nope.

not here anymore because tumblr sucks and I have left this here for sentimental purposes and shit.

[apothecarist]

[apothecarist]

Packing up, relocating, new times.

Essentially, I need to move on and simplify. I don't have the time or patience for Tumblr anymore. If I could, I would probably delete and turn my back on this website again. But, I have met a good amount of wonderful people on here that I would be too sad to lose contact with. So, I'm not deleting, I'm just moving. I'm moving to a new blog that I will hopefully not spend all my time on because I really cannot afford to waste time anymore.

If you are someone who still wants to follow me on this new venture, message me, and I'll tell you the url. I don't know how much use and what I'll do with my new Tumblr, but we shall see.

I'll be keeping this account around for a while and then probably locking it because I want it for nostalgic reasons to look back on at 3am.

[chevreul-blog]

I can’t help it – I want you because I don’t know how to not want you. I don’t like not knowing how to do things but incidentally no one has any helpful advice. Sometimes I wish I could just remove the want, extract it, but I get the feeling the want is not one of those things you can readily extract, like rotten teeth or slow-moving venom. The want is undulating somewhere in the ether. I tell myself I shouldn’t want you because you’re not mine, and I can understand all the sensible and convincing reasons I shouldn’t, but when it comes to the actual practice of not wanting you, something falls off that table of logic and splatters unceremoniously all over the floor. I try to train myself to pass your name through my head neutral like everyone else’s but when I hear someone say it, or when I say it to myself like I do, my heart forgets what it’s doing and starts to pound in double bass, and it’s equal parts exciting and squirmy-uncomfortable, a lot like being somewhere uptight in the daytime but also being on drugs. Everyone says that time is the answer but I honestly feel like time makes it worse. I want you because there aren’t any good words for who you are. The only ones that come to mind are earnest, sad clichés like “amazing” and “magnetic” and “fascinating” and I don’t want to use them, but on the other hand they are the only words, and cliché or not they are honest words and I’m not sure consulting a thesaurus at this point would be genuine. And it’s not that I want you officially, like I want your last name or your Sunday mornings or your hard shiny promise, I just want to absorb you. I want to know what you know, want to hear your stories, want to filter through them gently and get lost in them, them and the soft hypnosis of your hands in my hair. I want you because I know you can make me forget about time.

Mila Jaroniec, I Want You Because  

[pharcydes]

[txn]

“Are you hiring?”

[apothecarist]

You seem so nice. Why are you so sad?

Thanks, anon. 

As in why am I sad currently or generally as a human? Current sadness stems from post-break-up bitterness/depression/hating of everything/lying on the floor in the dark listening to albums and songs I know will upset me/crying and laughing simultaneously. You know. The usual. That paired with the amount of work I have to do between now and the end of the semester in two weeks just has me very on edge.

I'm generally sad as a human because my life can be summed up by this gif from The Newsroom.

Thanks for the concern, as well, I suppose.

[apothecarist]

keep your head up babe, winter break is near!! just keep pushing and youll be free soon!!!

Thank you! I have to keep reminding myself that. <3

[apothecarist]

Ugh. Nope. Can't.

The dark is a very bad thing when you're sad.

[filipinobreakfast]

“I am a creature of grief and dust and bitter longings. There is an empty place within me where my heart was once.”

[myfairytaleforest]

[peachsip]

[apothecarist]

DO NOT ALLOW ME ON TUMBLR UNTIL AFTER FINALS

IF YOU SEE ME ONLINE, YELL AT ME

I hate everything

[tyrells-deactivated20130521]

Does that make you feel better or worse? It doesn’t make me feel anything.

[inrainbovvs]

[lizzymaxia]

[apothecarist]

Graham Norton: The weirdest thing is, in the Harry Potter, you could have been working with Jack. Helena Bonham Carter: How?

The Graham Norton Show 12x05 - Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Palin, Jack Whitehall, Michael Bublé

[ladybrun-deactivated20130421]

“We’ve been ‘cool’ for a very long time, and in that sense our culture has been taken for a very long time. How do we define when we’ve arrived? It’s not when a young, white girl in Berkley is wearing nice garlands or those nice buddhist beads, or wearing bindi. I don’t feel like my life in anyway has been improved because she has the ability to do that and thinks that’s okay. My life hasn’t improved. The life of my mother has not improved. Our voice as a community within this economic system has not improved. 

A good friend of mine, she’s south Indian, and she grew up in Connecticut. Her mom would make her wear her bindi and go to school. She would get harassed by kids… she would be harassed so much that what she would do, is that because she was so ashamed to have that bindi on her head, she would leave her house, wipe it off… and then come home and put it back on.

To the point where a child would have to think about such a deliberate attempt to refute their own culture I think is pretty profound. If there’s a white girl wearing a bindi walking down central avenue in the heights, she’s not considered a dot head, even though she has a dot on her head.

For me, the feeling is disgust and anger. The way I look at it if I see it, I just get so mad because I think, how dare this person be able to wear that, or hold that, or put that statue in her house and not take any of the oppression for that. How dare they. That’s not fair. We have to take so much heat and repression for expressing ourselves.

I’m going to rip that thing off your head, and I’m going to scrub that mehndi off your hands, because you don’t have the right to wear it. Until the day when you walk in our shoes, and you face what we face… the pain, and the shame, and the hurt, and the fear, you don’t have the right to wear that. It is not your right, and you’re not worthy of it. I feel like it’s so superficial and it’s so disrespected. One day, wake up, be me, and then you’ll see how powerful what you’re wearing is. “

—Raahi Reddy, Yellow Apparel: When the Coolie Becomes Cool

[lets-dance-like-we-used-to]

[narkolepszia]