#niltones

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The Anger and Bitterness of a Twenty-Five Year Old.

Listened to my old band (niltones) demo on the way into work on Saturday... that sentence is the first time I've referred to niltones as a defunct operation.

Anyway in listening to us (to them) I realised that beneath the shallow layer of defeatism and disappointment genuine anger lurked. An acrid bitterness skulked in the corner. Ugly feelings...

It's the sense of wasted effort. The frustrated ambition. The now-imploded hope. How much did I want it. How long did I long for it. These are the woeful calculations which I can't turn away from.

The foolish dream is to live off of music. My songs. Is that dream sunk? Not definitely. Is the entity which was niltones over? Certainly.

And are the prospects for remaking the band and starting again looking good? Not at the moment. Not remotely.

The dumb, unedifying questions cannot be easily dismissed, either. Why should I have to start again? Why did it have to end?

Forever answerless.

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niltones are from Medway, UK.

The extremely serious band I'm in, niltones, are featured on this charity album that local sceneheads put together. You can download the music for free via the above link, and donate to this charity for bereaved children via the same. 

Apart from our own self-generated EP, this is the first recorded media of ours that's publicly available. And it's certainly the first time anyone's invited our songs to share a space with other local acts in this way. Exciting!

I was at the album launch tonight, a by turns blistering and shivering affair. (That's blistering live music, and shivering cold outdoors.) I spoke the convener of this project, who told me it was his response to somebody who tried to claim that the Medway music scene is dead. I suppose 61 bands and songs rather is overkilling the rebuttal, though this fecundity represents as good an answer as any. 

We're very pleased and proud to be a part of this scene and this charity album, whilst still nurturing ambitions beyond this scene and this charity album. 

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So this is the first part of a two song live set which my brother and I (half of niltones) did for "Live in the Living Room". I defied chronology by sharing the second half earlier.  It's an acousticed version of our song Cast of Pleasures. Which is all about foam parties and fancy dress and conformity, and what not liking such things means for one's relationship with pleasure. Yes, it's that pretentious. 

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Subscribed to Niltones YouTube. If I am completely honest... I always worry about listening to new friends music incase it's terrible... 'cause bad musicians freak me out lol But you guys are cool! *PHEW* hahaha xXx

I appreciate that honesty! It's a shame when people we like think they're talented in ways they're just not. And a relief when they are.Did you see our latest content? Live acoustic video :)

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The day I bought Fleet Foxes' second album last year, I sat up all night listening to it. By the end (and after several replays) I was feeling a mixture of genuine, sumptuous awe, and a rather dank envy; this stuff is amazing, I thought, I can't write like this. So, as I went through the enormous lushness of the title track (Helplessness Blues) for the fifth or sixth time, I prayed for lushness myself... and lushness came. In much reduced form, of course. I could never compare myself to Pecknold. I could never compare myself to Pecknold. But, nevertheless, what emerged was the song in this video. I'll be so brave as to say, it has a certain size.

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So like, you'll probably never see this because you're a famous lead singer and everything. But I like, LOVE your band. You guys are the best. Will you sign my boob? PLZ?

Your boob doesn't need my signature; it has sequins :)

[songsforthesiren]

You thought that I might not  Want your simple kindnesses  You thought, I might not want your flowers  It made me smile and hug you then  Now I can only smile  But look!  The flowers you nearly brought  Have lasted all  Lasted all this while 

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My heart is a rusted anchor.