alina trans angst

Alina: 22, transfem, self-medicating since January 7th, 2017. Here's how that's been going for me. * * * Go to my #journey tag for relevant stuff about my transitioning experience.

[arclightbutterfly]

Blog Organization

Ill probably formally organize this mess of a blog at some point, but here's how I'm going to tag things:

#journey - anything that might help others map out how my transition went in terms of physical and social changes, as well as how my regimen changed over time.

#physical update - things to do with my body changing as a result of my transition

#social update - things to do with how i'm viewed in society changing as a result of my transition

#medication update - things to do with how my transition medication is changing

#life update - things to do with how my life is changing

#milestone - things to do with me achieving certain milestones, such as going to prom. these are going to be the happy posts.

#trans thoughts - things to do with the thoughts I have about trans stuff

#timeline - pictures of me that I post

#off topic - things to do with other events going on in my life

#religion - stuff related to my religious life as a transgender christian

This post has conveniently been tagged as all of them, so you can just click on the tag to go to that category c:

[arclightbutterfly]

go follow my side blog btw: @communalwife

i actually . post and reblog things on there

[arclightbutterfly]

Hi Alina,

I just wanted to say how brave and courageous you are with your journey. You’re impacting a lot of people’s journey and lives including mine as well. If you don’t mind, how is your romantic/sexual life with this journey? I’ve been talking to this guy but he doesn’t know I’m transgender and I’m a little worried/scared.

GKSKFJDJ thank you ,,,, i am glad to know i am a positive influence <3

my romantic sexual life has been ,, complicated , but in recent years have simplified greatly . it’s kind of difficult because no matter what stage you are in your transition, you’re always having to balance and distinguish between people who genuinely like you for who you are , and people who like you *despite* who you are

if i’m being fully honest , i became kind of a whore in college— i think the combination of not knowing how to have positive perceptions of my body combined with the desire to present and feel as feminine as possible caused me to seek out mind-numbing interactions in which i could try to validate myself while being overwhelmed enough to drown out my own perceptions of myself .

eventually , especially once i got more comfortable with my body , i think i calmed down significantly , and started seeing people a lot more on my own terms , and i think i have a much healthier relationship with my sexuality in general now .

but more pertinently to your question , i think the people i have met have generally always been more open minded than i have expected . you’re always going to be more one person’s type and less of someone else’s , but i think that’s the case for everyone . in this sense, i think my romantic involvements have been relatively normal ?

in your case, i would definitely be careful first , but you shouldn’t let the fear of someone’s perception keep you from expressing your feelings or finding love . no matter who you are , it’s always good to prepare yourself for the chance of rejection , and especially as women , it’s always smart to prepare for the chance of violent reciprocation . so just be sure to take precautions , but otherwise , i think you should always try to branch out !

overall , although there’s been setbacks , i’ve always found that taking chances (with the necessary precautions !) has led to better experiences for me . being trans might make things harder , but in the end , we’re all just people , if that makes sense

i’m sorry if this answer is a little rambly— i’m a little out of it at the moment , and i’m not good at answering broad questions , but i appreciate you asking !! hope things go well for you <3

[theweight]

my three beautiful daughters igneous sedimentary and metamorphic

[flyin-shark]

my three gorgeous daughters isosceles scalene and equilateral

[theclownfromdowntown]

my three lovely daughters sin cosine and tangent

[spacefinch]

My three lovely daughters metal, metalloid, and nonmetal

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

my three amazing daughters Theropods, Ornithischians, and Sauropodomorphs

[arclightbutterfly]

my three darling daughters solid liquid gas and my twenty two horridly inbred daughters, amorphous solid, crystalline solid, plastic crystal, quasicrystal, liquid crystal, plasma, supercritical fluid, electron degenerate matter, neutron degenerate matter, strange matter, quantum spin hall state, bose einstein condensate, fermionic condensate, super conductivity, superfluid, supersolid, quantum spin liquid, string-net liquid, time crystals, rydberg polaron, black supersonic ice, and the runt of the fucking litter: bosonic correlated insulator

[arclightbutterfly]

six and a half years of estrogen c:

[jordanbolton]

“Range Life” by Jordan Bolton

Part of Scenes from Imagined Films Issue #1, available on Etsy

[arclightbutterfly]

i am so innocent and normal and so so trans

[arclightbutterfly]

hi, what does "we will be the last to suffer" mean in your bio?

it represents my kind of life motto; the idea that we should try to help create a world where the pains we endure are not felt by those that come after us: i want to ensure that we will be the last to suffer

for me specifically, it means that i want to help create a world where access to HRT isn’t restricted by the conditions of your life— anyone who needs it should be allowed to access it easily and without restriction, so that no one has to suffer through the long years of dysphoria without a clear way out like i and many others did

[arclightbutterfly]

Your DIY Tutorial saved my life back in 2017/18.. Thank you!

Try to remember that you had a very big positive impact on someone’s life <3

thank you so much for this ,,,, im so glad i was able to help !!!!

i hope you are doing well now !! i really appreciate your support <3333

[arclightbutterfly]

get crabbd

you are so kind

[ms-demeanor]

Plan B is shelf stable for up to 4 years. Afterpill is shelf stable for about 18 months.

Plan B is currently available over the counter, and you can find coupons for it online for various retailers; some of those coupons require a prescription so check the coupon details carefully. Both of these medications can be ordered online.

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Emergency contraception is effective for a short period after sex. You need to take Plan B or Afterpill within 72 hours of unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy.

IUDs and birth control implants are effective long-term birth control that does not require your partner to participate in using the birth control or even be aware of it. IUDs are 99% effective and are effective for 3-12 years depending on type. Planned Parenthood can place an IUD for you, and so can many gynecologist's offices, and IUDs are covered under most health insurance plans. Talk to your doctor or gynecologist about how to get an IUD. Birth control implants are 99% effective and are effective for up to 5 years. Like IUDs, you can talk to your doctor or gynecologist, or visit Planned Parenthood, to get an IUD.

The birth control methods listed here are not effective for preventing STIs, they are for pregnancy prevention only.

If you can become pregnant but do not want to be pregnant, now is a good time to consider a long-term birth control option like an IUD or a birth control implant, and to purchase emergency contraception like Plan B or Afterpill to have it onhand in an emergency.

[ms-demeanor]

Lots of people in this country don't get a good education about birth control or their bodies. Here is Scarleteen's comprehensive, accessible guide to birth control and how it works.

Scarleteen also has a guide to self-managed medical abortions.

Here is a guide on how to get Mifepristone online.

Here's a guide on how to get Misoprostol online.

[arclightbutterfly]

so, i know that i’ve started objectifying myself more often on the internet and especially on this blog , and i would just like you all to know that this is in part due to the fact that i have realized that the only way to get anyone to pay attention to myself or my suffering is for myself to become palatable to their expectations

and while i’ve resisted it until now, i’ve realized that there really is no other way around the fact that if i am to bring attention to the issues pertaining my identity, i must first play by the internet’s rules— albeit begrudgingly

anyways enjoy my swimsuit photo

[arclightbutterfly]

completely unrelated to my last post and tumblr adding a tipping system but i finally found a pair of swimwear that i really like ????

the swim shorts hide my bulge really well ,,,, something that’s prevented me from swimming for literally a decade now

i’m actually so excited for the summer ???? i am going to submerge myself in water for the first time in over ten years holy shit

[arclightbutterfly]

so tumblr added a tip button , which is cool

from now on if you’re going to send me an unsolicited DM you have to pay me first; $20 if you’re sending an unsolicited dick pick, $50 if you’re receiving one

for legal reasons this is a joke

[arclightbutterfly]

i finally got my breast aug !!

im a little late but happy trans day of visibility <3 !!

[arclightbutterfly]

tw: “based on your likes”, roaches, torture, starvation, death, fates worse than death

“based on your likes” tumblr where in the entire history of my liked posts have i ever indicated that i would one day like to see a photorealistic image of a woman paralyzed in bed with roaches crawling into her mouth with the caption “Please just let me starve and die!”

[thewanderingace]

Koisenu Futari

I heard about this show like a week ago through a random tumblr post. A gifset of Sakuko searching the internet for the term “AroAce”. I did a double take. Theres no way, I thought. An aroace character? The words aromantic and asexual being used on screen? So I did some quick research and discovered that this is from a Japanese drama show called Koisenu Futari.

Here’s a summary of the show:

About two people who are aromantic and asexual and begin living together. Sakuko finds it difficult to live in a society which operates under the assumption that people will fall in love with each other. She meets supermarket employee Takahashi when she goes to support a “fall-in-love” campaign by her junior at work. She is startled when she hears him say that there are people who don’t fall in love. As Sakuko’s mother keeps hurrying her to get married, she decides to move out and rent an apartment with her friend but her friend backs out at the last minute after reconciling with her ex-boyfriend. Just when Sakuko is about to give up, she ends up living with Takahashi under one roof because of their similar values towards romance.

(source)

So not only does this show have an AroAce character, it is CENTERED on not one but TWO Aroace characters and their experiences and feelings as AroAces.

Do you know how rare that is!?!??!

Last night I finally found a way to watch it with English subtitles and I blew through the two episodes available when I tell you I cried. Oof. I cried no less than 3 times during episode 1 alone.

I mean look at this. Talks of amatonormativity, Sakuko’s friendship being mistaken for romantic feelings, friends ditching her for romantic relationships, constantly being told she’ll find her “fated partner”, touch aversion, and so much more.

Is this what real representation feels like? This is a little overwhelming to be honest. I’ve never experienced anything like this in my entire life. There has never been anything like this on tv ever. We as a community have gotten so many crumbs. A few canon ace characters. Even fewer aro characters. I can’t even name 1 aroace character. And even then their stories are side plots or they’re secondary characters or just a throwaway joke/plot device. I can count on hand the number of accurate decent representation for the aspec community on tv.

But this show. This is me. This is my experience, my feelings, my identity. Sakuko is my coming out story. Sakuko and Takahashi are living my life. I see myself on screen for the first time. I’m crying again because I’ve never know what this could feel like. I feel heard and seen. I feel accepted and normal.

A part of me still worries that the other shoe is going to drop and they’ll have Sakuko and Takahashi fall in love I’m the end and then they’ll be “normal” because that’s what always happen. Always always always. But I genuinely dont think that’s what’s going to happen and I’m ecstatic about that.

A whole show about two AroAces!!!! I’m over the moon right now. Lots of sobbing happening right now. Words dont convey the amount of happiness I feel about this.