it lingered. longer than it should. not that it bothered you that much, it was just another thing that you became got used to. empty nights. cold coffee. silent afternoons. still.
it had been a year, feelings dampen. you sober up. you just push through.
but, of course, life will give you unexpected surprises when you least expect it.
it was at a friend’s party where there, you saw him again. He dressed the same, black clothes, stoic expression. He appeared to be alone and was comfortable in his own private sphere while you were slightly anxious at the new bustling environment.
then there, not that you planned it, your eyes went to his direction and he lifted his head at the exact moment. eyes met and suddenly your vision caves in. all you saw was him and his dark brown orbs that reeled you in. the surge of nostalgia and sudden need to hear his voice again, to feel his touch flooded your body. you were the first to break away. mouth went dry, finger tips sleeked with your sweat.
walking away from the living room, you made your way out through the tight space where bodies were rocking and swaying to the loud music, because suddenly you were choking on air.
as you weaved your way through, he was steadily following your steps, one, two steps behind you.
soft but potent, it was enough to stop you at your tracks.
for milliseconds and perhaps seconds, you did not dare to turn around and acknowledge his presence. it was too sudden. you did not have a plan on how to talk to him, how to act around him.
with eyes clenched and hands curled into a fist, you managed to utter a response to him.
with your back still facing towards him, you can’t see his face but you hear a soft chuckle and a long drawn out sigh, ‘are you avoiding me, by any chance?”
“pfttt, no” however the no came out more like fragile, delicate no.
‘then turn around so we can talk like how normal people do,”
and you heeded with obvious hesitance and slight apprehension.
the first thing you saw was his neck. the adam’s apple that bobbed. the skin that covered the delicate place which had fallen victim so many times to your lustful lips on so many nights and summer afternoon. next, his lips and then his eyes.
his gaze had not faltered, and in fact intensified with each passing second, boring his eyes into you and through you.
“you have not changed, still shy and unable to meet my eyes,’
you wanted to protest but it was true.
you were afraid, fear was entrenched in your bones, shaking your body tumultuously. he was your first love but also the guy who had left you with broken pieces and a broken story to finish. yet here he was, in front of you, saying your name as if your name did not hold any significance to him whatsoever.
“can we talk?” his voice gentle but the effect it had on you was enough to make you want to escape.
the word lingered in the air. it was tempting, you have to admit, to open the lid you have remained locked up for that long, there was something addictive to feeling vulnerable. but enough was enough. one year was long enough.
“No, I am sorry, but I am afraid there is nothing for us to talk about,”
his body stiffened and his intense gaze retreated and he must have been taken aback with your sudden bravado. must have been the alcohol you reasoned.
“did i come out too strong?” he tried and you witnessed the peeling away of his own bravado front. a smile you have etched on your mind appeared on his face and like a kid in front of candies and sweets, you wanted to open up to him, and let him in once more.
“ is it stuffy here? Let’s go somewhere else,”
before you could even say anything, his hands had grasped yours and there your idle body wobbled and followed his firm pull of the arm.
you guys reached a local convenience store a blocks away from where the party was held.
while he was picking and deciding what items to buy, you decided it was time for you to break the silence that had enveloped you guys after the hastened escape.
he stopped and looked at you, as if he was trying to seek for a response in you.
“unfinished business, a person…you.”
“here we go again,” you retorted while rolling your eyes and walked into the next aisle, scanning through the packets of chips and soft drinks, though you paid no attention to them as his words, has caught you and left you feeling weird things. you. one word. but it pulled your strings, opened a lid, separated bodies of ocean.
“yep, of course you are, never doubted it,”
you gave him a coy look before walking out of the store with your newly purchased items.
“so what is your plan to resolve this unfinished business of yours,”
your question was met with shrugs and a smirk that you wish you could rub of his face because it was illegal and absolutely not nice of him to do this to you.
“but i think I am making good progress so far,”
your turn to smirk, ‘ oh really now?”
later in the night, somehow he tricked you into giving your number to him and with a faux- sigh of relief you say your goodnight before closing the door and have your body slide dramatically down the wall. What are you thinking? This goes against everything you have built for.
*ding* alerting you of a text.
“Don’t you worry, i have a blueprint on how to tackle the next few steps, hear me out but till then good night,”
funny wasn’t it? how life worked, bringing old memories and having them dissected and probed, but instead of feeling afraid, you cannot wait till the next day to come. perhaps it was the hormones kicking in or perhaps your unspoken dreams were slowing playing out.
he was back…and it was because of you.