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Today's Document

#extradirty

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Mike Driver
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@artificial-jongin
poems i wrote for the signs
aries: you light fires just to see how quickly you can put them out and / you are always three steps ahead of the person next to you and / sometimes you start fights just to see how long it takes for you to come out on top / but everyone can see that you’d never hold somebody’s heart / just for the opportunity to drop it
taurus: you do things that you shouldn’t do and / you kiss boys that you shouldn’t kiss and / your shameless flirting with self destruction won’t be ending anytime soon / (you let others love you to the point where you are too stubborn to love yourself)
gemini: you believe that soulmates are meant to be your other half but / you should also consider the possibility that maybe / soulmates are those who help you find the pieces you were looking for in others / in yourself (patience — you will find yours soon)
cancer: there are rainstorms in your tear ducts and / butterflies in your stomach and / sometimes you feel like the earth might shatter beneath the gentle touch of your fingertips / but when you realize that nobody knows how to feel the way that you know how to feel / consider it a good thing
leo: your hands are at your own throat because / you are too generous and you have been taken for granted one too many times / (stop tearing yourself apart just to keep others whole)
virgo: you wear more makeup than necessary when you go out and / you only wear black pants because they make your legs look smaller but / i want you to remember that you are a flower born in the midst of a drought and / plucking your own petals until there’s nothing left would be a huge disappointment
libra: according to others, you’re supposed to be the balanced one / but right now you are struggling and can’t tell the difference between / a love letter and a suicide note / (this was hard to get off my chest) / (i really love you) / (i’m sorry, darling)
scorpio: you’re telling him to kiss your neck when / you really want him to kiss your mind but / you’re so torn between being passionate and being psychological / that maybe you don’t know the difference
sagittarius: you get drunk off of cheap thrills and going eighty-five down backroads / but when it comes letting people close to you / you still need someone to hold your hand / (maybe you don’t trust yourself to trust others)
capricorn: “i like holding your hands because they’re warm,” he tells you, but what happens when they’re not? / you want to peel back the layers of his skin until you see his lungs moving beneath his ribcage and / you want to know if he can hold his breath for as long as atlas held the earth / (maybe his lungs will hold your hands when he won’t want to)
aquarius: you don’t wear sunscreen during an indian summer and / you’ll take shots of anything because / you want to show people you don’t have a care in the world / but it’s hard for anyone to see beyond your barricade of skeletons and repressed memories in the first place
pisces: you paint the ocean on your eyelids so when there are tears streaming down your face / it doesn’t feel like you’re crying and / you feel like a monster because nobody likes the taste of salt water / but what you’re forgetting is that salt helps heal wounds
poems i wrote for the signs (ii)
aries: you were smoking cigarettes on top of his old man’s hill at four o’clock in the morning and / it was almost uncanny how the sky was just like the two of you; / it was dark and / it was quiet and / it was mysterious, and so were you, but / the sky couldn’t talk and it couldn’t feel and / sometimes you wished that you couldn’t either / “i love you,” you told him / “your problem,” he replied
taurus: you’re right here but he’s way over there and / that drives you crazy because sometimes you want to know what his laugh sounds like in person / not over the phone and / you want to know what you look like standing next to him and / you will always wonder if he can kiss your skin the / same way he can kiss your mind / (distance makes the heart grow fonder until the heart just breaks)
gemini: you get nightmares every tuesday about the time he rested his hand on your cheek and really looked at you and / every sunday you’re reminded of how it felt to be / trapped between him and his mangled cotton bed sheets and / mondays are the worst because / you can only think about that saturday when you told him you hated him and / you can still smell the sadness in his eyes / (he was flying, you were crashing) / (this wasn’t the love you thought you wanted)
cancer: you think you’re nothing but a jigsaw puzzle of bones wrapped in someone else’s skin with / a corrupted mind and half a heart but / someday you will meet someone who smells like old books and salt water and / just like the end of a story or the ocean tides / he will teach you what it really means to move somebody / (you won’t know if you’re feeling everything at once or nothing at all but / maybe that’s a good thing)
leo: he never bought you flowers and / he never held the door open and / he only tried to kiss you whenever he had a girlfriend; / you tried so hard to forget about his olive skin and playful eyes but / he still had the nerve to tell you how much he loved you / (do not apologize for missing him; he might have been an asshole but / you still see the good in everybody)
virgo: your twisted heart strings wrap around your chest to leave an unwanted reminder that you love him and / you loved him and / you will love him and / it hurts; / you used to wrap yourself around him every night like / a caterpillar that didn’t want to become a butterfly but / time doesn’t stop for anyone, does it? / (you hit the ground as soon as you left the cocoon) / (how could you fly when your heart is so heavy?)
libra: at seventeen, you should’ve known that / the world isn’t always beautiful and that / life isn’t always lovely and / you should never change the way you are for the sake of a teenage boy but / yesterday he told you that there is something beautiful in death and / you wanted nothing more than to stand on the edge of a cliff and / feel your feet get swept out from underneath you
scorpio: he thinks you’re pretty during the day but / he knows you’re beautiful at night when the only light in the room is / coming from the dreams that are falling quickly from your mouth and / your hands are shaking because they’ve never held his until now; / before you met him, you didn’t think it was okay to like sad things but / he loves how rainy days and sleepless nights make you feel / something worth writing about / (you’re so used to running that you didn’t realize anyone was chasing you)
sagittarius: she doesn’t love him like you do and / you know this because she doesn’t know how he likes his coffee (black) or / what his favorite movie is (hotel rwanda) or / why he’s afraid of airplanes (his sister died on 9/11) / so you tell her; / you tell her that he is an introverted mind with a beautiful soul, / that he has a fragile heart and she cannot fix it no matter how hard she tries; / you do not tell her these things to scare her / you tell her these things because you might not like her but / you love him / (you know how he deserves to be treated)
capricorn: sixty-four days later and you’re still writing love songs on your bedroom wall for / all of the moments that could’ve been / would’ve been / should’ve been, but weren’t; / your head hurts and / you’re tired and / you want to bleach your skin because you can remember every touch he’s ever made on your body (with his hands / with his lips / with his mind); / i know you’re hurting but / bleach your walls instead, darling / (he’s not the only one you’ll write love songs for)
aquarius: “it’s been so long,“ he says, / “come home,” he tells you / “i miss you” / and you get in your car and you drive down the road but / it’s hard to see anything when the world is hidden under a haze of smoke and a string of memories and / you’re lost; / you think home is where the air smells like the ocean and / the sky is as bright as his eyes are when he’s kissing you but / you don’t remember what that feels like anymore / (he never calls again)
pisces: you fell in love with the artist because you both dreamed in shades of green and misty mountain tops and / you liked the way he ran his paintbrush over your hips / your chest / your thighs, blending trails of dark purples and light browns into / small galaxies on your skin; / “purple means royalty,” he tells you, “brown means strength,” / but he uses your tongue as a punching bag whenever his lips are on yours and that’s when you knew / (loving him wasn’t supposed to hurt)
PLEASE LET THEM COME HOME MIHOYO I AM ON MY KNEES I AM ON BOTH MY KNEES
VOGUE KOREA ; – Narcissist (July issue)
VOGUE KOREA ; – Narcissist (July issue)
HALSEY — Nightmare
iconic
Baby girl, leaning on my shoulder. Your scent is inside my heart. It’s striking like a wave. I want to be forever like this, so don’t mess up my tempo baby. | 엑소 Tempo ( 2018 )
Devotion//
I think I loved him enough to die
Call Me by Your Name (2017) dir. Luca Guadagnino
the one to create an ocean that will swallow it all, it’s you ; ©