𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫.

it's coming on christmas. they're cutting down trees. they're putting up reindeer, and singing songs of joy and peace. oh, i wish i had a river i could skate away on. but it don't snow here. it stays pretty green. i'm gonna make a lot of money, then i'm gonna quit this crazy scene. oh, i wish i had a river i could skate away on. i wish i had a river so long, i would teach my feet to fly. oh, i wish i had a river i could skate away on.

[arielasfm]

delifreshroast​:

“no, silly, we’re heading up to mountainside by bird scooter duhhh,” he deadpanned before breaking into another chuckle. the thought alone was so ridiculous deli had to laugh at his own joke. coupled with ariela leaning into his idea more and he was all smiles. “yeah we can take my car. you’ll have to bear with me though - it’s no private limo or lexus but my trusty toyota corolla does the job. for now, we can take a little stroll around town square first ‘cause there’s so much opportunity for dope shots around here.” deli waved his hand, a non-verbal no biggie. “ready when you are!”

it took ariela a second to realize that jay was making a joke there. with the bizarre aspect of the town, she wouldn’t have put it past her friend to actually pull out the two childish scooters and insist on riding through the snowy streets. thank god that fear wouldn’t get a chance to become a reality for ariela. instead, she strolled through town square, knowing that when this little excursion was done, she’d be in the comfort of his warm car, as average as it may be. in the meantime, she used the few tips she learned from shows such as america’s next top model and high-fashion magazines like vogue to create poses that are wooden entertaining. though unnatural in nature, at least ariela looks like she’s trying. at the very least, the effort was there. “ how are the shots ?? “ she asked, completely oblivious to how the pictures were coming across.

[arielasfm]

adrianslau​:

adrian hopes he didn’t make things too awkward mentioning the broadcast. but considering that she offered to go to the diner with him means that she might need to vent for a bit., which he totally gets. “we can use my car, i parked up this street.” he nudges ariela with his elbow. “i’ll pay, too. my treat.”

at the diner, ariela found herself swirling sugar into her cup of tea with a sense of dread. she wasn’t sure what the two photographers thought of the whole on-air exchange, but she knew that they witnessed it, and that was enough to make her want to bury herself in the snow. instead, she was at the diner, surrounded with people who most likely also watched the viral moment unfold. “ it’s bad enough that the fi--the heated debate was in a bakery. i was fully convinced i’d be pulling pumpkin cream out of my hair for a week, but then she has the nerve to just walk off !! if you’re going to make barbarianism your whole ‘ thing ’, you could at least stick to the script, so the civilized people around you know what bizarre antics to expect. she looked like she was crying, which is so rich, adrian !! of course someone walks off after being unable to handle the mess they themselves created. “ she explained. taking a sip of her now-sugared beverage, she takes a moment to breathe. after all, she had to admit that she sounded like a maniac. “ anywho, now i get to go home after this wretched holiday season is all over and explain to my therapist that baked goods are on my shit-list. “ she sighed. it was sad that she had to say that aloud, but then again, it was sad that she was trapped here with her highest of foes. “ oh, goodness, me !! you’ll have to excuse me, as i definitely made this entire exchange about me again. i’ve been told it’s annoying, and my life goal is to not be the next-coming of she-who-must-not-be-named. in that case, how are we doing ?? how’s the love life ?? are we still kissing people near trees or what have you ?? “

[arielasfm]

palmcrs​:

max raised an eyebrow and took another sip of her drink. she was a little relieved, almost, that ariela had finally asked a question that had an easy answer. why was it happening now? well, it was a direct consequence of their very own actions! “i mean, i assume you haven’t gotten into a bitch fight live on tv until now. but you did today, so. that’s why it’s happening now and not earlier,” she explained. she wasn’t trying to be an asshole, or a know-it-all, or anything - that wasn’t why she stated the obvious. she was trying to be helpful. just, in her drunken state, she wasn’t all too good at it. “for the record, i did all those things, too. nyu and working hard and everything. so, you know, at least we’re tied,” she offered, like it was some kind of consolation. “i… have no idea what i’m gonna do, though, so,” she admitted. “maybe i can grovel? i mean, it’s not my idea of a good time, but. maybe if i go tell him how sorry i am about everything, he won’t fire me. i mean - i mean - we did get record ratings, even if it was a disaster. maybe - maybe people will think it was a bit. maybe we could make it our thing,” she offered, though she realized even as she said it that it was at least kind of ridiculous. fuck, she was fucked. dammit.

ariela shrugged off what she thought to be yet another example of max’s wisecracking nature. she had to be kidding herself if she thought the insufferable brunette would be any different by now, even after such a tense exchange. she could have chimed in when max added onto ariela’s complaints with her own college experience, but instead, ariela decided to sit back and listen. it wasn’t worth fighting, not tonight. instead, she simply nodded and gave a sympathetic smile. “ sure. “ she quietly acknowledged: not confirming, not denying, just acknowledging. 

just when she thought they were a hopeless case, her all-too-confusing coworker surprises her with some well-needed inspiration. twisting the truth was a genius idea and one that might just save both of them from the cold, hungry, broke future they were currently facing. “ i might have a wonderful idea ! “ she smiled. her eyes widened with the announcement, as if she was shocked by their own creative minds. “ how would you like to play pretend ?? “

[arielasfm]

palmcrs​:

lore, she couldn’t help but think to herself drunkenly.”wow, that’s a long time,” max observed, more than willing to state the obvious. she found this fascinating, and it made her deeply curious, if maybe not entirely surprising. after all, wasn’t there something about ariela that was fundamentally lonely, if not completely alone? still, it was none of max’s business, and she had not yet reached the point of drunkenness to forgo her own problems and submit herself to prying into ariela’s life, so she simply tucked that information in the back of her mind and carried on. she certainly could admire ariela’s unsteady optimism, though max wasn’t sure if she could say the same - in the past, things had certainly worked out fine for max, but this was… well, it was a big deal, wasn’t it? like, this might really be a disaster. and though she might be able to find another job, she didn’t want another job. she liked the job she had; that was kind of the whole point. “well,” she said softly, eyes wide and open, “at least one of us has it halfway figured out.”

ariela nodded as max made her remark. she knew that sort of thing was a gamechanger. then again, that kind of response also made her tense up. after all, ariela considered max to be the one worthy of pity. she’s the one who walked off in tears. she’s the one who had to hear the news from the person she very clearly dislikes. she’d be lying if she said that sort of response from her co-anchor didn’t cause a lump in her throat that was the size of a boulder. hearing her acknowledge ariela’s failed attempt at self-reassurance only increased the great mass of that ever-present rock lodged in her esophagus. wiping her eyes, she took another sip of her glass. “ i just. i went to nyu, right ?? i graduated at the top of my class. i was cordial and professional, and no one ever gave me any problems, so why is this happening now ?? “ she groaned. though her whining certainly wasn’t ideal, it did make her feel good, allowing her to return to the ariela she is: successful, convincing, if not vain. it sure beat wasting the night in the life of the sad, lonely little girl she once was.

[arielasfm]

delifreshroast​:

how could he say no to a discount? “deal!” deli was really excited now and it showed through the way he was practically vibrating with energy at the spot. he even threw in a little fist pump into the air. “thanks ariela, you’re a real one!” he glanced around at the coffee shop that was growing busier by the minute. “nah, we can go all over and start heading out. consider this a northmount tour rolled into one. did you wanna grab you coffee first before we do?”

“ does this mean we’re using your car ?? i’m not quite sure how the walk from town square to mountainside would be on our calves. “ she admitted. a giggle escaped alongside her question. out of everyone in town, she credited jay as being the only one to truly allow her the space to goof off. after all, she was never quite a goofy person, as seen in her broadcasts. however, given that jay visibly had the energy of a small, caffeine-addicted boy, as was evident by his current excitement, you could say that sort of energy was slightly contagious. however, that smile dimmed once she realized that her coffee was still on the counter. “ oh my god. you’re a lifesaver. “ she told him, grabbing her frappuccino before the ice had a chance to melt. 

[arielasfm]

adrianslau​:

adrian grimaces, hearing the panic in ariela’s voice. “sorry! i didn’t mean to mention it. or see it. i just like leaving the tv on in the background when i get home. if it makes you feel any better, i only caught like the last five minutes or so?” well, the end of the broadcast was basically the entire argument, but that’s not something he should bring up. “oh yeah, they have the best sundaes. what’s wrong with pie?”

ariela sighed as she mentally processed the series of events all over again. if he saw the last five minutes, he almost certainly witnessed the chaos of it all, even if it was in the background. shaking her head, she dropped her shoulders in a sort of comical defeat as she exhaled. “ i’ll tell you at the diner. are we using your car or mine ?? “

[arielasfm]

adrianslau​:

“it’s certainly all-american, that’s for sure. but i wouldn’t have it any other way.” adrian nods. “yeah, it’s not too far from here. we should grab a bite one of these days. maybe i can give you more personal and/or objective facts about northmount for you to add to your report.” he glances over at ariela, a curious and concerned look washing over his features. “or we could just stress eat. especially after…” he leaves it in the air, not sure if mentioning the live broadcast with max is still a bit of a touchy subject, especially with what happened during it.

the silence followed by the statement loomed over ariela’s head as a constant reminder of everything that was wrong about this place. after that infuriating exchange, it was made abundantly clear that perhaps ariela and rural towns do not add up to be a perfect match. towns this small brought out the worst in her, or so it seemed. now that she knew her friends saw it, that fact became ever-present in her mind. “ you saw ?? of course you saw, everyone saw. my god, i am never living this down. my life is an endless source of disaster. “ she said, shaking her head as she spoke more to herself than to her friend beside her. “ i don’t think i’m ever looking at a pie again, but if they have sundaes, i’m so there. “

[arielasfm]

delifreshroast​:

ariela was entertaining him. this was good; it meant she was more likely to agree to his request.  “i don’t believe in free labor,” deli stated resolutely. “but i’m not exactly rolling around in dough over here. i can pay you $100 for the day, you get a free photoshoot and headshots, and you get some holiday fun time with me which is your best offer, if i had to say so myself,” deli countered. in case that wasn’t enough, he decided to pull all the stops, throwing in for extra measure: “and if you’re feeling in the giving season mood, i’m asking as a friend because this could be a really good opportunity to build my portfolio. please? it’ll be a fun time, i promise.”

“ i will tell you what, you can pay me $50 as a makeshift friend discount. “ she said with a smile. this kind of generosity made her proud of herself, but it was also she was happy to do for someone who didn’t want to bite her head off, for a change. “ are we doing it here ?? i believe we would have to pay someone for that, which i’m fine contributing to, as well. “

[arielasfm]

palmcrs​:

max wasn’t certain that trapped was the word for what she felt; she was in the midst of a disaster, sure, but that wasn’t really northmount’s fault. as much as she felt homesick, she also kind of liked this town, and the people here, and though she’d screwed up big time, she was certainly further from scott’s wrath out here ( at least, until she charged up her phone. after that, it was over for her ). she simply shrugged at ari’s next statement; max certainly had family she could go see, but honestly, there were so many kids in the palmer family that max’s absence could very well go unnoticed much of the time. part of her did want to go see them - drink spiked hot chocolate with trevor and ruby, listen to her dad’s same stories he’d told them a billion times - but she dreaded the idea that she’d have to return to them as a failure, and explain what had happened ( or worse, they’d already seen it, they already knew, so max couldn’t even defend herself ). “maybe tomorrow,” she said, because it was all she could think to say. she’d deal with the impossible tomorrow, when she was hungover enough to be forced into pragmatism, and she was already really suffering anyways. “what about you?” she asked, because she couldn’t help herself - what had ariela missed out on this holiday season to come and get probably fired with max?

“ that would be a disaster. my family hasn’t seen me since 2012. “ she casually admitted, shaking her head. truthfully, she didn’t mean to lay her cards on the table too soon, but given the question at hand, she figured honesty was most likely the best policy. she then chose to focus on the more likely future ahead, full of bouncing around from couch to couch and trying her best to strive for something, anything in order to get by. taking a sigh, she decided to set her sights on that instead, rather than the futile possibility of even meeting her parents again. “ but the city is kind of like a family, so i can’t say i’m disappointed to be returning home. besides, there’s no use worrying about the worst possible option when i very clearly will bounce back from whatever this is. “ she explained. at this point, she wasn’t sure if she was attempting to convince her co-anchor or herself. “ i always do. “

[arielasfm]

adrianslau​:

“well, almost everything. snowflake diner closes at midnight, i think. it’s been a while since i was there.” adrian glances down at his feet, smiling as a wave of nostalgia washes over him. “i swear that place tastes even better when you’re there in the middle of the night. have you heard of the place? they have really good pies.”

“ so i can’t get midnight tea, but i can certainly grab a midnight burger. that is certainly something. “ she commented, shaking her head as a knowing grin began to spread across her face. then again, pie did sound like an excellent distraction right now. “ snowflake diner is up in mountainside, correct ?? “

[arielasfm]

palmcrs​:

at ariela’s question, max’s blood ran cold. a place to stay? jesus, how fast had this all run through management? ( well, when you make a mistake this big… ) “a place to stay?” she asked, “are they kicking us out of the hotel?” already? it wasn’t like max was genuinely broke, exactly - she could pay for another night at the hotel on her own, then find her way back tomorrow, if this was all the case. but the principal of the thing didn’t bode well for either of them; had they really fucked up so badly scott wouldn’t even put them up for one more fucking night? if that was the case, they were fired for sure, weren’t they? she took another sip of her drink, face grim. what the fuck did i do?  

“ i just figured, why be trapped in a place that no longer needs you, you know ?? “ she offered up as a rebuttal. it seemed that throughout this past evening, ariela was in and out of a lingering daze, but these words broke through the cracks for her, sounding oddly familiar to her. she couldn’t quite recall where they came from, but she knew that digging around and seeking it out was practically futile. instead, she chose to focus her efforts on the other girl, the one who looked like she was either ready to break someone’s neck or break down. “ i’m sure you have family members who are dying to see you for the holiday season. there’s no use staying here when you can visit people who are clamoring to see you. “

[arielasfm]

palmcrs​:

at ariela’s first question, one of max’s hands went to her pocket before she remembered: “my phone is dead.” it’s been dead for hours, and her charger is back at the hotel - she’d been avoiding the hotel for this very reason, of course; she didn’t want to see ariela. a pr disaster? well, yeah, duh, max figured. it’d been a screaming match, live on-air. max would have tuned in if she wasn’t the one in front of the camera. and then, at the mention of SNL, max managed to somehow completely forget herself; “SNL?” she asked, perking up with drunken excitement for a beat - there was gonna be a sketch about her on SNL? she loved SNL! would pete davidson play her? - before she remembered that was bad. because they were in deep shit, they were - going to get cancelled. fuck, fuck, fuck. “oh, my god,” she said, and for once, she had nothing smart to say, no stupid fucking quip to offer. “the today show?” she echoed, though it was more of a rhetorical question than anything else. “oh, my god,” she moaned, incapable of anything else. she raised her hand in a wave towards the bartender, a request for another drink, then buried her head in her hands. “we are so fucked.” did her parents see the show? if they hadn’t, they would. they’d be so embarrassed. max was gonna lose her job - would she have to move back home? or crash on ruby’s couch like the weird jobless aunt everyone always figured she would be? she didn’t want to lose her job. she loved her job. this was beyond cataclysmic. “i’m so fucked,” she repeated, voice breaking a little as she willed herself not to cry. 

there were many things ariela had never quite expected: the first being the potential loss of her job, the second being her mere presence inside of a dive bar this dirty, and the third being her co-anchor’s fluctuating emotions. ariela had to admit, seeing max near tears changed her perception of her co-anchor. it nearly made her human, rather than just a lingering negative force in ariela’s life. even though she found herself weeping alongside her, all she could think to do with this new revelation was to check in on the girl she supposedly hated. “ do you have a place to stay or anything ?? “ she asked the other brunette.

[arielasfm]

palmcrs​:

when ariela came to approach max, max’s heart sunk. well, that had been the last thing she’d wanted - how could max face the other woman now? for one thing, there was the fight, the terrible fight, where every nasty thought they’d had finally boiled to the surface; they’d both said things they couldn’t take back. surely, hurting ariela’s feelings shouldn’t even be on max’s radar of concern right now - really, why should she care? she hated ariela, so it shouldn’t even matter. but, then: max was drunk, and maudlin, and already trying not to sink too far in to the twisting feeling of regret in her gut. so, maybe she felt a little bad - maybe she wasn’t sure she could handle seeing ari right now, after everything, because she was unsure of where to go from… wherever they had left off. but even aside that, of course, there was max’s giant fuck up, the absolute disaster that had been the live show; would ariela rub it in her face? it’d be ridiculous of max to expect anything less; and maybe she deserved it. she braced herself and took a long sip of her drink, then turned back to ariela, placing the glass back onto the counter with a dull little thud. “what?” she asked, voice soft and almost without malice.

and there went the little face that seemed almost sympathetic in nature. ariela wondered why she even screamed at her in the first place. she could have continued the segment, but no, she had to go off the rails and give in. however, she had to admit to herself that she couldn’t change the past. all she could do was tell her co-worker about their future, despite how much dread surrounded it. taking a deep breath and shaking her head, she tried her best to state it simply and concisely. “ has scott reached out to you yet ?? this was a pr disaster. we had record numbers for all the wrong reasons. i believe even snl is doing a skit on it, which i don’t even want to think about right now. all i know is that scott has been calling me nonstop and channel 1 is talking about cancelling our segment. and now we have a virtual interview with the today show on thursday, we might be living on poptarts from here on out, and everything’s going to hell. my god, i can’t do this. “

[arielasfm]

delifreshroast​:

“what do i want? i don’t want anything.” he blinked innocently, still grinning widely at ariela like he was cheshire cat reincarnated. deli stepped back and placed a hand on his chin as if he was thinking, then held his hands out to form a rectangle with his fingers — which was silly because his camera was hanging from his neck right there — and squinted. “has anyone told you you’d make a fabulous model?”

and there it was: the creeper smile. ariela had never seen it on jay before, but her little brother had done it enough times for her to have a clue as to its meaning. he wanted something. he had to have wanted something. why else would he be pestering her this early in the day? once he finally announced what that thing was, all ariela could do was sigh. “ fine. “ she said, raising and dropping her shoulders in agreement. “ what’s in it for me ?? “ she joked.

[tullyfm]

who: @arielasfm​ where: the local bar (??)

how had things gotten so messed up in almost no time at all, max wondered? she was going to get fired, she was at least 70% sure of it ( and the more she drank, the more that number went up ). what she should have done was stayed home - foreseen how annoying ariela would get, and just stayed home and spent the holidays with her family like she did every other year. now, she was miles from home, miles from her mom and dad and siblings, miles from her cat, and she was going to get fired. she was fucked, and homesick, and she felt like an idiot; she hated feeling that way, or feeling like she had something to regret. more than anything, she hated the idea that maybe she really was a complete fuck-up, just as ariela had so succinctly and effectively claimed. so, what was she supposed to do now? she certainly couldn’t go back to the hotel, not on the off chance ariela was there. she sort of wanted to get an expensive ass uber back home, but she wouldn’t let her do that - she couldn’t quit before she even knew if she was truly fired. she had to stand her ground for at least as long as she could, didn’t she? so, instead, she wandered the streets, trashing the empty bottle of alcohol she’d gotten from the local liquor store as soon as it was empty, and opting instead to enter the bar, a quick reprieve from the brutal wind and cold of northmount’s outdoors. she was already at a stool and ordering a drink when she glanced away and noticed that ariela, too, was there. shit. should she leave? no, she shouldn’t leave. but she didn’t really wanna have to confront the girl, nor did she want to pretend she hadn’t seen her. shit. 

[arielasfm]

three minutes. that’s how long it took for ariela to ruin everything for the both of them: three minutes. those three minutes might have single-handedly ruined their careers, and it was all thanks to her. right when ariela had yet another opportunity to rise to the challenge, she fell short, yet again. she only had herself to blame, which could have been why she was drowning herself in her liquor. there were no fancy tastes, no rich, seasonal smells, and certainly no notes of any kind, beyond the constant, lingering note of disappointment and failure. if max saw her right now, ariela guessed she’d probably have a field day with this. maybe it was better she wasn’t. this way, she didn’t have to face the bad news. how could she tell the other brunette that she was the reason they were both losing their jobs? as she saw her co-worker walk into the bar, those fears increased tenfold. she did this. she had to face the consequences of it. wiping her eyes and face, she tried her best to put on a somewhat cohesive front before flagging the other girl down. “ you certainly might want to hear this. “ 

[arielasfm]

palmcrs​:

tell me this, ariela begins the rant, but max never has any intention of answering her, and ariela doesn’t really seem to have any intention of letting max answer her either way. so, it’s all this: ariela hates max, everything about her, every stupid little aspect of her person - and why? every snippet of max’s personality seems to repulse ariela, and here ari is, making that all too clear to max. and maybe it’s good they’re getting it all out there, airing it out ( live on air! ), because that always bothered max, too: the curt little smiles, the passive aggression, the refusal to acknowledge what so clearly lingered just below the surface of their every interaction: utter loathing. and how, max wondered, did they get so unlucky? two people who just couldn’t get along, forced to work together? it’s not like max had a hard time making friends. it’s not like she was just inherently unlikable at her core to everyone, that wasn’t true. she was pretty likeable, most of the time! you could ask her friends! hell, you could ask steve the cameraman, who, at this particular moment looked like her was going to pass out from stress alone. people liked max, so what was the fucking problem here? jesus! she opened her mouth to speak, face burning, but when she felt a lump begin to grow in her throat, she clamped her mouth shut with gritted teeth, turned on her heels, and left. so much for finishing out the broadcast, right?

and now max was running off the second ariela challenged her to take responsibility. well, surprise, surprise. ariela couldn’t expect anything less. however, it was in that moment that she realized what she said had consequences, the same lesson her mother had to learn when she lost her. she couldn’t take her words back, and if she were to be honest with herself, she didn’t want to. she meant what she said. all she could do was move forward. “ i think that’s a wrap, right ?? that’s a wrap ?? “ she questioned before walking off. she didn’t know how she was going to survive these next few weeks, but she did know that after today, things certainly would never be the same. then again, maybe that was better. ariela couldn’t say for sure. all she knew was that she was relieved to be done and concerned for the girl she supposedly hated. 

[arielasfm]

palmcrs​:

that drove max crazy, too - the ignoring her, skating right on by max when she so clearly was trying to fucking talk to her. again, in another situation, ariela’s dedication to finishing out the script might have reminded max - they were on air! she should act like it! but it didn’t, not now, not this time; it only served to make her more and more frustrated. so, she stood there, fuming, oblivious to her job going on around her ( yeah, not her proudest moment ), 5 feet and 5 inches of really super pissed. and when ariela finally did address max, that did exactly nothing to quell her anger. 

“what, like if the situation was reversed, you would have welcomed me into your room, your bed? is that actually what you’re implying? you probably would have had me, like, sleeping in the lobby, or something! just because i made it clear i didn’t wanna do the nice thing i did for you, that doesn’t mean i didn’t do it! and i don’t have to prove myself to you, god! i mean, i got hired here for a reason, but i don’t have to tell you all about how i pour over my notes every weekend or how i research every assignment no matter how stupid it is, and i don’t have to tell you about how half the time it’s me editing the teleprompter to add in supplementary information, because it’s none of your business! you’re not my boss, you’re not my friend, you’re barely my coworker - you’re an obnoxious roommate at best!” she exclaimed, heartbeat loud in her ears as she more or less devolved into yelling at ariela right there, in front of the bakery. and, there was an irony in it, and it was kind of pathetic: i don’t have to prove myself to you, max asserted, not half a second before she felt compelled to list all of her most professional behavior out to the other woman. why did she care so damn much? this so wasn’t max, the anger she couldn’t choke down, the need to make it clear that she wasn’t a complete and total slacker like ariela seemed to think; god, why did max care?

and just like that, ariela found herself reverting back to seventeen, back to the fights with her mother that ruined it all. low-blows would be slung, while the rest of the family tried to avoid their wrath. by now, ariela was over a thousand miles away from that cursed little denver apartment, but in this instance, it felt like it never ended. no amount of professional fronts would change that. 

“ i’m barely a co-worker. “ she repeated, swallowing back that strange, thick little burning lump in her esophagus. “ alright. that’s fine. then tell me this. why would i be spending all this time trying to get some semblance of normalcy on the air, hm ?? why would i be covering both your ass and mine, even though i hate you ?? i hate you, max !! i hate your little quips and your stupid jokes that you think are witty, but are actually just stupid. in fact, it seems to me like you make a joke out of everything !! so please excuse me if i for a second think that you’re not taking any of this seriously !! maybe if you’d let that work shine through these stupid little segments, someone would see that. and i hate your bitching about every little thing i do, like i’m sorry if this isn’t ideal for you. i promise you, i’m not on cloud nine either. i hate you, and you’re not making that any easier on me. so i’d like to formally apologize to you for being an annoying roommate of yours. i’m sorry for blowing my hair dryer. i’m sorry for offering to foot the room service bill. i’m sorry for insisting on rooming with you, so i didn’t have to go home. and if the tables were turned, i promise, i’d handle it a lot better than you did. i’m sorry if i for a second tried to save your ass on-air and for annoying you in the night with what i consider to be important procedures for any sort of next-day presentation. lord knows someone has to look like they’re doing something around here, and if it’s not you, i’m going to do what i can to try to keep this ship from sinking. “ she finally ranted. “ so go on. finish out the segment. do what max does best and make a joke out of all of this, because i’m sure the viewers thinks you’re just the pinnacle of comedy. oh, and don’t forget to omit my name from the conclusion, as well. “