ala-cazam @arabellsmiller - Tumblr Blog

You spoil me. This is why we're meant to be together, you tolerate my love for Taylor Swift and understand that she is as important as almost every life event barring our wedding and our child's birth.

Side note, don't give birth when we're seeing her in concert.

Well, in sickness and in health, Mr Sawyer, even if we aren’t technically married yet. You saved yourself with the barring there.

Side response, I can try to tell the little one to stay in there but I give you no promises.

Just in case anybody asks I'm out of office today because 1989 TV dropped and I need a moment to compose myself because otherwise I'll be blaring Slaylor Swift through the gallery all day.

I’d already booked you the day off, I knew you wouldn’t be able to cope today.

I don't recall that tiktok are you sure it wasn't the one with the cute cat jumping around singing happy happy happy?

That's very kind. Do you think Gaston ever said please to LeFou? Because we all know as a specimen, yes, I am intimidating.

Well I'm glad we're agreed on the important business. How about we head home right now instead of that boring 3PM meeting we have?

No Abel, it definitely wasn’t a cat. Just admit you like staring at me as if I’m the only person in the room and some people just notice it sometimes. The internet said you were adorable.

You’re the most intimidating, my love. So incredibly scary.

It’s an important boring meeting with a new potential client, we can’t skip it. As much as that sounds incredible.

Is that what we hired Jen for? Does she handle our social media? Should she be making more of the TikToks? Shouldn't we be going viral all the time given how entertaining and funny and brilliant we both are all the time?

I'll ask him very nicely, so very nicely that I'll even say please.

Good, because I'd loathe to think we'd be without.

She’s our advertiser, perhaps TikTok is part of that. We never hired a social media manager, I didn’t think we needed one but maybe I’ll speak to her about that. Not those things, but we did go viral when she shared a video about you looking at me longingly one day. Maybe that’s our way in.

Wow, you’ll say please?

I agree.

Just because they're our employees, doesn't mean we have to set a good example. Why do we have to be good bosses? Why can't we be those bosses that you see all those horror stories about on tiktok?

I could kill a cup of tea. I'll send Keith a text and tell him to make us both some tea.

I think that's just a risk we'll have to take for the sake of home video, dearest Bells.

No Abel, we are going to be the good bosses, who get comments about how amazing they are on TikTok. I think Jen made a video the other day, I don’t know what it was about but she filmed it in here.

Ask him nicely, Mr Sawyer.

That sounds perfect to me.

Well the others should mind their business. When they're leading their own gallery and have their own office they can use it for whatever they want, be it snorting mountains of cocaine or legitimate work.

I don't think I'm going to fire Keith. He's the only one out there who can make a good cup of tea, and I don't think I have a legitimate reason to let him go.

By testing out by home movies you mean...? Because I'm all on board with that.

You’re right, but these are our employees. If we were them, we’d be all over the bosses’ business, eavesdropping when we could and trying to figure out what was happening.

I’m not sure the hypothetical reason is a good one. Oh, a cup of tea, I’d love a cup of tea.

You know exactly what I mean, Mr Sawyer, unless you think you’ll harm me in my condition.

I don't know, that seems strange. I thought the whole reason we got the office soundproofed was for that. Keeping meetings quiet was just a front, wasn't it?

Almost certainly knowing him. We can have a hunt tomorrow for it on our joint day off. Keith can get fired on Monday.

Fine, I won't mention your condition again. Throw as many plates as you want, just don't hit my perfect face and my chiselled abs.

Well yes that’s the reason, but it’s a bit odd to the others that we don’t use it for anything else.

Perfect. I’m glad Keith can wait. Maybe we could test it out and make some home movies.

You put me in this condition, I can throw as many plates as I want, wherever I want.

Should we start taking our employees out for breakfast outside the gallery when we fire them so they won't make a scene in public?

I think you should go thrifting and see if you can't find an old school VHS camcorder somewhere. I'm sure we've probably got one buried in the back of a closet somewhere but I wouldn't even know where to start looking for it.

Careful, sweetheart. Throwing a plate in your condition could be dangerous. I'm just looking after you, Bells.

You can. That’s why we have an office, I suppose. Not just to have sex in.

I’m sure Adam probably had one, you’re right, but I might just start having a look around. Perhaps I’ll go tomorrow, day off and all.

If you use the phrase my condition one more time, I really will move in with Lovely. I could throw five plates while pregnant with your child and be perfectly fine.

Alright, what about pain au chocolats? We'll get people suspicious of all the delicious breakfast foods.

It's better to think about that because the smaller they are the scarier it is and the more fragile they are and that's the most terrifying part of raising a child. The psychological trauma part we can easily avoid, we've got that bit sorted.

I didn't tell you about the restraining order because I knew it'd worry and stress you and you don't need that in your condition.

Hmm. Okay. But don’t start making pain au chocolats the ‘firing food’, because I actually like those a lot, reminds me of our visits to France.

I think the memories with them as small children are the best. No psychological trauma for our children, we’ve got that one down. I was thinking of getting us a better video camera, by the way. Or even an older one, you know? Home videos and all that, not just photographs.

In my condition? Abel, you better be joking or I’ll throw this phone at you from across the room.

Nope. I've got it in my head now. Keith's out the door first thing tomorrow. I'll pack his desk up tonight and we'll break the news to him over cinnamon rolls and coffee.

I'll be surprised if Birdwatch is still standing by the time they get to Easton. The amount of fires in that building probably should've deemed it unsafe decades ago. Maybe we'll introduce it to them when they finally find their own Bells or their own Abe. God, it's weird thinking we're going to have little Sawyers running around. It's terrifying but so damn exciting.

Oh, she found it. She's also on a restraining order and is prohibited from making contact with me, my family or our businesses in any regard. So all's well that ends well.

Oof, not even letting him pack his own desk? We can’t use the cinnamon rolls thing again, they’re all starting to know that when the cinnamon rolls come out, someone’s going.

That’s true, they should have probably fixed that by now. Maybe there’s a new ‘birdwatch’, where they all go now. I can’t even think about that age right now, we still have the little ages to get through first. I know, I can’t believe it myself sometimes, who would’ve thought we’d have little Sawyers coming soon?

You didn’t tell me about a restraining order, Abel Sawyer.

I hate this alternate reality. I take it back. Keith's being fired.

I don't doubt for a minute that we will raise well adjusted and well mannered children who aren't spoiled or weird. Even if our kids are going to grow up around some of the most spoiled and unadjusted kids in this hemisphere. They'll find their passions, just like we did. Hopefully they spend a bit more time studying than we did.

God, she never stopped. I blocked her number and she's called on three different numbers since. I suppose I'll start answering the phone, but you'll have to put up with my awful jokes and forced laughter and that's on you.

I was wondering what it would take to make you cave first. I was toying on the idea of calling myself Arabella Lovely, see what reaction it would get. Don’t fire poor Keith, it was only a hypothetical.

Hopefully they won’t find out about the birdwatch. That’s our place. It’ll always be our place. I agree, though. Our children will be amazing, Abe. Truly, honestly amazing. Sometimes I can’t really believe our family dreams are beginning to come true.

I’d rather take your jokes and forced laughter over creepy stalker women who were one more call away from tracking down our home address.

You can't name the child after me, I refuse. You cannot name your Lovely love-child after me. I will sue for damages. Maybe I'll just have to live my care free hippie life with Vinny.

My daughter will be deservedly spoiled and my son will follow in my footsteps as a tormented soul torn between being shit at art or being an actual God at lacrosse.

I don't know what you want me to tell you, if these people really needed to get in touch with me or were important enough to, they would have my mobile number, but fine. I'll plug the phone back in and I'll start thinking about answering it.

I will name my Lovely love-child after you. Maybe I’ll even let the kid keep Lovely’s last name. Maybe I’ll have Lovely’s last name.

Well I’m hoping our son isn’t a tormented soul, I’d rather he be good at lacrosse and happy with whatever he does. I don’t want either of them to have the shitty childhood we both seem to have experienced. They’ll have good lives and supportive parents.

You refused to give out your personal cell because of that lady who didn’t leave you alone. Thank you, that’s all I ask. You’re the popular, social face of the gallery, remember.

Well I hope you're both very happy and know that my alcoholism and rampant use of hard drugs was brought on by your betrayal and that Keith could never satisfy me the way you could.

I was thinking the same. I've no idea what we'd name her if we have a daughter, but we can cross that bridge when we come to it.

Would you rather I called them back or can we just get a PA to do it? Why am I answering the phone in the first place? I've more important business.

Like puppies.

Don’t worry, we’ll name the child after you if it’s a boy. Keith could never replace me, Abe.

Then that’s sorted, Adam if it’s a boy, but.. something else if it’s a girl. Gosh, when we have a daughter she’s going to be such a daddy’s girl.

They have been specifically asking for you, that’s why we aren’t getting a PA to do it, besides you gave Brit a week off so you have to answer the phone when Conor isn’t here. And Conor just so happens to be sick right now.

I knew it. I knew I couldn't trust you with Lovely. I'm shocked, outraged and appalled and Keith's there in my time of need to whisk me away to the Maldives.

We're not naming our baby Keith, that's for sure. Do you have any in mind?

Good girl.

I don't know, two? I just unplug the office phone half the time anyway, people are annoying.

He’s always wanted me, I knew it ever since we all met. Enjoy the Maldives, I’ll be here with mine and Lovely’s child.

Well.. I’m not sure. If it’s a boy, then I wanted to name him after Adam. Or his middle name at least. If that’s okay with you.

Seven. We’ve had seven angry voicemails. And fourteen missed calls.

Who said it was fake drama? Clearly we've had a big argument over puppies and I'm going to run away with my Secretary; Keith.

Also, who names their kid Keith in this day and age?

I get that, I do. I'm jealous too, and I wouldn't want to inflict that on anybody. Cece's important to me, but you're all mine, Arabella Sawyer. Nothing's going to take you away from me.

Good, because I've spent the past two days at work looking at puppies and I'd hate for us to have lost that time for nothing.

We had a huge argument over puppies and sandwiches. Added plot twist? You’re running away with Keith and the baby’s Lovely’s.

Weird, weird people, Abe. Also, we need to start looking at baby names.

All yours. Always.

So that’s what you’ve been doing instead of answering the damn phone? Do you know how many voicemails we’ve had?

Fine, but know that the moment I put this phone down, our conversation changes entirely and this one won't continue until I pick my phone back up.

I'm not going to start being a dick to you, that seems like an ick to me. I'm not here to follow TikTok trends, especially since the guy who used to roll bottles down the stairs for ASMR has started swinging toilets and bathtubs. It's just not right.

I get that, and I don't blame you for it at all. We've always been good friends but I never really took on to Cece liking me in that way. She was respectful of us at Easton, and she has been ever since too. Still, I can get why it'd be weird for you.

We'll obviously train whatever dog we get, but you're right. A Springer is a wonderful compromise anyway, they're cute.

… fine. We will keep texting each other from across the room. It looks like we’re in an argument anyway, let the little ones have their fill of fake drama today.

Well good, I’m glad you’re not going to start being a dick to me. That was a relief.

I want to trust her, she’s our friend. And I don’t think anything will happen, obviously, but at the same time it’s Cece. She was your friend first, and I get that, I do. I’m a jealous person, Abe, you know that.

It’s a deal then. We’ll get a puppy.

It's weird how I've delivered both boba and sandwiches but we're still sat messaging each other.

Honestly, just a big old ick. That and not being a total piece of shit to women. Just ick. I'm going to have to start watching that bald person all the incels love at this rate.

She's a total Janice, but we can't hold that over Cece. She's one of our closest friends, and I'm sure she respects our relationship enough to not shamelessly throw herself at me at any given possibility.

Oh! We could do seasonally themed ones too, we could have one for Halloween, and Christmas, and a Fourth of July whodunit, though I'm not sure how that one will work beyond lots of flags. I hope you know I'll be doing my best Benoit Blanc impersionation.

Fine. I'll settle for a Springer.

Then you stop messaging me and talk to me like a normal person. Thanks for the delivery by the way.

I hope you do realise that if you start being a dick to me because it’s an ick to be nice then that’s against the law. You can’t do that. Not allowed.

I’m not holding it against her, I just.. find it a bit weird sometimes. You know I’m used to girls wanting you all the time, but Cece is just a bit.. different. I never even noticed before, but then she told me about it and it’s just a little odd to me.

A Halloween one. I heard Halloween and the rest of the sentence disappeared.

I never said you had to settle, I just don’t want our dog to trample our baby.

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