some random mentallyill womans diary. @arcusf4rley - Tumblr Blog

hello

Sho/pping list!

Bananas

Soy milk

Eggs

Super glue/general first aid cuz my body sucks

#Massive TW for my blog. TREAD CAUTIOUSLY. i vent a LOT #📷#i use this blog whenever I want a break from my other main #getting notifications is a bit stressful sometimes i just wanna be weird in peace #scared cookies will make people I know see this. if you do; hi. sorry. i just have #a lot to let out sometimes. weed makesme psychotic #Youtube

I wanna softblock all of my folllwers except 5 ppl but then i realized that qould be insane so im not gonna do that

Yayyyyy

This strain is what ketamine must feel like. I feel outside of my body on this straim but in a good way

My miscreants

I took this for m but... idk i was too shy to sejd it.

Need to stop getting high everyday </3

Sometimes burdened by the knowledge that my uncle might have sexually abused me if he had an oppurtunity but i was always with my aunt and grandma and my mom beat him up a few times she puncjed his nose snd broke his glasses but i dont remember why

My uncle asked me a very strange question about my breasts when i was 20 :/ it made me never want to visit him again.

#whenever i was babysat at grandmas house mom always asked me if anyone touched me #and she always told me if they do i need to tell her #but my mom was abusive and scary in a different way so even if i was abused ljke #i would likely never tell her. plus language barrier #i dont think i was sedually abused but repressed memories are a thign sometimes #like that memory i got of :( that randomly came to me when i was 21 #my alters trusted me i guess. i just found out j was a system #and she. the little one insjde. gave me a box. i opened it #and there layed a horrible memory #i cant remember if it came in a dream or not. i just remember beijg in the basement. shaking.

arcusf4rley

My aunt is a scary person her eyes tell the whole story

arcusf4rley

LITERALLY AT 6 FLAGS YEAH HER GAZE IS SCARYYY

arcusf4rley

*feels sad*

*sees CT* okay life is good and not sad. Life is so cutes and funny and whimsical, in fact

arcusf4rley

EEEEEEE

#looking at old posts rn <3

My experience with L this year altered my sexuality. Yet again. First he teaches me what pleasure really is, even when i dissociated. Sefondly he puts me off so badly i never want to be with a man agaun

Like im bi im into men but even when i entertain a het fantasy for one minute i feel either disgust, fear (miguel flashbaaack) or boredom. I just bi-ccycle (like today i literally biked for weed) jk but damn idk..

Het fantasies just bring only negatibe feelings and im not aroused. Meanwhile ive been wanting to munch on carpet all month, suck on tits and kiss pretty ladies all over the place. But haha

#im finally accepting im bisexual im just mentally ill

My cat pissed in my room but idk where

#i have to put him in my room when i cook because he tries to eat the food youre making....#i hope i can find where it is. this is giving me bad memories of living in a dirty home #it was in a bag and i threw it away but my nose now keeps catching it like wtf T_T #life is not fair. i wish he didnt try to eat my food when i cook otherwise i wouldnt put him in my room #its not kitties fault but i feel so grossed out now #and i need to cook idc but i have like no solution....#maybe im crazy but is it somethibf else i smell?#i dissociate and can never smell correctly ok..#im high maybe the smell is my ARMPITS

arcusf4rley

I wanna make system art so bad. I wanna draw josh. josh isnt around much... hes around when i really need a gentle father or uncle like figure. #mytransgendergothdad

My mommy issues are so much less complicated than the father ones and funnily with my one bestie its the opposite for him.

#I feel worse for my sisters tho bc they actually love him #so it must be way harder for them. oh my god i hate my dad....#jesus i wanna sleep i dont wanna be on the trauma roller coasyer rn #it all started with that charlie flashback and now im here #braiiin turn tf OFFFFFFF im begging you

I never know if the memory is real or not but its why i have such an emotional reaction to sc//at fetishes. I hope its not real

He did it to my cat thoufh and everytome i remember it i actually want to kill my father im aftually crying now

He qas a "good" father i always praised him as a teen "at least my dad loves me a lot of peoples dads are awful not mine though!!!" but deep down i knew he was evil. Always.

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some random mentallyill womans diary.