out. It will take them years, if ever, to admit to one of these lies. Because they’re not just fessing up to you, they’re fessing up to themselves. And once someone realizes that they can’t even trust their own words, they realize that they’re their own worst enemy. And that’s the scariest thing to face.”
Anonymous (via anythingforasunnyday)
I’m a compulsive liar
It’s not something I’ve really thought much about because it happens so much and so easily I just assumed everyone did it.
When do I lie?
When I feel like a story puts me in a bad light
When I did something wrong and don’t want to come off incapable
When it makes a situation easier
When I’m uncomfortable (e.g. with my psychiatrist) and don’t want to answer a question
When I don’t want to do something/want attention and I pretend I feel sick/worse than I do
When I don’t have anything to contribute to a conversation/don’t want to feel stupid I’ll make up facts to seem intelligent
When I don’t want to be blamed I will put the burden on someone else.
Does this make me a horrible person? Probably. I used to think they were harmless, just bits and pieces to improve my standing with others. But I’m starting to see how fucked up it all is.
me: I am a compulsive liar as a direct result of my mental illnesses and the abuse I suffered as a child because I often believe I have to lie to protect myself or make myself feel loved or it's just an impulse I have no control over and I always feel guilty after I lie
neurotypical: OMG ur such manipulative bitch!!! stop lying so much, ur an awful person!! ur only lying to hurt me! I know ur a compulsive liar, but u should stop because it's MANIPULATIVE and u have TOTAL CONTROL OVER IT!
me: *looks into camera like I'm in the office*
Do you have any good/interesting stims you could recommend?
asdfghjk i probably wont answer this coherently bc i am hyper but also crashing rn lmao sorry. but anyway i love this question bc sharing stims is the BEST here are some of my more unusual stims
Body stims
twisting hands. like jazz hands but more twisty. like ur turning a doorknob but u go super fast and u feel the flap and gravity and all that
pshfjsh u kno when u crouch in full gargoyle pose? bounce on ur toes. thats some Good Shit
lightly hit ur chest as u breathe in and u feel it echo and its so good. be careful not to hurt urself tho
tap ur collarbone real fast
reading lit written in accented language. like OMAM and Trainspotting and such. disclaimer: my adhd dyslexic ass barely ever reads, but reading accented lit out loud is the best
similar: fast singing/raps. like have the lyrics up in front if u need them. go as fast as u can it is FUN
twirl a pen between ur fingers. bonus: increases dexterity. downside: u will launch ur pen at an authority figure. its inevitable
just like. dig ur head in rly hard to a sofa and like stroke it w ur face? i have no idea how to describe it but u know when a cat digs their face into soft things to rub against it? That but u r the cat
bkidvalsdgdbh ok thts all i can think on. everyone add on ur own more unusual stims that r fun !
Hmm I wonder.. Any other autistics out there who never figured out how to hold a pencil “correctly”? I always thought it was just me, but there are a lot of things I thought were “just me” and then turn out to be common for folks on the spectrum. So is this one of them??
Firstly, I hold pens/pencils resting on my ring finger rather than the middle finger which I guess is “wrong”. Holding it the “right” way feels really loose and difficult to control.
Secondly, I use a LOT of pressure / very firm grip. Like, my hand cramps after writing a couple of paragraphs. As an artist and journal enthusiast, this is… frustrating.
Anyone else??
sensoryoverload.mp3
Ughhhhhhh I seriously hate that I don’t experience cognitive or affective empathy or like know how social things work like NTs because I hate that I can’t understand what to do when my friends are upset about something.
Like my friend said she hates her dad and I said “I know” and then she said “He just doesn’t understand mental health stuff at all” and I just went “mm ya”. And then I asked where she was going (we were leaving our building) and she said “well I was going to call my mom but I’m just not up for it, I just really want to be at [building]” And I just said “oh ok, cool, see you later!”
And it’s like a half an hour later and I just now worked out that maybe I should have asked her about my dad and acted more like her dad being a jerk bothered me too. I just didn’t now. And now I can’t get any work done because I just want to go ask her what happened but I can’t now.
I think that’s exactly the thing to do, though. If she was that upset she’s probably still upset and could use comfort. It’s not too late at all and you don’t even have to make it awkward.
If you have her number you can text her and ask how she’s holding up if she wants to talk about her dad, or if she doesn’t then talk next time you see her you can ask how she’s doing.
Something like “I was worried about you and wanted to see how you were doing. I know you were upset about […] last time we spoke.” That acknowledges both that you were listening to her when she was talking to you the first time and that you care enough to have thought about her in her absence even if you feel you didn’t react well during your first interaction.
Or really just make any statement that shows you both listened to her and want to allow her to vent her feelings. If she tells you more about it then say something like “I’m really sorry. That must be really tough for you. I can’t imagine.” Or if you’re really at a loss you can say something that expresses that too like, “I really don’t know what to say. I’m just sorry you’re going through that.” And then maybe ask a follow up question or tell her she can continue to talk to you about it.
You could also bring her a pastry or something if you really feel like you’ve let her down.
Hopefully I can still ask her about it. She's been at work for a bit. Thanks.
Baggy cotton clothes
I wish more people got this because some ‘low-empathy’ people are the most compassionate and sympathetic in the universe, and I hate it when that’s taken to mean ‘unfeeling and probably hostile’ when nothing could be further from the truth
Or, as my dad put it,
Sympathy: I know how you feel Empathy: I feel how you feel Compassion: is there anything I can do to help?
