Anxious Social Worker

21. INFJ. Korean Adoptee/Diaspora. Genderweird and endlessly anxious. I have lots of thoughts and feelings. about

[avpdcommunity]

[howilearnedtocope]

This. Replacing these thought patterns with other, healthier ones legit saved my life

[anxioussocialworker-blog]

Wow it’s been a while

A little update b/c my therapist reminded me that I had a blog. 

1. I’m finishing up my absolutely useless associates degree - after this semester I’ll have 8 more classes to take. Then it’s off to “real college” to get my accelerated BSW and then an advanced standing masters program to get my MSW and then off to the workforce to get my LCSW hours and then after that I’ll go attempt to purchase the rest of the alphabet

2. I have a job at my college that’s basically peer-based social work and I love it

3. I have just begun my first REAL job working with adjudicated youth in my county as a caseworker and I can’t fucking believe they hired me. I mean it’s hard you know? Because on some level, I think they hired me because I was the first one to apply. And if you win by default is that really a win...? I’m choosing to say yes. So suck on that, losers. 

[anxioussocialworker-blog]

1. How I got my internship - being comfortable with being annoying

All the other interns I meet at my agency are working on their masters. I am working on my associates at a community college and am very very green. When people hear this they’re very surprised because, well it’s not exactly normal. 

So I get asked quite often how exactly I got this internship. The truth is, I just asked. The day I attended a career panel at my college I decided to email at minimum five agencies in my area asking if they were open to any summer help. I googled the directors emails and sent my letters straight to the top instead of calling a secretary or leaving a message. I made sure to make it clear that I am an undergrad at a community college and I wasn’t looking for credits - just experience. Every agency I emailed back got back to me and were very friendly and open - if not impressed that I was being so forthcoming in my eagerness. 

I taught myself long ago that being interested in things, trying hard, and showing that you care is cool even though all my peers seemed to think it was obnoxious and lame to be anything but apathetic. I decided that eagerness was awesome and I did a really good job at convincing myself because it’s scary and has a high probability of being super embarrassing! 

The shadowing position I have now involved a good bit of timing and luck, as all things do. But I never would have even opened the door to the possibility of shadowing if I had been too afraid or apprehensive to send out ten emails to complete strangers who probably have more important things to do than write back to children who have no business emailing them. 

So if you want something just ask. The worst thing is they’ll say no. Be tenacious! It’s better than doing nothing. 

[dreamadove]

I want to be politically informed and educated but I also wanna have a good day and be in a good mood. Do you see my problem?

[kindaalone]

getting home at the end of the day like

[anxioussocialworker-blog]

me this week

[anxioussocialworker-blog]

everyone on my dash is really anxious and overwhelmed tonight. almost none of us are mutuals but like... be safe, be calm, good luck friends.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

[anchorbabyvevo-deactivated20160]

[anxioussocialworker-blog]

5. this social work thing is addicting

This week was rough. All week I went on home visit after home visit - dealing with cases I had absolutely no idea where to start with... and I think I’ve had enough casual conversations about incest than I’ve ever thought possible. 

On Wednesday I went to a battle royal contested termination trial and during lunch had an unexpectedly serious conversation with the worker I was shadowing about burn out. We had just swallowed about 2,000 calories worth of nectar of the gods pizza and were walking back to the court house in 90 degree heat. I was sweating through my nicest pair of slacks and was pissed because I forgot to bring a pair of flats in my purse. 

I casually asked how he dealt with burnout- and what I meant was paperwork but what I got was a mess. Without missing a beat he responded, “zoloft”. I laughed but told him that I knew he wasn’t joking.

“Oh I’m not. This job ruins marriages, relationships with your children, your family, your friends - this job will make you crazy this job will fucking break you.” 

Welp. 

I would have responded but we were interrupted by a call from our attorney and had to go back to court. And for the rest of the day I felt, well, shitty. I went home and went over my last three weeks of my internship and felt kind of hopeless about most of my cases. I guess I indulged a bit in self pity but hey, I’m a new at this.

But then today was different. Today I went to see an adoption. And good lord. I’ve been privileged enough to have experienced many strange, grand and exciting things. I lived in the devil’s buttcrack new york - I visited a refugee camp in Thailand - I attend school at the local zoo community college. But I’ve had few experiences where I could physically feel myself changing as it happened. This was the high I didn’t even know I was looking for. 

This little 4 year old girl was dressed in a tutu and a tiara. She was beaming. Her new big brother posed for pictures with her before the trial. Her new parents had brought along aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and family friends. Hugs and kisses all around. Several people from my agency skipped a unit meeting to show up and be present. This was a big deal. And everyone was so happy... and joyful... and the worker I was shadowing was wearing a bright pink tie for his kid and he held her through the entire trial and gave her a big kiss. She gave him a framed drawing and a hand made card to thank him. It was the most private and special thing I’ve ever had the privilege of witnessing. 

I truly felt something within me surge and morph. I stood out in the hall watching everyone post trial and thought to myself for the first time, “I see why people do this”. I feel that this may have awakened something in me.

[mysharona1987]

Woman does not emerge from a man’s rib’s, not ever, it’s he who emerges from her womb.

Nizar Qabbani

one of the greatest lies of patriarchy is claiming framing the father as the lifegiver

(via lilacmeadow)

[imhere4thedrinks]

“Raising Dion”

I'ma need for this to be an actual movie. ASAP!!! This shyt looks so dope man.

[angieschmangie-deactivated20160]

BOOOOOOST OMG PLEASE Make THIS A REAL MOVIE

[madamn-juana]

^^^^

[othersideofthecouch]

Parting words to the interns

[cluelesssocialworker]

Guess what?

I’ve been accepted to a Masters of Social Work program!

I don’t think this will change much with the blog, except you might see a few school-oriented posts! I’m very excited! Has anyone gone through a MSSW program and have any advice to offer me?

[anxioussocialworker-blog]

Congratulations!!!

[anxioussocialworker-blog]

when you sit down at a clients house and then they tell you they have bed bugs

I’m dying 

[anxioussocialworker-blog]

4. my first day: I bought dress pants for this

My masochistic asceticism internship began yesterday. 

First I have to say that the woman I’m shadowing is amazing. Like I have nothing snarky to say about her. She’s unbelievably type B and there’s something very LA about her (probably because she won’t let her kids eat red dye 40) and I kind of like that because everyone else in the office seems to believe that they’re in an episode of the West Wing. 

I got to the office at 8:30 and the secretaries thought I was a different intern so I filled out all the wrong paperwork. I was told about 5 times “No one told us you were coming!” Way to make a girl feel special.  

My mentor showed up with an iced coffee and a muffin and showed me around the hedge maze from the shining labyrinth of cubicles to meet almost everyone because there were a lot of people who’s names she forgot.

A worker from the foster care department talked super fast and insisted on calling me newbie. He had the air of a Schrute who thinks he’s a Lyman. I mean, at least he wasn’t boring. Everyone else seemed to not care about me or if they did, they wore a lot of ill fitting khaki and called me ‘Hun’. At the end of our little introduction, Schyman did offer to take me to a termination hearing later this month so I think I got on his good side. Just because I’m an anxious people pleaser doesn’t mean that I can’t walk-and-talk like I’m Rory Gilmore on capital hill. (Seriously though, Gilmore Girls is basically West Wing but with relatable problems and 70% more takeout). 

We went on two school visits, got pizza for lunch, dropped by Paneras because she gets a free coffee through some rewards card which caused us to be late to a truancy hearing but it’s okay because no one seemed to care. (An 8th grader hadn’t been in school for over THREE MONTHS. That is some commitment.)

I got home around 5:30 and goddamn if I wasn’t asleep by 6pm. I think I’ll be tired forever. 

[dreamadove]

I want to be politically informed and educated but I also wanna have a good day and be in a good mood. Do you see my problem?

[anxioussocialworker-blog]

I'm so nervous

I’m interviewing for my first social work internship and I’m sitting outside the office in my car and I want to puke and poop at the same time

[typicalfeministkilljoy]

do girls really mature faster? or do we just excuse boys’ immaturity longer?