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@appletarts
OPENING TIMES, LAST ENTRY AND STUFF
Apple Tarts starts at 13:00 on Sunday. It closes on 13:00 on Monday. Music is playing until 02:00 on Monday and after there is a headphone disco. LAST ENTRY TO THE SITE IS 8PM. (We capitalised this for affect. Remember it.) On Monday the bar and food will be open from 9ish until 1. And that's that. NOT. LONG. NOW. XxXxXxXxXx
Slightly Annoying Apple Tarts Booze Policy
We've had loads of people asking us about what booze they can bring into the festival. Basically, we're implementing a complete ban on bringing anything in with you. We know this might seem a bit overboard and it's not actually something we particularly want to do, but when we dropped the ticket prices it was a case of doing this or not going ahead with the festival as our margins are really (really) small. To balance this out we promise that drink prices will be a lot cheaper than ordinary festivals- you certainly won't be looking at the £4.50 cans that seemed to be de rigeur across the board last year. We'll be serving everything you'd expect from a festival bar, plus Pimms, cocktails and the local brain-wobble cider (including the first ever batch of Brogdale Farm cider to be sold publicly). We will also be running promotions, happy hours and whatever we can think of between now and the day to get you all oiled enough to forget the name of the person you're getting off with. As always, hit us up via the Twitter if you have any questions. Failing that, we're on Facebook too. xxxx If you want to find out about car-parking at Brogdale, click here
Stage Times Confirmed!
Below are the stage-times for The Big Apple. There’ll also be a bunch of people playing in Granny Smith’s throughout the day (on that note: if you fancy playing some tunes there, let us know). Lovely! 3.3.25-Niltones 3.35-3.55 Alex Gywther 4.05-4.30- Will Varley 4.40-4.55- Late Night Gimp Fight 5-7- The Sparks (Rockaoke) 7.10-7.25- Late Night Gimp Fight 7.35-8.05- Riskee and the Ridicule 8.15-8.45- City Shanty Band 8.50-9.15- The Void 9.15-10.05- Originals Kid (Electro/Indie, Rock and Roll) 10.05-11.50-Cold Rice (Hip-Hop/Soul/Rock and Roll) 11.50-12.30- Danny Flex (Garage) 12.30-02:00- Some DJ (Funky Disco Breaks/Drum and Bass) Headphone disco 2am-3am El Mooreo/ Tart-Breakers 3am-4am DJ Mike Anthony/ Tart-Breakers/Tbc
Working At Apple Tarts #2- Lee Goddard
Lee is one of our security dons. He keeps anyone out that shouldn't be there, and keeps an eye on you lot while you're in there. He makes us feel a lot less nervous about putting the event on, and while he could definitely beat you up, he's really a big teddy bear. Likes: Millwall, Mixed Martial Arts, Pie and Mash Dislikes: W*est H*m, TOWIE and Mark Foster 1) Haven’t we seen you somewhere before? I think you're referring to my appearance on last years video, where I interrupted filming by shouting at someone who was relieving himself against a fence. I've still yet to see it. 2)With Jay you headed up our security last year. How would you describe the experience? It was the first time we'd headed up an event like that together. We genuinely had a good time. It ran as smoothly as we could've hoped for. I personally knew a lot of the people attending and also know the type of crowd that 'Tarts' attracts, so was confident of a trouble free, enjoyable weekend. Which it was 3) What was your favourite part of Apple Tarts? Mark Foster leaving. 4) And your least? Mark Foster arriving 5) The last I saw of you before I went to sleep last year was you stomping across the field at 4.30 in the morning. Over the radio you called me a ‘pussy’ for retiring. I didn’t see you until 10.30. Can you describe what happens between the hours of 4.30 and 8.30 at Apple Tarts. Not a lot 6) What are the people like at Apple Tarts? Very intoxicated. 7) Are they the prettiest people you ever saw? Not by a long shot. 8) What would you say to anyone thinking of an orchard bunk-up? Speaking from experience, try and get on top, twigs in your back and up your arse make for an unpleasant experience. 9) If anyone you know was still unsure about buying a ticket, how would you convince them otherwise? I'm no salesman, but c'mon, you really should. 10) What’s your favourite apple? I don't discriminate, all apples are equal in my eyes. Lee won't be getting a taxi to Brogdale but you might- for local cab info click here
Taxi Numbers
For those getting a train from London, you'll need to get a taxi from Faversham station to Brogdale, then back again the next day. It's only a 5 minute journey, and they know the Tarts are coming so there should be cabs waiting outside the station. If you want to book in advance though, the best numbers are: Starlite Taxi's- 01795 538887 Grab-a-cab 01795 539839 ANR Cars- 01795 890000
Times For The Tarts Express!
Apple Tarts is only one day, therefore you want to be there for all of it, right? We open at 13:00 on the Sunday. This being the case, for those come coming from London the trains we suggest you get are: 12:05- London Victoria, Arrives Faversham 13:13 12:28- St Pancras, Arrives Faversham 13:34 12:52- St Pancras, Arrives Faversham 14: 03 13:05- London Victoria, Arrives Faversham 14: 18 The next morning trains are running back every half hour. See you there! Xxx
I'm Going To Apple Tarts #4- Gemma Johnson
Gem, you’ve been with us since the very start. What’s your best memory of Tarts events? Well, I do have a soft spot for the first few Tarts. Back when there was only one toilet, lots of power cuts and a naked man from Gumtree covered in marker pen. Ellen won a painted canvas of Britney and Michael Jackson, I took home a blow up pineapple and Donna filled the kebab man's boots up with ketchup. Those were the days. But OF COURSE Apple Tarts 2011 was a triumph David, for so many reasons.... *NB: you didn't ask but i will tell you anyway. my worst TartsG memory is dressing up in full head to toe cat attire. only to find noone else got the memo. cheers for that yeah. What are you most looking forward to this year? The same things as last year. Seeing all the Top Tarts. Getting off my tits on Brogdale Farm cider (it's lethal). And then at about 9pm, inexplicably finding myself dancing to garage on a hay bale wearing a purple turban and a dolphin mask. You know, the usual. Is there anyone you’ve got your eye on for a feel-up in the orchard? That'd be telling. But if i've had enough cider then you should all be on your guard. You and Amy are going to be spinning a few tunes for us. Have you got a name yet? Spinning? You said nothing about spinning. I only know how to press play. Well we toyed with a few names, all of them terrible. Sniffer came up with Peroxide and Natrino. But HEY maybe we'll be really original and call ourselves Gemma and Amy. And what sort of tunes are you going to be playing? If you've been to one of our parties then you'll know that the 90s will feature very heavily. As will Craig David. If you had to pick one out of Brian Harvey, Robbie Craig or Mark Owen to be trapped in a treehouse with which would you pick? Well, Brian Harvey ran himself over so he'd be a nightmare. And although Robbie Craig features on one of all my all time favourite songs, I don't actually know what he looks like. So I am going to go with that cheeky little shagger Mark Owen. I know all the words to Babe you know. Are you going to be singing a tune during rockaoke? What? Ellen and I do a great rendition of 'Torn' (the little known One Direction version, not the Imbruglia version) but we won't subject you to that (we will). If you had one message to send to Stan the tractor driver, what would it be? Can I get a lift back to Bow? What’s your favourite apple? I quite like your apple. Your adam's apple. It is very prominent and manly. You can follow Gem on Twitter here . She's liable to talk about garage music, the strange things kids do, and what her and her friends get up to in The Dolphin. Check out what trains Gem and you should get to Apple Tarts here And find out what the Apple Tarts Slightly Annoying Booze Policy is here
I'm Going To Apple Tarts #3- Nikki O'Connell
Nik, as one of the hallowed collective of 'top tarts', what is it about apple Tarts you like most? I like that it’s the sort of place that you can pass out face down in a bale of hay for a few hours and no one bats an eyelid. I like that the crowd is VERY attractive. We’re talking 9s and 10s here But most of all I like that you get to ride a tractor. You probably have the record for falling over the most at Tarts. How long do you intend to spend on your back this year? Flat out for 24 hours. All welcome to join me down there! You are known to like a drink, what is your essential festival booze? Well I wouldn’t be a true Apple Tart if I didn’t say I loved a cider. But it’s true, I just love them apples. Last year’s festival brew can probably account for most of the falling over referred to in question 2. Rockaoke? If you don't do it, it will be a crime. What do you intend you belt out to the desperate mob? I’m a terrible singer! I never fail to sound like I’m evoking the ghost of Edith Piaf. So I guess I’m going to give the people what they want, what they’ve been waiting for - Proud Mary, in the style of Edith Piaf. What band / dj are you most looking to seeing? Can I say an act instead? I’m excited about Late Night Gimp Fight. The sort of comedy that’s so wrong it’s right, makes you laugh hard and then makes you want to go and have a wash. What do you hope to find in the orchard? Apples, good times, nudity, Rupert Morency, last year's lost dignity. Face or tits? Tits in my face. That’s lewd. I’m sorry. Who would win out of a fight between a goose and penguin? I think of the penguin, by very nature of its outfit, to be a gentleman. For that reason I’d say the goose could take him. Apple Tarts is known for being held together by a collection of favours, what's the biggest favour someone has ever done for you? Well I tend to get by with a LOT of help from my friends. Rarely a weekend goes by when I'm not given a fireman's carry home and slung into bed. But I like to think I'm a giver (of favours) too. Jesus, Allah or the Dalai Lama- who would enjoy Apple Tarts most? I took a lot of inspiration from Jesus at last year's Apple Tarts. Got absolutely crucified and rose from the dead 3 days later. I think he'd like it. Besides he's got that whole beard festival chic thing going on. You might have guessed from this that Nikki likes a drink. If you do too and want to find out about what you can bring with you to Apple Tarts, click here Do you want to be the next in line for questioning? Get us on the Twitter
Listen to THIS. It's the best thing we've heard all week. Willie Tee-I'm Having So Much Fun
I'm Going To Apple Tarts #2: Mark Foster
Mark Foster is the gift and the curse, the Mick and the Keith; the love, the hate and the lust. He'll annoy you, he'll (maybe) make you laugh, he'll definitely be wearing the jumper in this picture. If you can get through Apple Tarts without at one point being party to a conversation that starts with him going "see, if I was running Apple Tarts what I'd do differently is..." you should consider yourself blessed. He is also liable to talk freely about work targets. At Apple Tarts last year, you inexplicably spent most of it in a red cowboy hat with a Poland emblem on it. Why?
I say why NOT….. Will you be wearing any particularly fetching items of clothing this year?
I have been inundated for requests for the Bandana to make an appearance… All I can say is watch this space!!!! Last year you made our bonfire. If you were to get this role again would you do anything differently?
As everyone knows the Bonfire was pretty amazing last year, some may say epic but I don't like to blow my own trumpet. In line with Tarts getting bigger and better I will do all I can to try and make some minor adjustment. Maybe along the lines of a sacrifice of some sort, so if anyone has any unwanted pets etc then please feel free to bring them along…. Would you still insist on arguing with the security, to the point that one guard came over to me (not knowing I knew you) saying “who’s that idiot at the bonfire? If he keeps ordering me about I’m going to f*cking throw him out.”
As an expert in bonfires whilst drunk I thought I should have been allowed to light the bonfire, which I feel everyone will agree is a fair statement. Steve The Dog [the security guy making the threat] robbed me of my right; this year I will not take NO for an answer. What are you most looking forward to this year?
You and Bad Boy Barrett!!!!! And Bon Jovi, of course.
Are you going to sing rockaoke? You’ve got a wonderful voice.
I do have a wonderful voice but as last year proved there are some great emerging artists at Tarts and I feel it’s not right to always still the lime-light And for this reason I will not be performing at this year’s Apple Tarts. To anyone not yet in possession of an Apple Tarts ticket but thinking about it, what would you say?
DDDDDDDDOOOOOO ITttttt” You speak to us quite a lot during the organisation of the festival. Describe the organisers mental state at the time of asking.
Worrying, very worrying!!!!!
The Apple Tarts 2012 campsite. You might be able to watch Stevie Wonder, but you don't get an orchard to camp in at Bestival! (Yes, we know we're clutching at straws.)
Car Parking
Loads of people asking about car-parking. There's loads of it! Try and carshare if you can eh?
I'm Playing At Apple Tarts #2: Richard Wood (Niltones)
You won our competition for a local band to open Apple Tarts, how did you get involved in it? I did a little writing for David’s now sadly defunct magazine Gobshout, which is how we’re acquainted. When he started promoting Apple Tarts, I introduced him to niltones and we were subsequently put forward for the vote, meeting, as we did, the crucial criteria of being both local, and “a band”. Where are you guys from? You haven’t been together long, right? In fact niltones have existed in various evolutionary stages for about eight years. For a very long while we stuck in a bacterial stage of development, and only recently have we produced the necessary gumption for getting out, gigging, and promoting ourselves. We’re Medway and Maidstone-based. Where did you meet? I’ve known the drummer since he was born and I was four years old; we’re brothers. The founding members (I and Matt: our bassist) met at school, and our lead guitarist Ben was a friend of Matt’s. He still is a friend of Matt’s, and the band as a whole; he’s our friendly Ben. How would you describe The Niltones, sound-wise? Always hard to do. We like to think of our songs as “entertainments”, and so we try to keep them moving and changing, always introducing new melodies and shifts in dynamics. Any glaring influences? I’ve stared pretty long and hard at Radiohead’s back catalogue. Our Drummer Alex likes Led Zepplin. Ben loves Mastodon. Matt is a bit of a Jazz fiend. If this makes us sound awesome; we are, but not in the way you’d expect. Who is the musical Jehovah? A musically perfect being? God; that’s hard... perhaps Kate Bush. I think I’d have to work pretty hard before spotting an imperfection in her recorded output. Who is the musical Beelzebub? Tom Waits. As I think Johnny Depp said “The devil doesn’t have the best tunes. Tom Waits does.” Do you believe in Jehovah and Beelzebub? I can see how, allegorically, they have their uses, but no. Religion is a pathetic fallacy, in at least two senses. How excited are you about Apple Tarts on a scale of 34 to 78? 100! Well, ok. Accepting the limits of your scale, I’d have to say 78. This is niltones’ biggest gig to date, and our first festival show. We’re preparing diligently, and can’t wait to showcase ourselves, as well as to see what Apple Tarts is all about. You’re on quite early. Are you going to stick around to party afterwards? Indeed. We’re very interested in the wider scene, and I’m sure it’ll be necessary to stick around so as to greet the multitudes as they rush to venerate our spectacular set. What’s your favourite apple? Adam’s. You can check out Niltones' youtube channel here , follow them on Twitter here , and listen on Soundcloud just.....here
I'm Going To Apple Tarts #1: Ellen Marshall
Ellen has been to all our nights and we love her for 2 reasons. 1: She's reliably drunk and loud before anyone else. 2: She's brutally honest. I (Dave) can recall at least 2 nights where the moment saw me she completely took apart my outfit with no regard to how much thought or time I'd put into it (evidently not enough). Don't fear her though; she's lovely, and if last year is anything she'll be twisted on the local cider by mid-afternoon. If she is, for your sake make sure you are well turned out. Haven’t we seen you somewhere before? Seen me somewhere before? I should hope so David, seeing as I have attended every Tarts night since they started. (This may not actually be true, but why let detail get in the way of a good story.) You may also know me from the amazing Apple Tarts poster designed by Gill Scott, although I am less pleased that you chose the photo of me looking not dissimilar to a mad, fat alcoholic. You win some, you lose some. (Oh and yes I went to Apple Tarts last year and had the best night of my life thanksloveyoubye.) What was your favourite thing about Apple Tarts? Favourite thing about Apple Tarts? Hard to choose David, as the entire 24 hours was ace from start to finish. However, after much deliberation, it wasn't the 3am singsong round the bonfire, nor the bacon sandwich the-morning-after-the-night-before, nor the rockaoke, but dancing to garage in a field at 4pm, pint of local cider in hand, insane grin in place, covered in hay. Amazing. Do you intend to get up and sing during rockaoke? No, because I can't sing. I was in the choir when I was at school, and even my teacher told me to mime the high notes. Who was the best person you saw/snogged/strangled? The best person I saw was probably Tom Pullen, on the grounds that I have never seen anyone else manage to get more than three people to sing along to the Kooks before. A rare talent. How would you describe Apple Tarts to someone that didn’t know what it was? The giddiness when you go to University and realise that you can do whatever the hell you want + the excitement of arriving at the airport for your very first holiday away with your friends + the sheer joy of that first drink on a Friday night, knowing that whatever happens, you don't have to get up for work tomorrow = Apple Tarts. Also: to be seen to be believed. Given the choice and with a gun to your head, what variety of apple would you eat every day for the rest of your life? Right, so when I was younger my nanny (yes I had a nanny...sssshh) wouldn't let us have apple juice, only water or squash. Everyone wants what they can't have and although you'd think that I would have moved on by now, apple juice is still the forbidden fruit (SORRY). Therefore my answer to your cleverly-shoehorned-in-the-word-apple question is: liquid apple. Yum. Quickfire quiz (NB: These were asked with the intention of receiving one-word answers.) Beer or wine? Wine. I only drank beer for the first time this February, when Gemma Johnson force-fed me Corona. That's what friends are for etc etc. Boys or girls? I like boys, sure, but I'm going girls as there is no greater joy than getting together with your girlfriends and pretending you're in a girlband. (Disclaimer: there might be.) Sun or snow? Sun - I have self-diagnosed Raynaud's Disease and according to Wikipedia the cold can be FATAL. Give or receive? At the risk of sounding cheesy, giving. I was so excited about giving my ex his Christmas present that I gave it to him in November. A month later he gave me some personalised post-its. Oh. Meat or fish? Meat. Sausage rolls = happiness. Call or text? Text. Everyone who knows me will know that I avoid talking on the phone wherever possible, which is strange given I work in Communications. Will or Harry ? Harry, on the grounds that Will's married and having an affair with the future King is probably treason or something Face or tits? I'm going to take the moral highground and say: PERSONALITY. Black or white? I have absolutely no preference. I'll say black because...*scrapes barrel*... it's flattering? Apple or pear? Pear. I don't know why. STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS. Oh. You have. Ellen has a blog, you might have already guessed that by her answers to what was supposedly a quickfire quiz. Anyway, its funny and she talks awfully candidly about herself. Check it here.
I'm Playing At Apple Tarts #1: DJ Mike Anthony
Mike Anthony is a local boi thru and thru; so local, in fact that up until 6 months ago he worked at Brogdale. He left there to continue he DJ'ing career, a move that has worked out spectacularly well so far. He has formed the Electro Nonsense collective who are putting on events across Kent and the South East, with names like K-Klass and Kissy Sell Out gracing their line-ups. He will be DJ'ing in the Big Apple around 2am, when we've introduced the headphones and the great (and not-so-good) of Apple Tarts are well and truly spannered. It's a match made in Heaven we say. Q.You are going to be playing about 2am, once the headphone disco has started. What can people expect from you at that time? A.Dirtier sounds than the sounds coming from the royal bedroom after the Diamond Jubilee. Q.And what do you expect the people of Apple Tarts to be like at that time? A.Ready and willing to have their lugholes violated by utilising the power of a scrunchy bassline and massive beats. Q.You actually used to work at Brogdale, what's the orchard like where we are this year? A.It’s the ideal location for this year’s festival, you could not dream up a better location. (Apple Tarts representative looks smug at this point) Q.You're playing a gig before coming to us, what's the deal with that? A.I will be playing alongside the Legend that is K-Klass at Liquid Ashford, Along with the rest of the Electro Nonsense Collective, We will be holding regular nights there over the rest of the year, check the website for more details- www.electrononsense.co.uk (shameless plug- deal with it). Q.Tell us a bit about Electro Nonsense. A. Our tag-line is: It's pure filth for your ears. We provide the best basslines and beats to make your body go in to the involuntary human motion known as 'dancing'; it is about having a good time with good people and great dance music til' the early hours. Q.By the time you play we'll have the bonfire going. Excuse the tenous link, but if you could choose one type of music to throw on the bonfire what would it be? A.Haha, I would have to say for me I’m not a fan of drum & bass with Mc’s shouting their mum's shopping list at me, ruining a perfectly good bit of music. So if I can save the drum & bass itself and just throw the MC’s on I would be a happy man. Q.What's your favourite Apple? A.Tough one. Can I say the Apple iPad? He's plugged it already but you can get the Electro Nonsense website here. Go here for the Twitter, and here for the Facebook.
This is the face Axl Rose made when we told him Apple Tarts tickets were now only £20.
Apple Tarts Gets Intimate!
Afternoon Tarts, So you may or may not have seen on the tickets page, but we’ve dropped the price of Apple Tarts to £20 a ticket. This might be the time when you ask: “have they gone totally shit-bonkers?” The answer to that would be… A bit. Basically we haven’t sold quite as many tickets as we’d have liked, therefore were faced with the choice of cancelling the event or running it for a smaller number of people to cut back on our erroneous costs. We’ve done the sensible thing and gone with the latter. You’ll presumably want to know what’s changed. VERY LITTLE. We’ve done away with the Orchard Stage (it was only a pile of hay bales anyway), and we’re moving all the acts into The Big Apple. We’ve also drafted in our own caterers, which is much more exciting anyway, and we’ll be using all the food grown, reared and sold on Brogdale. Basically, if you came to Apple Tarts last year it will be pretty much like that, just in our own private orchard and with less blown over gazebos. To be honest, we’re HAPPIER about the way things are. It's more intimate and God knows we all want to get more intimate with each other. We know most people have bought more expensive tickets than the £20 we are now selling. If you did just print off the email we sent you after you originally bought your ticket, and if you bought an Early Bird we’ll give you 2 free drinks, if you bought at full price we’ll do four. Easy. Because out numbers out now strictly limited, it now means that we actually don’t have that many tickets left so if you have been uhhm’ing and ahh’inn about getting one or have friends that are, you need to get them on the case quick-sharp. At ease XxXxXxXxXxXx