wren

time is an illusion • 26 • they/them •

[anxiouslezbean]

I started this blog originally to just vent to the void and I've recently realized that it's because I felt like something was missing.

I figured it out— I genuinely enjoy the doing and creating of something. I have fun when im productive. So that's what I'm doing now!

HOBBIES/GOALS

•Study at least 5mins EVERYDAY

⚬freecodecamp, sololearn, youtube

•Crochet at least one row a day

⚬hats, blankets, leg warmers

•Learn to embroider& improve my skills by summer

⚬practice stiches+easy patterns

WISH ME LUCK!!

[anxiouslezbean]

[anxiouslezbean]

sine im limiting myself so i dont burn out, todays after work goal is super achievable.

i got stuck on the second to lest question for the Code Challenge Lesson module. i just don’t understand why the solution is the way it is but i can always come back to it with fresh eyes, so i’ll skip it for now and keep revisiting it as i move along.

plan is to take another look at the Code Challenge and try to figure it out. Then work on the Build Your Own Cheatsheet, i already have a draft drawn up i just need to actually build it. and the next lesson only has 11 parts and most of it looks like stuff im already familiar with so it shouldnt be too taxing.

[anxiouslezbean]

todays after work goal is below. this time im going to pick up my meds and then im headed straight to the library to get as much done as i can. id like to get more that i have pictured done but we’ll see how the day goes.

i dont wanna run myself ragged but i do want to progress and the more i see my progression the more excited and driven i feel. im finally taking this seriously because i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. im nowhere close at the moment but im making strides. i have had some setbacks and it took a year to get just this far but with this momentum i can get so much further in another year.

[anxiouslezbean]

i got pretty much nothing done yesterday :(

think im burning myself out the way i usually do. putting too much on my plate. looking too far ahead and freaking myself out to the point that i do nothing but stare at the code wishing i could just sleep for an entire day.

im not taking a break, but i need to slow down. i decided i’ll only do one module a day or 3 of them twice a week (mon - fri) but regardless of how i get it done a total of at least 5 done per week (6 would be a bonus). no matter how do or long the module is. thats steady and realistic. if i happen to feel like doing more i will but i’ll only force myself to do just what i have to.

[anxiouslezbean]

todays after work goal is below. this time im going to pick up my meds and then im headed straight to the library to get as much done as i can. id like to get more that i have pictured done but we’ll see how the day goes.

i dont wanna run myself ragged but i do want to progress and the more i see my progression the more excited and driven i feel. im finally taking this seriously because i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. im nowhere close at the moment but im making strides. i have had some setbacks and it took a year to get just this far but with this momentum i can get so much further in another year.

[anxiouslezbean]

todays afterwork study goal is to get through whats below. it doesnt look too intimidating just yet so if i take a couple of hours to take my time so i can really understand the concepts, i cant imagine it will take more than a day for just what i selected to get done today

[anxiouslezbean]

didnt get as far as i wanted because i took a nap (i slept like absolute shit last night, only like 3 hrs of uninterrupted sleep) but i still got some of the way! im kinda frustrated with myself that i didnt get done what i wanted but i’ll try to be kind to myself. i only have 3 more parts of the project to get done, and i’d finish it now but it 12:37am and i have to be up by 6:30. i wanna get further tomorrow and hopefully finish this section out by the end of the week and lightly poke through the next section over the weekend

it just never stops 😅

[anxiouslezbean]

todays afterwork study goal is to get through whats below. it doesnt look too intimidating just yet so if i take a couple of hours to take my time so i can really understand the concepts, i cant imagine it will take more than a day for just what i selected to get done today

[anxiouslezbean]

nonstudy related, but im going to work with my natural hair out for the first time ever and im a tad nervous

last time i didnt even have my hair out but it was a kinky textured wig and some lady that isnt even in my department touched my hair which for a person with physical boundary issues was tbh lowercase t traumatizing

and this time is my real hair, not straightened, not in a wig, my hair the way it grows out of my head that ive always been self-conscious about

and i work in a corporate office so we’ll see if it attracts any negative attention from my bosses but knowing them i cant imagine it would be anything more than surprise and curiosity so that part im not too too worried about, i just dont want strangers to put their nasty hands in my hair 😭

i have been practicing a back up/slide away move with the phrase “i did not give you permission to touch me but i appreciate the compliment” and hopefully i got freeze and not do anything like i did before

ACTUALLY I SHOULD PEP TALK MYSELF

I am stronger than I was before

I am smarter than I was before

This is only the first step to growth, it will get easier with time

I will no longer let my past traumas dictate my present life, as I am a different version of myself that can handle these things better

Worst case scenario is I'm told not to wear my hair out again or I choose to wear my hair out less to protect myself-- I won't get fired for having an afro, someone inappropriately touching my hair will make me uncomfortable but it will not end my life

[anxiouslezbean]

im so proud of myself! i really knocked out a lot of study this week, more than i intended. next are the exams and then more advanced CSS.

ngl, im a little scared for the exams cos they don't tell you which ones you get wrong and if i fail i have to wait 24 hours before i can try again. but ive made it this for, im not gonna give up that easy! ive been working pretty diligently since my almost break up and im not gonna let the momentum die out.

my favorite part so far was the dipping my toe into CLI. playing around in directories was pretty fun.

the most difficult part so far is understanding all of the CSS rules and how to implement them but that's the name of the game, struggling until you struggle less lol. it looks like the next part for the more advanced CSS is pretty heavy on content so i guess it's good that im riding this wave of new-found inspiration.

the journal i have taking notes and keeping track of of day to day progress/mini goals and my feelings about how things are going seem to genuinely help me keep drive going so im glad im keeping up with that. if i werent so ashamed of how messy my desk is id post a pic or two lol, maybe some day soon. i just have to organize and move some shit back to where it belongs, it'll be good for me to get a bit more organized, i think.

anywho... im proud of how far ive come and look forward to where i can get to in the near future. 😊

[anxiouslezbean]

update: i took the exams for funsies and passed 😉

only got one wrong each, still a pass!

[anxiouslezbean]

im so proud of myself! i really knocked out a lot of study this week, more than i intended. next are the exams and then more advanced CSS.

ngl, im a little scared for the exams cos they don't tell you which ones you get wrong and if i fail i have to wait 24 hours before i can try again. but ive made it this for, im not gonna give up that easy! ive been working pretty diligently since my almost break up and im not gonna let the momentum die out.

my favorite part so far was the dipping my toe into CLI. playing around in directories was pretty fun.

the most difficult part so far is understanding all of the CSS rules and how to implement them but that's the name of the game, struggling until you struggle less lol. it looks like the next part for the more advanced CSS is pretty heavy on content so i guess it's good that im riding this wave of new-found inspiration.

the journal i have taking notes and keeping track of of day to day progress/mini goals and my feelings about how things are going seem to genuinely help me keep drive going so im glad im keeping up with that. if i werent so ashamed of how messy my desk is id post a pic or two lol, maybe some day soon. i just have to organize and move some shit back to where it belongs, it'll be good for me to get a bit more organized, i think.

anywho... im proud of how far ive come and look forward to where i can get to in the near future. 😊

[anxiouslezbean]

okay, is midnight:30 and im exahusted

i took a nap with my gf cos shes depressed and then i had to go shopping b/c i had literally no food besides bread and peanut butter

but this is how much i got done, not all of it but a good chunk of it and i worked hard on figuring out the parts i didn’t understand

i still dont fully understand some parts but i’ll figure them out as i build

[anxiouslezbean]

i almost got dumped so i feel like its fair my studies suffered a tad bit. but we worked it out so im a lot more focused. nothing like a near tragedy to kick you into gear!

here’s how far i am on codecademy:

theres SO much left to go but if i focus too hard on that aspect i’ll follow my pattern of doing too much at once, overwhelming myself, and burning out not doing anything for a month.

below is all im focused on for today and over the weekend. i should be able to get most of it done today!

(ive also been journaling my thoughts and hopes with my notes and highlighting them in cute colors and thats been helping me take notes that are actually legible so i can actually refer back to them! lol)

one week at a time seems to have worked for me this week, lets see what next week brings!

[frenchiepal]

21.7.23 💌 i got a lot more done today than planned and finally got started on my term paper in lexicology <3

[satanasaeternus]

eliasaquino - Dreamscape

[arcane-trail]

🔮 Witchy Shop 🔮

Use code "TUMBLR" for a discount

[sproutlett]

we really are on a journey. we are meant to feel lost because that is literally the point. we are going to uncover pieces of ourselves the longer that we are alive. trust the process and surrender! you will find your way!!

[optimistic-nihilist]