Antics of Aromantics

I'm dumb and think I'm qualified to give advice

[arom-antics-blog]

hey can you people actually pay attention to this for a quick second because i think its a big problem for lots of aromantic people?

k thanks. There is absolutely zero reason to leave a relationship both partners are happy in just because you found out you’re aromantic. Literally none. Stop breaking people’s hearts because you think you’re incapable of loving. Because here’s the thing: you aren’t incapable of love. Unless you have an actual diagnosis of a mental health disorder that prevents you from having feelings of love and connectedness with other people, you’re probably capable of having feelings of love. And sure it might not be romantic, but literally why in the fuck does that even remotely matter? At the end of the day all “different” types of love boil down to the same feelings of deep connection and attachment to a person. So yeah, no need to end relationships that aren’t having issues just because you have this completely useless, burning desire to fit perfectly in your label box. 

[arospecinitiative]

okay… this post has a few holes in it i think and i’d like to address them. first off, why is there an assumption that aromantic people who are happy in their romantic relationship would want to leave their partners?? that would make both the person who found out they’re aromantic and the other person heartbroken (yes, both of them). i’m not sure if anyone is actually doing that if the relationship is doing well and they know is mutually satisfying. yes, some aros do feel that they’re incapable of love, but it’s not them finding the label that causes it?? chances are that the person was already thinking that maybe the love they feel for their partner is a bit different than the love their partner feels for them - i imagine that it could be one of the reasons to identify as aromatic. finding the label is, a lot of times, only putting a label on the feelings the person was already experiencing and if the person wasn’t actually fully comfortable in the relationship, then finding the reason why they weren’t comfortable could give them a good incentive to break up. a lot of aros feel incapable of romantic love and they can realize that a romantic relationship isn’t the thing that makes them happy, exactly because of their inability to feel love. an example: someone thinks dogs are cute, they see a stray dog and take the dog in. even though the person finds dogs cute and likes the dog, they see that the dog isn’t actually suited to the lifestyle that they lead and that they were happier without the dog. the end. 

another thing is that i don’t understand trying to convince people how they should go about the highly personal decisions in their lives, if you don’t know them all and can’t make assumptions on what their motives are. i’m 100% sure you don’t have all the facts on the people who are making decisions like those. 

yet another is that, if you’re trying to convince someone of sth, guilt is usually not the feeling you want to invoke. a phrase like “stop breaking people’s hearts” manages to do that and “you think you’re incapable of love (..) But here’s the thing: you aren’t incapable of love” and “a completely useless desire” manage to invalidate the person’s judgement of their own feelings. 

in the end, even if the person was really satisfied with their romantic relationship, but finds that they want the feeling of belonging to other aromantics more than they want the relationship, that’s also a thing they can decide on. of course, you can be aromantic and in a romantic relationship and while there are aros who may not understand it fully, it doesn’t prevent you from being aro and participating in the community if you want to. 

[arom-antics-blog]

okay I’ll be straight up, I only read the first paragraph of your response because A) your assumptions are off and B) I’m lazy I understand that the original post comes off as very pushy, but i was really trying to drive it into peoples heads that you have the OPTION or the CAPABILITY to decide if both you and your partner are perfectly content and happy in the relationship and there are not negative feelings (in any way! lots of people responding to this post don’t realize when i say that both partners are happy in, I mean like wholly and without any little nagging doubts or anything, so those of you who were happy with their partner but experienced some form of guilt or hardship, this post doesnt apply to you obviously) aromantics who absolutely cannot love might not be the most well suited to romantic relationships. dont know why i gotta say it i assumed you all could think critically and apply abstract ideas to yourselves in your own personal context. I understand your intentions are in the right place and while I didnt read enough of your response to really respond back fully, I hope you continue to be open minded and positive in your journey to educate others about aromanticism

[arospecinitiative]

okay I’ll be straight up, I only read the first paragraph of your response and in it you said you didn’t bother to read the vast majority of what I wrote, so I don’t see why you deserve any different from me. let me know if you ever decide to actually listen to what I’m saying

[arom-antics-blog]

chillin

[arom-antics-blog]

aromantics CAN and WILL do cocaine 

[arom-antics-blog]

the anger in the aromantic community is palpable. not like cuz of any recent events, i think thats just how we are

[arom-antics-blog]

hey can you people actually pay attention to this for a quick second because i think its a big problem for lots of aromantic people?

k thanks. There is absolutely zero reason to leave a relationship both partners are happy in just because you found out you’re aromantic. Literally none. Stop breaking people’s hearts because you think you’re incapable of loving. Because here’s the thing: you aren’t incapable of love. Unless you have an actual diagnosis of a mental health disorder that prevents you from having feelings of love and connectedness with other people, you’re probably capable of having feelings of love. And sure it might not be romantic, but literally why in the fuck does that even remotely matter? At the end of the day all “different” types of love boil down to the same feelings of deep connection and attachment to a person. So yeah, no need to end relationships that aren’t having issues just because you have this completely useless, burning desire to fit perfectly in your label box. 

[arospecinitiative]

okay… this post has a few holes in it i think and i’d like to address them. first off, why is there an assumption that aromantic people who are happy in their romantic relationship would want to leave their partners?? that would make both the person who found out they’re aromantic and the other person heartbroken (yes, both of them). i’m not sure if anyone is actually doing that if the relationship is doing well and they know is mutually satisfying. yes, some aros do feel that they’re incapable of love, but it’s not them finding the label that causes it?? chances are that the person was already thinking that maybe the love they feel for their partner is a bit different than the love their partner feels for them - i imagine that it could be one of the reasons to identify as aromatic. finding the label is, a lot of times, only putting a label on the feelings the person was already experiencing and if the person wasn’t actually fully comfortable in the relationship, then finding the reason why they weren’t comfortable could give them a good incentive to break up. a lot of aros feel incapable of romantic love and they can realize that a romantic relationship isn’t the thing that makes them happy, exactly because of their inability to feel love. an example: someone thinks dogs are cute, they see a stray dog and take the dog in. even though the person finds dogs cute and likes the dog, they see that the dog isn’t actually suited to the lifestyle that they lead and that they were happier without the dog. the end. 

another thing is that i don’t understand trying to convince people how they should go about the highly personal decisions in their lives, if you don’t know them all and can’t make assumptions on what their motives are. i’m 100% sure you don’t have all the facts on the people who are making decisions like those. 

yet another is that, if you’re trying to convince someone of sth, guilt is usually not the feeling you want to invoke. a phrase like “stop breaking people’s hearts” manages to do that and “you think you’re incapable of love (..) But here’s the thing: you aren’t incapable of love” and “a completely useless desire” manage to invalidate the person’s judgement of their own feelings. 

in the end, even if the person was really satisfied with their romantic relationship, but finds that they want the feeling of belonging to other aromantics more than they want the relationship, that’s also a thing they can decide on. of course, you can be aromantic and in a romantic relationship and while there are aros who may not understand it fully, it doesn’t prevent you from being aro and participating in the community if you want to. 

[arom-antics-blog]

okay I'll be straight up, I only read the first paragraph of your response because A) your assumptions are off and B) I'm lazy I understand that the original post comes off as very pushy, but i was really trying to drive it into peoples heads that you have the OPTION or the CAPABILITY to decide if both you and your partner are perfectly content and happy in the relationship and there are not negative feelings (in any way! lots of people responding to this post don't realize when i say that both partners are happy in, I mean like wholly and without any little nagging doubts or anything, so those of you who were happy with their partner but experienced some form of guilt or hardship, this post doesnt apply to you obviously) aromantics who absolutely cannot love might not be the most well suited to romantic relationships. dont know why i gotta say it i assumed you all could think critically and apply abstract ideas to yourselves in your own personal context. I understand your intentions are in the right place and while I didnt read enough of your response to really respond back fully, I hope you continue to be open minded and positive in your journey to educate others about aromanticism

[arom-antics-blog]

sometimes i think about how this blog has a decent number of followers but i never use it and like i could just...... overnight turn it into a lil xan fan blog or something. a few people would probably be pretty confused. 

[arom-antics-blog]

Aromanticism can be a slow discovery. We are all raised to go for the the romantic ideal so even thinking that you don't need to force these feelings, can be weird. I were 25 when I realised that I don't have to have feelings and urges and likes, that I don't actually have. But that realisation came slow and gradually and was hard. I suddenly had to see myself as who I am and not who I expected to be.

i have no clue when you sent this sorry ive been so absent but absolutely! read this and absorb it! or dont absorb or read, it its really up to you. 

[arom-antics-blog]

wow didnt realize how absolutely horrible this website is until i decided i wanted to try not being depressed. Please take this seriously: you need to guard your mental health. this website is not good for it. it is such a drain, full of people who want to revel in their own misery and wear it as a badge of honor and thats just really not the way to live your life. you will never feel better as long as you are repeating these hateful and damaging words to yourself. unfollow negative people. do better for yourself. theres such importance in treating yourself like someone who deserves love and positivity. because you do deserve it. and quite frankly im personally offended if you think you dont. 

[arom-antics-blog]

I'm so happy I found this blog!! I've been slowly realizing I'm wayyy more aro than I originally thought, and this blog has been helping me reconcile how much I want a relationship and the fact that I never really feel strong romantic attraction, but a lot of platonic and aesthetic attraction. Again, just thanks for having this blog! It's really nice to find other people thinking about the same things I am.

I’m so glad I could help you! Remember: aromanticism isn’t a diagnosis that suddenly cuts you off from having close relationships! Thats just silly! Aromanticism is a way to describe your own personal aversion to romance (for whatever reason and to whatever extent, everyone is unique) and does not in any way dictate how you should live your life!

[arom-antics-blog]

anyways today is a great day to be aromantic and in love with all my important friends

[arom-antics-blog]

I just read somewhere that queerplatonic relationships can be sexual??? But then how are they queerplatonic??? I'm sorry I don't mean to sound ignorant (I am aromantic too), it's just that these terms are pretty new to me...

means theyre just fucking as friends i guess

[arom-antics-blog]

Being an allosexual aromantic is such an annoying thing because I don't want a romantic partner or a queerplatonic partner. What I want is a weird mix of a queerplatonic and a sexual partner and I have no idea where tf I will find that.

i actually think alot more people want that than you think lmao. like the benefits of a relationship in that you get emotional support and closeness and sex but dont have to worry about converging your lives together or getting married or going on dates or acting romantic or committing or being exclusive or whatever this relationship looks like to you.

alos this may be controversial, but if your ideal queerplatonic relationship looks exactly like a romantic relationship without the label, why not just chill out and ask to date them. does your identity label really matter enough to bother with the confusion? to me personally, it doesnt. to others? apperantly yeah it matters alot

[arom-antics-blog]

Hey I just read your post about not having to leave a relationship if you're aro and happy and I don't mean to be rude but I just thought I should share my experience? I was in a relationship when I found out that I was aro and the reason I found out I was aro was because it felt "off". I wasn't unhappy in the relationship. I was dating my (ex? Technically?) best friend and we were both happy but, being aromantic, it just didn't seem "right". I felt uneasy being romantic and cheesy. (1/2)

Even just calling her my "girlfriend" seemed wrong. When I found out I was aro I broke up with her not because I wanted to fit the aro label, but because it was unfair to HER. She wanted a romantic relationship and I couldn't give her that, obviously, so we broke up. Even though we were happy together. (2/2)

....... how happy were you honestly if you felt that your aromantic identity was causing you to feel uneasy in the relationship. i dont just mean that you guys kind of like each other and enjoy the other presence and do romantic things, i mean like actually have a deep attachment to another person that makes bumps in the road like that insignificant 

[arom-antics-blog]

i feel like some drunken hermit, only emerging from my cave to scream at all of you about how you need to stop treating social identities like they’re a diagnosis

[arom-antics-blog]

hey can you people actually pay attention to this for a quick second because i think its a big problem for lots of aromantic people?

k thanks. There is absolutely zero reason to leave a relationship both partners are happy in just because you found out you’re aromantic. Literally none. Stop breaking people’s hearts because you think you’re incapable of loving. Because here’s the thing: you aren’t incapable of love. Unless you have an actual diagnosis of a mental health disorder that prevents you from having feelings of love and connectedness with other people, you’re probably capable of having feelings of love. And sure it might not be romantic, but literally why in the fuck does that even remotely matter? At the end of the day all “different” types of love boil down to the same feelings of deep connection and attachment to a person. So yeah, no need to end relationships that aren’t having issues just because you have this completely useless, burning desire to fit perfectly in your label box. 

[arom-antics-blog]

Heyy!!Your blog has a really cool name!!!I recently discovered the aro identity and i think it matches the way i feel at this moment perfectly, im very happy about it cause i was confused for a very long time but im also even more confused at this moment because i want to get married and have kids in the future but i really dont want a relationship

romantic love isnt a prereq for getting married and having kids. of all the 7.6 billion people on this planet i swear to you at least one of them would be more than happy to have a domestic partnership with you

[arom-antics-blog]

I have no idea if I’m aromantic. I know I’m ace, I have known that for a while. I’m still in high school and I keep trying to convince myself that something will change and I want a romantic relationship but I have no idea. I know that I can be romantically attracted to girls, but it goes away within the matter of seconds. I’m just scared I’m missing out on something.

haha you may never want one! and that’s 100% okay! it’s really not anything to worry about. like I don’t feel bad about never having tried sushi because here’s the big kicker: i don’t want to. maybe one day i will, but until then it’s pretty irrelevant to my life. i think the big thing is to try and pay close attention to what you feel. if you don’t feel it, don’t force it, even if you want to feel it. just let your mind chill where it wants to. you’re in high school, so many things will change the first year after you graduate! trust me when i say your life has really barely even started 

[arom-antics-blog]

I very recently figured out I might by ace & I'm thinking definitely aro, but when I came out to my boyfriend he couldn t do that long term so we broke up. I know it's stupid and it won't change anything but I keep thinking "if I hadn't said it" or "if I was different". How do I stop that? Or does it ever stop? Granted it's also been an emotional week so that's probably not helping either

I’m not sure if it stops. I assume it does, but I wouldn’t expect it to be a short period of time. You didn’t do the wrong thing. You were honest and he couldn’t take it. I swear to you on my life that you will create relationships of all kinds with other wonderful people that come into your life in the future. This is just a small bump in the road, even if it doesn’t feel like it.