oh absolutely, thats actually a core foundational aspect of the disordered thought process that makes up aspd. i usually call it a chess match. its a warped worldview that is taught to us by our abusers in order to maintain power and control
aspd is all about control. feeling vulnerable and out of control are what we fear most because its how we were abused and harmed as children and in response to that we crave an unhealthy and disordered amount of control in all aspects of our lives in order to compensate and soothe that anxiety and fear. we believe if we can just control enough things aka "win", we can never be hurt again (this is incorrect, more control will never prevent us from being hurt)
one aspect of that is viewing interpersonal interactions as a game with winners and losers, if we can control enough factors and variables about the situation we can "win" the interaction and maintain control. because we've been conditioned to believe that all interactions are about power and control because thats what all abusive interactions are about
abuse teaches us that whoever maintains the most power is the one who gets their feelings, emotions, boundaries, comfort, ect. respected and the one who loses control and is vulnerable gets taken advantage of and abused. it becomes hurt others or be hurt urself because abuse purposefully doesn't allow for the healthy option where noone is hurt to exist
our abusers then reinforce this by punishing us whenever we "lose" an interaction with them aka give up control and try to approach the situation from a healthy or positive position. abuse actively punishes us for behaving in healthy ways and feeling prosocial emotions because it purposefully takes advantage of them. which is why we learn to associate vulnerability with weakness and positive healthy emotions as a negative thing
we essentially get pavloved in early childhood into thinking left is right and right is left. we get taught that what is good for us will actually hurt us, and what is hurting us is actually good for us. because the people that want to keep hurting us want it to be easy
but this is all absolutely disordered and wrong though. the moment u step outside the abuse and into a healthy relationship, we are now abusive because we are perpetuating that same disordered framework and forcing it onto others. genuinely most other people don't view interactions this way and healthy connections are not built around power or control but around things like support, respect, and trust. interactions dont have winners and losers and most others aren't actually out to purposefully hurt us with our interactions the way our abusers were
this seems like a lie because we've been conditioned to believe abuse is normal and everyone acts and feels this way, but it is very much not true. most people are not looking to purposefully hurt us, thats just what our abusers wanted us to believe so they could justify and normalize how they mistreated us
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