I’m not putting this under a read more.
I have made some awful mistakes on tumblr. I’ve done some really mean things that have gone unforgiven by a lot of people. Even if those mistakes were not directed at those people, they were stung by my actions. I do not dislike those who hate me, because people generally have reasons for hating someone. I never dislike someone for unfollowing me or coming to my ask box off anon to talk to me about something I did wrong - or just talk in general about something.
People do what they have to.
But when I have people coming to me almost every single day telling me to go die and that I’m worthless. That my graphics are shit. That I’m a bully and an awful person. That I fail at everything. That I lie about my life, that I’m rude and too unorthodox. It hurts, you know? Because when you are told something like that everyday, hated on for every little thing you post. It really fucking hurts. So I’m start over in the fandom, starting over on a new blog where people don’t know me.
Some people have asked for the new URL and I have not given it to them, others I have. I’m not giving it to everyone, especially if I don’t know you at all. Someone out there has devoted their time to constantly humiliating me and I’m getting sick of it. I feel worthless as it is and sometimes I feel like there’s nothing left inside me. I’m sick and I might have something wrong inside my head. But people think I’m lying about that. I tell a sweet story about my experience at the convention with Misha Collins, but I’m told I’m a liar and that it’s all “utter bullshit”.
I troll a tag for half an hour and get hated on for a week and a half and I’m forced to turn off my ask box completely and submit box. I don’t think I’m a cruel person. I don’t think I’m a bully. But right now? Right now I am a bully. I’ve become a highly negative and awful person on tumblr because people are tearing me down. I used to deal with anons beautifully and be fine with them. But now I don’t even give them the time of day and respond horribly.
So I’m done being Laken Novak on tumblr for now and I’ve made a new blog. If I can’t respected for who I am, then I might just delete in general. But as it stands, I’ve created a new blog and only revealed to some who I am. I don’t want people knowing because I trust almost no one now. I have enough things going on in my life. I should not have to worry about how people are going to react to me not liking James McAvoy (and then receiving DEATH THREATS).
When I said I was doing this, I received hate. When I say I don’t like an episode of something, I get hate. When I say my favourite colour is blue, I get hate. Make mention of not really liking cockles, then people think I’m talking about someone on tumblr. It isn’t right that I go through this day in and day out and NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO. I’ve never been so hurt by words before and I’ve always been a strong fortress. But when I’m going through what I am, I just don’t need it. So I’m sorry to everyone, but I need away from being who I am for a while. I won’t be returning to this blog. Ever. I might reveal myself one day on the new blog, but not for a long time. I’m sick of being torn down, so, yeah.
Tumblr used to be my safe haven.
But now it has torn me down into something I wish I wasn’t.
So it’s time to start over.
Thanks to those who support me.
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