The Great Artistry

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[artsy-writy]

Imagine if aliens enjoyed the typical "technical" jobs as we enjoy the artsy ones

Alien: Whatcha doing?

Human: Uhh *hunched over tablet*, just drawing something, ya know?

Alien: Work eh? Poor you. Hope you can finish that fast before the weekend?

Human: Huh? What do you mean?

Alien: ...is that not for your job?

Human: I'm no artist. I'm an accountant. I don't-

Alien: ...you're an accountant...but you're drawing?

Human: For fun, I just have free time.

Alien: *astounded* You're literal job is accounting and you're....doing art....for fun!?

Human: W-why would I not-

Alien: *Calls out to friend* do you see this person!? They're job is freaking accounting! Working with fun fun numbers and they're sitting here coloring like they enjoy it! "Free time", they say.

Human: W-what-

Alien 2: You're...drawing.

Human: Y-ye- I-I mean, what's your guys' jobs?

Alien: I paint murals and this person creates sculptures.

Human: What!? Dream jobs right there!

Aliens: What!?

Alien 2: You're an accountant! You get to work with numbers all the time and you're envious of US??

Human: Do your kind not like-

Alien: It is so tiring. Our schools enforce the arts on us, we are pressured by parents that art is the only way for the future and society- society calls us dreamers if we even mention math or science.

Human: ...that's pretty much us but with science and math...

Aliens: ...

Human: ...

Aliens: ....

Human: ....

All of them at the same time: So wanna do my work?

[artsy-writy]

What if aliens didn't have....preferences?

We humans have our 5 senses and use them to not just survive but also to judge. What if aliens didn't have these judgements?

------------‐---------------‐---------------‐---

Human: hm...what's your favorite color? *painting a wall*

Alien: My...what?

Human: You know, the color you prefer the most?

Alien: Oh uh...I don't have one? *confused* Do you?

Human: Of course! Mine is pink!!

Alien: Oh...I see.

Human: *dumbfounded by the alien's lack of favorites* Favorite food?

Alien: I just eat what I have.

Human: Favorite pet?

Alien: I don't have pets.

Human: But if you had one-

Alien: I wouldn't.

Human; ...

Alien: ...

Human:...then....your favorite human?

Alien: Uh...I don't have one-

Human: I'M NOT YOUR FAVORITE HUMAN!? *drops paint bucket*

Alien: O-oh is that matter that big of a matter to take offense?

Human: YES!! YOU MEANIE-

Alien: o-oh, *worried and tries to comfort* i-it's just that none of us really have favorites and- wait, does that mean I'm your favorite-

Human: no. Your sibling is.

Alien:....

Human:....

Alien: YOU BIG FRICKING MEANI-

[artsy-writy]

We humans live, thrive, hate yet need change. If aliens changed at a much slower pace than us, how fascinated would they be at us?

--------------------------------------

Human: Ah, fellow per-x dweller! How are you?

Alien: Hello! I haven't seen you in- *eyes widen and looks up and down at human* you look...different.

Human: Oh. Yes, I've been exercising. You notice the difference?

Alien: ...how so fast?

Human: What do you mean? It's been an entire month! I would be disappointed if I didn't see this much progress.

Alien: ...I've been exercising for a year...and I still look the same. *distraught, staring into space*

Human: o-oh, how often do you-

Alien: every.freaking.day.

Human: ...I see.

Human #2: *walks by* hello, how are you both? It's been a while.

Human: *desperately looking to change topic* a-ah, your hair! You dyed it pink! Looks great!

Alien: ...I thought you hated pink like a day ago?

Human #2: Oh well, I just changed my mind.

Alien: ...a...day later?

Human #2: yes?

Alien: ...next thing yall tell me is going to be that you can change your mates often.

Human: like lovers? Haha, we rarely fall out of love easily-

Human #3: *rushes to them crying* Guys! My lover broke up with me in just a week of dating! A week!! Cuz stupid idiot "fell out of love" with me.

Alien: ...

Human #2: ...

Human: ...um...I'm sure it wasn't a week-

Human #3: *stealing tissues and blowing into them* A FREAKING WEEK!!!

Alien: ...I hate you lot.

[artsy-writy]

Aliens being confused about a human’s ability to stick to “traditional” ways regardless of technological advancement.

Alien: *peaks onto human’s work* Um, human…

Human: *looks up from their notebooks* yeah?

Alien: I’ve been told you guys have tablets, smart glasses to write and take notes, right?

Human: Indeed…

Alien: So…why do you use that? *points to notebook and pen*

Human: Ah. It just…feels better? I can remember the things I write better.

Alien: I do not understand.

Human: As much as digital versions of note taking allow better organized systems and easy access, notebooks have this gritty paper and the way my pen goes against the friction allows me to remember this stuff better.

Alien: I see…may I try it?

Human: Of course! *hands the notebook and pen*

Alien: So…I just rub the tip against the skin of this? Wow! Stuff really comes out.

Human: …yeah…but anyways, this pen actually took about a million dollars to develop.

Alien: …that’s….a lot of money, right?

Human: Yup. We couldn’t use normal pens in space so…this is what we tried to do.

Alien: Wow…you guys really like your paper and pens.

Human: *shrugs* I like being in space but…sometimes I miss the stuff we used to do back home…no matter the technological advancement….some stuff holds a special place in our hearts…

Alien: oh. Like what?

Human: like…we have a time during the year where we get firecrackers and play with lights.

Alien: oh. You couldn’t do it again?

Human: oh no, we can. They made led firecracker things in the space capsule. But I prefer real fire.

Alien: the…dangerous thing that can ruin all your hard work in space in a few seconds?

Human: Yup. *nostalgically looks away* oh…how I remember I was just a kid and accidentally set fire to my father’s favourite blanket and it became a joke for years…

Alien: oh. *borrows notebook to take notes* humans…like…hurting.

[artsy-writy]

Humans find ways to enjoy the most dangerous things ever.

Alien: Welcome human, to our space craft.

Human: Thank you for having me. Oh. Is that a fish?

Alien: *taps the tank* Indeed. Poisonous and causes the most painful death known to us.

Human: Ah. So, what does it taste like?

Alien: ...sorry?

Human: Does it taste good when cooked?

Alien: I-it's in a heavily guarded tank-

Human: Yeah but- OH. I'M SO SORRY.

Alien: Y-yeah- I was so confused-

Human: It's a pet! I'm so sorry. I must have seemed so insensitive.

Alien: What? No! We're researching it. R-E-S-E-A-R-C-H

Human: Oh ok. But surely, you've found a way to make it a delicacy.

Alien: NO! Next thing I know, you might ask how our venomous reptiles will taste. Like the Produlator.

Human: Oh. The snake looking thing? Pretty sure the human restaurant down the street serves it. Really good.

Alien: ...I'm voting for all of you to be sent back to your planet.

[artsy-writy]

Imagine how weirded out Aliens would be with our qualitative tests of human intelligence.

Human: I'm quite proud of myself of how far I've gotten in life. Especially after what I was told and believed.

Alien: What? What were you told and made you believe?

Human: Oh. Well in school,

Alien: The place humans go to learn, yes.

Human: Yeah, we used to have tests to check how much we had learnt and I always did really bad in them. Especially Physics.

Alien: I see....?

Human: Despite being told I would fail in life,I came this far. I even got quite rich!

Alien: Wow, if you were thought to have failed in the entirety of your life based on a few points of knowledge you were tested on, these knowledge you gained must have been something people use at a fundamental standard!?

Human: What? No. I mean stuff like physics and biology.

Alien: Yeah, useful stuff you use everyday?

Human: Um...no. Like one time, I failed because I forgot how cells reproduce.

Alien: ...I did not know humans reproduce their cells voluntarily.

Human: What? N-no it just happens.

Alien: Then why learn about- why were you told you'd fail in life because of that!?

Human: U-uh I don't know!?

Alien: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW!?

[pennyroyald]

How do you transfer data from phone to another phone?

I fogor how

[artsy-writy]

I think that's what you'd call a text, if that's what you're looking for?

[artsy-writy]

What if aliens couldn't differentiate between humans' faces?

Many studies have shown that even we humans can recognize faces better if they are of our own race. And similar to how we find it harder to differentiate between two pigeons unless completely used to the pigeon, what if aliens couldn't differentiate faces of humans?

Alien: Human, get over here and fix this engine.

Human: Who, me?

Alien: Yes, you. You built it.

Human: Uh, no. I did NOT build that monster of a machine. I am not an engineer of any sort.

Alien: What do you- You said you would fix this yester-

Human 2: Hey guys, here to fix the engine.

Alien: ...

Human: ... really? we look nothing alike.

Alien: You both don't have tails.

Human: No human has tails.

Alien: Right...*turns to human 2* human, remind me to buy a collar and tag for you next time, with your name and my contact system address.

Human 2: What no- I am not your dog-

Alien: I'll buy you food on our way back to the space pod.

Human 2: Yes, sir. Woof woof, sir.

[artsy-writy]

IMAGINE IF ALIENS ARE ALL ASEXUAL AND THEY'RE SO WEIRDED OUT BY THE NUMBER OF SEXUAL ORIENTATIONS HUMANS CAN HAVE!?

Alien: Hey….Woah-woah- woah! walks in on 2 humans kissing Human 1: Oh shit- sorry man. Human 2: pulls away Alien: What- what were you two doing!? Human 1: Ummm, kissing? Alien: By rubbing your digestive tract openings together???? Human 2: That's a weird way of putting it… after a while of lecturing Alien: So that's why there are two different types of humans in your planet? Human 1: Kind of? I mean, some people like the same gender so… Alien: So you DON'T touch to reproduce? Human 2: No, we touch each other for many reasons…mainly for love though Alien: Right…so two people of any gender may touch each other regardless of potential for reproduction just for the showcase of this…abstract concept of 'love'? Human 1: Right…sometimes it's more than two people…polysexuality is a thing… Alien: groans is there ANY human in your planet who prefers not to…take part in such activities? Human 2: Asexual and aromantic people? Alien: Oh, so they are special and can split into duplicates of themselves to reproduce? Human 2: Um…no…I don't think-

[artsy-writy]

The thing with Athena and Odysseus is that Athena, as a God probably sees time very differently. With the very long life she leads, a few years is probably nothing to her.

This means that in the time that Odysseus and Athena said goodbye and Athena wants to help him and even confronting her father, those years are pretty much nothing to her. Like 7 years of Calypso + a while out in the sea? Yeah no, that's probably like a few seconds to minutes to her compared to the time she has lived.

So she basically had a change of mind in her goodbye in like such a short amount of time. Like a little toddler deciding to run away because they're mad at their parents but immediately coming back, running because they'll get ice cream after dinner. Just wanted to rant about how important that is to note.

[artsy-writy]

Humans lovvvee puzzles. They try to solve and figure out everything. They're Hella curious as well. I mean, if you're reading till here, you just proved how curious humans are to know what is happening next. Maybe aliens would find this trait....confusing.

———

Alien: "Ah- Human. What are you doing?"

Human: "Trying to understand why in your planet, water is toxic to you guys by figuring out how your cells are made of and the universal properties of your planet."

Alien: "Ah- so...why do you want to know, again?"

Human: *shrugs* quite a good question...we've been trying to figure that out.

Alien: What!? You want to figure out why you want to figure things out?

Human: Yes?

Alien: And- and how do you plan on doing so?

Human: Some humans before they die, consent to providing their body for scientific research. So using their brains?

Alien: You- you are prepared to cut off another fellow human's brain to simply figure out why you guys want to find out why things work the way they do?

Human: ...yes. and, if any of your alien friends are interested would they be willing to donate-

Alien: *clutchinf their head* not my brain please...I like my brain...

[artsy-writy]

Humans are so social...yet not?

They have entire systems built on interacting with other humans because staying alone for a while can literally kill us after an extent.

At the same time, humans need to recharge and be alone for a while. And guess what? There is no specific time that humans can be social for and how long it will take for one to feel better after spending time in solidarity. It all depends on the person and the people they decide to socialize with.

Aliens might feel quite weird about this.

"Hey human!"

*groans* "sorry man...I need some time alone...I was out all day talking to people and I...want to be alone right now."

"O-oh. I'll come back later-"

*as alien goes out of the room, another human(human1's lover) walks into the human's room*

*alien wants to warn them but the human lover goes in already. The alien waits for the human lover to be kicked out...it takes a while...2 hours...3 hours...they both finally come out, much happier and social* Hey!

"Ah- human. Were you not in need of...alone time? You let your mate stay?"

*human 1 shrugs and hugs their lover* oh, well. They don't count. They can come in and cuddle with me anytime. They'll know what to do. They won't talk one bit until I feel less stimulated.

*The alien is very confused and takes notes later.*

Humans need alone time without other living beings...except their mate.

*a different human notices the writing* ooh- and pets...and certain family members...and some friends...and sometimes none of those...

*aliens packs up to leave for home planet* Humans are confusing!!

[artsy-writy]

Humans are so fucking weird that we use the term alien to describe an...alien's species despite alien simply meaning different or 'not belonging to this place or world'.

Imagine an alien's confusion when a humans first meets them and all their transalation devices translate is "out of this world."

———

Human: Oh shit-

Alien 1: Poop? Did we leave any waste product leaving around before we called up this human for a get to know meeting?

Alien 2: *checking notes* I believe...humans say 'shit' as an exclamation to something surprising, good or bad.

Human: Are you both...aliens?

Alien 1 and 2: *freezes, not understanding the translator chipped in their brains*

Alien 2: *turns around and whispers despite humans not being able to understand them regardless* did this humans just say 'out of this world'?

Alien 1: I think so...check what that means in your notes.

Alien 2: *checks notes. Double checks. Triple checks.* Uh...apparently that's what humans say when they meet someone or something extremely beautiful that they can't believe exists.

Alien 1 and 2: *stare at each other, blinking with confusion. Both turn to human.*

Human: so...?

Alien 1: *nudges Alien 2 while backing away*

Alien 2: *writes new notes* Humans are always in mating season and will find newly met species attractive....*looks up to human* I hope you may give me time to go over your confession.

Alien 1: *at the door, about to leave, nervous* me too...we have been told about certain humans' desire to connect with 2 or more mates...we will consider your confession and get back to you within 2-3 human days.

Human: ...*still not understanding their language, smiles awkwardly just hoping they won't get eaten.*

[artsy-writy]

Humans fucking breath oxygen!?

Imagine oxygen being to aliens what chlorine gas is to us.

Human: We're finally here!! The planet we've been looking for 2 million light-years!

Alien: *talking into earpiece* I still don't know why the human captain wanted to come here of all planets- wait- don't take off your helmet!! *closes their eyes*

Human: *takes off helmet and breathes in the fresh oxygen* Oh wow. So this is the fresh air our ancestors breathed when the Earth was still a young one.

Alien: *slowly peaks with one eye, scared* Y-you're not dying?

Human: Yeah, I'm not. Why would you think-

Alien: *trembling* Because this planet is filled with...oxygen

Human: Yeah, I know. That's why we came here in the first place!

Alien: Y-you can breathe this poisonous gas?

Human: Not only that, we need it to survive

Alien: Oh damn, I can't imagine someone breathing any gas other than chlorine-

Human: CHLORINE!? THE SWIMMING POOL THING!?

Alien: the what-

[artsy-writy]

Humans are so fucking destructible yet so...indestructible...

Like, imagine an alien species whose body does not 'heal' befriends a human

Alien: Hey human- WOAH WOAH WOAH, PUT THAT BOX DOWN!! *immediately grabs and puts the heavy box away*

Human: Oh- did it have anything in it you didn't want me to see? Cuz if you did, I promise I didn't open-

Alien: *scared and slowly approaches their arm* D-didn't you break this a few weeks ago? *slightly pokes their arm to check*

Human: Oh yeah, it healed now. *extends arm and flexes muscles*

Alien: *horrified* What in the inter-galactical forces do you mean by 'healed'?

Human: Well, us humans can heal from broken bones quite easily with the right approaches and medical professionals to help.

Alien: *goes into traumatic relapse* My brother once broke a bone...his hand is now a squiggle.

Human: ...like a noodle?

Alien: THIS IS SERIOUS!!

Human: right...if it makes you feel better, we can't grow an arm if it's cut off...

Alien: Yeah...it would be weird if you could- I mean, imagine if you guys could grow back internal organs after they were injured-

Humans: But we can transplant them from other humans though!

Alien: *slowly backs away* Shut up. You may not take my parts...monster. *squints scared as they leave, hissing*

[artsy-writy]

"Human smells weird"

What if aliens have reallllyyy strong senses of smell? So much so that they could smell the chemicals that humans produce in their brain when feeling specific emotions like: Adrenaline, Dopamine, Serotonin etc. BUT they interpret these smells differently.

Alien: Human, you have been staring at that other human for 31 seconds. Is there a reason? Especially because you smell....scared?

Human: S-Sorry? What- *takes eyes off the other human with eyes wide at the alien*

Alien: I have been doing some research on human smells and this specific smell I smell from you is of adrenaline and I have learnt that adrenaline is when a human is stressed or in a dangerous situation. Do you feel that the other human will hurt you?

Human: What- no! I- I think it's just that they're....very pretty. *blushes shyly*

Alien: *blinks slowly, dumbfounded* You are scared that they are pretty? Are you scared that people will like them more than you since they are pretty? If so, you are very pretty and I assure you that I will prefer you over them as a human friend.

Human: Oh my god...*sighs* I-I LIKE them. L-like I want to court them.

Alien: Oh- To mate with?

Human: I guess so?

Alien: Then you should smell like dopamine, no? *checks notes*

Human: I'm just nervous! So I get filled with adrenaline.

Alien: *Erases and fixes notes* Humans...are scared of their loved ones...wait- human, I did not know you would mate with dog species of your planet-

Human: NO! I'M SCARED OF DOGS, NOT- Oh gosh. *face palms*

Alien: I will try my best to be what you call a 'supportive friend', human.

Human: Nope. Don't support people like that- Like- Oh my god...

[artsy-writy]

You know how leeches immediately dry out with just some salt? What if aliens suffered deadly consequences from a little bit of lost blood?

Alien: *walks into room to see human licking finger* what are you- wait- is that blood?!

Human: Oh. Yeah. I got a paper-

Alien: *presses emergency red button* They're dying!! Every medical on board, my human friend is bleeding to death!!!

Human: *deactivates alarm within 10 second recall time* what are you doing!?

Alien: Y-you're bleeding- you need medical attention!

Human: *laughs* what? The blood? This is just a drop. Us humans can lose most of our blood and still pose chances to survive!

Alien: wait, really? So you won't die?

Human: No! And besides, our female at birth of our species actually bleed a lot every month for an entire week!

Alien: WHAT!? *faints at the thought of the alien equivalent of being continuously stabbed in the pelvis area for an entire week*

Human: wait till they hear about surgery-