Fandom Random Things

27, aroace transman, I post fics, original incorrect quotes/skits, headcannons and some random stuff. mostly Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss related

[pannman]

MASTERLIST

Other Motives/yandere Vox chapters

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Sleeping Together

Sleeping Together

Alastor x Reader

Fix It

QPR Headcanons

Hell Spawned Fawn

A Price For Everything

Teaching Alastor Video Games

Stardew Valley

Dead by Daylight

GTA

Pokémon

Among Us

FNAF

Doki Doki

Angel Dust x Reader

First Time

The Bet

Period Care Headcannons

Top Surgery Recovery

The Package

Pig Dads

Food poisoning headcannons

Angel Dust Proposes

Reader Proposes/Angel's Special Day

The Last Straw

Whats On Your Mind Masterlist

One Shots

Husk becomes A Regular Cat For The Day

Hush I’m Here

Can I Try Something?

Jokes on You part 1

Jokes on You part 2

Sinners And Winners Masterlist

One That Got Away Masterlist

Requests are open. One shots, headcannons, and incorrect quotes are all fine. Smut is okay as well.

[pannman]

Charlie and Vaggi get married and they throw the bouquet. Cherri, Angel, and Niffty are trying desperately to catch it and Alastor catches it only to burn it out of existence. “No one gets married! I love crushing dreams! Hahahaha!”

Cut to Alastor and Lucifer’s wedding

[pannman]

Charlie: Alastor, we’ve got a problem

Alastor: what is it?

Charlie: there’s a bat loose in the hotel. Can you deal with it?

Alastor: ha! That’s simple! I’ll deal with the filthy little creature right now

Later*

Vaggi: hey Charlie, did you take care of the bat?

Charlie: oh I was having trouble so I asked Alastor for help. He’s taking care of it now

Alastor comes crashing through the ceiling*

Vaggi: WHAT THE FUCK?!?

Charlie: Are you ok? What happened?!?

Alastor: the bat

Vaggi: the bat…

Alastor: that little horrid monster is putting up quite a fight!

Charlie: maybe we should just call an exterminator

Alastor: No! Don’t you even think about it Charlie! It’s personal now!

Alastor flies back up through the hole in the ceiling on his tentacles*

Crashes and shattering sounds proceed*

Vaggi: the fuck is that bat made of?

[pannman]

Is 27 too young to say “I’m too old for this”?

[melancholic-whimsy]

when life gives you lemons you squeeze them into your open wounds

[pannman]

[pannman]

Sickly Radio Demon

Alastor x Reader

TW: Alastor’s a sadistic asshole sometimes, clingy Alastor, smelly Alastor, teasing

Alastor was not a very affectionate person. You figured that out for certain after the two of you started dating. A pat on the head here and a condescending pinched cheek there. But kisses? Hugs? Holding hands? He would rather not. And of course you weren’t about to push him. Especially when you found out he was not fond of touch. Apparently he put up with it because he wanted it to be a secret but he loathed physical contact unless it was on his terms. You intended to fully respect it even if you couldn’t help but fantasize about being in his arms. However, even though he didn’t show physical affection quite often he made up for that in physical gestures. It seemed that acts of service were truly his love language. So when you got sick he was happy to take care of you. He made you some delicious gumbo and he frequently checked your temperature. He placed a cool damp towel on your forehead to help you with your fever. He sang to you as you fell asleep. You were right as rain pretty quickly.

You got out of bed feeling 100% better after a couple weeks of recovery. You didn’t see the dapper deer you loved anywhere. You asked around and apparently no one had seen him. You hadn’t checked his room yet so surely he must’ve been there you thought. You knocked and Alastor responded. “Go away!” He growled. “Alastor? Is everything ok?” Hearing your voice he immediately changed his tune. “Oh my love! It’s you! Come in! I need you!” He never said he needed you like that ever. You figured it must be serious. Except when you stepped inside you saw Alastor was a feverish mess. He was coughing up a storm and there were used tissues everywhere. You knew immediately that he had caught your illness. “Oh! Alastor! I’m so sorry…” you apologized. “Don’t be darling! You’re here now. You are so good to me. Come closer I need to see your face” he reached out for you while he laid there on the couch. You were confused by his behavior but you did as he asked. You approached him and his ever present grin widened. “Aw there’s my one and only. I’m so glad you’re here” he said. “You ok Alastor? I’m flattered by it but you’re acting strange” you informed him. “I’m much better now that you’re here. Please. Closer” he gestured for you to come even closer. You did and as soon as you were within reach he snatched you and pulled you into him. “Alastor! What are you doing?” He locked his arms around you while you struggled against his chest. He nuzzled into your neck. “Alastor?” You stopped struggling and felt a little nervous with his teeth so close to your neck. “Please don’t leave me” he whispered in your ear. “I won’t” you complied. This was the most intimate you’ve ever been with Alastor. “Alastor are you just clingy cause you’re sick?” You asked. “No, I need you! I’ve always needed you! I’ll never let you go!” He tightened his grip on you. You could tell his answer wasn’t the truth. He thought he meant it but that was just the sickness talking. He was clingy because of his ailment. You weren’t getting out of this but certainly shouldn’t get used to this. Alastor wrapped his legs around you. You were like a big stuffed animal now. He was very warm and you felt your coolness being drained. “Nice and cool” he mumbled. Now you were overheating. He was like a sauna. You tried to get out of his arms but he gripped you harder. “No! Don’t leave!” He panicked. “Alastor!” You complained. You were the one who wanted this. You dreamt of being held by him like this for ages. You eventually quit squirming and somehow fell asleep.

You woke up in the morning alone on the couch. You smelled something putrid and when you looked around for the source you found Alastor eating a rotting deer corpse. “Alastor! That reeks!” You told him. “Well it is my room! I’m free to do what I want in here. By the way, can we keep yesterday’s events between the two of us?” He asked. You nodded. “I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry” you had respected his wishes thus far and you planned to keep it that way. “Thank you! I must apologize for my absolutely inappropriate behavior at the time” he said. “Well it wasn’t that bad” you smiled. “Oh? Is that true?” He asked. “I mean other than you using me as a cooling pack, it was nice. Of course I’m not going to expect it from you” you replied. “Well… I’m glad you got enjoyment out of it. I don’t fall ill often but next time I do, I trust you’ll be here” he said between bites of decaying meat. “I’ll always be here” you told him. “Then perhaps I’ll give you a little kiss” he got up and walked toward you. “Really?!?” You got excited. He got closer and you could smell his breakfast already. The stench was radiating off him. “Nevermind! You smell like roadkill” you declined. “Oh really?” He raised an eyebrow. He was on you before you could even think of running as he pulled you into him. “Alastor! Let me go!” You argued. “I thought you said you enjoyed it” he laughed. “That was when you smelled like a person! Let me go!” You tried to push yourself off him and you started giggling. “See? I knew you would enjoy it” he said and you continued trying to fight back while he smothered you against him. Yes, he smelled bad. But this was the closest thing to playful wrestling you’d ever done with him. You fell backward onto the couch and he climbed on top of you before pinning you down. You felt your cheeks flush red thinking about how he was sitting on you. He leaned in closely. “I bet your depraved mind is thinking ungodly things right now” his voice was smooth as silk. You bit your bottom lip. Suddenly he got off you. “Welp! Have fun with that!” He left you there while he went to finish his breakfast. “God damn it Alastor!”

[pannman]

Nothing makes you wanna do a better job than someone telling you you’re doing a good job

Positive reinforcement actually works

[pannman]

Reader is dating Lucifer and Alastor

Reader: hey Lu!

Lucifer: hey babe how’s it-IS THAT A PUPPY?!?

It’s a gigantic full grown dog*

Reader: yeah I found him in a dumpster

Lucifer: poor thing! Let’s get him fed and cleaned up. I’ll call a vet

Reader: ok

Lucifer conjures a bowl of dog food and a small tub full of soapy water*

Dog begins eating*

Reader: awww he’s so hungry! It’s ok sweetie boy you’re safe now

Lucifer: he looks kinda like a dapper boy

Reader: I was thinking the same thing

Lucifer: let’s call him Winston

Reader: Winston! I love it! You’re a good boy Winston! Such a sweet baby boy!

Lucifer: Yeah, no more dumpster days for you. This is your home now! You’re safe, you’re welcome-

Alastor coming down the stairs: Lucifer! Where’s my polka dot tie?

Lucifer: HIDE HIM! HIDE HIM NOW!

Lucifer snaps his fingers and blanket falls over Winston who is still eating dog food*

Alastor: ah, there you are I was wondering…. I’m sorry what it is that?

Lucifer: what is what?

Alastor: the clearly living thing under a blanket

Reader: that’s just a blanket. I think you’re reading too much into it

Alastor: I can hear it crunching away

Reader: I don’t hear anything

Alastor pulls the blanket off*

Alastor: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?

Reader: it’s a puppy!

Alastor: that is not a puppy!

Reader: he’s a puppy at heart

Alastor: it looks like it could swallow a man whole

Reader: so can you and we still love you

Lucifer: yeah come on Alastor. We already named him Winston

Alastor: this is ridiculous!

Reader: seriously?

Alastor: yes. He’s clearly an Archibald!

Reader: …

Lucifer: …

Reader: ….oh like an Archie?

Alastor: yes, Archie is much more fitting

Reader: soooo…. If we name him Archie instead…. Can we keep him?

Alastor: as long as you keep him away from me

Lucifer and Reader: YAY!

Alastor: I mean it! I will not have him drooling all over me

Reader: come on Archie let’s give you a bath!

Archie jumps in the bath*

Alastor: he barely fits in that tub let’s get him a bigger one

Alastor snaps his fingers and a larger tub appears*

Reader gives Alastor a smug grin*

Reader: sucker

Alastor: shut up

[pannman]

Lucifer and Reader are dating and Lilith returns

Lucifer: oh… Lilith

Lilith: Lucifer.

Reader: what’s going on?

Lucifer: oh! Heeeyyyy… this my ex wife Lilith…

Reader stares at Lilith*

Reader to Lilith: WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH US?

[pannman]

Alastor: so the reason I wanted to talk to you is that I know you’re still in love with your wife so there would be no real attachments. I want to try dating someone but I don’t want it to be real. I just… want to see how it feels and go at my own pace. Experiment with experience. If one of us wants to stop it stops and no one gets heartbroken because it wasn’t even real. How does that sound?

Lucifer: so this is like fake dating just to see what it’s like?

Alastor: yes

Lucifer: hmm… I guess it would depend on what I get in return

Alastor: I’ll be significantly less mean to you… not completely though

Lucifer: ok then… let’s do it

Alastor: well then my… dear… I’ll take you dinner tomorrow if you like

Lucifer: I’d like that. My dove….

Reader: why am I here?

Alastor: because you have to be

Reader: I don’t get it. Am I in this relationship too?

Alastor: not in a traditional sense

Reader: then what am I?

Alastor: your present. For everything. Including dinner tomorrow

Reader: fine. But I’m not paying

Alastor: that’s fine

Alastor fake dates Lucifer but his emotional support reader has to be there as a buffer

[pannman]

Reader flirts with Lucifer all the time and he’s too polite to turn them down. Then Alastor gets mad at Lucifer and starts flirting with reader. Lucifer gets mad at Alastor and starts flirting with reader as well. Now reader is only being flirted with by both in order to piss off the other but reader is very into it

[pannman]

Human reader drunk at a casino: Devil if you’re listening give me a win of 80 bucks and you can have my soul

Lucifer in hell reading a newspaper: oh that’s a helluva bargain! Deal!

Lucifer blasts some magic upwards*

Human reader wins 80 bucks immediately*

Human reader: Oh my god! He heard me! That’s crazy…. Did I just sell my soul for 80 bucks?

Lucifer in hell: I love me a good bargain. Oh look! Big sale at Hellmart!

[pannman]

Angel: alright guys! What’s something you expected of hell when you were alive that turned out different than you expected?

Husk: I certainly didn’t think I’d have strangers calling me “fur-baby” but I guess it could be worse

Baxter: I always thought hell would have more evil scientists… like where the fuck is Edison?

Angel: yeah I thought it was gonna be just a bunch little devil guys forcing us to watch gay porn

Husk: I’m sorry THE FUCK WAS THAT ANGEL?

Angel: yeah my dad always said if we didn’t go to church we’d go to hell and they’d force us to watch gay porn

Husk: you skipped church a lot didn’t you?

Angel: you know it

Cherri: I thought I’d have two eyes! this shit fucking sucks!

Niffty: I thought there’d be a lot more bad boys but every time I meet one that seems to like me they magically disappear! What’s up with that?!?

Angel: what?

Alastor: yes rather unfortunate that always seems to happen…

Angel: alright smiles what did you think hell would be like?

Alastor: well I expected the picture that was painted in my youth. The typical red hellscape and the devil embracing evil. But only to find out the place is like a dull yellow and the devil is some pathetic sobbing pretty boy

Husk: what was that about hell being yellow?

Alastor: yes. That’s what I said

Angel: what color is this al?

Holds out red solo cup*

Alastor: yellow

Husk: what color is my bow tie?

Alastor: yellow

Niffty: what color is my hair?

Alastor: blonde

Husk: Alastor I hate to break this to you but you’re colorblind

Alastor: ha! That’s a good one! I’m not stupid Husk! I’ve been down here for quite some time. You really think I wouldn’t notice if… I was…Colorblind….

Husk: uh huh, well if it makes you feel any better I am too. I found out when I held a deck of cards and the hearts and diamonds were yellow

Alastor: I thought everyone just made everything yellow to match the aesthetic down here

Angel: well people do match the aesthetic. You’re not wrong about that

Alastor: SO EVERYTHING IS FUCKING RED!!!

Cherri: your suit’s red…

Alastor: FUCK!

[pannman]

Look at him! look how much of a dork he is! It’s fucking adorable!

[pannman]

Angel is a bottom with Valentino and during filming but what if when he’s with Husk he becomes a top. He gets the chance to take charge and be in control and he loves it because for the first time he feels like he has power over someone else. And Husk is okay with this. He lets Angel be in charge and make him feel good and he also gets to see Angel enjoy it too

[pannman]

Stolas doing paperwork while Blitzø watches him like a lovesick teenager

Stolas: Blitzø, what are you doing?

Blitzø: oh just bird watching

[pannman]

Arachnophobic Assistant

Part 1

Angel Dust x Reader

TW: VALENTINO, Arachnophobia, mentions of sex and sexual situations, sexual harassment/unwanted flirting

Notes: I will definitely get back to Sinners and Winners soon. I just wanted to try my hand at some Angel Dust x Reader. I hope you enjoy

Another poor interview. You sat on a bench in the scream rain thinking over what possible skills you had that would be useful in hell. Ever since you got fired at Munchies, you’ve been struggling to find a job willing to hire you. Apparently, Munchies will hire just about anyone. And their rules are so minimal that it’s hard to get in trouble there. People show up high, drunk, late, missing limbs and straight up wearing the clothes they slept in last night. But you managed to get fired. You didn’t know the lady you told off was the boss’s daughter. She was being incredibly rude and normally customer service wasn’t a priority. This was hell after all. But apparently it is a priority when the customer in question has some pull you didn’t even know about. You were already behind on your rent and it wouldn’t take much longer to lose your apartment. You NEEDED a job. Maybe you could go back to Munchies and beg. Maybe offer to work for less pay. Work the night shift. Scrub the bathrooms from top to bottom. Apologize to that bitch. That’s when you saw a notification on your phone. Apparently Voxtek was hiring. You clicked on the link and it was a position for an office clerk. You figured it wouldn’t hurt to try. It wouldn’t be so bad to work there.

After applying you ended up with an interview within a week. You walked in expecting some recruiter or maybe even Vox himself but instead Valentino, the tall famously flirtatious moth, sat waiting for you to start. You approached him and offered a handshake. He looked surprised then took your hand. But then you were the one to be surprised when he kissed your hand. “It’s a pleasure, gorgeous. I’ve been doing these interviews all day but I’m sure with a face like that I won’t be bored this time” he released your arm and you tried not to give away how uncomfortable you were. “Um thanks. It’s a pleasure to be here as well” you took a seat. “I hope you know more than the average sinner about…pleasure” he said that last part with a growl. You tensed up. “Oh relax baby I’m just teasing you. Why don’t we start with why you want this job. Unless you just wanted to spend some time in my presence” it seemed like every sentence that came out of his mouth had to be a flirt. “Well, I know Voxtek is a very great place to work. Lots of growth opportunities and a challenging fast paced environment. A huge emphasis on teamwork I hear as well” you explain. “Ah, yes teamwork. It’s important here that you work well with others. Speaking of which, there’s a tiny hiccup here. There’s a rumor going around among employers that you were fired from Munchies for being rude to a customer” even though he seemed to dig you he still was professional enough to bring up your past employment. “I made a mistake that day. I was having a hard time and I let it get in the way of my work. But I learned my lesson. Hard times are left at home. Here, I will do my best everyday” you recited the usual excuse that you had told many other employers. “Why don’t we do a little exercise?” He responded. You didn’t expect something like this. Maybe this was some kind of roleplay to give you some workplace scenarios? “Ok….” You replied. “You ask me a question and I’ll answer completely honestly but in turn I ask you a question and you’ll do the same” he said. “Um, ok” you were unsure of his motives for this. “You may go first” he gestured towards you. You tried to think of a reasonable question. “How many other applicants did you interview for this position?” You asked. “21, but you can do better than that next time. Ask me something juicy. For example, what EXACTLY did you say to the customer you were rude to?” Fuck! What could you do? If he catches you lying you probably wouldn’t get this job but telling the truth was incredibly risky as well…

“I was told that the food was cold. The woman had her food for a whole ten minutes and she was talking on the phone before she even took a bite. So I said ‘of course it’s cold if you haven’t touched it for ten minutes’ and she got mad and told me that I should not talk to a customer like that. I told her, ‘we’re all in hell for a reason, you’re not special’ and she got even more angry and told my boss… who happened to be her dad…” you admitted. To your surprise Valentino burst out laughing. “¡Qué mala suerte! That’s gotta be the saddest, funniest story I’ve heard!” He wiped a tear from his eye. “You are a riot! Your turn desafortunado” he said. Something juicy…. You had a question but it might be out of line. “Why are you doing the interviews yourself?” You asked. “Ah, you’re smart. I’ll give you that. I’m actually looking for not one but two positions. However the second one was kept a secret. I need someone to be an assistant for my special star. Angel Dust. I want to make sure I approve of who gets to spend so much time with him” it made sense the more you thought about it. If they were upfront about a job opening for Angel Dust’s assistant it would draw quite the crowd. Who knows what kinda sleaze bags would kill for the opportunity to get close to hell’s most famous porn star. “Ok, my turn!” He cut off your line of thought “Do you… like men?” He asked. You were flabbergasted. “What?” You hadn’t expected such a personal question. “Am I not speaking clearly?” He had a dangerous tone. “I… like men, yes” you told him. He thought for a moment looking at you like he could strangle you only for a minute before his usual persona returned. “Thanks so much for your honesty. I’ll let you get one more question in” he said. You waited. Thinking it over. “Am I doing well enough to be considered for the position?” You asked. “One of them… yes” he replied. So cryptic…

You received a call not even two days later. You got the position! But once again they neglected to mention which one. Surely it was just the clerk position. That’s what you thought until you were instructed to head to the studio. There Valentino introduced you to the one and only Angel Dust. Now you knew you had suffered from pretty extreme arachnophobia. But you also had been in hell long enough to differentiate between sinners and ACTUAL critters. Or so you thought. Angel’s extra limbs were gangly and he had multiple eyes all over his face and sharp fangs. You stiffened at the sight of him. Valentino was too busy talking to notice. He didn’t even realize you weren’t listening. “-and remember to make sure he lubes up. We need him to be able to slip in and out easily” he turned to Angel. “See? I got you an assistant just like you asked. Now you can stop complaining and get some work done!” He clapped his hands as if to order everyone around without saying a word. The entire studio suddenly burst with movement as everyone knew where to go and what to do. Angel approached you. You held in every urge to bolt. “So you’re who Val deems ‘worthy’ huh? Well, let’s see how long you last” he suddenly noticed the way you were frozen. “Practicing to be a statue?” He said. You shook yourself. “Uh, um no... just uh surprised. How can I help you?” You managed to say. “Geez! You’re not used to this scene are ya? Don’t worry you get desensitized. For now you can get me some coffee from the cafe down the street. I’d like a vanilla latte. And give me two extra shots of espresso in there. It’s gonna be a long night” he cracked his back as if bracing for the labor ahead of him. “Uh yeah! I’ll get right on that” you practically booked it outta there. You were happy to go get him some coffee and put distance between you two. What was wrong with you? He’s not an actual spider, he's a person! He just looks like one. And he doesn’t really look THAT much like a real spider. But something innate in your body responded with absolute terror when in his presence. How in hell would you keep this job? You can’t be his assistant if you’re afraid of him. You waited in line and although you wanted to take your time you pushed against those instincts and returned as quickly as possible with his coffee. “Ah nice” he reached out to take it from your hands and you felt yourself shaking. You quickly put it down on the counter for him to pick up. “What the fuck was that?” He asked. It was weird behavior, you couldn’t deny it. “You afraid to touch me or something? Ohhh I get it. The dirty porn star. Right” he took his coffee. “What? No.” You said. “Look, you’re not gonna catch an std from our fingers brushing up against each other” he grumbled. “No, that’s not what-” you tried to defend but Val shouted for Angel. “Get your ass over here and get fucked!” He yelled. Angel quickly chugged his coffee and left to go record. Now you were filled to the brim with terror AND guilt. You didn’t have a problem with sex workers. You needed him to know that. You needed to tell him the truth.

After 9 grueling hours Angel finally got a break. It was absolutely fucked up but you didn’t feel today was the day to comment on that. “Angel, can we talk?” You asked. “I’d like to enjoy my break, thank you” he answered. “I know… I wanna respect that but I want you to know the truth” you told him. “Fine. What’s on your mind?” He sounded exhausted. Perhaps now was a bad time but you weren’t sure how soon a better time would arise. “I have no problem with what you do for a living. I even have friends in the porn industry.” You stated. “Then what’s the problem?” He asked. “I… I’m an arachnophobe… I’m scared of spiders… and until now I’ve never come across a sinner with spider features. I didn’t expect…” he turned to you. “You didn’t expect it to affect you the same” he finished your sentence. You nodded. “Well… you’re already talking to me way better” he pointed out. You suddenly realized he was right. You just carried out a conversation with him. “Now let’s see… what happens if I…” he stood up and started to approach you. You stiffened and your heart began to race. He stopped. “You’re making some progress but you’ve got a long ways to go. I’ll tell you what. I’ll help you” he smiled. “Help me how?” You asked. “A little technique I learned during my time at the Hazbin Hotel. It’s called ‘exposure therapy’” he waved his hands in the air to emphasize his words. “Oh no not exposure therapy…” you whined. “Oh great you’ve heard of it. Ok well meet me here tomorrow at 6am sharp. We’ll have the place to ourselves” you agreed though deep inside you were reluctant. Exposure therapy was difficult. Slowly exposing yourself to your fear until it no longer scared you. But you needed this job. You went to bed that night wondering what kind of crazy exercise Angel would cook up for your exposure therapy. You had only just met him to be fair. You weren’t exactly sure if he was a good guy or not. But you had to try. Even if the thought of tomorrow was keeping you awake.