april

21 | wlw thoughts and rants and bi panic

[tall]

[capacity2]

I’m literally always saying this. U have to kill yourself to just look like some guy in a shirt

[aprilslippedaway]

Munch really captured The Sun perfectly

because this is exactly what it feels like when after a long winter the days finally get longer and brighter.

[chillalittle]

Rosalía at her LUX Listening Party at Museu Nacional d'Art de Catalunya in Barcelona

[aprilslippedaway]

will never be able to understand the decision to put exam season in november. have some respect for my seasonal depression? I'm supposed to be in bed crying over my limited time on earth, not in an exam hall?

[mortalityplays]

REMEMBER:

if you don't understand the post at a glance it's because op wrote it wrong and needs your help

if the post doesn't contain all the contextualising information you need to understand it, op is gaslighting you

if you haven't experienced the phenomenon the post describes, op is making it up for clout

if you haven't encountered the type of person the post describes, they're a strawman that doesn't exist

if the post doesn't address a topic you'd prefer to talk about, it's a distraction, missing the point, and talking over you

if the post makes a good point, it is your duty to contribute to human enlightenment by nitpicking it to be more correct

and most importantly:

every online conversation is a competition and you must win

[aprilslippedaway]

i think november is the month to contemplate stuff. a month of where the biting wind, frosty mornings, and dark-after-four afternoons put you in the mood to question it all. the kind of in-between season where if left alone for too long, your thoughts are swept away with the last brown leaves off the trees. almost dry and dead, but not quite. november is the month where you feel the most like your 17-year old self. old enough to realise the gravity of it all, but too young to do anything about it. the helpless longing for something better, while equally helplessly finding comfort in the worse.

[segamascott]

[aprilslippedaway]

coming home to your family that you see only a few times a year on the day before your period is not a good idea. was confronted with my parents' aging and now I'm crying in a way I haven't since high school.

[artfilmfan]

“At one point, I hated Gaza. I just wanted out. I wanted to study in America and be this big director. I wanted to win an Oscar. All my dreams were overseas. I think I was just mad at how besieged Gaza was—it limits you in so many ways. Some of the men here are so narrow minded. I wanted to throw them all out of Gaza so that they could see the world, and then bring them back, with different views, and different thoughts. But there’s also a brilliance to the people here. Because it would take decades of research to learn what our trauma forces upon us at a very young age. You don’t have the privilege of disassociating from reality. You cannot ignore this shit. The drones, the rubble, the blood, the children fighting for food and water. It’s all around you. A white person living in Europe is able to say they don't care about politics, because they’re not exposed to the firsthand effects. But if even one of the things that happen on a daily basis in Gaza, was to happen in the West, it would move nations. In political science class we used to learn about things like ethics, and human rights, and international law. But life in Gaza will teach you that these things are just propaganda. Propaganda that fooled us into believing that if only people knew what was going on, they'd stop it. It was this naive notion that led us, at least me and all of my friends, to film and document and speak and share on our stupid Instagrams. But I’ve lost the will. It’s too exhausting. Everyone has disassociated from our reality. We have nothing to eat, but we have these phones. We get to watch our international friends going about their days normally. Who are we even talking to? You cannot rely on the conscience and moral compass of those in power. We’ve tried for so long. It doesn’t work. You have to put pressure on them. You have to disrupt their systems. You have to move and mobilize and obstruct and protest and cost them things. It’s the only thing they listen to. Life in Gaza does teach you. For the longest time I wanted to leave, but now I don’t feel like I could bear living anywhere else in this world. Gaza feels like the only real place left on earth.”

Nour Alsaqqa, communications officer for Doctors Without Borders (MSF) in Gaza

[tholdones]

slowly making my way through war and peace

[aprilslippedaway]

the way americans engange with the political opinions of their Founding Fathers is about as critical and well-reasoned as the way christians engange with the bible.

[aprilslippedaway]

you're certainly allowed to believe what you will about american democracy, but so am I. your Gods are not mine, so don't expect me to worship at their altar.

[aprilslippedaway]

the way americans engange with the political opinions of their Founding Fathers is about as critical and well-reasoned as the way christians engange with the bible.

[aprilslippedaway]

realised I'm so much more interested in going out when I'm running on minimal sleep and energy drinks than I am when I've slept a normal amount. like the threshold is non-existent bc as long as I have enough caffeine in my system, I'm awake enough to be present and delirious enough to not need that much alcohol to nit give a fuck. if this makes no sense, it's bc I'm currently drunk and on 3 hours of sleep.

[nongunktional]

when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue

[juliaxyn]

Caffeine and chapters the perfect duo ☕📚

[syn4k]

ok note to self i gotta leave the house regularly so that i dont feel like im slowly transforming into an evil fucking shadow clone of myself

[syn4k]

So as it turns out your sense of self doesnt exist in a vacuum. You gotta actually use it and bounce it off of other people like echolocation to see where you are as a person and shit. So if you dont regularly interact with other people the echoes just get weaker and weaker and before you know it your personality is a blurry fucked up fog clone of its former self. which it sucks because this makes it really hard to interact with people again but yknow

[aprilslippedaway]

Growing up as the responsible, independent, school smart, and somewhat overachieving, oldest daughter is fun bc you get to a point where the only thing that earned you validation in the past no longer does it. Whether you get to a point where you just don't perform as outstandingly well as before, or just a point where you're too old to be expecting praise from professors who see you in lecture once a week, the academic validation of being acknowledged by someone whose authority or intelligence you admire is no longer present. Whatever the reason, you no longer receive that external validation, and that is how you abruptly find out that 1) your intrinsic motivation is actually non-existent, it was all to receive praise from a figure of authority, and 2) maybe that academic life you had seen for yourself is actually not what you want. Following this realisation, you will obviously struggle to motivate yourself to study, which will obviously hurt your grades, which will inevitably hurt your self-perception and your ego. This cocktail of self-loathing will be like gasoline to what is now the dumpster fire of your short university career, and oh!- now you're spiraling. Evidently, the solution to your problem is quite simple: you will either need to learn how to motivate yourself, or how to study without motivation. Seeing as the latter is unthinkable for someone who has been running exclusively on the high of external praise for 13 years of their academic life, it'll have to be the former. However, as we've established, your intrinsic motivation isn't really on board yet. Thus, the obvious choice is to substitute it for external accountability: if you tell people your goals, they will know it when you reach them. Here, the problem becomes that they will also know if you do not achieve them. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a bruised ego is keen to expose itself to further humiliation. As an honourable eldest daughter, the last thing you could possibly do in your hour of personal doom and despair is ask for help. You've arrived at a stalemate. The tug of war between your need for external accountability in order to academically perform, and your need to achieve it all on your own without the potential wound to your pride should anyone see you fail.