Hey, guys. Pretty boring chapter but I decided to go with my original plan. I think I will end it next part!! Or two more parts!!!
As always, please leave a comment! I love hearing what you guys think about the chapter!!
The state of equilibrium is harder to achieve when the ground is moving and your head is pounding.
With a blurry vision, you place a hand on the wall. The world is spinning and you swear this is the last time youâre drinking this much in one night. You hear a door open and your short moment of peace is ruin when the loud music creep through the only barrier keeping it out.
âLetâs go.â Sunghwa says, wrapping his arm around your waist. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
âNo,â You retort back by pulling your body toward the wall â trying to get away for his grasp.
For some reason, youâre fuming with anger. Youâre angry at him for making out with some random girl; angry at him for making a scene in there just minutes ago; angry at him for making you feel this way. Most of all, youâre angry at yourself for unconditionally loving him.
âI donât want to fight about this. Letâs go.â Sunghwa says sternly, wrapping his arm around your waist as he proceeds to pull your body toward the exit.
With no energy left to protest, you let him do whatever he wants. Youâre tired. Tired of always following two steps behind his every heartbeats. Hoping that one day heâll turn around to notice you â waiting for him to love you back.
Lately, youâve been dropping hints that you want something more than just a friendship. You mention more about the attractive guys that youâve met, thinking that it might sparkle a little bit of jealously or realization on Sunghwaâs part. Realization that perhaps he has feelings for you â but nothing.
He continues going to the studio to write his songs - you donât know if heâs just dense or heâs ignoring your advances. Tonight, at least, youâre clear on that question after seeing him flirting and getting cozy with some random girl.
Heâs not interested in you â he will never be interested because you are just a friend to him. Correction, a âvery closeâ friend to him. You donât know what would hurt more â having him in your life as a very good friend or not having him in your life at all.
By the time you stop thinking all to yourself, Sunghwa and you are in a taxi. Youâre lying down with your head resting on his lap. He mindlessly play with the strands of your hair, twisting it behind his fingers.
You watch him through your lashes. His gaze is fixated on the road. When he licks his lips, you notice his bottom lip is busted â evidence of the fight earlier. You bite your lips, feeling your eyes tearing up at the sight of Sunghwa.
Why did you have to fall for him?
You reaches up, extending a finger to poke at his bottom lip, âYouâre bleeding.â You say.
Sunghwa looks down at you, impatiently at first. His expression softens when he sees the tears welling up in your eyes, âand whose fault is that?â He whispers softly.
How is this your fault? Didnât he started this whole thing? Wasnât he the one to stick his tongue down some girlâs throat? You only wanted Sunghwa to taste his own medicine by allowing yourself to be touch by another guy â whatâs the point of waiting for him to love you back if Sunghwa never even consider you to be a love interest?
Before Sunghwa can brush away your tears, the droplets come running down your cheeks. His gaze softens as he reaches down to dab away the stream of fallen tears into your skin. He is gentle â always gentle with you and that just drives you crazy.
âI hate you.â You say through the muffles of your quiet sobs.
âOh yeah?â Sunghwa questions, looking down at you. âI hate me too.â He says, agreeing with you. He has a vindicated expression on, making you think heâs being sarcastic.
âI hate you, Lee Sunghwa. I fucking hate you.â You say, grinding your teeth together. His teasing tone only makes you weep harder. Seeing this, Sunghwa tries to soothe you with his touches but you brush his hand away and throw him a dirty look.
âDonât cry ââSunghwa tries to touch you again, but you snap back at him before he can finish his sentence.
âDonât cry? Why the fuck not?â Â Raising your voice, you try to control the anger and sadness building up inside of you.
You only fail when you mentally picture that girl sitting on his lap, him kissing her neck, and his hands disappearing inside the back of her shirt. You cry harder to the point you start hiccupping.
âI hate yo-âYou hiccup, âI hate you!â You must sound really funny as you yell, sob, and hiccup all at the same time.
âWhy?â Sunghwa asks, running his hand through your hair, trying to calm you down in any way he can.
At this point, youâre done. You are far gone from your normal composed self. You just want to release this burden that youâve been carrying. You just want to tell him how you feel â tell him how he makes you feel.
âI hate you ââ You hiccup, âI hate you but I love you. I hate myself for loving you.â You say, closing your eyes and more tears start falling uncontrollably. However, a sense of relief washes over you â you finally declare your love to him.
When you open up your eyes again, Sunghwa is looking straight at you â waiting for you to finish what you want to say. In your current hazy state, you feel victorious in a sense because heâs listening to what you have to say.
âI love you. I love you so much ââ You hiccup again, sobbing at the same time. Pausing for a moment, you take a deep breathe to calm yourself down before continuing, âWhen I saw you kissing that girl, my heart was breaking but you donât know that.â You whisper sadly, panting between the sobs.
You close your eyes to get away from Sunghwaâs scrutiny. Although you couldnât see, you feel Sunghwaâs hand moving in slow and gentle stokes on your cheeks. Then you feel it, his soft lips on your eyes, kissing the tears running down your face away â but he didnât say anything.
And you didnât expect him to.
The emotionally outburst must have drained all the energy out of you. Before you know it, your tears stop and your breathing evens out. In no time, you are asleep in the comfort of Sunghwaâs lap.
What you didnât see the moment you close your eyes to shut Sunghwa out â him looking down at you with all the adoration in the world.
You didnât see him carrying you back to the apartment, laying you down in bed, and gently stoking and kissing your dry tears away.
You didnât see the sadness in his eyes as he watches you sleep â reaching out to soothe away any distress you may have.
You didnât see him kissing your template before making his way back to his own room â only to come back over and over again throughout the night to check on you.
You didnât see it but itâs there â his love for you.
The morning after, you confront Sunghwa.
At first, you contemplate on bringing up the subject of last night at all. In all honestly, you donât want to â but do you really have a choice? The two of you were drunk, but definitely not drunk enough to forget about what happened.
If you ignore the subject, itâll just add strain to your friendship. After all, the whole incident is not that big of a deal, right? Â Sunghwa is a guy. Itâs natural â no itâs only healthy for him to have sexual tendencies for goodnessâ sake.
Waking up early, you quickly shower and prepare coffee and breakfast. Itâs Sunday â Sunghwa and you normally run errands together on Sunday.
By the time Sunghwa enters the kitchen, you already finish cooking and setting up the table. He didnât look surprise to see you as he mumbles the customary, âGood morning.â
âDid you sleep well?â You ask, reaching for the sponge to wash the dishes.
âYea⊠Kind of.â Sunghwa says, âIâll clean those later. You already cook breakfast.â He points at the dishes and pans in the sink.
âWow. So generous today.â You tease him, grinning.
Your comment crack a sly smile on his face and you suddenly feel better. Still to this day, you pay attention to his every facial expressions. It will be a hard habit to break but you know once you move out of this apartment, it will be easier.
Sunghwa makes his way to the dining table, sitting down in his usual spot right across from you. He notices the leasing agreement is no longer there. You sit down at your spot seconds later. For a while, the two of you silently sip on your coffee.
âLook, Iâm sorry about last night.â Sunghwa begins, looking up from his coffee mug to face you.
âItâs okay.â You reply, a little too fast. Casting your eyes down to your own cup.
âNo, Iâm sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable.â Sunghwa says, giving you a pleading look.
âSunghwa, this is why Iâm moving out. You need to release some of that sexual frustration youâre building up.â You say, looking up at him. You try to give him a teasing grin â hoping to take away the tension of this whole conversation.
Before you know it, you hear Sunghwa choking on his coffee, coughing uncontrollably. âWhat?â He asks after his coughing fit stops.
âReally, Iâm okay. Last night kind of made me happyâŠ. I guess. â You say as a matter of fact, âAfter living with you for seven years, you never attempt to make a move on me. I always thought that I must not be a womanly figure in your eyes.â You crack a smile that doesnât seem reach your eyes.
âWhat do you mean?â Sunghwa asks, watching you closely.
You shrug you shoulder at his question, âI donât know. Iâm just a friend to you. I guess thatâs what I meant?â You answer in an unsure tone.
âYouâre more than a friend to me.â Sunghwa says, a look of disbelief in his eyes as he continues to look at you.
âI know, Iâm your closest friend. I know.â You say, casting your eyes down to your plate as you pick up your fork. A gesture to indicate to Sunghwa that you really donât want to talk about this anymore.
Sunghwa in turn also casts his eyes down to his plate. He cut the fried egg with the side of his fork. The yellow yolk comes oozing out. His pushes the liquid back and forth on his plate.
Before Sunghwa could say anything else, you quickly change the topic, âSo â I decided to get that studio apartment we went to see together.â
âYeah. I saw last night â the leasing agreement.â Sunghwa replies, âWhen are you moving out?â Sunghwa asks, still not looking at you.
âUm.. I donât know. Soon, I hope. Maybe in a week. The latest is two?â You reply, âDonât forget me when I move out.â You joke.
âI can never forget you.â Sunghwa reply, his tone sounds more serious than it needs to be, âDonât come crying to me when you miss me too much.â Sunghwa says, looking up and smirking at you.
You laugh, âWow, look at whose full of himself.â You shake your head.
âMe? Never.â Sunghwa says cutely, shrugging his shoulder and pouting. His gestures only makes you laugh harder.
This is your relationship with Sunghwa. The both of you can never get too mad at each other. You both know when to back away and be considerate of each other. No matter what, you can never lose this relationship with him â even if deep down you want something more.
With that, everything is back to normal.
For the rest of the lazy Sunday, the two of you just spend the day joking around while cleaning the apartment and doing laundry. At the end of the day, the two of you curl up on the couch â Sunghwa finally guilt trip you into watching the new horror film with him.
Before he pulls up the movie, you disappear into you room. When you return, you look like a walking burrito with your blanket wrap around you tightly. Sunghwa laughs as he takes a picture of you to send it to everyone he know â meaning all the AOMG guys.
No shame on your part because if the ghosts come out of the movie screen, they wonât be able to attack you because obviously your blanket will protect you â duh. As the movie starts, you lay your head on Sunghwaâs lap.
Your fearfulness is somewhat entertaining to Sunghwa because he smiles whenever he feels your head shifting around on his lap. Near the end of the movie, he takes pity on you and helps you by covering your eyes â knowing that youâll get scare at certain scenes in the film.
Once the movie is over, you refuse to sleep alone â blaming him for making you watch the horror movie. Sunghwa smiles and apologies. He teases you a little but still ends up sleeping next to you with the lights on.
Very soon, these ordinary, everyday life moments that the two of you share will be gone. Â
Your life is one untidy mess.
You look around, boxes everywhere. For the past 5 hours, youâve been unpacking unstop but the bundle of boxes seem to just grow and grow. Giving up, you laying down in the middle of the living room.
âWoah, whatâ this?â You hear Hyo-Seobâs voice behind you. You didnât mind it until you hearing snickering belonging to no one other than the youngster you met weeks ago â Dean. You just know then that the two of them are up to no good.
Pulling your body upward, you turn to see Hyo-Seob holding his phone to film whatâs inside the open box. You catch a glimpse of the flap reading âHyo-Seob, do not open.â
In horror, you jump between him and the box. Hyo-Seob giggles in delight as he stops filming and quickly send the video to whoever he is talking to. Mistake number one, you told Hyo-Seob earlier to not open this box â of course being the big child that he is, he is not going to listen to you.
You shake your head in disbelief â now the whole world will see a box full with your personal delicates.
âHyo-Seob, tell me what did you just do.â You ask, getting ready to chase him down.
âRelax, I only send it to Ki-Seok.â He says, still giggling.
âYouâre so dead!â You scream, charging at him like a wild boar. Hyo-Seon laughs as he runs away.
By the time you catch him, you voice is full with venom, âYouâre dead meat, Hyo-Seob.â You say, pitching his ears.
âOw, Iâm sorry!!!â Hyo-Soeb yells. You hear Dean laughing in the backaground.
When you release him, Hyo-Seob rubs his ears painfully. You give him a side-eye as you continue to unpack. Dean continues to laugh at Hyo-Seob but stop when you throw him a dirty look.
âIâm sorry!â Hyo-Seob says, dramatically falling to his knees in front of you. You roll your eyes.
âIf youâre sorry, go get us food.â You say without giving him a second look. Hyo-Seob quickly agrees, disappearing out the door and leaving you and Dean together to unpack.
You hear your phone ringing in the kitchen. Getting up, you run to pick up the call â Lee Sunghwa, the caller ID identifies the person calling.
âHey, I thought youâre filming the CM right now?â You quickly ask, finding it weird to receive a call from Sunghwa while heâs working.
âYou didnât tell me that Dean is helping you unpack.â Sunghwa says, ignoring your question.
âWell, I didnât know. Hyo-Seob just brought him to help out â since I need all the help I can get.â You say, leaning on the kitchen counter.
âWhy are they going through your undergarments?â Sunghwa asks and you suddenly feel like youâre planning 21 questions with him.
âHyo-Seob sent the video to you? He said he only sent it to Ki-Seok.â You ask.
âHe did. Ki-Seok just showed me. I told you to wait until tonight to unpack. I could drive over after Iâm done with the shoot to help you.â Sunghwa says, you can tell heâs annoyed right now.
Before you can reply, you hear a staff telling Sunghwa that theyâre getting ready to shoot again, âLook, I have to go but Iâll be done later tonight. Iâll call you, okay?â Sunghwa hurriedly say.
âSure. Iâll talk to you later. Bye.â You say, hanging up. You feel confuse. Why did Sunghwa even call?
âCoupleâs sqat?â Dean comes out of nowhere from behind you, scaring you in the process.
âWe need to be a couple for that to be a coupleâs spat.â You reply, your tone sounding more bitter than what you intend it to be.
âAre you and Gray are not a couple â because you guys sure act like one.â Dean says, playing with the piece of wrapping on the kitchen counter.
âWhat are you talking about? Weâre not a couple.â You reply, making your way out of the kitchen. Dean trails right behind you. You sit down and Dean copies your action â also sitting down, across from you.
âYou love him.â Dean states, staring at you. You just look back at him â hoping your facial expression does not betray you.
âOh my god, you love him.â Dean repeats, his eyes widen at the realization.
âStop jumping to conclusion â I donât love him. Weâre just good friends.â You reply, busying yourself with unpacking the next box.
âOh come on â you love him.â Dean says, not letting the topic go.
âI donât.â You say, pulling out the picture frames with Sunghwa and you â great, perfect timing.
âOkay, letâs say you donât. When was the last time you dated someone?â Dean asks.
âI went on a date last month!â You exclaim.
âDid you go on a second date?â Dean continue to ask.
âNo but I do date.â You retort back, hoping to end this topic.
âWhen was the last time you had a boyfriend?â Dean asks, his eyes sparkling with amusement â as if he just finds an interesting toy to play with.
You look at Dean, âI donât need to tell you that.â You say, returning to your unpacking.
âDo you want to date me then?â Dean asks. You suddenly look up to meet his gaze. He has got to be kidding.
âIâm six years your senior. Please think about what you just asked me. Donât be stupid.â You reply.
âBut I like older woman and youâre my type.â Dean says, leaning closer to get your attention. You continue unpacking â but you suddenly stop when Dean grabs your hands.
âYouâre not in love with anyone. Why donât we try dating for a week?â Dean asks, remaining persistent. For the first time, his eyes sparkle with hope â not flirtation and mischievous. Â
You donât know if it was the lack of sleep â or the fact that youâve officially gone crazy, but you agreed.
You agreed to go out with Dean â a guy six years your junior.
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