bye bye!! @aphroditer - Tumblr Blog

I’m back because I have no other place to write that I wish I was dead without my bf seeing

Idk how to go back to what we were before

Today I was like “I just feel like things are off between us” and he goes “I don’t feel that on my end”

So it’s me i guess. Struggling to find that connection we had, it’s hard to put effort into it too.And now we’ve both got jobs we’re barely gunna be able to see each other very much

Just feel like we’re going to grow apart and it’s hard to find the strength to put the effort and time in to keep it together

do you think he wanted to break up with me last month when it was our year anniversary

#I rly gotta delete this app or it’s gunna become my crazy diary #and that rly isn’t healthy #ah well #just a few more posts

likeeee is this why he was like “I don’t want your nieces to call me uncle even as a joke” “I wouldn’t want you to design me a tattoo until we got married” “oh haha maybe in an anniversary I’d get you a necklace with my initial on it”

like he doesn’t want to spend his life with me does he

I’m actually spiralling

it’s funny how like my ex used to say we were soul mates and the love of his life and I never said it back bc like what if we broke up, it feels too serious and final etc

and then we did indeed break up

and now my bf used to say I was the love of his life and I truly thought we were soul mates, the way we seemed to fit together

and then he temporarily broke up with me

and it’s funny because like I still want to spend my life with him but I no longer believe in soul mates

because if I was the love of his life surely he wouldn’t have wanted to leave me

im just waiting for the next time he breaks up with me, because im sure it’s coming. just gotta see when I guess

my life is straight up falling apart rn

today my bf goes “I’ve found this flat let’s move in!!” dude. you tried to break up with me last week. do you really think this is the way to fix our relationship??

And the icing on the fucking cake is that I’m also only being rejected from jobs! I’ve been unemployed for over a year! No one wants to hire me! I’m actually going to lose it

only back for a sec because I need to vent or I will explode bc my bf has my Twitter so I can’t just say shit bc it’ll worry him lol. he tried to break up with me a few days ago and even tho he took it back my whole life is falling apart lol. Like I thought we were happy, I thought we were planning our future together, we were going to move in, we talked about kids and pets and where we would live. And then just literally out of nowhere I get a TEXT where he says he can’t do this anymore. We saw each other in person yesterday and I said everything I was feeling and how hurt I am and how its going to be so hard to get over, how insecure I’m going to be now. And his only explanation was that he wanted to be alone and so he ended it. He’s said both that it was just kinda impulsive after a bad day, and also that it has been building for weeks. And my head is a mess. I don’t know what to think. I don’t want us to break up, but I also don’t want to be with someone who has tried to end it with me. All day every day I sit and stare at my phone and then lay awake all night, crying every couple hours.

#and bc of how my brain works I’m like maybe this wouldn’t have happened if I was pretty and skinny HA HA