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@apparitioniisms-blog
“ VICES are the distractions of the weak. be they the desires of the material or the psychological, what GOOD do they do but fleeting pleasure and short-term gain? no, significance lies elsewhere. ”
“ Maybe I LIKE my fleeting pleasure and short-term gain. Not all of us have the desire or ability to find your significance, your grand causes. To each his own, I suppose; I don’t have any wish to be a martyr.”
“—Maaaaaaybe…”
It had taken Jan a few minutes to actually regain her ability to speak after the kiss– though she could still feel the blush all over her face and ears, and her head hadn’t exactly stopped spinning yet. But for the first time in a while, she felt HAPPY. She didn’t feel as bad about things as she usually did, she currently didn’t care what her family thought ( though, being distracted sort of helped with that part ) and right here and right now with her hands in his, she thought that she could probably just melt into Gabe’s arms if she really wanted to as she stared up at him with a single arched brow before a smile slowly pulled up.
“You’re not sorry about that at all, are you?”
“Sorry? Darling, I was planning on coming back in for more.”
She could melt into his arms if she wanted; Gabe sure as hell wouldn’t mind. He’d kissed girls before, of course ( he might have been dead, but that only seemed to affect people who knew that he wasn’t supposed to exist. His sister and father, for example. ) but none had really ever mattered to him. Maybe that was callous, cruel; or maybe it was just how Gabe was. But Jan was different, strangely enough — he actually cared about her, genuinely and deeply. If he hadn’t, well... he would have kissed her long before.
“That is, if you’ll have me. I certainly enjoyed it, but I’ve always liked kissing.”
“I’m stepping through the DOOR And I’m f l o a t i n g in the most peculiar way and the stars look very different TODAY…
Though I’m past one-hundred-thousand miles, I’m feeling very STILL And I think my spaceship knows which way to GO…”
an indie sci-fi oc — written by percy
“That’s a very fucked up treatment. What, some shit that’s supposed to make her better is making it so she’s angry and confused all the time? That’s definitely fucked up.”
Much as he did agree with that though, he stopped and took her hands.
“You sure you want a distraction? Because I’m getting a I need to vent vibe going on. I mean, I’ve got you covered either way, whatever you need to relax and feel good, but if you need to let something out go for it.”
“I — I want...”
She didn’t know what she wanted anymore. Her mind was in turmoil, emotions a mess — she was pretty sure her hands were trembling in his. It was entirely unlike her usual behavior, but even Gabe had a breaking point, and she was quickly reaching it. She wanted to forget, but more than that she wanted an escape — a way out.
“There isn’t much more to say — my family is shit, what else is new? I just need to get away — I need you to help me forget them. Forget everything.”
“ then that CHILD has far to go; there is no use in simply accepting what you hear, but in QUESTIONING it. what progress was ever brought about by accepting what is current, and what somebody else says is right? ”
“who’s to say i’m NOT what they say i am? perhaps i’ve just accepted that i am more devil than WOMAN; perhaps my questioning brought nothing but the truth i had already been told — i am not ashamed of my vices.”
“ i know how THAT feels… ”
“ welcome to the CLUB. it’s pretty great: clubbing — no pun INTENDED — drinking, the whole nine yards. maybe, if you’re lucky, someone to go home with at the end of the night. ”
*lmao voice* every day im sufferin’
@apparitioniisms !!!
“Three girls in my geometry class asked if I was going to that dance coming up and I’m just like– what would I do if I went? The macarena? The chicken dance? I’m not the dancing kind of girl, honestly. I’d much rather lay on the grass and listen to music and stare at the stars— in the moments when you can actually SEE them, but you know what I mean.”
“Now, there’s a shame — here I was thinking you could dance with me.” The words are a drawl, and he tilts his head to look up at her from his position ( reclined across THREE desks). “Then again, I think Henry’s taking my sister... and as much as I love grinding, it isn’t worth being at the same dance as Nattie. So you want a romantic night out? I can do THAT, too — just say the word, sweetheart.”
“I’m stepping through the DOOR And I’m f l o a t i n g in the most peculiar way and the stars look very different TODAY…
Though I’m past one-hundred-thousand miles, I’m feeling very STILL And I think my spaceship knows which way to GO…”
an indie sci-fi oc — written by percy
“Not every bit of everything that goes wrong has to come from your family.” Okay, so they didn’t have the best, most solid home life, but she and Natalie sure did like to complain about their parents a lot. Now that everything had come out, he got the updates fairly often. “I’m not blaming my shitty day on hanging out with people who happen to have the last name Goodman. But point taken that your family doesn’t always have great luck either.”
“That’s cool, though,” he said, in response to her reason for taking music theory. “Being able to arrange things is neat.”
“Okay, maybe not, but that doesn’t change the things that do.” She wasn’t upset; at that point, she was continuing for humor’s sake more than anything else. And she was glad that Natalie and Henry were together; Gabe doubted that they’d be friends otherwise. “Well, thank you for not following Natalie’s footsteps in that regard. Not that you follow in her footsteps at all, really — never mind, I’m not making sense.”
She laughed it off, her little blunder, and tucked away the theory worksheet. “So, why did you have a bad day?”
“You’re more than welcome, darling.”
It’d been a little while since he’d seen Gabe this upset about her family. He still wasn’t sure there was such a thing as a happy, perfect family, he wondered sometimes why people even bothered.
“Your mom? That’s pretty fucked up, but at least the upside is you’re not going to have her breathing down your neck.”
“It’s not the forgetting I’m worried about — not for me, anyway; Natalie blames all of Mom’s shit on me anyway — it’s... she’s not herself.”
She hated complaining about her family to him like this, especially since she just wanted to forget it all. But she also knew that until she talked about it, her problems would always weigh in her mind.
“Not that she’s ever herself, but this is different. She’s... angry, I guess. Temperamental, and sometimes it seems like she doesn’t even know what year it is. What kind of fucked up treatment is that?”
“ it ain’t bullshit, i fought ten —twenty sword wielding ninja type warriors barehanded, by myself —i said that. cuz s’true, s’what i did. by myself, on my own. ”
“ riiiight, like that time i faced off against a drug cartel and managed to keep them occupied until the FBI arrived — because i do that all of the time. on a DAILY basis, in fact. “
She’d still needed to slightly stand on her toes to meet him halfway in the kiss, but boy, she didn’t mind one bit. Years of imagining what her ( pretty much ) first kiss would be like never prepared her for this one. Dreams of first kisses couldn’t even compare to the real thing. By the time they’d parted from the first one, Jan wasn’t entirely sure her brain was working correctly, or if it had just automatically short-circuited on her instead.
“Eheh….”
Oh, she’s definitely okay with another one.
“Oh, was that because of me?”
A smug smile settles onto his face — can you blame him? He’s kissing Jan ( he’s k i s s i n g Jan ) , and it feels GOOD. It makes him feel real. He can’t remember the last time he felt like a real person; doesn’t know if there was a time after his death. He’s had his mom, of course, but Diana is one woman and a boy needs much more than a mother’s love to feel like a human being. His hands move to her shoulders, then slide down her arms until he is grasping her delicate wrists in a gentle hold.
“Sorry, did you lose the ability to SPEAK? My bad
“ — or perhaps NONE of those things constitute any tendency towards hellish behaviour. i believe they all have their place & time. AMBITION wins the battle; PRIDE triggers the revolution; WRATH ends the tyranny. ”
“ in the minds of most, PRIDE and WRATH are sins — ambition breaks a family. pride drives away those who would love you. wrath hurts the ones you care for most. not that i agree with them, but a child ACCEPTS what they hear.’
alright, i’m off to my dad’s, but i’ll be back tomorrow!
