The Aperture "HR" Team!

Run by Icarus L. Jameson, Elijah T. Hardwell, and Gregory M. Johnson. (some relation)

[aperture-hr-official]

() Booting up . . .

( This thing on? good, good. )

( I am Icarus Jameson, though I usually just go by Dr. Jameson or Ike. )

( This blog is run by me and two of my coworkers, Eli and Bosch. As far as I’m aware both of my coworkers go by he/him, but I myself go by any pronouns because being a shapeshifter and only using a select few is inconvenient. )

( I tend to play the “straight man” to my teammates’ more.. eccentric personalities, often having to physically restrain Eli when he’s about to do something stupid. )

( Usually I handle most of the R&D for the majority of the projects we do here, Eli doing Engineering and Bosch design. )

{ As you might’ve guessed I’m the “Eli” Ike was just talking about. I only started working here again fairly recently, meaning I’m generally a bit rusty, but hopefully by the end of the month all of my experience’ll have come back to me.. }

{ the main thing I do here is gathering samples, field studying and other things that involve covering a lot of distance, and also engineering as Ike just mentioned. }

[ I’m Bosch, the newest recruit to the team. Ended up in the facility after discovering, getting stuck in, and then finding an exit (which went entirely the wrong way) in what I thought was the “beyond” section of bed bath & beyond, but is apparently the backrooms. ]

[ Thankfully I brought my toolgun and physcannon with me before I went in.. unfortunately Eli “reclaimed” the physcannon thinking it was stolen aperture tech.. I think he modified it afterwards, and he’s not letting me have it back.. ]

[ Anyway, as Dr. Jameson said I do a lot of the design work on our projects, though I’m also responsible for coming up with most of the concepts for products/projects in the first place. ]

( below is an image of the current team roster. Elijah is to my right and Bosch is on my left. )

() Message Sent . . .

(mod text below)

Mod goes by nate, he/him/they/them.

All of my RP posts are tagged with #Aperture HR Department #Half life/portal #Officialverse and #Rp Ask Blog plus the tags of the media whatever I’m rping is, and all the non-rp ones are tagged #Aperture HR Department, #Out Of Character, and #Not RP.

Icarus talks in blue parentheses ( like this ), Elijah talks in orange curly brackets { like this } and Bosch talks in green square brackets [ like this. ] whenever a character’s name is mentioned they’ll be highlighted in the colour of their dialogue.

Sending asks is highly encouraged because, y’know, this is an ask/rp blog.

I’m fairly new to the officialverse but I do have some previous experience roleplaying so hopefully I can get a decent grip on all of this fairly soon. See you around.

[coffee--spill]

What do y'all want to happen with your remains?

[argon-offical]

idk, toss me in a ditch for all i care

[aperture-hr-official]

MAKE ME INTO A HALLOWEEN DECORATION. POSE ME IN ONE OF MY COSPLAYS EVERY HALLOWEEN.

[aperture-hr-official]

Apparently I like sardines.

Apparently they’re not nearly as small as that one movie made me think they were.

Unfortunately the oil they put them in doesn’t mesh well with the actual taste of the fish.

[thebestredscout]

{ I could take you back, if you’d like. }

{ Not exactly when you left, but still. }

{ I wouldn’t be able to stay, though. Saxton would likely try to claim ownership of my ship because he owns the country of Britian and, by extension all phone booths and police boxes. }

Weeell... I'm kinda gettin the hanga modern life. Plus there's some cool stuff here we ain't had back home and it's just way more convenient. And seein how some stuff's changed like how gay people can be out and open and how women ain't expected to stay home and be housewives and moms and nothin else, I kinda like it here?

Like yeah the world's on fire and the same people that caused trouble in the past are causin trouble again, but have ya tried dragonfruit? I didn't even know that stuff existed but ya can just go to a supermarket and just buy it like it ain't nothin? And back home ya could only get bananas or grapes or certain other fruits and veg when they was in season, now ya can get em all year round. If ya run outta milk, ya don't have to wait for the milkman, there's always plenty of it in the store. Same wit bread and flour and stuff, like if ya ever need anythin it's literally just a trip to the shops away, and ya don't even have to go to the shops now, ya can just order it online and it'll show up at ya door!

And talkin to people has never been easier! Like if I wanted to talk to Ma back home I had to send a letter that might take two weeks to reach her and hope she wrote back, or spend the money on a collect call, but here I can use this little rectangle of metal that fits in my pocket to send a digital letter to the other side-a the freakin planet? And it'll arrive INSTANTLY? And if I wanna hear someone's voice I can just put numbers on the screen and then talk to them, instantly. Same deal wit other side-a the planet, if ya wanted to call someone that far away back then you'd have to shout down the line and wait for delays while the signal was sent, but now ya just talk and it goes instant.

Oh, oh, oh, and when I'm from, shops were open 9-5 Monday to Friday and that's it, maybe on a Saturday mornin if it was a big brand, but NOTHIN was open on Sundays - now ya got shops and gas stations and evrythin open TWENTY-FOUR HOURS? Like, do you even know how good that is?

Oh, don't even get me started on the health stuff. My brother Jonathan he had a kid who died of measles, little Natasha. She was so tiny but she was old enough to get the needle if we had it at the time. Was only a couple years after the first measles vaccine came out. Apparently I should've had an eighth brother but we don't talk about it cos the only time someone brought it up, Mum drank a whole bottle of wine and shut herself in her bedroom cryin. Like, there's a lotta needles ya gotta get now but it's better than my friend Rodney who died from tetanus poisoning when he was ten, or what happened to little Natasha or when Michael died from asthma in junior high. Ya's take a lotta health stuff really for granted today.

Look, I know it's kinda sad I can't really see my family or my friends from the past, and the ones that are still alive are so old I wouldn't even recognise em. And I know it seems like the world's on fire and there's a lotta bad things happenin everywhere right now, seems we humans just can't stop bein a buncha dum-dums, but for the most part, we're tryin our best, alla us. And there's so much cool and convenient stuff right here and now that we never had back then.

So, thanks for the offer, but no thanks. I kinda wanna see what happens with this whole "solarpunk" thing, seems pretty wicked.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Alright then. }

{ Wait hang on- }

(Eli digs through a pile of papers, seemingly all schematics..)

(He pulls out a few sheets stapled together with a frantic, almost triumphant look on his face.)

{ I almost forgot about these! }

{ I can probably put together something based on these old schematics, just don’t tell Dell. Some of these are, to put it bluntly, stolen from his granddad. }

[thebestredscout]

-with heavy suspicion-

Whataya mean "put together somethin"?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ You know Engi’s teleporters, yeah? It’d be like that but two-way. }

{ And one of them would be offset by about 60 years. }

{ Unfortunately because of the energy cost of time travel in general it’d take multiple days to recharge, but still. }

[woman-becomer]

imagine a goat with a hat

STOP-

what hat did you give the goat what is the instinctual hat you gave to this goat

[thedefinitearticle-official]

A fez.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ I gave ‘em a flat cap. }

[thedefinitearticle-official]

You would do that, wouldn’t you?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Oh shut up. }

[woman-becomer]

imagine a goat with a hat

STOP-

what hat did you give the goat what is the instinctual hat you gave to this goat

[thedefinitearticle-official]

A fez.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ I gave ‘em a flat cap. }

[thebestredscout]

{ I could take you back, if you’d like. }

{ Not exactly when you left, but still. }

{ I wouldn’t be able to stay, though. Saxton would likely try to claim ownership of my ship because he owns the country of Britian and, by extension all phone booths and police boxes. }

Weeell... I'm kinda gettin the hanga modern life. Plus there's some cool stuff here we ain't had back home and it's just way more convenient. And seein how some stuff's changed like how gay people can be out and open and how women ain't expected to stay home and be housewives and moms and nothin else, I kinda like it here?

Like yeah the world's on fire and the same people that caused trouble in the past are causin trouble again, but have ya tried dragonfruit? I didn't even know that stuff existed but ya can just go to a supermarket and just buy it like it ain't nothin? And back home ya could only get bananas or grapes or certain other fruits and veg when they was in season, now ya can get em all year round. If ya run outta milk, ya don't have to wait for the milkman, there's always plenty of it in the store. Same wit bread and flour and stuff, like if ya ever need anythin it's literally just a trip to the shops away, and ya don't even have to go to the shops now, ya can just order it online and it'll show up at ya door!

And talkin to people has never been easier! Like if I wanted to talk to Ma back home I had to send a letter that might take two weeks to reach her and hope she wrote back, or spend the money on a collect call, but here I can use this little rectangle of metal that fits in my pocket to send a digital letter to the other side-a the freakin planet? And it'll arrive INSTANTLY? And if I wanna hear someone's voice I can just put numbers on the screen and then talk to them, instantly. Same deal wit other side-a the planet, if ya wanted to call someone that far away back then you'd have to shout down the line and wait for delays while the signal was sent, but now ya just talk and it goes instant.

Oh, oh, oh, and when I'm from, shops were open 9-5 Monday to Friday and that's it, maybe on a Saturday mornin if it was a big brand, but NOTHIN was open on Sundays - now ya got shops and gas stations and evrythin open TWENTY-FOUR HOURS? Like, do you even know how good that is?

Oh, don't even get me started on the health stuff. My brother Jonathan he had a kid who died of measles, little Natasha. She was so tiny but she was old enough to get the needle if we had it at the time. Was only a couple years after the first measles vaccine came out. Apparently I should've had an eighth brother but we don't talk about it cos the only time someone brought it up, Mum drank a whole bottle of wine and shut herself in her bedroom cryin. Like, there's a lotta needles ya gotta get now but it's better than my friend Rodney who died from tetanus poisoning when he was ten, or what happened to little Natasha or when Michael died from asthma in junior high. Ya's take a lotta health stuff really for granted today.

Look, I know it's kinda sad I can't really see my family or my friends from the past, and the ones that are still alive are so old I wouldn't even recognise em. And I know it seems like the world's on fire and there's a lotta bad things happenin everywhere right now, seems we humans just can't stop bein a buncha dum-dums, but for the most part, we're tryin our best, alla us. And there's so much cool and convenient stuff right here and now that we never had back then.

So, thanks for the offer, but no thanks. I kinda wanna see what happens with this whole "solarpunk" thing, seems pretty wicked.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Alright then. }

{ Wait hang on- }

(Eli digs through a pile of papers, seemingly all schematics..)

(He pulls out a few sheets stapled together with a frantic, almost triumphant look on his face.)

{ I almost forgot about these! }

{ I can probably put together something based on these old schematics, just don’t tell Dell. Some of these are, to put it bluntly, stolen from his granddad. }

[aperture-hr-official]

I still find it hard to believe that my immune system just.

Ganged up on my pancreas for no reason when I was 2.

Truly we are a terribly designed species.

[itsraining-honey]

hot opinions straight off the stove! 🥘🔥

[aperture-hr-official]

As a diabetic,

PLEASE.

EVERY single time someone says the “dOn’T eAt sO MuCh sUgAr, YoU’ll gEt DiAbEtEs” line I get righteously pissed off because that is not even SLIGHTLY how it works.

[satan-offical]

Let me know you shit

[aperture-hr-official]

You have a device that can stop time? -Jeal from @dimensional-cafe

{ Multiple, yes. }

{ For some reason they’re all stopwatch shaped.. I guess it makes sense with ‘em being time stoppers, but still, it’s a bit boring having them all be the same shape. A detonator shaped one would be a nice change. }

[dimensional-cafe]

Interesting. Watches seem to be a persistent theme.

Do they stop time for all but the holder?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ As far as I can tell, yes- }

(Eli stops for a moment, looking confused..)

{ Weird.. the air here tastes metallic. sort of coppery.. }

{ Something is wrong with time here. }

[dimensional-cafe]

<Jeal's expression flashes for a moment before switching to a questioning one.>

Wrong how?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ I don’t know it’s just.. off. }

{ If I remember correctly Time Lords can pick up on temporal anomalies via taste and smell, so I’m assuming that’s what’s causing the air to taste strange. }

{ Could be wrong, though. }

[dimensional-cafe]

Maybe...

I've never heard of a Time Lord before, do they control time?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Sort of.. They were a race who possessed advanced time-space transportation and dimensional engineering technology, but since the last great Time War they’ve all been frozen.. somewhere else. }

{ They only had control over time via TARDISes, mostly acting as enforcers of their own made up laws which, due to being snobbish and self-aggrandizing they thought to be supreme and above all else.. }

{but some renegades left, knowing better. Stealing research vessels and decommissioned antique ships to wander the universe.. }

{ One of my.. idols did exactly that, running away with a relative of his in a soon-to-be-scrapped type 40.. }

[aperture-hr-official]

You have a device that can stop time? -Jeal from @dimensional-cafe

{ Multiple, yes. }

{ For some reason they’re all stopwatch shaped.. I guess it makes sense with ‘em being time stoppers, but still, it’s a bit boring having them all be the same shape. A detonator shaped one would be a nice change. }

[dimensional-cafe]

Interesting. Watches seem to be a persistent theme.

Do they stop time for all but the holder?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ As far as I can tell, yes- }

(Eli stops for a moment, looking confused..)

{ Weird.. the air here tastes metallic. sort of coppery.. }

{ Something is wrong with time here. }

[dimensional-cafe]

<Jeal's expression flashes for a moment before switching to a questioning one.>

Wrong how?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ I don’t know it’s just.. off. }

{ If I remember correctly Time Lords can pick up on temporal anomalies via taste and smell, so I’m assuming that’s what’s causing the air to taste strange. }

{ Could be wrong, though. }

[death-the-soul-reaper]

I attempted to take the soul of an immortal here, not sure if that's what caused it though.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ I’m not sure that’d be a temporal issue.. seems more “afterlife clerical error”, if that makes sense. }

[aperture-hr-official]

Goodnight san fran disco

[aperture-hr-official]

You have a device that can stop time? -Jeal from @dimensional-cafe

{ Multiple, yes. }

{ For some reason they’re all stopwatch shaped.. I guess it makes sense with ‘em being time stoppers, but still, it’s a bit boring having them all be the same shape. A detonator shaped one would be a nice change. }

[dimensional-cafe]

Interesting. Watches seem to be a persistent theme.

Do they stop time for all but the holder?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ As far as I can tell, yes- }

(Eli stops for a moment, looking confused..)

{ Weird.. the air here tastes metallic. sort of coppery.. }

{ Something is wrong with time here. }

[dimensional-cafe]

<Jeal's expression flashes for a moment before switching to a questioning one.>

Wrong how?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ I don’t know it’s just.. off. }

{ If I remember correctly Time Lords can pick up on temporal anomalies via taste and smell, so I’m assuming that’s what’s causing the air to taste strange. }

{ Could be wrong, though. }

[dell-rattmann-official]

Your wound. I can help.

@doomguy-offical

// Hm?

[doomguy-offical]

[dell-rattmann-official]

// What is THAT??

[doomguy-offical]

Soul sphere.

[dell-rattmann-official]

// Does it have a FACE???? Or am I hallucinating?

[doomguy-offical]

Yes.

[dell-rattmann-official]

…

[doomguy-offical]

*The slayer stabs a straw into it*

It'll heal you.

[dimensional-cafe]

....why is there is soul..thing..in an orb?

Also..Im guessing that you're not Dell, she is?

[doomguy-offical]

Dunno.

Yes.

[dimensional-cafe]

Weird. Think I can trade for some of those later? I need to deliver some stuff to Dell first.

Though if that works for her, I'll be glad not to have to figure out some of the things Steve sent me with.

[doomguy-offical]

Sure.

What are you..?

[dimensional-cafe]

....technically human at the moment. I can't leave this body or do anything I used to, so that might as well be what I am. Oh, you can call me Thales.

[dell-rattmann-official]

// Ah! You’re the person Steve told me to watch for!

[dimensional-cafe]

Uh yeah! I'm Thales. Your uh friend's orb looks helpful, so maybe try that first, and I can unpack all the supplies in the meantime...Steve sent a lot. Maybe about a month's supply of food and water.

[dell-rattmann-official]

// I suppose I’ll try it… the zombies didn’t give you trouble, did they?

[dimensional-cafe]

...a little but I was fine once I found out Steve gave me a tiny gun that vaporizes things. (How does he find this stuff???)

[dimensional-cafe]

I hate how these dimension altering things feel. You might feel weird for a moment too....It's this thing unpacking all the stuff Steve stuffed inside it.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ So I guess we’re all here to help Dell with her leg injury..? }

[dimensional-cafe]

Seems like it. Though I was more sent by Steve as an employee.

<The area feels a sudden increase in pressure, pushing down on everyone for a moment as the device lights up on the floor with a hum before the pressure evens out and things go back to normal. The device now generating a swirling green vortex above it.>

Ugh

[aperture-hr-official]

(Eli looks up at the vortex..)

{ Can’t say I’ve seen that sorta storage tech before.. }

[dimensional-cafe]

<Thales begins gingerly pulling a large assortment of drinks, food and some medical supplies from it.>

It's Anazi tech. They were terrible but Steve is pretty familiar with it and seems to have a large stash of it too.

[aperture-hr-official]

(Eli glances down at the medi-gun he’s holding..)

{ ..I’m actually not sure if this thing’d even work in this universe, knowing the way it, for want of better words, “works.” }

[aperture-hr-official]

You have a device that can stop time? -Jeal from @dimensional-cafe

{ Multiple, yes. }

{ For some reason they’re all stopwatch shaped.. I guess it makes sense with ‘em being time stoppers, but still, it’s a bit boring having them all be the same shape. A detonator shaped one would be a nice change. }

[dimensional-cafe]

Interesting. Watches seem to be a persistent theme.

Do they stop time for all but the holder?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ As far as I can tell, yes- }

(Eli stops for a moment, looking confused..)

{ Weird.. the air here tastes metallic. sort of coppery.. }

{ Something is wrong with time here. }

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Oh damn I really do just have time travel at my disposal, huh? }

{ ..I’m gonna bring Daisy back. Sod the Time Variance Authority, sod The Celestial Intervention Agency and sod whatever group @time-keeper-cookie-offical’s part of. I’m not just going to let my TARDIS sit there collecting dust. I’m putting the damn thing to use. }