““The courage it took to to get out of bed each morning to face the same thing over and over was enormous.””
— Charles Bukowski

oozey mess

JVL
One Nice Bug Per Day
Peter Solarz

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todays bird
Misplaced Lens Cap

Product Placement

★
noise dept.
$LAYYYTER
we're not kids anymore.

⁂
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ojovivo
Sade Olutola
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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@anxiousprocrastinatore
““The courage it took to to get out of bed each morning to face the same thing over and over was enormous.””
— Charles Bukowski
feeling moody
might start a quarantine journal for my grandchildren to find in sixty years
i just want to know how many of you actually started it and how many of you abandoned it on the third entry
have y’all given up on taking pretty notes or is it just me
before i disappear under mysterious circumstances whos gonna admit they have a crush on me
these last years i have felt like absolute shit and could not explain why. my friends would tell me that i was a pain in the ass and that i should stop complaining. yesterday i was told by a certified psychiatrist that i am to start taking antidepressants, that my fatigue and muscular pains are caused by an anxiety frame, that i should have been going to the doctor since the first attempt at taking my own life.
it’s absolutely terrifying, but at least i feel validated?
I want to start a literature cult. Read old books, get drunk, summon ghost of Wilde and Edgar and then have an orgy...idk...maybe write some poems
dark academia is losing a friend over your responsibilities, crying, dedicating her a poem, drinking cheap wine while you tell all your drama to your roommate and then pretend like nothing happened
BEING AN ADULT
PRO: no one can stop you from drinking 13 cups of coffee a day
CON: no one can stop you from drinkinh 13 cups of coffee a day
Being a hopeless romantic is deeply, hauntingly masochistic.
- a passing thought...// Eve of Summer.
No al radicalismo
No a la exageración, no a entender que el mundo es blanco y negro.
No todos los ricos son egoístas y ladrones, no todos los pobres son chorros y caraduras. No todos los de derecha son extremistas, no todos los de izquierda son radicales. No todos los cristianos son hipócritas, no todos los musulmanes son asesinos. No todas las mujeres son víctimas, no todos los hombres son victimarios. No todos los políticos son corruptos, no todos los líderes son sinceros. No todos los adultos son sordos, no todos los niños tienen una vida feliz.
No todos son buenos, pero no todos son malos. No porque alguien pertenezca a un grupo significa que comparta las mismas características que un camarada. No porque sea discriminado va a discriminar, pero sin ser discrimidado cualquiera puede discriminar igual.
Al final del día todos tenemos que decir que no. No al blanco y negro, no a ponerse los lentes oscuros para mirar al otro. No a creer que soy superior a mi hermano.
No al extremismo. No al radicalismo. No a la discriminación y no a la persecución. No al acoso, no a la violencia. No a tantas cosas… No a que no nos escuchen. Es solo decir No
man i wrote this like two years ago, and i completely forgot about it
and now that i read it again i cried so hard
day vs night as aesthetics because it’s 3am and i feel like it
carpe diem
— unrestrained laugter, instantly meeting eyes at the reminder of an inside joke, the spark of a grin, having a solid and undoubtable trust in someone, pinky promises, nodding to a upbeat song and getting ready for that drum solo and going all out when it comes, fresh strokes of paint on a canvas, flipping a coin to decide something, stepping out from the shadows and feeling the warm kiss of sunlight on your skin
carpe noctum
— soft touches and grazes, understanding gazes, unspoken promises, an endless stream of learning new things to the point where time faded away, sketching and doodling under the dim light of a table lamp, playing a soft tune on the guitar, sudden realisations and making connections, piano melodies, greeting a constellation you’ve seen ages ago as you’d greet an old friend
i wish i had my JOB or CLASSES or anything to get me out of the house regularly
how is everyone not completely depressed staying in their homes all day?
i understand, believe me, i do
my country was quarantined on march 14th i think(? and i had been ill the week leading to it. people were scared and i could not go to work. classes had not yet started for me. and quarantine hit me like a brick wall. as someone who suffers from anxiety and is learning to surf a bipolar disorder i literally felt like dying. the first weeks were the worst, because i was hopeful. i thought this wouldn’t last, i thought i would go to uni, i thought i would go to work. and it got downhill pretty quick. every time i went grocery shopping i thought about jumping in front of a car. the government impulsed a campaign that roughly translates to “the new normality”, and i got used to wearing a facemask everywhere (even though i get so anxious i have hyperventilated one too many times). online classes started, i knew none of my classmates, and i felt like dropping out. i managed to salvage my job and went to work everyday for two hours at the cost of 1-hour walk in order to avoid buses. i kinda spiraled, i still am spiraling. but im still holding on, im still here. and you can do it too. my country behaved so well that quarantine is being lifted in certain aspects and i am finally feeling a bit freer. it takes patience and it takes a lot of self love and self control, but if i could do it im sure you can do it too
and yeah, a lot of people actually are depressed in their houses
How to feel etheral:
- write poetry in the dark and play soft, melancholic songs
- recite poetry to yourself
- drink tea and warm your cold hands with the cup
- leave little notes to people you love
- smile at strangers on the street and at kids
- give genuine compliments
- live to create beauty that will live on forever
- wear comfortable clothes
- give hugs
- wear jewellery that means a lot to you
- memorise the lyrics you love most and write them everywhere
- keep your intentions pure and honest
- read.a lot
- find beauty in everything
- be genuine
- love madly,deeply and passionately
- be kind to yourself
- put aside time to do your hair and skin care
- keep your eyes bright and curious
- speak softly and clearly
- write letters
- nurture yourself
- use blush :*
- pick up wildflowers and leave them behind in libraries/coffee shops/classrooms
my dream? run away to france and start my own little cafe
i will probably be bankrupt in the first week of business, but i will be in france running my own little cafe
pros of owning my own cafe: owning my own cafe
cons: none
my dream? run away to france and start my own little cafe
i will probably be bankrupt in the first week of business, but i will be in france running my own little cafe
Dumbass Academia: A Concept
Making snarky jokes when someone asks what you plan to do with your major
Ex: “My real life plan is to marry rich and become a wealthy widow at a young age. College is just a pickup scene.”
Getting used to various mystery stains on all your books/essays/papers
Is it food? Is it a water stain from reading in the bathtub? Is it tears? Were you annotating the book and some ink blotted up? Who knows? Certainly not you, better read around it.
Speaking of annotating books: Underlining all the bad words
This is especially fun if it’s something more “high brow” like a poetry book
Your glasses (if you wear them) are somehow always either dirty or scratched. You can’t see with them off, but you can’t see all that well with them on either.
You have a book. You want to read the book. It is highly recommended. It’s supposed to be very good. It will allow your mind to grow. It may even have a deep meaning or important historical significance that you really care about absorbing. Alas, neither your brain nor your heart has room for new characters to love or new obsessions to fixate on. You read fanfiction instead.
Finding a way to justify pretty much anything you like as part of your preferred aesthetics
Ex: “The show Rick and Morty totally counts as dark academia because it heavily involves science and education and also because gay stuff happens in it.”
Ex: “Wearing black lipstick is totally within the realm of cottagecore because there are black flowers and good rich dirt is often black and there are black nights with beautiful shining stars.
Correcting people about small errors on an impulse and then realizing two days later that they were actually right.
Writing things in code and posting them randomly online
(If I get to 150 followers on this blog I will be doing that btw)
Posting stuff or saying stuff and pretending that you don’t care about people’s opinions on what you say because you’re in this for you but secretly anytime you get a notification you almost cry because you’re so excited
Using old beat up notebooks and any pens you can get your hands on because you don’t have the time or money for fancy stationary
Being a little pretentious and doing things purely For The Aesthetic but then ten minutes later you’re eating mac and cheese and watching cartoons in the bathtub because being elitist is fun but it takes so much time and effort
Having a lot of mottos but none of them actually really apply to you but you insist that they are in fact what you base your life on anyway. Sometimes they like, half apply? But never all the way
Ex: “Be gay do crime”
Were you a gifted kid who didn’t quite fit in with everyone else in the gifted program’s intellectual strong suits? Or a gifted kid who now feels like you’ve become completely mediocre/average? You fit in
Alternatively were you a student who wasn’t considered one of the “smart” kids and even may have been treated like you were dumb and/or less than other students because you didn’t connect to your schooling “the correct way”? You fit in too
Constantly changing your aesthetic because something else seems cool
You read those “tea or coffee?” things and scoff because who can decide?
Going feral over abandoned buildings for no reason
Making bad jokes that most other people don’t get because they’re about really niche topics
Whenever someone asks you about a book you’re reading or what you’re studying you panic and say something nonsensical
Coming up with or researching conspiracy theories, but more about small local things like why there are never major storms in your town than big conspiracies like the moon landing
Not that you can’t also be into the big conspiracy theories
Being either ridiculously emotional all the time or being completely devoid of emotions all the time.