arkitextura

quotes | thoughts | bullshit

[arkitextura]

I hide all my scars with an “I’m fine”.

Unnknown

[illicitbehaviour]

you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.

[arkitextura]

Otro Sábado en soledad y silencio. 

Cuestionándome cual de todas las decisiones incorrectas en mi vida me ha costado mas tristeza. Preguntándome si hay algo o alguien a quien le importe si estoy aquí mañana.

La contestación es clara.

[stardustmadd]

Am I the only one who can’t even recognize myself anymore? I’ve spent so long seeing myself as someone else that I can’t even see me. I feel like even my real life is a dream and I’m just playing a part.

I feel like a ghost

[antiandrogen]

something my therapist has me thinking about a lot is the idea of blindspots. the idea that people around us are bound not to witness everything we experience. people around you will not notice all of your feelings, they won’t be able to read your thoughts. failing to acknowledge people’s blindspots can result in warped, black and white thinking. that person you despise is not a villain, not your antagonist. they are the protagonist in their own life just as you are. they have flaws, weaknesses, and blindspots. just like you have.

[acnetecture]

Im a crumbling building struggling to support the facade

Explaining what I’m going through to a friend - 12:56 am (via acnetecture)

[arkitextura]

[arkitextura]

Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living.

Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

[did-you-know]

There’s a song that’s been proven to reduce anxiety by 65%. It’s called Weightless by Macaroni Union, and it was specifically designed to slow your heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and lower cortisol levels. It’s so effective that it’s dangerous to drive while listening to it because it can make you drowsy. Source Source 2 Source 3

[southern-wilde]

YO O_O

[jackscarab]

I knew within seconds that I’d heard this before.

It was one of the first Tumblr posts I favorited.

Sound therapists and Manchester band Marconi Union compiled the song. Scientists played it to 40 women and found it to be more effective at helping them relax than songs by Enya, Mozart and Coldplay. Weightless works by using specific rhythms, tones, frequencies and intervals to relax the listener. A continuous rhythm of 60 BPM causes the brainwaves and heart rate to synchronise with the rhythm: a process known as ‘entrainment’. Low underlying bass tones relax the listener and a low whooshing sound with a trance-like quality takes the listener into an even deeper state of calm. Dr David Lewis, one of the UK’s leading stress specialists said: “‘Weightless’ induced the greatest relaxation – higher than any of the other music tested. Brain imaging studies have shown that music works at a very deep level within the brain, stimulating not only those regions responsible for processing sound but also ones associated with emotions.” The study - commissioned by bubble bath and shower gel firm Radox Spa - found the song was even more relaxing than a massage, walk or cup of tea. So relaxing is the tune, apparently, that people are being Rex advised against listening to it while driving. The top 10 most relaxing tunes were: 1. Marconi Union - Weightless 2. Airstream - Electra 3. DJ Shah - Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix) 4. Enya - Watermark 5. Coldplay - Strawberry Swing 6. Barcelona - Please Don’t Go 7. All Saints - Pure Shores 8. AdelevSomeone Like You 9. Mozart - Canzonetta Sull’aria 10. Cafe Del Mar - We Can Fly

One of the comments suggests pairing it with Rainymood.

The combined calm might be weaponized with adding this song and some crackling fire.

[suanpir-deactivated20170126]

When I was literally unable to sleep at all, my senior at work gave me this song to listen to!

[the-dm-diet-steve-blog]

My wife uses this song when she’s having near-meltdown levels of anxiety right before bed and it helps her relax and shed some of that stress enough for her to attempt to lie down and sleep.

[lemongrass-jones]

I just found this on Spotify and I’m very excited. I’m not having a bad time right now, but definitely a blank time. Usually those are given to my brain running amok eventually.

So far it’s beautiful.

[arkitextura]

I make poor choices whenever I think of you and I can't seem to stop.

Unknown

[arkitextura]

So today I say goodbye. 

Not because I don’t like you but because it is abundantly clear that you don’t really like me. You like the tease, the fantasy, the idea that you got a grown man, your boss nonetheless, to drool for you. It’s OK, you can claim the win, bet you will laugh sometime in the future showing those messages to a future conquest, but, it will be a Pyrrhic victory.

There was only one reason why I broke my rules for you, why I let you see me, and it was not the tease. It was because I incorrectly saw a spark of something more between us, and that spark let me to believe there was something more to explore and pursue.

So, I, let my guard down. Allowed myself to be seen by you. Allowed myself to be vulnerable and exposed, BIG MISTAKE. You didn’t have to be that cruel, you made me feel small and needy, and I know that I am those things, but it’s devastating when someone confirms it to you. I know what I do is wrong, I am full of guilt and shame and self-hate. For a moment, brief glimmer, fuck I am stupid.

My bad.

[arkitextura]

It to will pass, the thoughts of foolishness, love lost and despair will with time fade into the background and the things you love the most will come to the foreground. 

And once more in this life, I will say no to myself and yes to what the world expects of me, because everyone else must occupy the foreground in my own life.

You are far from the punchline of anything. Professional successful, kind and generous with your time are just a few of the things that I will say, and that is just what I observe from afar across the stunted medium that is Tumblr, I'm sure that those who are lucky enough to know you IRL will appreciate these qualities and a lot more. 

Sure, and that is why I am and will be the punchline... the one looking out for others instead of himself... I wanna make sure the joke lands.

I know that these comments might seem like meaningless platitudes coming from a nameless face on the internet. But I'm a firm believer in facing adversity makes us stronger. 

I will never understand why I want to be stronger and build my walls higher. By now only one person could get a peek inside in a decade.

And I'm sure you will come out of this experience a little wiser and a lot stronger and I hope you will not close yourself off to those people that love you and will love you in the future.

Again, one of those things where time is running out, maybe already did. Thanks for your kind words, wish I was not in such a crappy place, maybe I would be able to appreciate them better.

[arkitextura]

Writing to you here because in real life I must remain in silence.

I am sorry, really sorry, that I opened up.

Proof that you can always learn, or rather confirm, the rules you live by. There is a reason, now proven, why I don’t open up to coworkers and peers. Nothing good come out of letting those that you work with in, regardless of how much they beg for it. You can have a couple of drinks, and talk about innocuous things like the weather and TV, but anything beyond that is playing with fire.

I am sorry, really sorry, that I let you down.

It seems that I could not live up to your expectations for me, the image you had of me now lays in ruins, and there is no way to bring it back. I can’t help but wonder what you expected to find.

I am sorry, really sorry, that we lost our friendship.

It feels a bit like it was all a game, you know, when you keep teasing and teasing to see if you break the other person. The thing is that once you break them, they hold little interest to you. I really wish it had been me playing the game, not the other way around.

That is the one that hurts the most, the one that makes me wanna cry, the one that makes me feel like a teenager speaking in empty platitudes.

[arkitextura]

I don't wanna do shit. I wanna disappear. A stupid teenager with 30 years of experience. I just wanna go away, for a bit or a long time, to a place where I am not expect d to behave like someone's dad, partner, boss, etc. To a place that I can recover myself from the trash bin of life.

[arkitextura]

I must say I never expected to be struggling with so many things as an adult, this inescapable weight has followed me all my life and no matter what I accomplish, what I give of me, or how I help others.... is here with me, always and forever. I write about it here not to receive words of support, I write it to let it out, because worse than the weight, is the loneliness that it creates. When you are always the one lending support no one thinks you need any. So here I sit in a corner of my house, surrounded by crap that I have come to hate because it reminds me of how shitty everything is, alone. Writing cliché words that only prove one thing, I must be a really shitty person trying to overcompensate by helping others, by making them succeed maybe I can't ignore the person looking at me in the mirror. Another middle aged stereotype.

[orwell]

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, Mad Men

[soracities]

To be so lonely              you told yourself you liked to be this way                                     & almost believed                                                                it was true.

Natalie Wee, from ‘(Suicide Letter In) Parts, 2010′, Our Bodies & Other Fine Machines  (via 7-weeks)