Logan nodded a bit when Roman spoke. “Alright, well, I do appreciate you being open to learn more about Patton and his ADHD despite the fact that you’re not as involved in this friend group as you are in your own. That’s quite considerate of you.” Logan said. Patton sunk down in his chair a bit as Remus spoke, hating to admit that Remus was probably right. Patton didn’t exactly fit in with this group very well, he couldn’t exactly blame them for not wanting him around. Logan looked back and forth between everyone as they spoke, though focused mostly on Virgil since he was signing and he didn’t want to miss anything important, especially since Patton didn’t know sign yet and would need someone to catch him up.
Logan bit back a smile at the nickname, never had one of those before. “Alright then… well, since I’ve been given permission to be completely honest, I feel I should say that despite the fact that I’m pretty sure that you’re joking around, or at least I think you are, I’m not the best at figuring that sort of thing out… Virgil’s actually right. You two are quite paranoid, or overprotective of Virgil as a whole. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, it makes you very good friends, but I think that perhaps the two of you should take some time to think about the difference between someone who is intentionally trying to trigger and upset Virgil by being unfeeling and unsympathetic to his anxiety, and someone who is accidentally triggering and upsetting Virgil without meaning to who genuinely does feel bad when they realize they may have upset him. Because both Janus and Remus have made obvious facial expressions of annoyance towards Patton, and Patton isn’t oblivious to said expressions, and it triggers his RSD.”
“It is unfair to punish Patton by reacting the same way you might to someone who was being cruel to Virgil on purpose, because Patton isn’t trying to upset Virgil on purpose. He’s an individual with his own thoughts and feelings who’s going through a big change of his own by joining a new family and hoping to be accepted by not only that family, but by the people who are important to that family as well, and that’s you two. Perhaps you could try to be a little more patient and understanding of the fact that this is all new to Patton, and it’ll take him some time to learn what upsets Virgil, and how to speak sign language, and how to behave and react to his new brother’s anxiety, as oppose to giving him annoyed looks and reacting as if he were doing these things for spite, when he clearly is not. I know that your natural response is to put Virgil’s feelings first because he’s your friend and you care about him, but there’s no reason you can’t be understanding of your friends anxiety and patient with his new brother at the same time. You just have to master that balance.”
“If I were Patton, I would more or less feel excluded and as though I were unwanted, and I’m not saying Patton has to be included in everything the three of you do from now on just because he’s Virgil’s brother, but it’d be nice if on the occasions that you did invite him along that you made him feel as though you genuinely wanted him to be there, assuming that feeling is genuine. At least then he won’t have to spend the next five years at the very least feeling like a burden you all feel you’re obligated to include.” Logan stated with a shrug. “As for Patton, you do plan on spending a good amount of time educating yourself on Virgil’s anxiety so that you don’t accidentally trigger him in the future, yes?” Logan questioned, Patton nodding immediately. “Yeah, I don’t want to make Virgil anxious or sad, and I wanna learn sign so he can still talk to me even when he doesn’t wanna talk to me… if that makes sense…” Patton said.
“Alright, excellent. So both of you will educate yourselves on what the other needs mental health wise, that’s fantastic. As for Janus, Remus, and Roman, you’re halfway there as you’ve already educated yourself on Virgil’s needs and therefore just need to do the same for Patton. I think a great way to start is to perhaps educate yourself on the subject of stimming, or self-stimulatory behavior. Its repetitive behavior Patton may do to calm his over stimulated mind, such as fidgeting or bouncing in his chair, things like that. Patton, you should try to become aware of if any of your stimming is actually triggering to Virgil’s anxiety… if that ends up being the case, we can try to work to replace that stim with a different one, it’s not easy and it’ll take a bit of time, but it can be done.” Logan explained, Patton nodding. “And Virgil, Janus, Remus, and Roman, please be patient if Patton ends up needing to do this, it takes time, and he could slip up.”
“I think you four should also pay attention to Patton’s stimming so that instead of finding the behavior annoying or aggravating, you understand what they mean. Which movements mean Patton is happy, which one means he’s stressed, etc… Janus, you should be very good at learning more about that as you seem to have a talent for reading people and understanding the meanings behind their actions and the things they say… though some stims can be harmful, some people bang their head, or hit themselves, or scratch at their skin, and obviously if Patton displays any of these stims, we should work on trying to direct him to less harmful ones instead, though a therapist would obviously be better equipped to handle something like that than us, but we can discuss that with Patton’s therapist when the time comes, and still do our part.”
“I don’t know Patton well enough to know what he does, all I’ve really noticed was the bounding and fidgeting, but some examples of stimming so you have an idea of what to look for include… staring at objects, especially anything with lights or movement… like when he got distracted by Virgil’s ceiling earlier, gazing off into space, blinking repeatedly, looking out of the corner of your eyes, finger snapping, tapping on things, flipping lights on and off repeatedly, random noises, repetitive verbalization, or repetitive movement like spinning or pacing, even thumb sucking can be a stim. I’ve mostly got my own under control, but I do have a tendency to flap my hands if I’m feeling particularly… overwhelmed, whether that be a good thing or a bad thing.” Logan explained. “Patton, you mentioned that Virgil wears different colored chokers depending upon various aspects of his anxiety, and you’re learning what those colors mean, yes?”
Patton nodded. “Yeah, one had a spider on it, and Virgil stopped wearing it cause I’m scared of spiders, which was nice of him, but I think if he really wanted to wear it, I’d be okay now that I know it’s just a pretend spider… I got scared it was real and it was gonna bite him.” Patton admitted. “I see, so while the others are working to learn more about you, that’s another thing about Virgil that you can focus on learning about and understanding better.” Logan pointed out. “Overall, if I’m being completely honest, I would say out of everyone here, Roman is actually the person with the highest level of emotional intelligence, he was observant enough to notice that Virgil’s anxiety was spiking, but self aware enough to point it out to Remus because he knew Remus was better equipped to handle the situation than he was, he never once gave Patton any sort of judgmental or annoyed glance, he included Patton in the conversation by discussing Disney and Theater with him when he found something they were able to bond over, and he was and is willing to go to therapy to better learn how to respond to both Virgil’s anxiety and Patton’s ADHD, I think we all could stand to learn from Roman’s example, myself included… he seems to be quite the real life Prince Charming.” Logan concluded before giving the tiniest smile.
They all heard Logan talk, it was honestly quiet while he spoke but at the end of it, it was Virgil who was the first one to break the semi-silence. Tapping slowly on Logan's shoulder, to call his attention so he could signal. "Now that you spoke all you wanted hope you won't mind us trying to explain or clear some things." They all were silent at that since Virgil was one of the focus in there, as he waits for the confirmation he was going to think a bit. "I'm sorry for not including Patton on this, but I'm guessing you can sum up and fill in after we are done." Since Patton was the only one who didn't know sign language.
"I'm in fact the one to stop those two of their paranoid about my anxiety, and I'm the one to point when someone who is doing it on purpose or doing it by mistake. Yes, I did notice how they seemed annoyed about Patton triggering my anxiety by mistake, but I didn't notice that was negative for Patton, because I was in the middle of an anxiety attack. But now that I know, I want both of you two to apologize to him. You two know that for more I appreciate your overprotectiveness, it's not fair with the person out." Virgil says as he looks at Janus and Remus.
Roman raised his tone next though. "I typed what you talked Vee, if Patton can read the chat it would be more easy for him to follow up."
Virgil nods as he is going to put the chat up, the screen now showing their faces, and the text, where in fact Roman had typed what Virgil said.
Remus and Janus looked in thought as they were thinking about their words, eventually was Janus who spoke first. "I'm sorry Patton, if at any moment seems like I was annoyed or upset with you. But I should already warn, we don't do it to trigger you or to exclude you. It does have a reason, but I will wait Remus apologizes."
Remus thought about it. "I will apologize if my expressions did you feel excluded. I'm sorry for that, it wasn't my intention at the moment but, I can't promise I won't do that again. Vee, since it's you, please explain."
Virgil nods at that, waiting for Roman and Logan to look at him, so he could explain. "I read people, like... Books. I need to see expressions, I observe the ambient and the surroundings. I take the scene as a whole, paying attention to everything. One of the reasons I get overwhelmed easily, is because I'm constantly noting my surroundings, how certain people react, talk, interact. I'm constantly reading them. In a way, it's calming for me because I know when I need to avoid certain people if they are angry or try to help if they are sad. Their point is. Because of this, they show their emotions on their face clearly, so I know what they are feeling."
Janus nods as he looks at Logan. "We are used to be only us, school isn't a nice place for Virgil, because people are often triggering him by purpose, so we feel in a habit of think that way with everyone. Sure, it's our mistake to treat Patton like that, and at least on my part I normally would have a bit more patient. Well, at least you can expect that, from now on. I don't mind in translate for Patton what Virgil is talking about, although for now, Roman is doing a fabulous job."
Remus shook his head. "I can't promise any of that. To be direct and clear, I don't think I can be friends with Patton, I can and I will learn about his ADHD and try my best ability in keeping myself from triggering him. But, I can't promise patient and gentleness. I'm going to show if I get annoyed about him triggering Virgil, I'm going to put Virgil's feeling first. Yes, I know Virgil will get pissed every time because he cares more about anyone else first than himself. But I can't promise that.
Virgil sighs a bit at that. "Remus is kinda... How do I put it...?"
Roman stopped to type as he looks at Patton. "I can explain, Remus and Virgil were like brothers before Patton. They were more like brothers than me and Remus, to be honest. So, it will take him some time to understand that he isn't losing his place as a brother with Virgil. So... Maybe just hang in there? And try to understand that he isn't doing it because he hates you or wants to exclude you, it's just his intrusive thoughts constantly yelling at him that he is bad, or that he did something wrong, or even that he should..." He was cut as Remus mute the phone.
Virgil looked at that as Remus seems as yelling and Roman was yelling back. But it was Janus who spoke in their place. "Remus has a hard time with his thoughts, like, sometimes he can go weeks not taking care of himself because of said thoughts. So, yeah, asking for him to not show what he feels is a bit over the line, give him time to understand. Eventually, he will. I'll try my best to explain Remus when he is like that." As he points to the cam, the twins seem to be still arguing muted.
Virgil looked at Patton, but Janus was speaking for him as Roman was busy. "I want to include you and be friends with you, as well act like your brother, I promise you that. I know for a fact Janus will try his best to get along with you because you are important to me. But I guess you will need to learn to ignore Remus's thoughts about you."
Virgil knew that Patton wanted to learn sign so they wouldn't need a translator or a book, and that did make him feel happy but right now they had more things to talk about.
Janus was speaking again by himself as Virgil seems to look at the cams and the twins still arguing. "Twins, stop it. Roman, you shouldn't speak about your brother's feelings so open like that. Remus, you should be more trustful and direct and say it. You two were right and wrong at the same."
Remus and Roman seem to stop as they turn the mic on but Roman was pouting and Remus was annoyed at him.
Janus sighs a bit at the next point. "We don't care about stimming, like, we won't say for him to stop or say it's annoying. But yeah if I do see bad ones I will ask for him to stop or bring them to the attention. We all have stimming so, no problem at all with those, Virgil has bad ones like scratch the back of his neck or hitting his tights, we have been working on those."
Roman and Remus roll their eyes in annoyance at each other as Remus was the one to explain. "I guess I will explain what happened for me to be annoyed and what triggered Virgil's anxiety. I know you didn't do it by purpose, but loud sounds and sudden noises are triggering for Virgil. He doesn't care about movies or games but when it's near him, like you two right now, if you suddenly yell or move too quickly around him he will get scared and freeze, normally getting anxious. That is why his anxiety was triggered early."
Virgil shrugs. "I know it wasn't on purpose, so I don't care. You shouldn't be annoyed because of that." He says simply to Remus, Roman did translate as he looks at Virgil. "And you shouldn't put your anxiety needs down because of Patton. This is an open talk, Virgil."
Janus coughs as he calls their attention. "But yes Logan, we will keep an eye on harmful stim and not be mad with Patton if he bounces or does others."
Virgil thought about the choker as he shrugs. "I don't mind, I talked with Ethan to get a new one anyway, I was hoping to go shopping that with Jan and Re when the year starts." Janus and Remus looked at each other for a while, but they didn't seem to point out about the choker. Clearly, there was a secret, but they didn't want to point.
Roman blushes with the compliment honestly. "Thanks, Microsoft Nerd. But the reason for low emotional intelligence with everyone is probably because we are all overwhelmed. Also, liking or not, I'm the outsider. I was in Patton place once, triggering Virgil's anxiety and getting my brother annoyed at me. Sure I don't have RSD, but it was a hard time."
Remus looked at that annoyed as he wasn't liking that talk at all.
Janus sighs at Remus. "Remus, stop the childish behavior."
"No." Remus answered simply as he was chewing on his nail.
Roman looked at that and so pulling his hand from his mouth. "Well, for everyone's safety, I think if everything is clear. I would like to bring Remus to play games before he starts doing things."
Janus and Virgil looked at Roman with the faces that they knew what he was talking about. Janus spoke as he looks at Patton. "I'm returning one week early than school starting, the twins are going to be back early than me. But we can meet before school starts so we can meet personally. If you want to talk with us online till there we won't mind." Janus looked at Logan smiling. "You should also get our contacts so you could talk with us if you want. But I need to agree with Roman, this night has been fulled with too much information, and would be better if we don't prolong this much so we can understand it."
