Inherently Worthy Pt. Four
ITS FINALLY HERE !! so sorry for the lateness, i have been wildly busy but ive finally finished it !!
cw: talk of guilt and of death, but not much!
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Momentarily the fingers on your chin tightened their grip, and you felt your heart leap in your chest. Although the anger continued to boil, the heat in your heart never dissipated even as he glared into your eyes. Still searching.
“What?” His response was short, and sharp. His eyes never leaving yours, never letting you escape his gaze.
You scoff, “All you do is pity me, all everyone does is pity me! After that stupid fucking accident.”
“What the hell are you talking about?!” The anger and confusion swirl together on his features, in his eyes. You weren’t sure what he was so confused about, you had simply stated the truth.
“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I can see it, see it in the way you all look at me. I’m not weak!” You felt your voice getting louder and louder, practically screaming at this point. But the emotions had boiled so high that you felt it had no where else to go but out.
It was burning the inside of your skin, your organs were twisting and smoldering with the heat of it all. The pain that you felt inside your stomach, it had no where to go. Until now.
“No one thinks your weak!” He threw his hands up, freeing you from the prison that your chair had become. You stood, quickly putting distance between you and him. It felt wrong, having all this space between you both. You felt yourself wishing to be close to him again, but your mind was waging war against itself and your thoughts felt so muddled.
“Oh please, you don’t have to try and spare my feelings.” You almost wanted to laugh, of course everyone thought you were weak. It almost seemed too obvious to even try and discount. The thoughts had become so normal in your head you had just assumed everyone thought the same.
His eyes were wide, almost as if he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of your mouth. He felt his head attempting to wrap around the words being spoken, all the unspoken context that he knew he was missing.
The silence stretched on and on, he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to scold you for being so stupid, for even thinking for a second that he had pitied you. Did you even know who he was? Ryomen Sukuna pity someone? It almost made him want to laugh. But he had enough decorum to recognize time and place, and this was neither.
He took a deep breath in, closing his eyes momentarily. You watched his every movement, almost like a prey facing their predator. The second their eyes left the danger, it was over. You didn’t want to lose this, you didn’t know if you could.
“Listen to me.” His voice was even, it took back that same deep and smooth tone from earlier. It made you shiver even though you wish it hadn’t. He stepped forward to close the distance, his fingers twitching with the want to reach out.
With every step forward he took, you took one back. He almost groaned in frustration and stubbornness, even though it was something that he enjoyed about you usually. In this situation, he was beginning to despise it.
“Can you please just let me come near you?”
“Because I would like to tell you something important.”
“You can do it from over there.”
“Brat…” He sighed, shaking his head.
The normal banter comforted you more than you would like to admit. The familiarity of itall eased a tension you didn’t know you were holding. It made your chest feel lighter, your head feel clearer. You almost felt stupid for the way you’d been acting.
Logically, you knew Sukuna couldn’t pity someone even if he wanted to. It wasn’t in his nature. But, your mind loved to convince you that you weren’y worthy of the way he treated you, didn’t deserve to be one of the only people he could really tolerate.
He was so strong, not even just physically or with his cursed energy. His ideals were rock solid, and he had never changed for anyone. Even though he knew he could be a douchebag and was extremely blunt with people, even if it hurt. He had never changed himself to make himself more likeable.
You, on the other hand, had long since attempted to make yourself more palatable to those around you. Wanting to be strong to appease your sensei, and even partially the higher ups. Wanting to do good in school to make the teachers happy, rarely saying no to your friends for a fear they would be upset at you.
You worked yourself to the bone for others, trying to be worthy of everyones attention.
“Fine,” He sighed, his eyes meeting yours. The intense searching look returning, “Do I talk to weak people?”
The question caught you off guard, it certainly wasn’t what you were expecting.
“No? Weak people annoy you.” He nodded his head, taking a step forward. You allowed it, wanting to see where this conversation was going to go. It certainly wasn’t going where you thought it was going to.
“Right, who am I talking to right now?” He takes another step forward, your feet stay planted in there spot.
“Me?” The confusion still running deep through you, trying to piece together what he was trying to get at in your overworked brain. Not getting proper sleep in weeks really does something to you.
“Soooo…you,” he took another step forward, you finally realize how small the distant between you two has gotten. You go to take another step back, but your back reaches the far wall of your dorm. You can feel your heart beat picking up in your chest, the confusing and conflicting emotions of the past months compounding in your head.
“Are,” he takes another step, hes practically as close as he was earlier when you were sitting in the chair. If he breathed any harder you were sure to feel the hot breath fan across your cheeks. The familiar tingly sensation worked up your spine, you felt your cheeks getting hot with your own embarrassment.
“Not weak.” His last words were barely a whisper, his lips right next to your ear as his hands reached out for your arms. Stopping you preemptively from shoving him away.
You both stood there, time seemed to still as you just looked at him. You felt the anger melting away from within you, loosening something within your chest. But, the ugliness you felt wasn’t going anywhere. The silence stretched on, and this is the most patient you’d ever seen Sukuna.
His eyes never left your face, and they carried a warmth you had only seen occasionally. And never toward you, not that you had seen. He waited for the words to truly sink in, to ring through that pretty head of yours and settle into your thoughts. To allow them time and space to ease your nerves and relax your muscles.
You sighed deeply, hanging your head from your shoulders. The tension leaving your body, you moved both of you to sit down on your bed. He was quiet through the entire process, his eyes still carefully tracking your movements. You felt the spark of annoyance flare up, the way he was watching you as if you were going to break.
The bed dips as both of you settle on it. Your mind still racing a mile a minute, the adrenaline of the argument and the lingering frays of your anger kept your thoughts unable to clear. You wanted to speak, to explain. Felt like you owed it to him, after treating him so terribly these past couple of weeks.
“I’m sorry, Ryo.” Your voice was soft, cracking with the emotions you were trying really hard to hold back. Wanting to keep whatever little bit of your dignity you had left. You lay your head in your hands, the lump growing in your throat and taking all of the words you wish to say away from you.
He had always gotten awkward when it came to the emotions of others. Never really knowing what to say, or where to put himself. It wasn’t something that came naturally to him, and it never really bothered you. His silent presence had always been enough to let you talk circles around yourself. He was grounding for you, but right now it felt like everything going on was going to swallow you whole.
You felt his callused hands gently take yours, prying them away from your face. When you opened your eyes, you saw him kneeled infront of you. His face close, his eyes filled with worry. The same worry you saw when you first woke up, you felt the guilt twist in your gut. The ugly mass of emotions rearing its head in your mind.
He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have too. His concern was enough to break you, you heard the sob break free from your throat before you could even process you were crying. Had been crying for quite some time now.
Your forehead collided with his shoulder, your hands fisting his shirt as you wailed. Small babbles of ‘sorrys’ and ‘im terrible’ left your lips. His awkwardness still shone through in his jerky movements through your hair, his little pats on your back. His quiet reassurances of everything being okay. Something so uncharacisterically soft for him.
You heard him scoff as he shoved you off of him, making you erupt into a fit of laughter. It was sweet really, it was. He was being so kind and soft, just for you.
The thought made something hot race down your spine, settling the red within your cheeks. You tried not to think to hard about it.
He sat down next to you after you had calmed down from your sudden mood shift. The tears still drying salty traces down your cheeks. The embarrassment from earlier came back in full swing. You groaned outloud, coming down for the emotionally charged state. Your head clearer than it had been in weeks, you felt stupid. This whole thing felt so silly, but something in the back of your mind had such a grip on this idea.
“What?” He asked, his question obviously going deeper than just tonight. But neither of you knew really how to bridge that gap. You hated the way he was sitting so close, but felt so far from you. But you really had no one to blame but yourself for the distance you put there.
“I’ve been stupid.” You said wetly, feeling the lump in your throat grow back.
“Thats nothing new.” Sukuna grumbled, you playfully pushed at his shoulder and even though he didn’t move an inch, the message got across all the same.
He sighed, and as you looked over to him you could see the gears turning in his head. The way he was attempting to formulate what to say, how to say it. Staring at his face as his mind worked made a warm and fuzzy feeling crawl up your spine, settle softly within your stomach. A gentle smile gracing your features as he got lost in his own thoughts.
“Didn’t anyone teach you staring is rude?”
Not as lost as you thought, the call-out making your cheeks fiery as you ripped your eyes away from him. Muttering insults under your breath as he laughed away beside you.
You sighed, mustering up whatever courage and resolve you had left in you.
He turned to you, his eyes widened slightly due to the abruptness of the statement. You didn’t take your eyes off the wall infront of you, scared that looking at him would make this harder than it already was.
“Uhh..in the mall, I knew I wasn’t the strongest by any means, but I figured I was strong enough. But then I died..” The words tasted like ash on your tongue as you choked on a sob. It was hard enough to remember, even harder to talk about. Reliving what felt like the lowest point in your life thus far wasn’t something you did ever. Not since it happened, you never talked about it. Never wanted too. Figured you burdened enough people with just the situation itself, talking about would only make things worse.
Silently, Sukuna scooted over towards you. Both of your thighs brushing against each other, his hand reaching out and settling on your knee. Rubbing small, comforting circles into the flesh there.
“And then waking up and seeing you,” You paused, the image of his tired face, of his sad eyes. It haunted you most days, the guilt you felt was suffocating. The most for hurting him, for being the reason of any pain of his. “You looked so…sad.” The last words were barely above a whisper, the tears fully back and streaming down your face. Still refusing to break eye contact with the wall.
“I just…felt so guilty and so scared that this would change things. Like you said you don’t talk to weak people and I just…”
A hand pulling your face away from the wall, forcing your eyes to meet with his. Something unreadable swirling and mixing with the red that pooled their. You felt like you could get lost within them, something you’ve done countless times before.
No words were said, he leaned closer and closer. You felt your breath hitch as his lips touched yours. For a moment, you froze. You didn’t know what to do, or what to think. Never thinking that this could ever truly happen. Not in this timeline, or in any of them for that matter.
You felt him pulling away gently, could already hear the regret pouring off of him in waves. Before letting him get to far, your brain kicked back into gear and you surged forward. Taking his lips in yours, melding them together. Taking him slightly off guard, but he melted into none the less.
You had imagined this many times before. Many late nights spent fantasizing about how kissing him felt, what his lips tasted like. Was he gentle? Was he passionate? But no amount of fantasizing could settle for the real thing.
His spicy scent engulfed you, plaguing your senses with nothing but him.
You both pulled away when neither of your lungs could stand the lack of oxygen any longer, panting heavily. A lazing smirk drew across his face, his voice husky and dark.
“I’ve been waiting to do that.”
The line made your brain short circuit, it made you freeze. Running the line over and over in your head. The implications of the statement made you confused.
“What?” Your voice was quiet, your foreheads resting against eachother. Not wanting to break the tender moment, the first and hopefully not last one you both will share.
“You really are stupid.” He scoffed, shaking his head gently. His tone dripping in amusement. In that moment you felt like you had been left out of a very funny inside joke. Embarrassment welled up within and made you want to hide, to curl up into a hole and never come out.
“Good thing thats just how I like you.” His voice the softest you’ve probably ever heard it. The words fueled by an emotion you didn’t think you were ready to unpack. It made your cheeks heat up, a pretty pink settling high on your face.
His hands coming up to cup your jaw, both hands cradling your face. You closed your eyes and sighed, feeling the aches that seemed to run deeper than your bones slowly ooze out of your pores.
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authors note: ITS DONE!! I hope you guys enjoyed the series, hopefully ill be posting more works more often but I am incredibly busy so I can't make any promises. but thank you for all the love and support on my works !! love you guys sm :)))) comments and reblogs are ALWAYS appreciated !!
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