6 years. 5 being in love, 1 hoping for change and hoping for love to bloom again. You were mine, I was yours, but no longer. Love has run its course and we’re once again strangers. The distance between us as we sat in the same room, the striking words that poisoned like snake venom, the wandering eyes, we held on too long. I lost a piece of myself every time I sobbed at your feet begging to be loved in a way you could never deliver. Sobbing and begging for you to even acknowledge how I felt. The nagging, the pressuring for sex when all I wanted was for you to care. Putting my body on display hoping I would finally get what I craved emotionally if I gave you what you desired. Even until the very end I tried and you gave up. My outbursts were too much for you, even though they were cries for your love. You couldn’t bear the thought that you could hurt me, so you turned everything into my fault. Every wrong move, every mistake I made was catastrophic in your eyes. You could do no wrong, but I was wrong all of the time. Not social enough, too discerning, holding you too accountable, not sexual enough. Was I ever good enough in your eyes? I gave you every single piece of me and I don’t even think I got a quarter of you. I laid my soul out to you and you broke me. You broke me fully a year ago and I spent the last year trying to build up enough strength to leave, but I held on hoping for change. One bad night and you decided this wasn’t worth it anymore. I wanted to be sad, I wanted to be devastated, but I couldn’t even cry for more than three days. Breaking up with me was the kindest and most full of love thing you ever did for me. You set me free and now I will find myself again. My skin and depression cloud has cleared since you left letting me know this was for the best. I haven’t smiled or laughed like this in years, it’s bittersweet. I wanted it to be you, but we weren’t meant for forever. I hope you change. Hell, I hope I change, but I hope you never have someone sobbing at your feet begging for love ever again. You were cruel in my most vulnerable and desperate times. I would love to hate you, but I never could. You showed me that love didn’t have to be chaos, didn’t have to abusive, but you also showed me that I need more than just words of love, but that I need action as well. I wish you the best, but also the worst. You deserve it.
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