hey can you people actually pay attention to this for a quick second because i think its a big problem for lots of aromantic people?
k thanks. There is absolutely zero reason to leave a relationship both partners are happy in just because you found out you’re aromantic. Literally none. Stop breaking people’s hearts because you think you’re incapable of loving. Because here’s the thing: you aren’t incapable of love. Unless you have an actual diagnosis of a mental health disorder that prevents you from having feelings of love and connectedness with other people, you’re probably capable of having feelings of love. And sure it might not be romantic, but literally why in the fuck does that even remotely matter? At the end of the day all “different” types of love boil down to the same feelings of deep connection and attachment to a person. So yeah, no need to end relationships that aren’t having issues just because you have this completely useless, burning desire to fit perfectly in your label box.Â
okay… this post has a few holes in it i think and i’d like to address them. first off, why is there an assumption that aromantic people who are happy in their romantic relationship would want to leave their partners?? that would make both the person who found out they’re aromantic and the other person heartbroken (yes, both of them). i’m not sure if anyone is actually doing that if the relationship is doing well and they know is mutually satisfying. yes, some aros do feel that they’re incapable of love, but it’s not them finding the label that causes it?? chances are that the person was already thinking that maybe the love they feel for their partner is a bit different than the love their partner feels for them - i imagine that it could be one of the reasons to identify as aromatic. finding the label is, a lot of times, only putting a label on the feelings the person was already experiencing and if the person wasn’t actually fully comfortable in the relationship, then finding the reason why they weren’t comfortable could give them a good incentive to break up. a lot of aros feel incapable of romantic love and they can realize that a romantic relationship isn’t the thing that makes them happy, exactly because of their inability to feel love. an example: someone thinks dogs are cute, they see a stray dog and take the dog in. even though the person finds dogs cute and likes the dog, they see that the dog isn’t actually suited to the lifestyle that they lead and that they were happier without the dog. the end.Â
another thing is that i don’t understand trying to convince people how they should go about the highly personal decisions in their lives, if you don’t know them all and can’t make assumptions on what their motives are. i’m 100% sure you don’t have all the facts on the people who are making decisions like those.Â
yet another is that, if you’re trying to convince someone of sth, guilt is usually not the feeling you want to invoke. a phrase like “stop breaking people’s hearts” manages to do that and “you think you’re incapable of love (..) But here’s the thing: you aren’t incapable of love” and “a completely useless desire” manage to invalidate the person’s judgement of their own feelings.Â
in the end, even if the person was really satisfied with their romantic relationship, but finds that they want the feeling of belonging to other aromantics more than they want the relationship, that’s also a thing they can decide on. of course, you can be aromantic and in a romantic relationship and while there are aros who may not understand it fully, it doesn’t prevent you from being aro and participating in the community if you want to.Â
okay I’ll be straight up, I only read the first paragraph of your response because A) your assumptions are off and B) I’m lazy I understand that the original post comes off as very pushy, but i was really trying to drive it into peoples heads that you have the OPTION or the CAPABILITY to decide if both you and your partner are perfectly content and happy in the relationship and there are not negative feelings (in any way! lots of people responding to this post don’t realize when i say that both partners are happy in, I mean like wholly and without any little nagging doubts or anything, so those of you who were happy with their partner but experienced some form of guilt or hardship, this post doesnt apply to you obviously) aromantics who absolutely cannot love might not be the most well suited to romantic relationships. dont know why i gotta say it i assumed you all could think critically and apply abstract ideas to yourselves in your own personal context. I understand your intentions are in the right place and while I didnt read enough of your response to really respond back fully, I hope you continue to be open minded and positive in your journey to educate others about aromanticism
okay I’ll be straight up, I only read the first paragraph of your response and in it you said you didn’t bother to read the vast majority of what I wrote, so I don’t see why you deserve any different from me. let me know if you ever decide to actually listen to what I’m saying
chillin








