Welcome to my Masterlist. It’s divided into Stories, Journaling and Fanfiction. I will update this list continuously and add the links to the still missing stories.
Happy Reading!
Goodbye Winter
Genre: Angst
Word Count: < 400
Summary: Taking a stroll through the park you remember and move on
A/N: Inspired by the song “Goodbye Winter” by Day6
The Witch’s Flower Shop
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: ~ 800
Summary: In your local flower shop you receive a very special flower.
A/N: Written in memory of my local florist, who’s shop always felt magic to me.
Home
“Sometimes all you need to do is come home...“
Autumn
“Autumn is like spring but without the allergies...”
Quest for Magic
“I am on a quest to find magic...”
Kindred Spirit
“Sometimes we meet people that just immediately become part of our lives...”
Old vs. New
“I live with this dichotomy of interests that has always baffled me...”
Simplicity
“I feel like nowadays my generation longs for simplicity more than anything else...”
Roots
“Over the years her roots had grown deep and thick into the earth...”
Storytellers
“I come from a family of storytellers...”
My Childhood
“My childhood tasted like the condensed milk with sugar from my father's cup of coffee or the freshly picked cherries from the tree that stood tall and proud in our own garden...“
Rearview Mirror
Member: Sungjin
Genre: Fluff and a tiiiny bit of angst
Word Count: 1,3k
Summary: On a drive with his daughter Sungjin reminisces about the days he met his wife.
A Cure for Insomnia
Pairing: Sungjin x Reader
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: < 1k
Summary: Lately you haven’t been able to sleep well cause the other side of the bed has been empty for too long.
Your Warmth
Pairing: Sunjin x Reader
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1,7k
Summary: Sungjin goes to a concert he doesn't even enjoy only to have his evening go for the better by meeting you
Curiosity
Member: Dowoon
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1.9k
Summary: You had always been incredibly curious and now is finally the time to find out your dad’s biggest secret
Opportunity
Member: Wonpil
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1,8k
Summary: On a rainy night Wonpil meets someone that helps him see the world a little differently
Wanderlust
Member: Young K
Genre: Angst
Word Count: < 1k
Summary: As she boards her plane, Younghyun has to face the reality of their relationship having ended.
Adventure
Member: Jae
Genre: Angst
Word Count: ~ 1k
Summary: Sitting on the beach at night, Jae thinks about the life-changing decision he made.
Trust
Pairing: Sungin x Reader
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 3,7k
Summary: You have been dating Sungjin for years now and he is still deadset on helping you overcome your fears.
A Weekend in Rome
Pairing: Kihyun x Reader
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 2,2k
Summary: Your business trip to Rome turned out completely different from what you’d imagined, as your attractive co-worker decided to accopany you.
Killjoy
Members: Kihyun, Changkyun, Shownu
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1,5k
Summary: Once again Kihyun finds himself at the mercy of one of Changkyun’s drunk plans.
Denial
Members: Kihyun, Changkyun, Wonho
Genre: Fluff with a good deal of angst
Word Count: 4,9k
Summary: After your last relationship with Changkyun ended badly you are reluctant to give in to your feelings for your fellow freshman at college Kihyun.
Sway
Member: Shownu
Genre: Angst
Word Count: < 1k
Summary: Nostalgia takes a hold of you, as you are spending the last hours with your childhood firend Shownu.
Home
Member: Kihyun
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 2k
Warnings: Mentions of death, grief; loss of father
Summary: On the way to his father’s funeral, Kihyun’s son remebers the times they shared together.
By the River
Member: Shownu
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1,9k
Summary: You watch the sunrise from your favorite place in your hometown, when you are suddenly interrupted by a handsome stranger.
Member: Shownu
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1,9k
Summary: You watch the sunrise from your favorite place in your hometown, when you are suddenly interrupted by a handsome stranger.
She was sitting on the little concrete slope near the river. Once it was probably used to let boats into the water, but that had stopped even before she was born. Now it was just one of the nicest places to sit and think. With the river to her right and the embankment to her left she was surrounded by trees in this little nook.
She used to come here quite often when she still lived nearby with her parents but by now she had moved into the city and the visits to her parents were less frequent than she was comfortable with. Work had taken up way too much of her life and driving home with public transport had always been a hassle. So over time the visits got rarer and rarer, making her miss this place and her parents even more. No matter where she went she always treasured this little fleck of earth in the town she grew up in and spent so many happy years of her childhood. Whenever she came back a smile always adorned her face no matter if it was snowing, bright sunshine, or raining like it just had a second ago.
It had been a nice summer shower, washing away the dust and the dry heat. Unfortunately it was over before it even really began. Her clothes had already dried within the last few minutes but the remaining raindrops on the embankment still glistened in the now returned sun.
This wasn’t a famous tourist spot or a hotspot of the local youth, no this was her secret spot. The spot she spent so many hours as a kid, talking to her friends or just being alone with her thoughts. In this little niche beside the river she had her privacy. If she wanted to cry nobody would notice and if she laughed nobody would care.
It had been the right choice to take the week off, to get away from work and to spend her little vacation here, right where she would always belong. The week housesitting for her parents brought back so many memories, memories that were still ever present in the house itself, be it the old photobooks in her dad’s office or the big framed picture depicting all her family members, her uncles, her cousins and she herself: A young girl forced to wear a dress to look pretty but her hair the usual unkempt mess. She was sitting next to her mom and desperately tried to hide a patched-up finger behind her back but the white bandages still shone brightly next to her dark blue dress.
She stretched her arms into the air and a yawn escaped her mouth. It had been worth getting up at 5 a.m., seeing the sun rise over the horizon, colouring the sky in a bright orange was a sight that was worth every minute of lost sleep. She probably should go back to get ready for the day but not yet, instead she rolled her jacket into a little pillow and layed down on the hard concrete, the tiny stones hurting her back a little but not enough to make her want to leave. She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. The earthy smell of petrichor and the fresh scent of the river filled her lungs and she smiled to herself.
She truly loved this place.
The sound of the steady waves lapping on to the shore whenever a boat went past, the screeching of the lone seagull that had made its way down south and the rustling of the wind in the leaves around her lulled her into a comfortable nothingness.
Her reverie was interrupted by an unfamiliar smell and the sound of the dry grass being crunched under someone’s feet. Lazily she opened her eyes only to look up at a young man around her age.
"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you.” He took a step back. “I'd better leave".
"No worries." She sat up and turned around to look at him properly. He was wearing a pair of black running shorts and a black sleeveless top. His hair was disheveled and still wet either from the rain or from the sweat that was also running down his arms making them shimmer in the morning sun. “I wasn't really sleeping and I should probably leave soon anyway."
"I didn't mean to drive you away. It's not like I own the place." He shrugged his shoulders and smiled shyly.
"True" she giggled. He looked kind and trusting. His eyes radiated a calm and warm aura that made her feel instantly comfortable around him. "Do you wanna sit down?"
"Yeah, if you wouldn't mind." He ran his fingers through his dark brown hair, so that it no longer stuck to his forehead but now lay in strands.
She scooted over and gestured at him to sit down. "Not at all. There’s plenty of room for the both of us."
He sat down next to her, adjusting a bit so that their shoulders would be far enough apart.
"I'm sorry that this is gonna sound like one of those cheesy pick up lines but do you come here often?"
A sweet laugh left her mouth, as warm as the summer sun. "Cheesy doesn't necessarily mean bad, I mean that one's a classic.”
"No,” He corrected quickly “I just meant that I've never seen you around here."
"I used to live here when I was younger,” She brushed off the sand from her calves and unfolded her little jacket pillow. “Now I'm just housesitting. What about you?" She looked into his eyes as if it was the most natural thing, somehow awkwardness never crossed her mind.
"I've discovered this place on one of my morning runs.” He leaned forward to tighten the knot on his bright blue sneakers. "And now I always stop by here each morning when I'm done."
"Commendable"
"If you say so.” He smiled at her, his face losing all its rough features instantly. “I just really like this place.” His gaze wandered over to the water that was slowly receding only to be pushed back onto the shore. "It's nice to just sit, watch the waves and just be for a second."
"I agree.” she said. “Nobody really bothers you, well normally at least." She scrunched up her nose and they both laughed.
“Yeah, sorry about that.” he apologized, still smiling brightly.
“Soo…” she leaned back examining his broad back and shoulders trying to read the letters that were printed on his shirt. “Sho-”
“-Shownu.” he finished.
“So, what brings you to this neck of the woods, Shownu? I mean there isn't really anything here.” Her hometown had always been a place for old people, sure they had an elementary school but that was about it. The local businesses were slowly moving to the city and apart from one big company, a few bakers and supermarkets it was pretty much just a residential area. No nightlife, on the contrary even, this neck of the woods still clung to their night and sunday rest rules so tightly that loud music after 10 p.m. could easily be answered by the old lady two houses over calling the police on you. The cinema in the nearest town had gone bankrupt and you had to drive half an hour by bus to even get to a decent clothing store. It was no wonder that everyone moved to the city when they finally got the chance.
"Well, I got seconded here a few months back. I work over there.” He pointed to the big building visible on the horizon on the other side of the river. “I found a nice flat on this side so I just took it. The ferry isn’t that bad of a commute”
“I loved to ride the ferry as a kid.” She said enthusiastically, remembering all the times she went over to the other side to go to the beach or to walk around with her friends and their dogs.
“Well it gets old rather quickly I can tell you. But the water and the fresh air is a nice wake up on an early morning.” He leaned back steading himself on his hands.
“And how do you like it here so far?” she asked, playing around with the little blade of grass she had plucked to her right.
“To be honest, in the beginning it was quite the change. I grew up in a big city and was always so used to the bustle on the streets and the huge amount of people. This is the complete opposite. I mean I once went a day without seeing another human soul on the streets. It had quite the apocalyptic vibe.” He laughed.
“It probably just meant that the local football team was playing.” She shrugged. Those had been the best days, when almost everyone was out and no one roamed the streets anymore. As a child she used those days to play badminton in the streets with her brother or go for a walk without ever meeting anyone. It was a nice change of pace each time.
“That makes sense. Anyway it’s actually really nice to live here.”
“Why is that? I mean I know my reason but I’d like to hear yours.” The blade of grass in her hand was now a tiny ball of knots. She put it down beside her and gave it a little flick, watching it roll down the concrete and into the water.
“I think it’s quite idyllic. When I lived in the city everything seemed so cold, distant and impersonal. In comparison this place feels unbelievably warm. This is probably gonna sound stupid but it feels loved”
She didn’t answer. Instead she just looked at his profile, at the kindness in his eyes and let his words slowly sink in. This place feels loved. To hear someone else say this made her incredibly happy.
“Sorry that was a bit weird.” he said sitting back up, looking at her.
“No, not at all.” She let her head sink between her knees looking out onto the shoreline and the line of grasses which gently swayed in the wind.
“I’m really telling you everything here, huh” he chuckled a little shyly and rubbed the back of his head.
“Sure seemed that way.” she smiled.
“Must be this place, makes it way too easy to open up to a complete stranger. Well now you owe me one. What brought you back here?”
“Since we are already on the sappy side of things I can just hop onto the train.” She took a deep breath and sighed “I miss this place. It makes life seem so simple and easy. I can forget about work and the stress of the city when I come here.” She smiled, more to herself that to anybody and her eyes were clouded with nostalgia. “In the end it’s home, simple as that.”
Without warning a loud ringing tone interrupted their conversation. “Oh sh*t.” Shownu got up, quickly turning off the alarm on his phone. “I’m sorry to just leave like this.”
“Nah it’s fine. Wouldn’t want you to be late for work. I better get going as well.” She got up and wrapped her jacket around her hips.
“Hope to see you again soon” he said and sprinted off.
Me too, she thought. Maybe just now she found another reason to come back here more often.
Member: Kihyun
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 2k
Warnings: Mentions of death, grief; loss of father
Summary: On the way to his father’s funeral, Kihyun’s son remebers the times they shared together.
"And the rabbit ran around the tree and into the rabbit hole." Seojoon muttered to himself as he tried to tie his tie.
The face that looked back at him in the mirror looked weary as if he had been through so much more than the young boy that was once taught this phrase.
He had been eight years old when he was first forced to wear one of these for a party of his grandma. After throwing a tantrum that he wanted to do it by himself, that a man was supposed to be able to do this, his dad calmly sat him down and explained.
"It's very simple, son" Kihyun spoke very softly, as he crouched down before the young boy.
"Okay now hold them like this." Kihyun held one end of his tie shorter than the other. "The rabbit…" He wiggled the longer end of the tie "fled from the fox…around the tree… yes, exactly… and into… no. Into… the rabbit hole."
The young boy giggled as he was finally able to get it right. It was crooked and odd-ended but he didn't care, it would be his pride for the rest of the day.
"See, easy as that." Kihyun touched his forehead gently against the young boy's own and squeezed his shoulder. "We Yoo men can do anything. We just need to try hard enough."
Anything - That was exactly what Seojoon did. Much to his father’s dismay. Their motto had landed him in the hospital multiple times. Be it for a broken bone, as he tried to climb the garage and ultimately landed on his left arm. Be it for a flesh wound on his forehead as he ran full force into the coffee table trying to catch his older cousin. Or simply because he had nowhere else to go than the ER when he had a burned his wrist on the stove trying to make scrambled eggs at 2 a.m. in the morning.
The scar on his forehead was now covered with black hair and the burn on his hand only visible to those who knew where to look. He took one last look in the mirror and ruffled through his hair. It wouldn't make a difference what he did to it anyway. He wore a suit, his tie looked halfway decent, that would have to be enough for today. Nothing could conceal the bags under his eyes and his appearance wouldn't change a thing about how he felt anyway.
Seojoon slowly walked through the hallway and down the stairs. The wall to his right was filled with dozens of pictures, all neatly arranged and in the same lean wooden frame. It had always been his dad's hobby and they seldomly went anywhere without his trusted camera, that now rested on a drawer in the living room. Kihyun had taken photos almost every time he got the chance. The wall next to the stairs was filled with pictures of the both of them in front of different houses or apartment buildings.
They had moved around a lot when Seojoon was still young and it had never seemed to really bother him. He didn't mind seeing so many parts of the country or even spend a few months abroad. Unfortunately this changed the older he got. It became harder and harder every time. To leave his friends behind, or to decide to never even make them because soon enough he would have to leave again, and leave them behind. For the next months after moving they would still be in contact as always but it didn’t take long for those friendships to vanish into obscurity, each and every one of them.
Once he had started his junior year of high school in yet a different school, he couldn't stand it anymore. Moving was selfish of his dad, a sign that he didn't care for his only son and the word ‘anything’ increasingly shifted in meaning and became more dangerous, more destructive. Instead of going to school he spent his days in the parking lot of some grocery store or in one of his new friends’ basement. Nothing was of any value and everything could just f*ck off. That's how he lived those days. His peers introduced him to alcohol and it didn’t take long until it became a constant companion. The few times he spent at home were less than pleasant, usually he would come home late at night, if at all, and most of the conversations with his dad ended in them screaming at each other. By then he didn't even remember how his dad sounded when he wasn't angry.
This went on until the night of Seojoon’s 17th birthday. He had been out with friends when things turned south, and landed him in a holding cell at the nearby police station. With no option left and his “friends” having ditched him before they were caught by the police as well, he was forced to call his dad to bail him out at 4 a.m. in the morning.
"Just get in the car." Kihyun said tirely but firm as they went out into the chilly night. The sky over the horizon was already coloured a pale orange and the birds had begun to slowly wake up.
"But I wanna at least explain what happened." Seojoon said with a pleading look as he opened the passenger door.
"No. Not tonight." Kihyun started the engine and drove off in silence.
Not a word. No angry shouting. No accusations. Nothing.
Seojoon had become uneasy. He would rather get yelled at than sit here in complete silence, listening only to the low hum of the engine and the cars that went past. Not even the radio was turned on. Seojoon had nowhere else to go than his own mind, a place he'd liked to avoid lately. The silence forced him to think, to think about his actions, the way he behaved and most painfully about the hurt look on his father's face. They used to be close, so close, but the older Seojoon got the more they had drifted apart. He had entered a phase where no matter what his father did or said he couldn't have been right. Everytime Kihyun had tried to be there for his son Seojoon had shut him out. Not wanting to reveal anything of his personal life, not wanting to share anything or even think about the issues he had. They had become incompatible.
Seojoon passed the picture framed next to the doorway. A smiling teenage boy behind the wheel of an old and run-down car, the proud face of his father visible in the corner, barely in frame. He opened the front door and unlocked the same old car that stood in the driveway, looking even more run-down than in the photograph. He had gotten it for his birthday and with everything that happened the night before he had never seen it coming. Instead of the lecture, the endless shouting and the slamming of doors, he was greeted with a completely different scene.
When he got downstairs to make himself a bowl of cereal for breakfast like he always did when his father had to work, he was welcomed by a different sight. His father was standing in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on their breakfast.
"Good morning." Kihyun said softly, as if last night had never happened. "I took today off. I think we both need to talk and not just scream at each other." Kihyun added, it was audible in his voice that this wasn’t easy for him as well.
Seojoon sat down quietly not being able to comprehend what was going on.
"Like really talk. I mean when was the last time we did that?" Kihyun spoke more to the pancakes than to his son.
"I don't know." Seojoon replied without so much as opening his mouth.
"See. When did we become this cliché of a single father and his teenaged rebel of a son. I don't like this. So I took today off." He turned around the freshly-made pancakes in hand and sat down on the other side of the table. "I know this probably isn't how you had envisioned your birthday to go but I hope you won't mind spending it with your old man after everything that happened."
"Yeah.” Seojoon said and dipped his pancake into the tiny bowl of melted chocolate to his right.
"Some things never change," said Kihyun softly and smiled gesturing towards the chocolate that was slowly dripping from the pancake. "Still a favorite, huh."
"I guess.” Seojoon said and finally some of the tension left his body. "I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean for this to happen."
"I know. Well I like to think I know.” He looked at his son with kind eyes, the ones that Seojoon hadn’t seen in the last months. “If you don't mind I'd like to go somewhere with you after breakfast. It's still your birthday and I do need to have a present, don’t I."
That's where the car came in. It was sort of a peace offering and a promise. The shabby old fiat was a part of a deal. Seojoon had to get things straight. He had to attend school again -regularly- and drinking was off limits until the end of his senior year. The car became a symbol for that promise and a way to finally get back on track. He would need to be responsible from now on. And it had worked. Disappointed by how his so-called friends had treated him and remorseful of how the last few months had gone, Seojoon had actively tried to make things right. He had taken good care of the car, as best as he could, and Kihyun and he started to regularly work on it together, in order to get it back into good shape. Their relationship had finally taken a turn for the better again. Sure they had fought and sure they had their differences but they spent time together whenever they could and generally enjoyed each other's company again.
The drive was short and he knew it by heart, not having to pay much attention to where he was going. He’d parked his car sluggishly next to the curb. One wheel rested on the green grass instead of the road but he didn't bother correcting.
Not today.
A sea of black umbrellas awaited him, but he didn't bring one himself, instead the rain slowly seeped through his suit and a shiver ran through his body that he barely registered. He kept his head low, only offering a few polite smiles that didn't mean anything. To show that he was okay, that he was pulling through. But it was the complete opposite of that. After everything was over each and everyone slowly left the meadow. His uncle gave his shoulder a little squeeze and his cousin kissed him on the cheek gently. It must be hard for them too, he thought. But he knew that nothing, nothing in this world was comparable to how he was feeling right now.
Grief isn't something you are ever prepared for. It just hits you like a truck when you least expect it. Seojoon tried his hardest to bottle everything up. Not give in to anything he was feeling. He tried to shut down, show no emotion but there was no way this would last and he knew it. Grief had caught up with him quickly, had surrounded him in the kitchen, where they used to make dinner together twice a week, had forced him to face reality when he had to pick out a suit for today, had brutally shown him the truth when he read the letters engraved in front of him.
He sunk to the ground in front of the stone that will have his father's name etched in until nature took over and maybe even longer. The rain dripped in large drops from the leaves above and onto the grass around him, not letting up a bit. Seojoon was completely lost. He didn't know what to do, How to go on in any meaningful way.
His home was never a place. His home had always been his dad. And now. Now his home was gone. It didn't matter where he would go in life he would never be able to come back home.
Woods
"I part the out thrusting branches and come in beneath the blessed and the blessing trees.
Though I am silent there is singing around me.
Though I am dark there is vision around me
Though I am heavy there is flight around me"
Member: Shownu
Genre: Angst
Word Count: < 1k
Summary: Nostalgia takes a hold of you, as you are spending the last hours with your childhood firend Shownu.
Back and forth. Slowly back and forth.
The swing moved, not by your own volition but simply because your body remembered it. You didn't need to push but part of you unintentionally did, like muscle memory. Somehow your body knew that you were not supposed to just sit there but to sway, sway in the wind.
The night was drawing to a close and you knew what that meant but right now you tried your best to ignore it.
The playground around you was dark but in no way eerie. Playgrounds at night were timeless places. Places where your worry disappears and you are reminded of simpler times. Times when Hyunwoo had been almost a head shorter than you in that sweet spot right before his growth spurt. You remembered how the two of you had played in that very sandbox and how his mom used to scold you for getting him into trouble.
Times like the night you two had gone here together after graduation and how you almost snorted your drink as Hyunwoo got stuck in the slide. "By now you really should have noticed that you don't have the physique of a grade schooler anymore," you had said after you were finally able to catch your breath.
How many tears this place had seen. Tears of laughter but also tears of pain and frustration. You two had come here whenever you could. Some night you had talked for hours both of you spilling out everything that was on your mind. Some nights you had just laid on the merry-go-round looking at the few stars that were visible between the apartment complexes.
He had kissed you once, here on the bench to your right. You had just started high school and everyone around you had told you that you two were made for each other. So without any warning he had kissed you. It didn't take both of you long to realize that this wasn't what you were for each other. Hyunwoo was your rock, he was the person that kept you sane, he was the one that you couldn't live without. The love you had for him was not romantically but ran so much deeper. He was family. And he would always be.
"I can't believe we still come here," he said with a low voice, breaking the comfortable silence between you. Hyunwoo was sitting on the swing next to you, his feet absentmindedly tracing in the sand below. He let his head fall back to look at the stars and you could clearly see that his mind was wandering off, that the weight on his shoulders had become too heavy for him to keep his head held high. He didn't need to cry for you to notice. You had known him your whole life. You could hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes, you didn't need for him to tell you.
Tomorrow he would be gone. Out of reach and maybe never come back. But that was tomorrow. It was still today. His army-issued duffle bag leaned against the lone streetlight at the entrance to the playground right next to your bright backpack. His blending into the surroundings while yours blindingly bright. You two had always been like that. You had drawn him into the light so many times and his comfort and steadiness had gotten you through the toughest times, times you never wanted to revisit. Both of you were there for each other without question, continuously supporting each other for the past 24 years.
You swayed back and forth and the sky was slowly turning violet. The air was cold and the morning dew filled it with the unmistaken scent of spring. It was time. Time to let go. But you weren’t ready.
You kicked away your sandals and buried your toes into the sand below. You started to push, the swing squeaking under the sudden pressure. With each stride you rose higher and higher. As high as you could go until you could see the sun rise carefully in the east. When you were little you were convinced that swinging as fast as you could would slow down time. It had always felt like the world stopped turning and that everything around you slowed down, that time would simply stop.
“You know this won’t work, right?” Hyunwoo said to your left, you could hear the smile in his voice but it still sounded so heavy. You wished you could have stopped him but you knew this would eventually happen. He had to do this and there was no way out. You let the swing slow down until you were only gently swaying back and forth again.
Back and forth.
“You’ll write, promise?” Your head now also looking at the stars above. You tried your best to stay strong, to not make it harder for him and to let him know that you’ll be fine even though you doubted it. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t fight the burning sensation behind your eyes.
Members: Kihyun, Changkyun, Wonho
Genre: Fluff with a good deal of angst
Word Count: 4,9k
Summary: After your last relationship with Changkyun ended badly you are reluctant to give in to your feelings for your fellow freshman at college Kihyun.
“You know denial isn't going to help you.” Hoseok said, stuffing a handful of fries into his mouth. Like every Thursday before you found yourself at the usual cafeteria table with Hoseok.
“But denial and ignorance have been working so well.” You sighed, mindlessly poking your food with a fork.
Hoseok scoffed. “Ah, is that so?” He pointed at the fries in the middle of the round, run-down table. “That’s why you've been just staring at your food for the last ten minutes. You haven’t even noticed that I've been constantly stealing your fries.” He shook his head in disapproval. “Huh. Seems to work wonders.”
“Don't you sass me now. You know what’s awaiting me once I eat and get up from here.” You slumped back into your chair letting the fork clink against the plastic cafeteria tray. The food wasn't that bad. That much was clear by Hoseok wolfing it down without hesitation but right now you didn't feel like eating.
“Of course I do. That’s why I am trying my best to relentlessly bring up the topic so that you can finally suck it up and stop moping around.”
“But I don't know how. It's not as easy a decision to make. This isn't pizza vs. burger or gym vs. jogging.” You lifted your hands unethusicastically gesturing to your left and to your right, your eyes still transfixed on a rather nasty greyish spot on the ceiling. “It's… it's so much more difficult.”
“You'll have to face this sooner or later and by now you should know that sooner is the right way to go. You can't just hide out like this forever. And you can't try to deny that this is eating away at you, just like I am currently eating away all your fries, which for the record you still haven't stopped me from doing. If you aren't even possessive of your food anymore, who are you even?”
“Haha. Very funny." You leaned forward again, picking up a solitary fry that Hoseok had dropped onto the tray. "But seriously what should I do? Do you have any ideas?”
“Do you really want my advice? Like straight up blunt me telling you what I'm thinking?”
“Yeah, sure. Always.”
“You’ve told me quite a lot about that Changkyun guy by now and I can’t say I like him.” Hoseok’s tone of voice had turned serious and you could see that the casual mischievous air around him had vanished. “But apart from all that, if you would really still love him I don’t think you would have fallen for Kihyun.”
Silence.
He might be right. But on the other hand it's not like you could erase all the history you had with Changkyun either.
He had been your first real relationship, your first love. You had been so convinced that you two would live the happily-ever-after, the cliche “they meet in school and look at them still going strong”-movie stereotype, overcoming hardships together only to grow stronger as a couple.
But reality wasn't like this. Instead your Romeo and Juliet story turned into the annoying “on/off”, “are they/aren't they” cliche. You hadn’t heard from him or seen him and after the last fight you had, it's not like you could blame him but all that logic and rationality didn’t stop you from still loving that asshole no matter how many times your heart had been broken courtesy of him. And you still couldn't fight the feeling that even remotely thinking about Kihyun was cheating. That you were betraying the trust and the man you loved.
“When was the last time you spoke to that guy anyway?”
“6 months ago,” you admitted under your breath.
“6 months ago? I mean come on. You need to move on from this. That's just not healthy.”
You knew that Hoseok was right. It wasn't like you expected that Changkyun would come back to you, to show up at your dorm and begged you to take him back. That wasn't his style. Him calling you up at night and you hopelessly agreeing to meet with him was a thousand times more likely. Pathetic, you knew. But still.
"So why not see how things could go with Kihyun? He seems like a nice guy even though he might be a bit of a smartass at least from what I can tell.” Hoseok shrugged his shoulders.
"Oh I don't know it's not like I haven't thought about trying my luck with him and seeing where things would go. But I'm just feeling so guilty,” you said, reluctantly dipping your fry into the nearly empty ketchup.
“Yeah otherwise we wouldn't have to have this conversation almost every two days right before your two most beloved courses.”
This was both unbelievably true and painfully sarcastic. The two intro classes Hoseok talked about were indeed your favorite classes and finally gave you the feeling of having made the right choice in coming here. On the other hand they were also the ones where a certain someone was sitting next to you since the first week.
*
You had met Kihyun right after college started. You had just moved here a few days ago and the break up with Changkyun was still fresh, having happened only two weeks ago. But once you entered the college grounds you swore to leave that behind you. To leave it in the past and in the city you had left to come here. Which right at this moment did not seem to work out so well, you had to admit.
You were convinced, even if it was a bit naive, that this whole experience would change your life and that this is the perfect new start to get away from it all. Unfortunately this included your meticulous sleep schedule. Ever since the fallout with Changkyun you weren't able to really sleep. You spend the night scrolling through social media or God forbid your phone's gallery.
This wasn't helpful and you knew it.
The night before your first college day you had felt so utterly lonely that you couldn't help yourself. You deeply regretted having left and how things turned out with Changkyun. This wasn't how you wanted it to go but you also didn't know what would have been your ideal outcome. It was obvious that you and Changkyun had an expiration date. Hell, you have had so many of them in the past it was a wonder that you even made it this far. But somehow you always ended up with each other.
The topic of college had been looming over the two of you ever since your senior year of high school. He didn’t like the idea of you going to a different city and the thought of staying in the town you grew up in nauseated you. Your local community college had nothing to offer with all possible studies boring the hell out of you. You wanted change and a challenge and something that interested you. Changkyun never seemed to understand that. For him, you applying for other colleges felt like betrayal, that you were planning on leaving him, going somewhere where he didn’t know what you were up to, where he couldn't control who you hung out with.
So once the acceptance letters started to roll in the two of you fought on an almost daily basis. Somehow you had found the courage to tell him that you wanted to go to your current college and that you applied for a dorm room. He had just scoffed at that and told you that you wouldn't have the balls to leave anyway. That your little pampered, desperate self would not turn on him and leave. Two weeks ago you had finally gotten the approval for the dorm room. When you talked to Changkyun about trying to make this work long distance he completely flipped. You’ve had fights in the past, countless ones and he had broken up with you multiple times as well, but this was different.
This time it felt final. Irreversible.
He had left you a sobbing mess on the steps of your home, driving away way too fast in his car and skidding around the corner. You knew that he wouldn't come back. You knew that you wouldn't get the call. The call that he was sorry, the call that would make everything right again. You knew this wasn’t coming. But still you couldn’t comprehend that this was supposed to be the end. The real end.
You had sat on those steps for hours until your mother had finally come home and tried her best to get you inside. The rest of the day you spend asleep. Completely weak and dehydrated you fell into an uncomfortable sleep, only to wake up with tears still streaming down your face. You spend the week before leaving for college in a haze.
This wasn’t your usual coping mechanism.
You had stopped listening to music. This time around you didn’t drown your tears in Death Cab songs and ice cream wanting to be comforted by your friend and family. Instead you completely isolated yourself. You only ate when you were forced to and sleep didn’t come easy. Most nights you’d stared up at your bedroom’s ceiling, your mind completely empty but your body not letting you rest. It had felt like a part of you was missing that he literally had ripped out your beating heart where he stood. After a week you were only a shadow of yourself. You had packed for college with the help of your friend and moved into your dorm room. Sleep was still a rare commodity but you tried your best to start being hopeful about the future. You couldn't mope around forever and you shouldn’t let him ruin your first week of college.
But here you laid, not being able to sleep. The dorm room was dark and empty, the shadows from the trees outside dancing on the walls. Instead of trying to close your eyes you had grabbed your phone, the bright light of the screen hurting your eyes in the beginning. Looking at the pictures on your phone didn't make your feeling of crushing loneliness any better. On the contrary. It hurt. It hurt like hell. Knowing that the man you loved so much was done with you. Over you. Living life without you, like you never happend.
Luckily your roommate hadn’t moved in yet so no one was able to hear you sniffle and ultimately cry yourself to sleep at 4 a.m.
The next day you woke up to the loud noise from the hallway having ignored your alarm clock twice. Now you only had 15 minutes left to get dressed and rush to the lecture hall. One quick look in the mirror confirmed what you had dreaded all along. You looked like sh*t. You had wanted to start college bright-eyed and optimistic but those were not the kind of bright eyes you were looking for. You had no chance of wearing your contacts like this. Awesome. The cute first day of college outfit you had laid out the night before stared at you almost in disappointment and you grumpily grabbed your black-rimmed glasses out of the drawer and quickly put your hair up in a messy bun, brushing this bird’s nest of hair would have been a waste of time.
You rushed out of your dorm and onto the quad. Fortunately you already checked the way yesterday so instead of being completely lost you were able to just sprint across campus at full speed. Even though you earned a few “heys” and even one “Run, Forrest, run” you were able to make it in time. You hurried inside and tried to catch your breath as good as possible. Most of the seats were taken, everyone shows up for the first one, you thought.
You had found an empty seat in the back of the lecture hall and sat down as unnoticeable as you could. The young man next to you gave you a quick smile and a nod and then focussed back onto his notebook again. You pulled out your own notebook and the lecture began with your professor introducing himself and outlining the following semester before diving straight into the basic concepts that will be needed for the rest of the course.
You tried your hardest to focus but your mind tended to wander back to what you gave up to be here, if giving up was even the right word, and how your finger had hovered over Changkyun’s number time and time again the night before. You choked back the uncomfortable feeling that was forming in the back of your throat. You needed to concentrate. You brushed your thoughts aside as best as you could and focused on the blackboard.
Nothing. You couldn't make out a single word. Great. If you couldn’t even copy the blackboard you may as well just leave. You squinted at the blackboard in an attempt to decipher the words as your professor was writing them. What he's talking about should give you some clues but still the smudges remained. If you could have just worn your contacts then this wouldn't have happened but no, you petty excuse for a human being had to cry yourself to sleep and were now forced to run around like a mole with those humongous glasses of yours that let's be fair here, didn't do sh*t.
You sighed heavily and rubbed the bridge of your nose. All the squinting has achieved was give you a mild headache and your notepad was still as blank as it could be apart from you writing the course name at the top. Just as you were starting to lean back in your chair and resigned to just listening, an unfamiliar notebook appeared at your side, nudging your arm.
"You can copy mine, if you'd like. That prof’s handwriting is like trying to read hieroglyphs."
You looked to your left and saw the guy next to you slide his notebook across.
"Oh and I took the liberty of correcting all his typos. You can be lucky that you don't have to deal with those cringe-worthy mistakes."
You chuckled slightly. It’s been days since you even smiled about anything, having forced all of them since the break-up. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
"No worries," the young man whispered. “I’m Kihyun by the way”
“Y/N.”
“Nice to meet you Y/N,” he said and smiled brightly.
His profile and jawline were sharp and he dressed unbelievably well. The sleeves of his button-down were rolled up to his elbows and his dark brown hair had a slight undercut. He was attractive to say the least. How could you not have noticed this when you first sat down. Ah yeah, you probably were feeling way too sorry for yourself at that time.
You quickly copied the notes and gave it back to him.
“Thanks again, I owe you one.”
"Nah. You're very welcome. But if you insist a coffee would be more than sufficient."
The next week you had finally been able to wear your contacts again. Thursday evening you had met the lovable idiot that was Hoseok. He’d spend the majority of the weekend listening to you cry your eyes out in the dorm common room. It was so easy to open up to him and maybe just maybe this was exactly what you needed. Someone who didn’t know the whole story who was completely impartial to hear your side of things. Talking to him made your shoulders a little lighter and he had made it his mission to make you feel better, to make you feel welcome and comfortable. He tried his best to get some nutritious food in you and forced you to join his Sunday morning jog.
The next day with your legs almost numb and a chipper, way too awake Hoseok by your side you arrived at the nearby coffee shop. It was a tiny cafe that was frequented mostly by the students and therefore it was usually packed at this time of day. Hoseok looked around the shop anxiously until his eyes met the ones of the guy sitting at the corner table.
“I gotta go. I don’t wanna keep Hyungwon waiting.”
“Hot date?” you said, eyeing the tall young man that was smiling sleepily at Hoseok and waved.
“Hell yes,” he replied and hurried off towards the other corner of the cafe. You took your two coffees from the counter and headed towards the lecture hall. Once you arrived you let your gaze wander through the rows until you spotted the only familiar face in the room.
“Good morning,” you said as you sat down and placed the cup of iced americano in front of Kihyun. “As promised.”
“Oh hey, thank you. I was wondering if you might have forgotten about me since you ignored me on Thursday.”
“Thursday? Where?” You fidgeted in your brain to try and remember where you could have seen him, but last week you were running on autopilot most of the time, without ever really registering your surroundings.
“Oh so you really didn’t even notice me. I was sitting like three people over in intro to media theory.”
“Oh no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was spacing out a lot last week. I’m really sorry.”
“Well at least I know you didn’t forget me,” he said, taking the cup and nudged it against your own. ”Thanks again. That should help us not fall asleep.”
“I do hope so,” you said smiling as you started to sip your coffee.
“It doesn’t seem like you’ll need my perfectly-taken notes this time around,” Kihyun added, gesturing towards your non-existent glasses. “I gotta admit though I kinda miss the glasses.” You laughed shyly. “They looked cute on you.” Kihyun turned towards the blackboard as your professor started to speak up. “But I’m glad you look a little healthier this week,” he said mostly to himself but you were just able to catch it.
*
After unenthusiastically eating the remaining fries on your plate you got up, to make your way to your next course.
“So have you made up your mind?” Hoseok said leaning against a nearby wall, waiting for you.
“Of course I haven’t,” you said as you let the wrappers slide off your tray and into the trash can. “And he probably isn’t that interested in me anyway.”
“Excuse me? Do you remember that one time he asked you out and you straight up invited me along?” Hoseok rolled his eyes at you. “Yeah sure, he isn’t interested in you. And also to get back to our earlier discussion if that wasn't denial I don't know what was.”
“That wasn't denial. I literally didn't get it." You tried to look and sound as convincing as you could but Hoseok probably already saw through that. "And seriously ‘hang out’ is just not the language I associate with asking out," you added defensively.
“Oh come on. You were just scared out of your wits and panicked. Don't you try and wiggle your way out of this now,” he said, putting a hand on your shoulder guiding your way out of the cafeteria and into the hallway.
“Not fair and do you have any idea how long ago I went on a date last. Like a real asking out, whole shabang, first date?” You brushed off his hand from your shoulder and looked at him in all seriousness.
"No idea, but I’m gonna presume it was AGES ago" Hoseok answered dramatically.
"Correct. I had like one first date in my life and that was Changkyun." You didn't like to admit this but it was the truth. He was your first, your first for basically everything.
“Are you sure you just didn't realize the other ones were dates"
“Stop it for God's sake. Shouldn't I know that?”
“Not if you were as dense then as you are now.” Hoseok winked at you and slid into the classroom to your right. “See you later.”
“Smartass,” you added quickly and stuck out your tongue. Unfazed by your childish action Hoseok blew you a kiss through the closing door.
“He’s such an idiot.” He was a pain in the ass but you were thankful for Hoseok. He always found a way to cheer you up but was also by your side with advice and an open ear, everytime you needed him. You walked to your own lecture hall with timid steps, lost in thought.
It’s been six months since you’ve last heard from Changkyun.
No texts, no calls, no updates on social media.
In fact you couldn’t even see his posts anymore, maybe he straight up blocked you. He probably was happy without you and better off. And you really had to face the fact that you yourself were happy here as well. That your life might not have turned out the picture perfect way you wanted it to be but you had found friends that supported and loved you and you were enjoying your studies tremendously. The only thing that was in the way was that damned guilty consciousness of yours and the nostalgia of a past albeit failed relationship.
Changkyun wasn’t coming back and even if he was you shouldn’t fall for it because time and time again you should have been taught that this relationship was going nowhere. You were like oil and water, you could force them to be together for a while but slowly they would drift apart again. You guys weren’t made for each other and every other fight had proven that. He was overly jealous and you were too timid to really speak your mind. He was your first relationship, the one you wanted to treasure for the rest of your life but as Hoseok said it just wasn’t healthy. Not in the slightest.
Going to college might have been the fallout you two needed to start living a life not dependent on each other, to be able to move on and to find your own happiness and a relationship where you were an equal and where you wouldn’t have to fear for your relationship every time you went out with friends. Changkyun was probably over you already anyway, it never took him long to prove to you that he didn't need you.
So why, why on earth were you still limiting yourself.
Why were you still in any way being considerate to this ass. The ass that made out with your friend in front of you just to prove a point. The ass that left you standing in the rain after a fight having to walk home for an hour. The ass that never treated you right. You lifted your head and straightened your back. He wasn’t worth it and more importantly you were worth so much more.
Once you stepped out onto the quad and towards the lecture hall you felt a gentle touch on your back.
“Hey, Y/N.” The soft voice unmistakably belonged to Kihyun. “Glad I caught up with you before the lecture began.”
He couldn't have picked a better time. Right when all your thoughts were jumbled and you were trying to untie it even slightly, he shows up. Right on time to throw all your progress overboard. Right on time to make you question everything you thought you had figured out.
“Hey Kihyun, ready for the lecture?” you replied as unfazed as you could muster.
“Please, when am I not.”
You laughed. Hoseok was right, he could be quite the smartass.
“But that’s not why I tried to catch up with you.”
“Okay…”
“Can we talk for a second?” He stopped walking and now stood before you.
“Yeah sure, what’s up?” Now you were straight up scared. ‘Can we talk’ never was a good thing. Your stomach twisted and you felt the nervousness slowly rise inside of you.
“I talked to Hoseok the other day and I think this might be the best idea.” So many questions rushed through your head. Kihyun talked to Hoseok? They were close? You had only seen them together like once apart from the times you forced those two together. Hoseok couldn’t have possibly snitched on you, right?
“I just thought that he might help me out or give me some advice since you two seemed to be very close.”
“Okay…” This could only go wrong. Definitely only go wrong. “What did he tell you?”
“To be honest he just told me to man up and suck it up.” Kihyun laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. His light brown hair refracted the light and some strands glowed golden in the early spring sun.
“That does sound like him.” You smiled and noticed that Kihyun had started to avoid eye contact which was something he never seemed to have a problem with. Instead his eyes were all over the place, continuously wandering from your eyes downwards to then dart into a completely different direction.
You had probably never seen him so flustered and it made you uneasy. Over time you had gotten so used to Kihyun’s normal overconfidence but now he seemed self-conscious and even a bit vulnerable.
“It seems like nothing has really worked so far. So I feel like if I’m not gonna make it very simple you would brush over it again and just bring me coffee to class instead of going with me to the cafe I had in mind. Or bring Hoseok along with you to the mall.” He chuckled a bit and you were terrified of what he would say next.
He took a deep breath.
“I like you Y/N.”
There it was. Out in the open. Something you had tried to deny for longer than you should be comfortable with. There you had your answer. And now there was no way you could ignore it. He was able to muster the courage to tell you and you were always trying your best not wanting to face this possibility.
Kihyun finally found your eyes again and you tried your best to not have your face be an open book, telling him every little detail that was going through your mind. The war inside your head, the shouting, the panic and the overall chaos of you trying to decide what to do.
Again he averted his look but this time you finally realized where his eyes were trailing off to as yours started to do the same. His lips were parted slightly and ever so slowly you felt the distance between the two of you closing, right now you weren’t in control anymore as your body felt to be moving on it’s own until his face was only inches away from your own.
Right before you closed yours you took one look into his stunning dark brown eyes, and the different shades of brown that were mixed in there, invisible unless you stared directly into them.
He kissed you softly and finally, finally in forever your mind was quiet.
No guilt, no anxiety, just the warm feeling of joy spreading through your body.
He placed his hand tentatively on your cheek and your heart skipped more than just one beat. The soft touch of his lips and the warmth of his hand left you completely helpless. You wanted this moment to last forever, to not let go, but instead Kihyun pulled away from you. His face was slightly blushed and you could still feel his lips faintly on yours. His hand lingered on your cheek and his thumb continued to caress your cheek bone gently. He looked at you for a while, taking in what had just happened, before he spoke up again.
“Would you like to go on a date with me?”
“I think you already have your answer,” you said and grabbed his collar drawing him in into another kiss, this time less timid than the one before.
Who you loved, you weren’t sure. But you didn’t have to be. Whatever part of your brain told you that you would have to decide right then and there if you loved Kihyun and if you really didn’t have any feelings left for Changkyun could just shut the hell up. You were so focussed on this question that you completely forgot how life really works. He didn’t say “I love you” simply because he couldn’t even know that yet. So why did you expect from yourself to be able to answer it already. Yes, part of you still loved Changkyun and would probably do so till the day that you die but that couldn’t stop you from liking Kihyun, from wanting to know more about him, from waiting to spend more time with him, from wanting to find out where this could lead you.
So no, you didn’t know who you loved but you’d find out, in your own time, at your own pace.
My childhood tasted like the condensed milk with sugar from my father's cup of coffee or the freshly picked cherries from the tree that stood tall and proud in our own garden.
It smelled like the sweet scent of the sunburned earth after a thunderstorm or the freshly mowed grass from our front yard.
It sounded like the waves steadily lapping against the shore or the soft guitar melody my father used to play.
It looked like a sunset over the river or my mom dancing in the kitchen singing her favorite song.
But ultimately my childhood felt like warmth, comfort and love.
I was born the child of a chronicler. His longing for knowledge and history passed down to me immediately. The folders upon folders that adorne his office, the stacks of dias showing a time way before my own and the books all tell you a story you never dreamed of. He connects me to my past, to my roots and my origin. His glasses perched upon his nose he seeks to impart his knowledge, to share and to educate. Drawing you in instead of boring you to death.
My brother is a fireside bard. His stories exaggerated and his gestures vast. He takes the smallest of story and turns it into an epic making you question both the legitimacy of his telling as well as yourself for enjoying it tremendously.
My cousin is a poet. Her head always in the clouds, her heart belonging to the sea but her feet still planted steadily on the ground, the sand between her toes. Uncertain of where to go but certain that she'll find a way. Her words hold meaning and her thoughts run deep. Her heart is filled with compassion and her soul is nothing short of beautiful.
But my family is not confined by the bounds of blood. For I have found people that I value just as much. Found them right when I needed to and not wanting to let go of them ever again.
The actor breathes life into other people’s stories, tells them vividly and excitedly. She takes you along for the ride without you doubting having left reality. On stage and in life she is an unstoppable force, captivating her audience and charming her way from scene to scene.
And last but not least the writer. A kind soul at heart but often fierce in her writing. She ripped out my heart as much as she made it skip a beat with her writings. She carefully constructs worlds for you to get lost in, making you smile or cry along the way.
But what about me you might ask. Well I've always been content to tell the stories of others, to read aloud the tales someone else imagined, to immerse myself in worlds concocted by others. Content to simply read, listen and maybe advise. I loved being told stories and I still deeply do. But the writer showed me that I myself have the power to create worlds, to elicit feelings, to show and tell.
Members: Kihyun, Changkyun
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1,5k
Summary: Once again Kihyun finds himself at the mercy of one of Changkyun’s drunk plans.
A heavy sigh escaped Kihyun’s mouth as he slowly noticed where they were headed. Changkyun had always been very good at taking back roads and weird shortcuts to throw Kihyun's sense of direction off, making him realize too late where they were going, too late to turn around.
The night was stuffy and humid and if it would have been up to him he’d have spent it holed up in his air-conditioned apartment instead of walking around in the middle of the night. Unsure where he was going but already dreading their arrival. He could feel his shirt stick to his body and cursed himself for having agreed to go out tonight. It would turn out like usual anyway. They turned a last corner and Kihyun was equally proud and agitated of having guessed correctly.
Changkyun on the other hand was in a completely different mood. He’d been happily strolling down the narrow lanes and alleys for the past 20 minutes, seemingly devoid of worry or care. It was a nice change of pace and Kihyun liked seeing him that way, that’s why even when he wasn’t in the mood he’d almost always agree to come along. Because for once it didn’t feel like the young man in front of him was carrying the weight of the world on his steadily broadening shoulders. Unfortunately this kind of thinking always got him to the same point.
Another friday. Another fence.
Changkyun had stopped in his tracks and turned around towards Kihyun, wearing his brightest smile. He gestured towards the fence and nodded.
“Pretty good, huh?” He looked like a little kid wanting to be praised for finally having drawn the sun not in the corner but as a standalone wobbly circle - a truly magnificent feat.
“Nope, not gonna happen.” Kihyun crossed his arms before his chest and briefly saw the mischievous glint in Changkyun’s eyes flicker.
"Come on! Don't be such a chicken! It won't be dangerous."
"You also said that the last time and we ended up in jail! So no thanks!"
“That was one night. And it wasn't THAT bad.” Changkyun shrugged with his shoulders like the night had been equal to being downgraded from a 5-star hotel to a 4-star one. And not like they were forced to sleep sitting against a cold stonewall constantly questioning if closing their eyes would even be such a good idea.
“Not that bad? May I remind you of that one creepy bloke that sat in the corner staring at us the entire time. And how in his end-of-the-world rant he told me to ‘watch out for the fairies’ because they were coming to steal my crackers.”
“Dude that guy was hilarious. Come on you gotta admit it was completely worth it”
“Worth it? We broke into an aquarium at 3 am because and I am quoting here ‘the fishies might be lonely’.”
“You say that like it was a bad idea.” Changkyun said defensively.
“Because it was for God's sake and now? Now you want me to break into an amusement park. What is it with you and the desire for breaking and entering every time you get drunk.”
Over the last 4 years Kihyun had become pretty familiar with the two vastly different behaviours Changkyun exhibited while drunk. Either he’d turn deeply philosophical wanting to discuss the meaning of life and the existence of the universe for what always felt like a million years or he’d want to do something dangerous or in his words exciting. These déjà-vus had to stop but Kihyun wasn’t able to figure out how to break that circle yet.
Kihyun hated to admit this and the words would never leave his lips unless they’d be tortured out of him but it was fun. It was irresponsible and dangerous but the sight of the huge fish tanks illuminated only slightly was a sight he’d not forget so soon. The eerie sounds of the water lapping onto the glass that would never have been audible during the day. The opportunity to enjoy the place completely devoid of humans. He didn’t like how they got there and he surely disliked how they left but he greatly treasured those moments in between.
“So let's hear it, what's your plan?” Kihyun asked purely out of curiosity. Maybe this time around Changkyun would have come prepared and not rely completely on his highly questionable ability to improvise.
“Easy. You give me a boost over the fence and then I'll pull you up.”
“That's the plan?”
“Yep”
“The whole plan?”
“Indeed.” Changkyun nodded sharply.
“You’re kidding, right?” Unfortunately Changkyun’s face remained unchanged. “That is not a plan. Not in the slightest. Seriously how is that supposed to be a plan?”
“Oh come on. It's not like you have a better idea.”
“I don't and you know why? Because I don't wanna end up in JAIL again.”
“But it would be so cool, don't you think? All the lights and the music.”
Kihyun looked towards the pitch-black park behind the fence and back to Changkyun.
“You do notice that everything is turned off right?” He said, cocking up his eyebrows and eyeing Changkyun in his perfectly patronizing way of stating the obvious to an apparently oblivious person.
“But we can turn them on.” Changkyun stated matter-of-factly.
“No sh*t, Sherlock. Great idea. How do you intend to do that? Do you know where the control room is? How do you plan on getting in there? Please, do enlighten me.”
“You know, I don’t like it when you ruin a perfectly good idea with all that realism. Why do you always have to be such a killjoy.”
“Killjoy?” Kihyun scoffed. “Seriously? Well one of us has to be the responsible adult in these scenarios. Otherwise you'd probably be dead in a ditch right now.”
“Like hell I would.”
“Do you even remotely recall all the things I prevented you from doing? Like at all? Believe me you’d be dead by now if it wasn’t for me.” Kihyun said, holding his head high.
“Yeah as if. And also we’ll never know because you are such a boring killjoy and wouldn't let me try it.”
“For good reason.” By now Kihyun's voice was raised and he could feel the anger bubbling beneath the surface. Why wouldn’t he listen. Once. Just once.
Kihyun’s phone started to vibrate and snapped both of them out of their bickering before it would turn into a fight.
“It’s Shownu. I gotta take this.” Kihyun felt the tension leave his body as he picked up the phone and heard the calm voice of his roommate. Kihyun walked a few steps further down the road but immediately regretted leaving Changkyun’s side the second he heard the distant clatter of metal.
“Don’t you dare!” Kihyun turned around sharply, his eyes glaring at the young man that was now suspiciously close to the fence, tugging at the rusty chain links. Sometimes hanging out with Changkyun felt like babysitting a toddler that you couldn't leave alone for five seconds or they'd start chewing on the crayons.
Only their responses differed greatly from Changkyun, who dramatically gasped and placed his hand comically over his mouth and not to forget the middle finger flung in Kihyun’s direction. An especially rude toddler he might add.
“Yeah got it. Thanks for letting me know.” Kihyun hung up.
“What’s up with Shownu?” Changkyun yelled as Kihyun made his way back to him. “Did you ask him to come along?”
“No, I didn’t and there is still nothing for him to come along to because we are gonna head home now. Shownu just said that he will spend the night at work.”
“That’s perfect!” Changkyun exclaimed.
“And how is that?”
“Obvious. He can bail us out anytime.”
“Shownu did not become a police officer just to bail your sorry ass outta jail everytime you so please.” Kihyun responded exasperatedly.
“But he definitely would. It’s the perfect night for this. Come on.”
Kihyun rubbed his forehead. This was getting exhausting. He knew the look in Changkyun’s eyes all too well and knew that he would not be able to stop him tonight. He’d have to trank him and carry him home if he wanted to achieve that. So the only reasonable thing left to do - and he hated himself for doing it - was to give in.
“Arggh, to hell with this.” Kihyun grunted. “Let’s do this.” Because at least that way Changkyun would not get into trouble on his own and maybe he would be able to prevent at least some more severe incidents by not leaving Changkyun’s side.
“Awesome!” Changkyun was getting ready at the fence to give Kihyun a boost.
“Great, so we’re not even following the tiny bit of a plan you had,” Kihyun said while already swinging across to the other side. “Just great.”
Pairing: Kihyun x Reader
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 2,2k
Summary: Your business trip to Rome turned out completely different from what you’d imagined, as your attractive co-worker decided to accopany you.
You never really like rules. It was easier to not restrict yourself, in the end you would just be disappointed with yourself for not being able to follow them. So you only had one thing that could be considered a rule. A simple one that you had just put out there for yourself to keep an eye out. You never really thought that you would find yourself in a situation that required you to listen to yourself. Your rule had been to never date or get romantically involved with a co-worker or to simply fall for one. The emphasis lies on the ‘had been’ because at this very moment you couldn't be further away from following it.
You were sitting in a cafe and fidgeted with the sugar packets, neatly putting them in their container and then spilling it out again to arrange them differently. It wasn't out of boredom, rather out of pure nervousness with a slight hint of terror.
When you had agreed to come to this conference you never would have dreamed that the head of marketing would tag along. You had envisioned this trip as a nice getaway, a possibility to work with it not feeling like work at all.
Rome had been a dream destination for you since you were little and to have the opportunity to go there for a long weekend with it being completely paid by your company had made it even better. You only had to attend a few talks and give a 30-minute presentation yourself, easy peasy. The rest of the time you would have been free to roam the city and to do every touristy and non-touristy thing you could think of. This plan had been crossed effortlessly by Yoo Kihyun himself.
The small cafe near the venue was nearly empty apart from you and Kihyun, who now made his way back to you, two coffees in hand. He sported you a bright smile and sat down opposite of you. You quickly grabbed the sugar packets that were still sprawled over the entire table and shoved them into the container, ruining your last 5 minutes of meticulous work. You tried to smile back at him but knew that this was not your usual charming professional smile but the awkward smile of your thirteen-year-old self trying to talk to a boy. You had been thoroughly convinced that you had dropped that bashful, clumsy version of yourself ages ago. But here you were surprising yourself in the most uncalled for and unwanted way possible.
"I gotta say you were pretty impressive up there," Kihyun loosened the slim black tie around his neck and opened the top button. It was a hot day, the sun almost at its highest point grilling all that stood in its way. Part of you missed the wonderfully climated hall you had spent the last 3 hours in because now the only thing that cooled you slightly was the soft fresh breeze which gradually flowed through the stuffy mediterranean air. He rolled up the sleeves of his button down without breaking eye contact. And with that simple course of action he made the day a little hotter. You felt your ears slowly turn red as you tried to look as normal as you could even after the unexpected compliment and now the slow transition from business to casual was messing with your brain considerably.
You couldn't be serious. This wasn't your first date. In fact you didn't know if this could even be called a date. You had held your presentation an hour ago and afterwards he just asked you to grab coffee.
That is all this was.
That is all this was, you repeated to yourself. But you had no chance in avoiding how handsome the man before you was. You had seen him in a few board meetings before and even though your two departments usually worked closely together you seldomly had any face-to-face contact with him since his office was in a different building complex. Luckily for you, because even though you never really fell for him, which would definitely be against your rule, you still were very much attracted to him and had trouble staying focused in the very few times you actually occupied the same space just like now.
"Thanks," you were able to mumble. You took your coffee from the tray and gave him a small nod.
"So tell me more about what you found out.”
After hearing those words you immediately relaxed. This wasn't a date. Not at all. He just wanted to talk to you about your work. That you could do. There was no reason to be awkward, this was strictly professional. You sighed in relief and started to explain all the various components of your talk and went further into detail. He listened to you attentively while sipping his coffee.
"So as I said it is extremely vital to continue monitoring -"
"-You know I gotta say I like you better that way"
"Excuse me?"
"Well you seemed really uncomfortable since I invited you. It's nice to see you relax a bit. Makes me feel less like I am forcing you out on a date"
"A....a date?"
"Yeah a date. Did I not make that clear?" He looked a little lost and you could clearly see the gears inside his head turning. "I'm sorry. I really thought that would have been obvious." He chuckled and you were completely unable to focus.
Your response probably took you longer than it was comfortable for both parties. But you couldn't believe that you got this all wrong. So this was supposed to be a date. Well that changed things. Or did it really? If you were comfortable talking to him a second ago why would you now be this damn flustered. Sure he was intimidatingly perfect and having taken an interest in him over the last year or so made you not wanting to screw up. So sure nervousness was perfectly appropriate. Still this was your chance. Your chance to get to know him. And what did you plan to do, run? Like hell that would be a good idea. You were here, he was here and you were in goddamn Rome having clearly left your one rule at the airport. So screw it. Might as well make the best of it.
You brushed a stray strand of hair back over your ear and mustered your courage.
"I’m sorry. A date sounds great and it gives us some time to get to know each other and even though we've been working together for a year now I hardly know you."
"Well it's not like you ever gave me a chance. You usually just rush out of the meetings I am part of and I rarely see you at the cafeteria." You knew exactly why you didn't try to get any close to him because you would have probably fallen for him instantly. As you were doing now.
“I mean I could have asked you out via email but let's be honest that would have been really weird. Attached you can find the overview we discussed and also would you be interested in grabbing a coffee with me' I don't think so." You giggled.
"Actually I got one of those once. From Minhyuk in sales. I really didn't know how to respond”
"Funny I got one or those as well." Both of you burst out into laughter.
“But seriously though. It's like whenever I see you, you are running all over the place your bright yellow binder in hand. And I never see you at the cafeteria. You're really not that easy to get close to."
"I'm sorry I feel like I was just dashing through life the last couple of months. I mean you know how stressful the whole project was. So I never really had time to myself or for others"
“Well sounds to me like it’s about damn time you had some fun.” He grabbed your hand and pulled you from your seat, quickly wrapping an arm around your waist to prevent you from stumbling. You were close to him. Too close. You could feel the heat rushing towards your head and forgot to breathe for what felt like forever. His face was now only a few inches away from you. Your eyes were drawn towards his lips and for a split second you couldn’t stop your mind from going places you had tried to avoid. You could just simply kiss him, it would be so easy. The only thing you’d had to do would be to place your hand on the back of his neck and slowly draw him in. You could do that. Probably.
“So where do you wanna go first? I know some really nice spots”
You steadied your footing and straightened your skirt steadily brushing away the wrinkles and the thoughts that were filling your head. “Sure surprise me”
And surprise you he did. You spend most of the day going from gallery to museum and marveled at the beautiful architecture. Your plan had only involved the mainstream tourist spots, the blatantly obvious go to spots. But it was paling in comparison to the places he showed you.
He excitedly told you everything he knew about the places he showed you all the while never leaving your side. You tried your best to let your eyes remain on the things he was telling you about but ever so often you couldn’t stop yourself from admiring the man beside you.
The bright midday sun was highlighting the sharp edges of his face making it look even more perfect than it already was. His laugh and smile were intoxicating, making you smile brightly everytime and making you want to spend every waking second of this weekend with him. Seeing him wildly gesticulate in the air because words were not enough to convey his excitement, seeing his eyes light up when he noticed how interested you were and most of all making you feel like you were the only thing that mattered. He was able to casually take your hand whenever it was necessary to not lose you or simply because just standing next to you didn’t cut it.
“How do you even know of these places?” you had asked him once you entered a quiet alley looking for a specific restaurant he’d been talking about for the whole day.
“Well I spent the last few years at this conference, just with a different employer. So once I got the main touristy things out of the way I got bored and started to wander around, talked to locals, that kind of thing. I mean touristy spots aside those small places have their own charm and they are not so damn crowded all the time” you turned a corner.
The alley you had entered was gorgeous and it looked like an old painting or at least a picture perfect little world. The narrow cobblestone path wound around the houses. Not the straight lines of streets that dictated where you were going but rather like a little stream that was built gradually to connect the houses without wanting to disturb any of them. The buildings were overgrown with ivy and every house seemed to have their own little hanging garden perched upon the small balconies. Everything was framed in green and a few radiant specks of colour in the form of tiny flowers. You hadn’t moved but were just admiring the view. Trying to take it all in and commit it to memory.
“Ah there we are” The place he pointed to was a small window front, not more than the little shops at home that had been neatly arranged next to each other. It only had a few chairs outside.
“Come on. Let’s eat”
Kihyun was standing right beside you and took your hand, gently guiding you towards a free table. “
The meal had been delicious and after it was over none of you had the intention of leaving instead you spent the rest of the evening talking until the sun was slowly setting. The twilight illuminated the small world you were currently lost in. Sitting in this tiny restaurant and talking to the man you had tried so hard to avoid.
Giving in had been so easy. You didn’t want to fall in love, hell you even went to such length as to not give him any chance to really talk to you. And absolutely you were right. Because right now that mushy feeling in your stomach had grown to a size you could no longer ignore. No you didn’t want to fall in love but you sure as hell were. He’s shown you his favorite places, the hidden gems in his tour all putting one thought in your head that you couldn't shake: He seems to like you. Or was he just playing with you? Taking you along to not spend the weekend alone and ditching you once you were back home? Maybe just maybe he’d be capable of this. And let’s be honest just because you were getting attached wouldn’t mean he’d do the same, now would it. But right now you didn’t care. Even if he was just playing some wicked game with you, you had already fallen too deep. Too deep to realize it even if you wanted to and too deep to care that he might destroy that little world of yours in 2 days time.
Pairing: Sungin x Reader
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 3,7k
Summary: You have been dating Sungjin for years now and he is still deadset on helping you overcome your fears.
"You trust me, right?"
"Of course I trust you, but that does not mean I trust the madman of an architect that came up with this hell."
Sungjin took your hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "I'm here Y/N and I am not letting go of your hand. I promise"
You looked at him pleadingly. "I don't like this. I don't like this at all," you said, your voice now small and slightly shaking.
Ever since you had met Sungjin in college two years ago he had been constantly chipping away at all your insecurities and fears. He made you feel loved and appreciated and cleared your doubts that he would leave you like people used to do since you were little. And while he did all of that unconsciously he also tried to help you overcome some of your fears in a more direct manner. He tried his best to help you tackle your fear of roller coasters by taking you to a theme park last summer. Sadly facing a fear does not necessarily equal overcoming it. You might have enjoyed it after the first five gut-wrenching rides, but by now you still didn’t want to do it again.
And now this. Heights. Heights were probably your arch nemesis, scaring you ever since your brain started to understand what a fall would actually mean.
"Just focus on me and don't look down." Of course you had looked down by now. Normally when you tried to avoid Sungjin's eyes like - let’s say - now when he was so patiently putting up with your whiny, scared self, you instinctively looked to the ground. But in this case the ground was further away than you could ever be comfortable with. Ideally you liked your feet to touch the ground and by ground you meant not only wooden slats that by all means you couldn't completely trust. Your desired version of steady footing was about 30 meters below you. This was nothing compared to jumping off the 3 meter tower at the pool. Nothing compared to climbing a tree a bit higher than you usually would. This was certain death. No bruises. Not a broken bone. Just plain and simple death.
Sungjin snapped you out of your spiraling thoughts effortlessly by squeezing your hand. The warmth and pressure of his touch making you feel just a little safer.
He lifted your chin with his finger and looked you straight into the eyes. “Just look at me. Everything will be alright.” He kissed your forehead and you could smell his perfume that so perfectly fit the surroundings. You had always loved this perfume on him. It felt like you were standing in a thick forest full of trees, standing tall around you and enclosing you in the sweet scent of pine. It was able to combine the two things that made you feel the most safe in this world. The man you loved and the nature you so adored. Sungjin was keenly aware of your love for all things nature and especially forests and that was why right now you were surrounded by towering pine trees that were gently swaying in the evening breeze. He had taken you to a place you’d feel safe to help you get over the thing that frightened you the most.
You had only been able to take two steps on the suspension bridge before you had stopped, not being able to take even a single step further. You lifted your head and tried to steady your breathing.
“You can do it.” You took a second to let yourself get lost in the eyes of the man before you. His brown eyes were filled with kindness. How was he able to erase all your doubt and inspire such confidence without so much as a touch of his lips?
You could still clearly remember the day you met. Well, not the day you met precily but the day you had first really spoken to each other. It was two years ago in an introductory course to film scoring. You had loved this course, the different composers you got to know, the power that film music had in giving a movie a certain feel. Every two weeks your course had met for movie night, to watch the movies that would be discussed in next week's session. You had dreaded this particular one ever since you saw it in the syllabus on your first day - Horror. It would be an understatement to say that you disliked those kinds of movies. In fact you were terrified of them, but apart from that you were also unbelievably stubborn and didn’t want to miss out on one of the probably most exciting sessions. So you decided to not be such a wimp and went. Thinking of yourself as pretty clever you chose a seat in the back of the small classroom so that no one would be able to see you twitch or jump in your seat.
To your luck the chair next to you had stayed empty for a while and you sighed in relief once the movie started. Nobody picked the seat right beside you, nobody that would be able to notice all your little tells that showed that you were scared out of your wits.
Seconds later the door had opened one last time and a young man had walked in. He made his way towards the back of the classroom, looking for one of the empty seats that were left. You hoped under your breath that he wouldn’t see the one right next to you - But he did and with that your wonderful plan had been ruined. He smiled at you and gave you a little nod before he turned towards the screen.
Your heart sank in your chest and you decided to let your gaze wander around the room, avoiding to pay direct attention to the terror that was unfolding on screen. Your eyes wandered for a while before stopping on the person next to you. If you recalled correctly his name was Sungjin. Out of all people there was no need for that one guy you started to take an interest in lately to sit right next to you. He had held a presentation on opening credits last week and you had been absolutely mesmerized by his calm and low voice. You had probably never listened to another student as attentive as you’d done that day. And now he was sitting right next to you. Out of all the possible scenarios, the cafeteria, the next class no it had to be this one. The one where you felt vulnerable and uncomfortable. All you had wanted was to make a good impression on him next time, to have him get to know you and think: “She seems really sweet.” And what did you have to work with now? He sure as hell would not think that once you started to silently sob next to him because you were frightened or started to shriek at every possible jump scare even the ones that were highly predictable.
Lucky for you the lights had been dimmed and the room was completely dark apart from the movie screen illuminating the faces. You couldn't help but notice his sharp jawline and the small wooden earrings. Right when you were getting lost trailing over his broad shoulders he turned his head to the side. You froze in place.
“Everything okay? You seem a bit twitchy.” You could clearly hear the concern in his voice and you cursed yourself for being so easy to read.
“No it’s okay. I’m fine. I just don’t handle these sort of movies well”. You turned around and hoped that your blush wasn’t visible.
The movie had been the perfect example for the absence of film music and you were going mad not being able to tell when something bad would happen. Until it was too late. A simple jumpscare was all it took for you to completely lose your composure. You squealed loudly and before you could stop yourself you had grabbed onto Sungjin’s cardigan and pulled him towards you. You cowered behind him, your face buried in between his shoulder blades. His broad back gave you a sense of security and it took you a second to fully understand what you had done. The giggles of your classmates made you slowly and painfully aware of your situation. You heard Sungjin clear his throat and felt his back trying to turn underneath your death grip.
It was blatantly obvious that you had the worst reaction by far. You almost just wanted to run out but this wasn’t some anime, you couldn't just run out every time you did something embarrassing. So you picked up all the little pieces of courage that were still stored somewhere inside of you and started to loosen your grip. You didn’t want to face him right now. You could feel the heat in your ears giving you a hint at how red your whole face must have been. This could not have gone any worse. You would not be coming back from this. He must think you are crazy or just plain pathetic, because that’s how you felt at this moment - like an utter idiot. Straightening his cardigans where your hands had been, you leaned back into your seat and looked at him apologetically.
“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to.” You had expected him to scold you, to scoff and to never talk to you but instead you were faced with a kind albeit a little forced smile. It seemed like he knew how to handle this situation as little as you did.
“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it too much.” He smile grew more genuine. “But seriously you gave me a worse scare than the movie did”
“I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe I just did that. Normally I wouldn’t just… you know… grab a guy like that. I’m really sorry for using your back like that. I really am”
“No worries. It might have come as a bit of a surprise but I should have known better, you looked like you were ready to jump for about 20 minutes now. I just didn’t know it would turn out like this.” He laughed.
If anyone would ask you when you had started to really fall for him you’d probably name this moment. His laugh captivated you, the way his mouth became a broad grin, the way his eyes lit up and the low, husky chuckle left you feeling completely helpless and completely smitten. You couldn't fight the smile that was forming on your lips and you didn't intend to.
You were forcibly ripped out of your little world by a loud “shh” from a few rows in front of you and both of you had to giggle as he jokingly put his finger above his lips, signaling you to try and be quiet.
“You know. If you’re still not comfortable-” he said in a whisper as he moved a little closer to you. “-just in case you need something to hold onto I mean.” He slid his elbow over to your table. Did he seriously just offer you his arm to hold unto?
“If you’re still not comfortable I mean. You can always hold unto me.” He gave you a shy smile.
What? You couldn't just take him up on the offer, could you? It couldn’t be like that. You’d probably die of a heart attack or embarrassment if you moved any close to him and he would be able to clearly hear your heart beating, which was currently drowning out most of the sounds in the room with it’s deafening noise. Did he really have no problem at all with this? Was he just being nice and considerate or did he maybe just maybe felt that little tiny flame between you kindling as well. He looked at you a little awkwardly, waiting for you to do anything despite staring at him blankly.
Without warning a blood-curdling scream had filled the room and you immediately twitched in your seat, resetting your brain and reminding that you still hadn’t given him an answer.
“Thank you,” you said, your whisper barely audible over the terrifying sound effects that were coming from the movie. You felt like you had already done too much damage but on the other hand he wouldn’t just offer this, would he? And above all it would be unbelievably impolite of you to leave him hanging like this. Yes, it was definitely only your sense of etiquette and not the fact that some part of you, which you didn’t even try to shut up anymore, longed to be closer to him. You slowly scooted your chair in his direction and wrapped your hands around his biceps. You could feel the muscles tense up as you touched him but his face did not change. He probably didn’t want you to pull back immediately. With your thumb you could feel the blood pumping through the veins in his arm, picking up the pace the closer you moved to his side.
Was he nervous?
You couldn’t stop that stupid part of your brain from imagining that he might be. No matter how far-fetched the idea of him liking you or even being remotely interested in you was to you.
You had spent the rest of the movie in that position and his steady breathing and his presence beside you calmed your nerves considerably.
When the credits started to roll you were still clinging onto his arm. The last few minutes of the movie had unlike you expected not ended in a mellow ending of some survivor being rescued or anything of that sort. Instead the maniac of a director or the psychopath of a writer decided to rip the slight chance of a happy ending from your desperate hands and killed everyone in a big gruesome showdown. The credits gave you no sense of relief - your hands still tightly clutching Sungjin’s arm and slightly shaking. Sungjin lightly patted your hand with his own signaling you to let go before the lights would be turned on.
You didn’t want to leave his side and the seconds that his hand lingered on yours told you that maybe he didn’t want that as well. The light turned on and you were torn between wanting to stay in this position forever and not wanting to have that movie go on for even a second. You felt a warm pressure at your side as Sungjin started to move beside you.
“How are you doing? Did you survive?”
“Better than expected but I wouldn’t say I made it through perfectly fine. Survived sums it up rather nicely. Thank you.” You slowly loosened your grip and moved your chair back, the absence of his warmth leaving you feeling a little down. He’d probably be gone within a minute and you were left with only seeing him once a week.
“Are you really okay? You look quite gloomy”
“Yeah I’m fine. It’s okay. Really. I’ll see you next week.”
Sungjin stopped packing his back and hesitated for a second.
“Actually I was thinking of walking you home, if you wouldn’t mind. I’d rest better knowing you arrived safely.”
This time you couldn't hide your blush, the lights were on and he had to have noticed the beet red color of your ears and cheeks.
“Okay,” you said trying to act unfazed by packing your bag and strategically turning your face away from him.
It was a warm late september night. The air was still hot from the summer but the wind already carried a freshness marking the arrival of autumn. The quad was mostly empty by now and you had to admit that you would have probably tried to sprint home hadn’t Sungjin been by your side. The first few meters had been awfully quiet. You hadn’t known what to say and Sungjin seemed to be at a loss as well.
Was he regretting it already?
You turned the corner of the dimly-lit faculty, frantically searching for something you could say. The silence had not been comforting at all instead you could practically feel the awkwardness oozing around the both of you. What were you supposed to talk to him about? Even though you enjoyed having had him this close to you during the movie, you still felt unbelievably embarrassed. This was not your MO. This was not something you usually did. Basically throwing yourself into the arms of the person next to you but on the other hand normally you would have also completely avoided seeing such a movie. So who were you to say that this wasn’t something you would have done.
“I’m sorry,” you said, finally breaking the silence between you.
“For what?”
“For you know… being that clingy and I probably left a couple of bruises. I’m really sorry”
“Nah, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing really. It’s by far better than hearing you sniffle during most of the movie. And to be honest I think you were very brave.”
“Okay, if you say so.” You lifted your head to look at him and saw his lips curl up into a smirk “Wait. Did I just detect a hint of mockery?”
“From me? Noo not at all.” His poker face being non-existent by now.
“You idiot.” You softly punched his upper arm and pouted jokingly.
“Aw come on, don’t be like that. Haven’t I suffered enough tonight?”
You weren’t able to keep a straight face not in the slightest and the both of you broke out into laughter. The initial awkwardness finally left your side closing the distance between the both of you both figuratively and literally.
The rest of the way felt like it was over in seconds. You talked non-stop about everything you could think of. First simply about university, the courses he was taking and how nervous he was when he held his first presentation last week. But as you passed the first dorms, yours still not visible on the horizon you started to talk about stuff outside of uni about how both of you were raised in completely different cities, about how hard it was for you to leave your family and friends behind but also about how exciting it was to finally take a few steps forward. He was wonderfully easy to talk to, listening attentively and sharing his own experience and thought without much hesitation. The conversation just flowed effortlessly and without you really noticing you had already arrived at your dorm.
While you searched the depth of your bag for your key Sungjin had just stood there saying nothing. It felt like he was debating something in his mind, as if he was right here with you but part of him was somewhere else completely.
“I’d like to repeat this,” he spouted suddenly. “But maybe with a less scary movie this time.”
“Are you asking me out?”
“I guess, yeah.” He scratched the back of his head. “Only if you’d like, of course. We could grab something to eat and see a movie or something”
“I’d be delighted.” You gave him a hug and placed a quick kiss on his cheek, which you never thought you’d ever be capable of.
It had just felt right and you didn’t want to take it back. No matter how shocked you were by your unexpected courage, nothing compared to the look on Sungjin’s face. He’d simply frozen in place his mouth ajar and his ears slightly turning red. You couldn’t stop yourself from giggling and he shook his head probably to regain a little bit of consciousness.
“This friday? I’ll pick you up. At 6?”
“That would be wonderful,” you said and you could see Sungjin’s eyes light up as he started to give you what you started to call his most honest and charming smile. A move he by now had used against you many times.
All this had led you to where you were now.
On this construction designed by hell itself in a huge beautiful forest. You’d liked the idea to go on a little trip with Sungjin and had been looking forward to it for the last couple of weeks. Knowing what you were getting into, you had tried to mentally prepare yourself for it but now the drop below your feet was way too real. You held onto his hand tightly and tried your best to stay calm or rather to finally calm down.
“It’s okay. Just take your time,” Sungjin said, not paying any mind to the number of people walking past you and eyeing you curiously. “Just concentrate on the treeline and don’t forget I’m right here and you’re perfectly safe” You looked up at the huge towering pine trees around you and tried to keep your gaze stready. The fresh evening air filled your nose and a soft breeze carried Sungjin’s scent. You felt comforted. You knew he wouldn’t leave you here alone. You knew that he would be there for you and that he even would be fine with you turning around now. But you didn’t want to do that. You wanted to finally show him that all his efforts weren’t in vain. That he gave you the strength to do things you never imagined. That without him you would still not have seen so many beautiful things and that you were eternally grateful for every single day you spent together. The sun was slowly setting behind the tree line and suddenly the forest was filled with a thousand little lights.
“Ah, finally they turned them on,” Sungjin exclaimed, his eyes filled with excitement and wonder. You could not believe how breathtaking it looked within a couple of seconds. The sides of the bridge were illuminated by multiple strings of fairy lights and in the distance you could see them guiding your path further into the forest.
“This is beautiful,” you whispered <,your voice finally not shaking anymore. You let go of his hand and drew him into a kiss, placing both your hands on his cheeks.
“Thank you so much for this.” The light of the fairy lights reflected in his eyes. You truly did love this man. “Let’s go.” One step after the other you finally started to walk across, the person you trusted the most in your life, probably even more than yourself, right by your side.
Member: Jae
Genre: Angst
Word Count: ~ 1k
Summary: Sitting on the beach at night, Jae thinks about the life-changing decision he made.
Jae didn't know if it had been the best decision of his life or the worst. But right now he couldn’t have cared less. Packing up his things and leaving his old life behind might have been considered reckless, immature or just plain stupid, but at this moment none of it matter. Not the countless phone calls by his parents that he kept ignoring, not the hurt look on his sister’s face when he’d said goodbye, nor the question of what he was going to do with his life from now on. No. None of this mattered. At least not in this moment.
Tomorrow when the sun rose he would have to face all these questions again. Like how he was gonna afford another tank full of gas. Or where he was gonna end up by nightfall. Or, which actually was the most important question, where exactly he was even going. But those were all things to be left for the morning, because at night you don't focus on logic or rationality. At night what mattered most was how you were feeling. People tend to get more introspective and personal when it’s dark. Nobody is gonna talk about their insecurities or their self doubts while the sun was shining, making all your mistakes and failures visible for everyone to see. Instead the night granted you some kind of anonymity. Nobody could see the sorrow in your eyes or the pain in your smile and no one was expecting anything from you. The night was there to express yourself or to just look inside yourself and see what you might find. So he didn't focus on bills, or gas or money and had someone asked him how he felt he would have given them one simple answer. He was content. For the first time in forever.
It was 3am in the morning and probably time to call it a day and head to bed but the fire was still kindling. He had parked his converted VW bully at the pier earlier and had gone down to the beach.
A beach at night truly held something otherworldly. The way the waves crashed into the shore, the faint squeaking of a lone seagull and the fresh sea breeze clearing the fog from his mind. He had started a simple campfire that was still nowhere near going out but he didn't care. He wasn't in a rush or anything of that sort. He had nowhere to be and no appointments to keep. He had grabbed a log from under the pier and sat beside the fire, watching the wood crack and break in the red heat. The flames danced in his eyes and for once in forever he felt like it would all be okay.
He got up from his log and grabbed his guitar from the car. Once he said down he heard an imaginary voice ask him if he was gonna play Wonderwall and he struck the first few chords of the catchy tune. A song every guitarist seemed to have learned and every douche guitarist was compelled to play around a campfire. He stopped himself and instead played a simple melody. Nothing too intricate, no bold chords or aggressive strumming. Just a melody. One that had been in his mind for years. Stuck in the back of his head waiting to be found again, waiting to be finished.
Jae had started this song in his first year of highschool when he hadn't known how cruel the world could be or how disillusioned he was going to be once he walked into that college classroom. He played the tune and was filled with a hope, a joy that he did not expect to still be there. High school had in no way been an all in all pleasurable experience. Far from it. But compared to now he couldn't help but feel nostalgic. Everything had been easier, the weight he had carried on his shoulder not even worth mentioning. Life had just flowed and he had gone along with the current. The past not being important and the future still having been so far away. His days had been predetermined and all he had to do was live. The things he used to worry about and fret over had been mundane and sometimes even a bit ridiculous. The mistakes he made all forgotten quickly. No life-changing decisions. No crippling failures. Nothing of that sort. Life had been easy back then. His dream of becoming a musician not yet crushed by reality and replaced by a soul-sucking economics major instead.
But right now the dream he had never really let go of, that no matter what happened had always stayed with him, waiting to be dreamt again, came creeping back into his thoughts. He plucked at the strings and the melody that he never was able to finish, finally took shape.
Slowly but steadily he added to the notes and piece by piece he put together something you could start calling a song. He hummed along to the melody and tried to find harmonies that would fit. It took him some time but time didn’t matter once the sun was down. His little campfire was slowly dwindling and his breath started to form little clouds. He pulled his scarf above his nose and mouth and inched further towards the fire.
The night was as dark as it could have been but he wasn't scared. Apart from a few drunk rich teenagers without a care in the world no one would even notice he was here. Slowly the sky turned a dark purple then a red and orange. He was reminded of a quote he had read back in highschool:
"It's always darkest before the dawn"
And this night he knew it to be true. He got up from his log, stomped out the remainder of his fire and swung his guitar back over his shoulder. He took one last look at the rising sun over the ocean and smiled. It was time to continue his adventure.
Member: Young K
Genre: Angst
Word Count: < 1k
Summary: As she boards her plane, Younghyun has to face the reality of their relationship having ended.
Younghyun was standing inside the airport, his right hand gripping the strap of his bag so tightly that his knuckles started to lose colour. So this was it. He gritted his teeth and tried to remain as calm as he could be. This was supposed to be the end. The big goodbye. This wasn’t one of those rom-com moments. There wasn’t a last minute change of heart, no 'ah what the hell, let's try this long distance thing', no kisses in between sobs. Nothing of that sort. What he was left with was emptiness. There had been no way to turn this around and he should have known better than to expect anything other than the cold and matter-of-fact end he just went through.
It had been clear that she was planning to leave even before he had met her. It had always been her dream and once you got to know her more you noticed how much she longed to be somewhere else. To see distant countries, to experience something more than the mundanity of everyday life. Her head had always been in the clouds. Daydreaming about a distant future where she was able to leave all of this behind.
Her wall had been filled with postcards, plans and pictures she collected over the years. Slowly and steadily covering up the dirty white wall behind it. Covering up the boringness, the ordinary. The small town she grew up in had never been enough. And apparently so had he. Some part of him knew that it wasn’t true. That she had cared about him, that she perhaps still did. Even though he might had been enough it would have never stopped her from going. Those two things weren’t mutually exclusive. There was no one thing or the other.
But as he was standing there the other voice inside his head seemed to have overtaken his train of thought. Had they ever really dated? Had he even been important to her once? Younghyun had known that the two of them had an expiration date even before they were officially dating. Yet some part of him had hoped that although her plans had been set for years she might consider changing them, or at least wanted to share all those experiences with him. Instead he just stood there. Dumbfounded. Had the last year really been for nothing? He had supported her in every way possible just to maybe someday hear her ask the question:
"Do you maybe wanna tag along?"
Instead it never came. Instead she sat him down one day explaining that she very much enjoyed his company but did not intend to continue this relationship while she was abroad. Long distance would be such a hassle, she had said. It was supposed to be his wake-up call. A way for him to prepare. To not get too attached but that hadn't worked out. He had fallen in love with her and he couldn’t just simply stop. To just flip a switch and all would magically be okay. Apathy would set in and he would be able to let go and be happy without her. Instead the last months had had exactly the opposite effect. The anticipation of the coming journey, the nitty-gritty planning, all of it had made her incredibly happy. Her eyes had lit up whenever she spoke to him about it and he couldn’t help himself but to fall deeper in love with her. He had become oblivious to what the countdown on her phone had symbolized. He had only ever saw it through her eyes and cheered with her as it was happily ticking down the days left until her flight. Only way too late did he finally see what this countdown meant for him.
Loss.
The boarding for her flight had begun a few minutes ago and apart from one small peck on the cheek and a wave goodbye all the intimacy of the last year felt like it never had existed. But who was he to tell her that she should stay? Who was he to ask her for anything more than what he’d got? In her life he wasn't a main character. He was merely an extra by now. Relegated to the sidelines the second she had booked that flight. He didn't know when and if she was gonna come back. Her one-way ticket made that abundantly clear.
Younghyun walked over to the huge glass front in the boarding area and looked out into the night. The green and yellow blinking dots that lit up the takeoff runway made it easy for him to see her plane. It was slowly moving towards its final starting position until it suddenly sped up and the red lights of the airplane slowly vanished into the hazy night.
Member: Wonpil
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1,8k
Summary: On a rainy night Wonpil meets someone that helps him see the world a little differently
People always say that you should take an opportunity when it arises. Wonpil on the other hand didn't see it that way. He wasn't good at that sort of thing. Taking advantage of a situation. He was way too shy and awkward to act quickly or even make up his mind and most of his opportunities passed him by with an almost comically whooshing sound. The opportunity to earn a few extra bucks by asking the boss of the convenience store when he found out the sales increased since Wonpil started working there. The opportunity to take a trip with his parents just by agreeing to something immediately. The opportunity to finish some of his courses earlier. All these opportunities had vanished right before his eyes.
But by now he had gotten used to it. He didn't need to be an opportunist. Especially because by now he sort of felt like being that kind of person would be somewhat selfish and reckless. No, he decided to walk this life at his own pace on his own path. Sure he regretted missing a few possibilities but he tried not to dwell on it too long. What good would it bring? Probably nothing.
He was walking across campus back to his dorm when it suddenly started to rain. Within seconds this small rain developed into a downpour, with the clouds spilling out all the water they had stored for the past few weeks. He didn’t bring his umbrella since it had been a mild summer night and he didn't even notice that a storm was brewing. He sprinted across the quad until he arrived at the architecture faculty. Its pompeus design offered just enough shelter for him to avoid the falling rain. He panted. Physical activity really wasn't one of his strong suits. Normally he spent all his time holed up in libraries or lecture halls and didn't really find time to do anything apart from occasionally biking into town or sprinting to a lecture when he once again found himself to be late.
He let his hands rest on his legs and tried to steady his breathing.
The night had been clear until a few seconds ago but now everything was filled with the mist of the falling water and the splashes in the quickly forming puddles. He sank to his feet and leaned against the cold stonewall of the building, letting his head fall. Amidst the gushing water he heard a faint hum. Probably just a nearby party that was just about to start but gradually the hum grew louder and closer. He heard the splashes of the water change their pattern. It wasn't just the rain anymore.
He could make out a small figure steadily making it’s way towards him but apparently not in a straight line. Instead it turned and swayed in the hazy rain. The sound of squeaking sneakers becoming more and more pronounced. By now he was able to recognize the faint hum as a melody one he wasn’t quite familiar with. Wonpil waited in anticipation to see what kind of person would be happily humming and dancing in this downpour.
The figure came closer and he could make out the features a little clearer. It seems to be a young woman probably about his age. But he couldn't really be sure. The humming stopped the second they locked eyes. Wonpil quickly averted his gaze not wanting to give the impression that he had been watching her. He heard the squishing sound her wet sneakers made coming closer until something was dripping on his shoulder. He looked up to see her standing in front of him holding out her hand. Inviting him to stand up.
“Come on. Up you go,” she said making a motion with her fingers. She smiled brightly at him, her round face framed by strands of wet dark brown hair. Her navy blue shirt that almost appears black from the water, was clinging to her body in several places. She had slung a flannel shirt around her waist that was now slowly dripping and forming puddles in front of his feet. He didn’t know what to do. Was she really serious? What would she want with him?
“Come on. You can't let me wait here forever. I’ll look like an idiot.”
Wonpil looked up to her and found himself utterly helpless. What on earth was she expecting from him?
“But you don’t even know me,” he said silently almost to himself.
“Well frankly I don't have to. I mean look at you. You're sitting here drenched looking like it had been months since you’ve had a good time. So why shouldn't I give it a shot. I mean what else did you have planned. Sit here feeling sorry for yourself?”
Wonpil’s expression hardened. She didn't have to be this blunt about it. Obviously he didn’t have any plans. The only thing left on his agenda was cooking himself a cup of ramen in the dorm and maybe read a few chapters of his current book. So nothing particularly thrilling. He grabbed her hand, just to prove her wrong. Much to his surprise it was warm considering the fact she’d just taken a complete shower in the rain, and got up from the ground.
Instead of letting go she had grabbed his hand tightly and dragged him back into the rain.
“Now do me a favor. Just look up at the sky. Close your eyes and just feel the rain on your face. Isn't it one of the most amazing feelings? Can you feel how every raindrop is caressing your skin? We often just run out of the rain as fast as we could without even appreciating its beauty. Just think about it. When was the last time you just stopped to appreciate a moment?”
Wonpil couldn’t tell. It felt like he was running on autopilot for quite awhile now. His life split into work, college and the few moments he had to himself.
“See. Your silence just says it all. Now let's have some fun, shall we?”
He turned his eyes back to her and noticed her mischievous smirk. The faint light of the streetlights that framed the path enveloped her in a warm golden glow and made her features appear softer than they probably were. He wondered how she must look like in bright daylight. Would she still look as kind as she did now or would the harsh reality of the day reveal a different side of her. He shook his head to get rid of the thought. It wasn't what this was about and for once he didn't want to overthink something. As she said, it had been months since he really enjoyed a moment.
“So what now?” he asked equally scared and in anticipation of what she would have in mind.
“When was the last time you jumped into a puddle? I mean like really jumped. Not just trying to jump across one and failing but to seriously aim for it”
“Excuse me?” Wonpil did not expect this question. What was he, a four year old? But while he was formulating a good response in his head he was met with a huge splash of water to his side that reached up to his hips.
“You didn’t seriously just do that, did you?”
“Indeed I have and I highly recommend you try it. Now get that stick out of your a** and jump”
“But what about my shoes?”
“Oh boo hoo. They are wet anyway. Why not make it worth it?”
Wonpil seriously started to wonder what he just got himself into but he could practically feel her eyes on him, waiting for him to jump. So what other option was he left with? So he just ignored the fact that grown ups don’t do this sort of thing and jumped into the next best puddle. The water came gushing towards him and he could feel his shoes fill up with water. A loud laugh escaped his mouth and he could hear clapping from behind him.
“Well done,” she rejoiced. “Now that’s what I call a smile. Finally you don’t look like a week of gloomy weather.” she giggled to herself at the joke she just made and waited for him to react. Instead he just stood there with a grin on his face that he wasn’t aware he was even still capable of.
They spend some time jumping from one puddle to the next and laughing like children. It was weird at first but by now he just enjoyed the sound the water made when his feet hit the ground and how much joy such a simple and albeit childish thing could still bring him.
She let her head fall back and looked at the sky, starting to hum that unfamiliar melody again. The melody was beautiful and the sound of the falling rain and the cicadas in the background rounded up the arrangement perfectly. She stood near a streetlight and it felt like he just wandered into his very own movie scene or maybe more accurately her own world.
“What’s that song?” he asked as he walked closer to her trying his hardest to remember where he could have heard it.
“It’s a song from one of my favorite movies. It’s actually a waltz? Wanna give it a try?”
“What do you mean by-” Wonpil’s question was interrupted by her taking his hands, placing one of them on her lower back and placing her hand in the other one.
“I... I really can’t-”
“Let me guess you can't dance. Well neither can I. But that doesn't stop me from doing so. Just listen to the melody and trust your instincts.”
With those words she resumed to hum the melody. He couldn’t figure out how it had gotten to this but at this very moment here he was standing in the pouring rain only inches away from a complete stranger dancing to a song that couldn’t have been anymore perfect. This felt so out of character for him that he questioned if he was awake or if someone had taken over possession of his body. Things like that didn’t just happen to him. They happened to others. To the popular ones. To the jocks and the preps, but not to him. His life wasn’t magical like that.
“Who are you?”
“It doesn’t really matter now, does it?”
She might be right. Right at this moment it might not matter but this time around he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He didn't want this to end without knowing who she was. Without having the possibility to meet her again. This was the first opportunity in a long time he was willing to take.
“It matters to me,” he said, impressed by the firmness in his own voice.
She met his eyes and smiled at him. A smile that said more than he could have read into it.
“We'll see each other again. Don’t worry about that. I’ll make sure of that.”
