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@ariellecollins
Have you ever just wondered how different your life could be if you chose to do even the smallest thing differently?
Think about it. You could have worn a different shirt today and your whole day could have had a different outcome. I don't know. It's weird thinking about things like that.
Ordinary Day || Arielle and Leon
vf
Leon began to relax at her easy words. He was glad he had said the right thing and that she was doing more of the talking. He was a better listener anyway.
"Ah, you’re fine," He stepped out of the hall and closed his door behind him. "And thank you for your offer. My solitude has been a bit too much recently for my liking." Leon chuckled a bit to himself, running his fingers through his hair again. It was a nervous, OCD habit of his. "I’m glad you’re feeling that way. Sadly I don’t know most of the patients or people here well enough to know how things are going. Hopefully that will change soon. But yeah, I don’t mind what we do… But a walk sounds nice actually."
Leon loved taking walks. Most of the time he would take them repeatedly after a therapy session with his earbuds in and his mind lost. Most of the time he had no idea where he was going, what he had planned in wandering so much. He had never taken a walk with someone else by his side for company before.
"Wait, did you say outside the hospital?" Leon asked curiously. "Ever since I woke up I haven’t been able to get out just yet… Do you think they’ll allow me to leave their sight for an hour? I’ve never gotten up the nerve to leave before…" Leon’s cheeks flushed a little. He sounded like such a nutcase- waking up not knowing who he is and never being outside the hospital walls. It sounded alright in his head, not so much when he let it out in the open for a volunteer to hear.
Arielle smiled at Leon as he closed the door behind him. He seemed excited to spend time with someone other than himself and that made her extremely happy. "Anytime. I completely understand that. I hate being on my own, honestly. It's ridiculous sometimes." She smiled politely at him before placing her hands in the pocket of her jeans. "I'm sure you'll get to know everyone soon enough. We're all pretty open to each other." She shrugged and began to walk away from his room towards the entrance of the hospital.
The girl was taken by surprise when they boy spoke about not being let out of the hospital. She mulled over the matter for a moment. Dr. Hawkner probably wouldn't mind if she took a patient out for an hour or so. Leon seemed harmless enough. "I'm sure Dr. Hawkner would be fine with that. Let me just ask him really fast." Arielle wanted to make sure she wasn't breaking any rules. She would hate to put Leon in danger.
Arielle took the walkie-talkie off of her pant's pocket and pressed the button on the side. "Dr. Hawkner? Is it all right if I take patient Leon Morgan to the cafe across the street?" She asked softly into the walkie-talkie. Within in minutes she had gotten approval. Apparently he wasn't too much at risk.
"Just don't tell the other patients I'm doing this. They could get really upset. I would having to break it to them." Arielle warned before walking back over to Leon. She signed them out on one of the sheets that the secretaries collected. "So, Leon, tell me about yourself. We don't have to talk about accident type stuff. Just tell me about you and how you feel right in this moment."
I haven’t even gone to sleep yet. I guess that’s what happens when you spend the whole night watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
One time my friend watched that whole trilogy after getting her wisdom teeth taken out. She said that she was messed up for days, thinking her dog was a hobbit or something.
Won't Let You Fall || Arielle and Brandon
As he continued tapping against the frame of the bed nervously, he started to become more and more annoyed at the situation and slightly at Arielle. Brandon regretted allowing her to come inside because he was sick of hearing lectures from everyone. He knew exactly what she was going to say, he had heard it too many times after waking up from his coma. Before the coma, Brandon never had anyone in his life that would try and tell him what to do, his parents had never been that way. In the hospital, he met a lot of people that were concerned about him and he could not catch a break. No matter what he did or said, someone always had a problem with it and much to his dismay, none of them refrained from saying something about it.
Despite what everyone thought, Brandon actually did find comfort in the constant nagging and concern from his fellow peers. It did not hit him until he was in high school that he almost wished his parents would tell him “no” sometimes. Before this, He had never even considered that his parents’ elegance meant that they did not care about him, or what happened to him. He began to contemplate the idea after he got into an argument with one of his friends. Brandon was teasing him because his parents would never let him do anything and the guy responded with, “Well at least my parents actually give a shit if I jump off a cliff or not.” Brandon laughed it off but the comment was permanently embedded in his brain. Most people were jealous of how Brandon could do anything without his parents minding, but now that possibly meant that they did not care about him. Brandon secretly wanted someone to care enough to tell him “no.”
The way that Arielle cared enough to tell him to slow down on his partying was comforting in a way, but Brandon also did not think it was her place to say anything. They were not dating, he did not even know what they were—would he classify her as a friend? Brandon could not even stand his best friend, Caden, telling him what to do, so he did not want to listen to Arielle, whatever she was to him. Even though he wanted to just ignore her, to just say “fuck it” and do whatever he wanted, her opinion still mattered to him. Arielle had a hold of his heart and his actions, and he did not like the feeling at all. Brandon still wanted to be free.
Brandon tried to relax and focus on the sound of his heel tapping against the bed frame as he still focused on the small crack in the wall while Arielle sat next to him. The tension in the room rested on his shoulders and he was not going to be the one to break the silence, but truthfully, he did not really know what to say. His mind was going crazy—between being angry at Arielle and almost wanting to thank her—and his heart was going back and forth between a variety of emotions. Their awkward relationship standing made the matters even worse. While sitting next to her, he felt the nervous butterflies in his stomach that he never felt with any other woman and all of his anger slowly began to slip away.
Sadly, Brandon could not have disagreed more with every word that Arielle said. Brandon considered Arielle as one of those people that thought too much about the deeper meaning and consequences of drinking alcohol. As she continued talking, it reminded Brandon of the time when a recovering drug addict came and gave a speech at his high school. He remembered sitting in the back of the auditorium with his group of friends and pretty much laughing at everything the man had to say. Then he said “I remember when I was in high school and someone came to talk to me about this, I just rolled my eyes and said ‘Well, all I do is drink and smoke, so whatever,’ and I bet that’s what most of you are thinking right now. Just remember that I have never met one addict that didn’t start out just drinking and smoking, including me.” It was ironic because Brandon was thinking exactly that, but he let it roll off his shoulders and went out partying that night—smoking weed and drinking beers, because that was all he did.
Even though there was so much Brandon wanted to say about how he could have fun without the alcohol, he bit his tongue. Brandon tried his best to see from Arielle’s point of view. Brandon knew that she was just concerned for him. He waited a few seconds to reply, contemplating on what to say and on whether he even wanted her to stay, but then he broke the silence, “No, st-stay. I want you to stay, alright?” He reached his hand out and placed in on top of hers, letting her know that it was okay and that he was not angry with her, as much as he wanted to be.
"I don’t n-need anything, I feel fine and I took some Advil about an hour ago," Brandon added as he attempted to move on with the conversation. He decided to just take in everything that she said, rather than starting an argument. He did not want to fight with her and he knew that she had enough on her plate already. Their relationship was supposed to be an escape from her boyfriend, Micah, and he wanted it to stay that way. Sometimes he felt like he made things even worse and more complicated for Arielle. It hurt him because he cared a lot more for her than he would ever want to admit.
In her heart, Arielle hoped that Brandon heard her message loud and clear. She knew that people didn't change overnight, but she had a small hope that maybe if he could see how much she cared, it would help. She kept looking over at him as he stayed silent, wishing she could know what was going through his mind. Every time she would glance over at him, he seemed to be caught up in his own thoughts and she hoped that he was still listening to her instead of tuning her out. When she was finished talking, she turned her eyes towards the floor and refused to look up at him unless he said something. This conversation was for him anyways. If he couldn't see how much she cared about him, then it was his own fault.
When Brandon finally spoke up, a small smile crept onto Arielle's lips. He wanted her to stay. That was good news, wasn't it? Her stomach did a small flip at his words and she nodded her head. She wasn't going to leave. Especially now. There's no place she would rather be. Feeling his warm hand on her own made unwanted thoughts shift into her head and she had tried to clear them but to no avail. Micah called you his soulmate. This is how you repay him? She thought to herself. Even when she was trying to help someone out, she still considered herself an awful person. Guilt was eating up at her and it didn't help that she had feelings for Brandon that she wasn't anywhere near willing to admit. "I'm really happy that you want me to stay. Honestly." Arielle said softly. She meant her words. She wanted to stay so badly and she was willing to swallow whatever guilt and pride she had left.
This relationship or whatever it was, was supposed to be easy. Nowhere near the complicated mess that it was. Every second she spent with Brandon made it worse. He made her happy and she wanted to protect him. It was hard to keep herself away from someone so..magnetic. Despite her better judgement, Arielle turned so she was facing Brandon and smiled at him. "All serious stuff aside, what do you want to do? I'm all yours for the next or so. Until you know, Micah wakes up." She said the last part of the sentence quietly, before pressing her lips together. The guilt was beginning to resurface again, but she tried to hide it by lacing her fingers between Brandon's.
Arielle had remembered a time when she had Google'd why girls cheated on their boyfriends. Arielle hoped that she might find some insight on why she does the things she does, but to no avail. Every article listed was about self-esteem issues and problems with validation within the relationship. Sure, her and Micah's relationship was on the rocks ever since the accident, but she still loved him. He still meant the world to her, but something was missing. It was like the chemistry that they had before seemed to fizzle out. At first she had been sad, but over the past few weeks she had begun embracing it. People came in seasons and she knew that Micah was no different. But what would happen if she left him for good? All Arielle had known was Micah. He was her first everything. She had shared a good chunk of her life with the former football star, but now she had to face an unknown part of her life and it was terrifying. How could she voyage onto something so unpredictable? Micah was her comfort and Brandon was oblivion.
Out of fear, she stayed with Micah, but there was something much deeper than that. Micah was her truel love. But she knew that they weren't right for each other even though she tried to constantly tell herself otherwise. Things with Brandon were so easy and free. She felt like she could be herself around Brandon instead of walking on eggshells. Was she wrong to feel that way?
After escaping from her thoughts, Arielle absent-mindedly played with Brandons fingers. "I've missed this, you know? I feel like we haven't really hung out in awhile. I miss that. I miss you." She admited before looking down at her feet, blushing. "Sorry, I know this is just a friends with benefits thing. I'll stop being sappy now. I'm an idiot anyways," she replied, shaking her head and laughing a bit at herself.
Who is the most attractive patient in the hospital to you?
Micah, of course. He’s the only guy I have eyes for.
what's your favorite line from your favorite book?
“Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.”
J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
Ordinary Day || Arielle and Leon
Leon was messing with his earphones, listening to the beats that blared from the small speakers. He was dreading the day that was drudging ever so slowly. He needed something to get him out of his room, something that would be entertaining. The day was just as usual- check ins with the doc, therapy session, walk around the hospital, and then back again to solitude. Usually he would just think and listen to music… sometimes wonder who he was or what he wants to become. But today was a day his mind was practically kicking him out. He needed something to do, some action.
Almost as if on cue, there was a light knock on his door. Leon heaved a slight sigh, thinking it was yet another doctor to come stare at him in his confused state, pity eyes pouring into his. It was the last thing he wanted- someone else needed that more than him. “Coming,” He said, from the room. Checking himself in the small mirror next to his bed, Leon ruffled his hair after laying on it and turned his music off. When he opened the heavy door, he was taken aback from seeing Arielle- the volunteer who he had met only a day ago.
"Oh- hey," He said, pulling a small smile. Leon looked her up and down- dark wavy hair, bright eyes, and a smile like his played on her face. She seemed very sweet, kind even. It was hard for him to find people like that.
"Er…" Leon wracked his brain for something to say. His voice was rough and a scratchy deep. "How are you?"
When Arielle heard Leon speak from behind the door, she put on an easy smile on her face. It was probably weird for the boy to have her come to his room out of the blue, but it was her job. She was supposed to be helping the other patients around and she was definitely ready to make Leon feel at home. At least, the best that she could anyway. Arielle placed her hands behind her back. It was beginning to dawn on Arielle that she did that quite often. She tried to take her mind off of it as she waited. The door opened and soon her eyes fell on Leon's blue eyes.
The boy seemed surprised to see her and she couldn't blame him. It was only his second or third day in the hospital and suddenly a strange girl appeared at his door. She tried to not let this discourage her, so she kept her posture straight and her smile bright. It's what Dr. Hawkner would want her to do. When she noticed that Leon was smiling, it made her mind at ease once again. She smiled at the boy and let her body relax.
"Hi! Sorry, I know it's probably really shocking for me to be here, but I was wondering if you wanted to hang out with me today. Unless you're having fun in your room all by yourself," Arielle offered, peering into his room. She gave him another smile and scratched the back of her neck. "And to answer your question, I'm doing really good. The sun is shining, the patients are happy and I get to spend my whole day here. It's a good day to be alive." She replied, with a bright smile.
"Now, how are you doing today, Leon? I was trying to figure out some things we could do today. Do you have anything in mind? I could give you a tour of the hospital...or we could take a walk outside. Whatever you want to do." She asked, giving him some choices. She hated being inside the hospital walls for too long, but she was willing to go with whatever the boy wanted to do.
Tell me when it kicks in.
I saw scars upon her.
Broken hearted.
Tell me when it kicks in.
Ordinary Day || Arielle and Leon
"Arielle! Can we talk for a moment?"
Dr. Hawkner had walked past her in the hallway, holding his clipboard. Dr. Hawkner was one of the best doctors in the hospital. Even though he was a bit nutty at times, everyone on the volunteer staff loved him. He had a geniune heart and it was nice to be able to see people like that in such a harsh environment. Arielle walked over to the man and gave him a bright smile.
"Of course we can. What's going on?" She replied. Dr. Hawkner gave her a small smile before turning to his clipboard. "There's a patient here, his name is Leon Morgan. I'm sure you've met him. Anyways, he's in his room. Would you mind going to see if he needs anything? I have a feeling you two might become good friends." Dr. Hawkner explained. Whenever Dr. Hawkner said that she would be good friends with a patient, it was almost always true. He had a knack for introducing new people and getting them to create a bond. It was one of his talents. So Arielle listened and smile at the doctor before heading down to his room.
Arielle finally found his room and gently knocked on the door. She hated how the doctors would simply walk in, but they had authority that she didn't have. It was easier to just knock and let the patient let her inside their rooms. She wanted to give them whatever privacy they could have. She would have hated to have it any other way. Dr. Hawkner had been right. She had met Leon before and even though their conversation was brief, she got a good vibe from the boy. He seemed nice enough and she wanted to be happy.
Won't Let You Fall || Arielle and Brandon
The room was silent except for a consistent clanking noise that came from Brandon tapping his heel against the base of the hospital bed. He rubbed his thigh with his palm nervously.The rhythm of it all just drug him further into his thoughts and allowed him to wallow in his pain and frustration. He began to think about Arielle and Maggie, how they were nagging him about his drinking. He knew in the back of his mind that they were only trying to help, but it just made it worse for him. Brandon felt as though everyone did not want him to be happy and they could not accept that he was over what happened. He was also not used to having people tell him “no” and it made him disgruntled. He felt like they were all trying to hold him back from living his life, he had already let so much time go to waste in a coma and he was not going to let any more of it get taken away from him.
Brandon did not realize how much concern he would cause by talking about his hangover, he actually had wanted to gloat about it, seeing as his life seemed one thousand times more interesting than the lives of everyone else in the hospital. They all tended to just sit around and complain about their shitty lives, Brandon was the opposite, he did his best to maintain the life that he had before—full of partying and bad decisions that led him into the situation that he was in now. Brandon was aware that alcohol contributed to Caden and him getting in an accident, but it was not just the alcohol, it was because of Brandon himself. Brandon was the one who sought out a challenge that he knew would not end well. Brandon was the one who put everything at risk—his life and his best friend’s—to feed his ego.
Regardless of what everyone said, Brandon could not stay away from the party scene during his recovery. The parties were a part of his basic rhythm— get wasted, sleep with a random girl, and repeat. Unlike most of the kids his age, he did not have any responsibilities. While they were all off studying hard at their University or busting their ass at a 9-5 job, Brandon got to live a carefree lifestyle, as he always had. There were so many perks of growing up with rich parents that could fixed every mistake you ever made, because of this Brandon did not know a thing about responsibility. He did not fear anything, he knew that if something were to happen, he’d find a way out of it, as he always did. Brandon lived his entire life dodging consequences, the car accident was the only one he had to endure. It broke his mother’s heart that she could not save him from it and she blamed herself for not allowing him to experience consequences sooner, because maybe if he had gotten that detention, he would have developed a greater understanding of limits. Brandon never had to go to that detention and because of that he was limitless—which landed him in a hospital bed for months on end.
Despite seemingly reaching his limit, Brandon still pursued the party scene. His parents prayed for the accident to be his wake up call, but it seemed as though Brandon just brushed it off his shoulders, like it never happened. Although—Brandon never spoke to anyone about it—the crash invaded his thoughts on a daily basis. He found himself waking up from nightmares, reliving the crash over and over again in his mind—and that was just when he was able to fall asleep, most nights he could not. Brandon would lie awake for hours, afraid to fall asleep because all he could imagine was not waking up again. Brandon kept all of his fears to himself, not realizing that acting like everything was okay actually worried everyone more. The only way that Brandon thought he could escape his fears was to go back to when they had not existed. With every sip of alcohol, all of his anxieties began to slip away and it was as if the accident had never happened.
Brandon was also fearful of his relationship with Arielle, they started with a very casual friends with benefits relationship, but day by day, he felt himself becoming attached to her. He did not know what it was about her, her beautiful hazel eyes or her irresistible smile, but his mind always went back to her. It made it worse that Arielle was in a relationship with Micah, and Brandon was not usually the type to steal someone’s girl, but he could not help himself. He sometimes wondered if she would ever leave Micah for him, or if he ever had a chance with him, but he tried not to think about it—he tried not to think about Arielle at all. Brandon was never the guy to catch feelings, he went through different girls like it was nothing, but it was just different this time. Arielle was different.
His consistent rhythm came to a halt when he heard a knock at the door. He immediately knew that it was Arielle and he was not in the mood to listen to her try to tell him to stop partying, he already heard enough shit from everyone else. Brandon thought about just staying there and tuning her out, it would be the easiest way, but he could not do that to her, as much as he wanted to. He reluctantly called out to her, “Just c-come in.” He tilted his head around to look over in her direction, but he avoided eye contact and focused his eyes on the small crevice in the wall. Brandon continued to tap his heel against the bottom of the bed, hoping it would relax him a little, and sighed as he waited for the lecture to begin.
Brandon was annoyed. Arielle was given the impression by the way he sat on the bed, his foot tapping against the metal frame of the bottom of it. Arielle held her breath as she walked into the room, taking everything in. Why was she here in the first place? To tell Brandon to quit being stupid? She shouldn't have cared. He wasn't hers to look after. Her mind was screaming at her to leave it all alone, but something else was telling her to talk to him. Before she could think twice about leaving, she took a few steps further into the room.
Arielle was never good at confrontations. So starting an intervention wasn't exactly her idea of a good time. Something was different about Brandon. Arielle's natural instinct was to help people. No matter what they went through, but with Brandon, she just wanted to protect him. She wanted him to realize that he made mistakes and if she could guarantee a way to keep him from doing stupid things, she would. That wasn't so easy when he was used to everything he was doing. This made the whole matter incredibly frustrating to the girl.
So maybe an intervention wasn't the way to go. She had already told Brandon she wasn't going to nag him. She did mean to come in peace after all. If anything, she wanted to be half as good of a friend to Brandon that he had been to her. It was a longshot, but she knew that she could at least try. So with a small smile, she sat next to him on the bed. Arielle folded her hands together in her lap as she looked over at Brandon. He refused to look at her and it drove her crazy. The silence between the two of them felt like weights on her shoulders and before she could sink from the weight, she decided to finally speak up.
"Thanks for letting me in." She said simply before pressing her lips together. She knew that she sounded like an absolute idiot. Things with Brandon were so different than they were with Micah. With Micah, she felt like she could say anything she wanted in front of him because she had grown so comfortable around him. Brandon was a completely different story. Everything about him made her nervous in the best possible way. It was like she was in middle school again. Arielle felt like she had to say exactly the right things or else he would lose interest in her. Deep down, she knew Brandon wasn't that type of guy, but her insecurities got the best of her.
"Brandon, I just want to talk to you, okay? I just want to say one thing about drinking and then we can just let it go." She prompted before preparing her whole entire speech. "I don't know if you realize this, but over the past few months, you've been a sliver lining for me. I know I don't go out of my way to show it a lot, especially lately, but you mean the world to me. That sounds incredibly cliche, but it's true. If anything were to hurt you again I think I would lose my mind. I don't want to lose you and I never want you to go through anything terrifying ever again." Arielle played with her fingers before speaking again, collecting her thoughts as she did so. He had been her silver lining. If she could do everything over, she would have let him know that from the very beginning.
"I understand that you party and I understand that you drink, but I just want you to know that when you're here, I really like the person that you are. I don't think that you need a drink in your hand to make you any better than you already are." She had hoped that maybe her speech would have helped, but if there was one thing she learned from volunteering, it was that your work was never done. "Now that I'm off my soap box, can we just talk? I'm sorry that I had to bring in my melodramatic speech. I hate doing that." She said, letting a laugh escape from her lips before completely letting herself relax.
"Is your hangover gone? Or do you still feel sick?" Arielle asked softly, looking over at him. The tapping of his foot simply faded into the background and she tried to gain eye contact with him. "I can get you water if you need it. Or Tyenol for your headache," she offered before looking down at her hands. "Or I can just leave if you want. I know you didn't want to be lectured. So I can go away and you won't have to listen to me anymore." She hoped that he wouldn't tell her to get lost, but she would understand if he did. She deserved it anyway. Arielle certainly wasn't a girl of her word. As if that was new.
Five years, and throughout it all we’ve stayed strong. We’ve had our issues, god knows we still will…but everything has to be okay, you know? You’re my soulmate, you honestly are, and that means something. Uh, yeah, we are actually. He’s been helping me with some stuff, I guess. I’ll always believe you, until the very end. You’re one of the greatest people I’ve ever met, and there will never be a day when I don’t believe in you. That’s what’s so great about us, even when we don’t believe in ourselves, we believe in each other. We make each other stronger, at least I know you make me stronger. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. This whole situation, it’s been impossible, but I’ve made it through because you’ve been by my send. You stuck with me when it mattered most. Through the good and bad, that’s what a relationship is. We’ve probably made it through more than most marriages these days have, and that’s a pretty big accomplishment if you ask me.
I didn’t have that much experience, I mean, sure I’d kissed a few girls but I tried to come off cooler than I really was. Though, with you, it’d always been hard to play it cool because I spent so much time trying to impress you I came off as the hugest dork, but you still liked me. We were so young, I bet we never thought we’d make it this far back then. Well, you told the truth in the end. Most kids never would have done that. You work harder than everyone else and god, you’re really fucking brilliant. I know sometimes its hard to believe that because you struggle, but the fact that you struggle and still achieve, it shows how strong you really are. You don’t give up, and I admire that about you. I’m afraid that I’ll lost everything. I lost a leg, and in it’s place came this uncontrollable anger, and sometimes I can’t control it. These feelings, they scare me so much and I feel so out of control. I say so much shit I don’t mean and what if it only gets worse? What if I do something awful and I can’t take it back? What if I lose control of myself and hurt someone? When I get angry, I don’t feel like myself. I don’t know who I am, I just feel mad. Sometimes I’m upset and angry at the world, and that’s different from this other thing. At times, I just, anger absorbs me. I don’t want to be that person that hurts everyone they care about…that’s not who I am, at least, it’s not who I used to be. Do you have any secrets, or things you’re afraid to say?
Soulmates. That's exactly what we are. Even if everything else turns into dust, I know that together we'll prevail through anything. It means everything to me, Micah. Oh, I see. That's really cool. I mean, it's really nice of him to help you with things. It's nice knowing that you always have someone in your corner, you know? Thank you so much for that. Honestly. No, you make me strong too. I think we've made it so far because we're more than boyfriend and girlfriend to each other. We were best friends before that. Having that sort of foundation in our relationship made me realize incredibly early on in our relationship that I can't live without you. You're something so constant in my life that I think that if I ever lost you, I would lose a part of myself entirely. You've helped me become who I am today and for that, I'm so incredibly grateful. You've touched my life, Micah Callahan. Letting you in is something I know that I will never regret. It really is. Maybe we should try writing a marriage counseling book. I'm totally kidding, of course.
Looking back on it all, you were a pretty huge dork. But I sitll thought you were the coolest guy in school. I had no idea that's how you felt. Now I'm starting to get those butterflies again just thinking about it all. Of course I didn't think we'd make it this far. I mean, I had hoped we would. But I was always so afraid of losing you when we were that young. I thought that one day you would just stop replying to my texts and you would realize that there was a better girl for you out there. Maybe a girl who actually understood how football worked and could watch games without asking you a million questions. I don't know why I was so afraid of that happening, but I thought about it a lot. I really don't think you know how much that means to me. See, you're just...amazing. You keep giving me all of these reasons to believe in myself even when I don't see it. You have this power of motivating people and you see people for who they really are. Not many people have that ability, Micah, but you do. You constantly see the good in people and I know that even on your bad days you still see everyone as they are. You inspire me so much because of that. I wish I could word exactly how much you mean to me, but I don't think it's possible. Micah, you'll never hurt anyone. If you ever get to that point just take a second to come back to Earth. Realize why you're still here and why you're still fighting. I know that it's frightening, but even when you're angry I still believe that you don't mean it. You deserve to be angry. You deserve to want to throw things and scream. No one would expect you to be incredibly happy about any of this.
I do have a lot of things that I would like to say, but I don't think that now is the right time to say them. I know that sounds incredibly weird and I know that I sound like such a hypocrite. I just have these feelings bottled up and I know that if I ever let them go I'll just...blow up. I'm afraid of doing that and I'm afraid of hurting you if I do that. When the time is right, I'll be sure to tell you everything that I have on my chest but for now, this is the best that I can give you. Do you have something that you've left unsaid?
Yeah, definitley. But might I ask, what made you decide to volunteer at a place like this?
Well, my boyfriend, Micah, he's here getting treatment. He was in a really bad football accident. Anyways, I started spending all my time here and I realized how much I liked this place and the people in it. So I decided to make myself useful and volunteer. What brought you here? If you don't mind me asking.
You’re right, I just haven’t gotten used to most of the people here just yet- no matter how long I’ve been here! But it is all I have.
I can understand that. I'm sure it takes awhile to get used to, honestly. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to or anything. I mean, I am a volunteer so it's sort of my job. Anyways, you get what I'm trying to say, right?
