there is no way to describe my pain. i am giving up.
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@arsenicvent
there is no way to describe my pain. i am giving up.
why do i literally want women to torture me
dont want to do art anymore and its weird. i've def gone through times like this, and i know it'll go away....but it's hard to let it go even temporarily..
might get shrooms soon im screaming crying and throwing up
i wish i could function like a normal person. i wish my brain could just produce the right chemicals. i want to enjoy things, i want to socialize, but my brain just doesn't make the right chemicals to allow me to do those things. it's like i have all the wrong parts to interface with this world.
doing hot enby shit *drinking opioid tea*
i wanna do shrooms sooo bad
i need to go to the doctor for my seizures. i need to try to start getting into therapy. i just can't see a point anymore. this world obviously does not want me to live and i need to stop tricking myself into thinking it's any different
or into thinking i can make it care about my life
or into thinking it has any feelings at all
begging that i don't have to make all the effort in all my social relationships anymore im begging
been writing a lot, and drawing a lot, but i can't really bring myself to post any of it. when i do i get likes and stuff, i don't really know why I don't want to. I think i just prefer showing it to friends
i can barely take care of myself, why am i so attracted to people who need me to do everything for them
doesn't close the grinder, doesn't pick up her trash, leaves food out for weeks, she puked in the kitchen a week ago and still hasn't cleaned it, i've been taking out the trash recently, took her a month to do the dishes, if i don't tell her to brush her teeth, her hair, to shower and put deodorant on, she wouldn't do it. I get it, it's hard, but she's almost 23 and has no survival skills of her own and she's completely relying on me and i have fucking holes in my bones i can't keep up with this shit anymore, man. i just want to give up. how many break downs do i have to have? how many times do i have to beg her for help over and over for days before she fucking cares about the place we live in, her own fucking body. i dont know.
i dont want to get a job. looking at all of them fill me with anxiety because i know im very disabled. i was going to go to college, but we're too poor. SSI will take too long, i have to suck it up and let capitalism suck my life force.
my brain: why dont i just do it? if its inevitable and my brain wont stop obsessing over death, why not just do it? The answer is, I am a pussy. I-
me: *takes a hit of weed*
my brain:
going insane for an hour every day because my brain turns off the defense mechanism that makes you think death isn't a thing that will happen to you
i've lost 30+ lbs in 2 months lol someone help
Antifascists in Chicago have issued a call for a community mobilization against the neo-Nazi group, Patriot Front, who has stated that they
January 8th from 1-3 pm at Federal Plaza in Chicago. Against the fascists. Against the authoritarian bigots who attack the rights of women.
i just feel like i dont have much to offer anymore. im not doing anything creative because i have no ideas and the creative things i want to do, cost money to start doing and im lucky im not homeless right now so i cant...do anything