live for tonight

Ryan || 23 || Artist let me write my own line

[artsyryan]

It’s the only thing I know || Ryan&Tee

[teepls]

A part of her should have felt bothered, having to constantly prop herself up in front of a person that seemed hell-bent on protecting her but, then again, how could she fault him when she was constantly falling apart in front of him? She supposed she couldn’t really blame Ryan for thinking she was fragile, although she’d much rather call it having reached past her breaking point. Crying, though, it was still one of her least favorite experiences.

Her eyes met his, unflinching, a small wave of gratitude washing over her as he smiled. That was one thing she could count on, more often than not. Someone like Ryan should always be seen smiling. “Yeah,” she agreed, having lost touch with reality for a few seconds there while he held her, quickly giving a shake of her head. “I mean, thanks.” One of her hands squeezed around his waist, then, giving herself a more physical crutch so she could try and not stumble in front of the cameras.

It was what the tv show was for after all, wasn’t it? Finding people at their most vulnerable, their most exposed. Then showcasing it on a worldwide network, and letting strangers pick them apart. “I might hold on to your pants so you don’t leave,” she let out, perhaps more abruptly than necessary. Her cheeks colored, although she would blame that on the crying if he asked. Thinking of a half-naked Ryan, or thinking of undressing him, was not called for given their current status. They hadn’t reached that point again yet.

“I’m…” she paused, gaze focused on the doors instead of him, voice lowered so any housemates loitering about couldn’t overhear. “Been worse. Your… You, here… it helps?” Tee pursed her lips, trying to add more reassurance to her words. “It helps,” she repeated, then, glancing up at him. “Wouldn’t say no to… not talking yet, though.”

Because, if she had to come out with it at some point – and she really did, as her therapist had pointed out repeatedly – she’d rather not let everything happen when she felt so vulnerable, when Ryan might be put in the uncomfortable position of not wanting to cause her any more distress. Or, to put it in less words, she’d rather get through everything without crying in front of him. Rip the band-aid off more easily. “You should talk instead, maybe. Find us some blankets. A clean spot somewhere.”

[artsyryan]

It was beyond confusing, and if anyone asked, Ryan didn’t have a clue what was happening right now. Very little was making sense to him and the pieces weren’t at all clear in his mind. What he did know was what was happening now. He knew that Tee was still in his arms, and that despite the fact she had randomly broken down crying while making out (he was still wrapping his head around that one too) she was still there. That was surprisingly more than they’d ever had before, so he happily took what he could get. “Don’t seat it.” He murmured near her ear, pulling her closer as they began their trek back inside the house. The cameras moving around then to continue to follow them without getting in the way.

He chuckled softly at Tee’s next comment. “I can’t say I’d mind that.” He didn’t mean for the line to come out as forward as it did. Was it too much, would it be if Tee set the level that high to begin with? He didn’t know where the line was– he never did, but he was trying to let her guide him with this. While he knew for sure that he didn’t want to come across as just trying to get in her pants, he was still really into her and he couldn’t help that slipping through. He was expressive and while he didn’t always say much when he did he usually meant what he said.

Been worse, that wasn’t as reassuring as she hoped. He hated that she’d been worse, especially since the statement implied she still wasn’t okay now. “I’m glad I can help. I want to help you, in any way I can.” He was being honest, all he’d ever wanted to do was help her. To be the guy that made her smile and glow. She was a sight to behold that way.

He stayed quiet as she tried to gather her thoughts and explain what she wanted. “Okay, I can do that.” He took her by the hand, building her through the house while they snuck around quietly so as not to disturb or alert their housemates. He pulled her to a quiet corner of a room not being used, tossing away clutter to find them a nice spot to settle down against a few throw pillows. “How about right here?” He asked, pulling a blanket off the couch so they could snuggle up against each other nicely. He pulled the drapes and cracked open the window so they could get the sea breeze and a nice view.

“We don’t have to talk, I know you don’t want to.” He told her, taking her by the hands and pulling her onto the couch with him. We can just sit here if you want, stay in each others arms. I think I’d like that, if you would?”

[artsyryan]

It’s the only thing I know || Ryan&Tee

[teepls]

“You’re so much better than I’ve ever deserved,” slipped out of her mouth, a thought that had only been always present whenever they spent time together. Vaguely embarrassed to have let him in on that, she could feel her cheeks starting to burn, and she clenched her fingers tighter around his, breathing out. It was all part of a process, letting herself feel more and more guilty for all of what she’d kept from him before. A misguided attempt to keep him away, probably.

It wasn’t until he relaxed against her, lips busy against each other’s, his hands occupied with keeping her in place, that she realized what the strange new feeling was. The mixture of comfort, safety and trust that became all that much clearer as she gave into it, let it take her wherever it wanted to. Ryan was someone she was willing to give up her need to micromanage everything for. Pass the baton on to him, maybe.

Tee let out a small noise, not one of displeasure, but her eyes fluttered open as she felt a tear slide down her cheek. That was a new experience, too, and one very likely to put an end to what they were up to right then. She fought against it, squeezing her eyes shut again and giving him more, more, eager to get back to where they were. Let him know, without speaking, that she wanted so much more than she was able to express. How her thoughts were so consumed with him she wouldn’t dare let go.

She was still crying, however, slow tears that distracted her, frustration making no leeway in stopping them. Perhaps it was time to head inside, find some unoccupied room where they could maybe - just maybe - talk. If she was to come out with it, though, she’d rather it wasn’t a scene shown for the cameras. Tee shivered into the kiss, pulling away and gazing up at him in the same move, a small sniffle betraying her. “I’m ok,” she promised, sniffling again. “Do you… Could we head back to the house? M-Maybe talk?”

[artsyryan]

Ryan wished she would stop saying things like that. He wasn’t better than she deserved, far from in his opinion. He was just a guy, trying his best to stay afloat and barely managing being able to do that. Then she he finally did have something great in his life, her, he let her slip through his fingers. It was one of the biggest mistakes he’d made, which is why he was willing to go through such desperate lengths, (he’s on freaking reality TV) to rectify it. Because she was the one so much better than him. She was strong, determined, and beautiful. She was intelligent, with purpose and care for the well-being of others. She was this amazing person with so much direction and strength, but also beauty and nurture. How could she be all of these things, and still want to be with him?

Maybe one day he’d talk to her about that, but for now he took solace in the feeling of her in his arms, their lips slowly gliding against each other. At least until he heard her make a small voice he couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t exactly what he was used to hearing from her when they made out, but she was still kissing him in what he felt was an enthusiastic manner. So he again didn’t think too much on it until he felt the dampness on his face. He knew their kisses could get sloppy but this was something else.

Pulling away at the same time Tee finally did, the first thing to catch his attention were her tears. Immediately his heart seized and every terrible though he’d ever had about himself or their breakup came rushing back in a flood. He was sure the cameras were zooming in right now, getting a close up of the fear and confusion written all over his face because what the hell just happened?

The smallest reassurance from Tee, a stuffy ‘I’m ok’ was enough to keep Ryan from going into a tailspin, though he wasn’t entirely convinced. He cupped her face and used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away her tears. Drier cheeks, red puffy eyes, a face he never wanted to see her wear. But he gave her a small smile anyway, trying to be the emotional support she needed for once. “Yeah, definitely, let’s go back inside.” Where they weren’t just standing on a cold beach at night with cameras pointed at them. They could at least be inside for this, maybe snuggle for a while.

He wrapped his arm around her, holding her close to his chest as he began to lead her up the steps from the beach and back inside. “We don’t have to talk. We don’t have to do anything. We can just go back inside and rest for a while.” He told her, not wanting to pressure her into revealing what was on her mind. They’d already had a rather emotional night. “I won’t leave though, unless you want me to.” He added, not wanting to leave the comfort he’d found by her side again. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?” He asked, not entirely convinced after that moment she’d had.

[artsyryan]

It’s the only thing I know || Ryan&Tee

[teepls]

His presence everywhere was intoxicating, good enough to make her forget who she was, forget everything that wasn’t directly connected to his warmth, his solidness. The truth remained, she’d never been afraid of him, but only too entirely aware of how he made her feel… how likely she was to neglect anything besides him, if only to make those feelings last longer. To make him stay by her side, in some way.

She was tired of blaming him, of hiding, of blaming herself. Trying to rid herself of a nightmare that had been plaguing her for about half as long as she’d been alive, though, almost proved to be too much for the sake of a relationship. At least the first time around. However unprepared that she was, she was much less willing to let him go without a fight. That was probably one of the biggest reasons she pushed past her comfort zones, that constant and dizzying push and pull that she was putting him through.

Her lips parted to say something, some excuse that he would just accept, because that was the kind of person that he was, but she fell silent too quickly as his lips touched the back of her hand. It would’ve been cathartic, blurting it out, but still… it wasn’t the right moment. She was afraid, having just got him back, that throwing it at him right then and there might prove too much for anyone to handle.

“I want to kiss you again,” she said, instead, her voice firm. If she’d been about to cry, she gave no outward signs of it. It was one of the lesser tricks she’d picked up, in any case. “I’d like to walk, too, but I really want you to hold me and kiss me again. I’m not afraid of being… in your arms, I never was.” It was a bit heavy sounding, she thought, but… she needed the verbal reassurance almost as much as he looked like he did. And maybe, just maybe, stressing those words enough would subconsciously ready him… cheat her out of blowing his mind away with her revelation. Let him come to his own assumptions. Her free hand was steady as it reached up, knuckles soft against his cheek, and she pushed herself up to press her lips to his.

[artsyryan]

Part of Ryan was still waiting on bated breath, scared that she would push him away, turn and run. It was what she did. Even at the best of times while they were dating, there was always this wall with her that she never let down, some sort of invisible line in the sand. He never knew where it was, only that he always managed to cross it. That was when she would recoil, break away, shut him out completely. It was frustrating, mostly because he didn’t know what he did wrong. He only knew he’d done something wrong, but Tee never provided the answers he needed to solve it. She just…left.

She wasn’t leaving now, though. Their hands were still laced together, amazingly enough, and she was pulling him closer. That was everything. That was all the reassurances he needed to know that whatever was wrong, things were different this time. This time around maybe they would actually work through it, instead of dodging around the issue and saying everything except for what they needed to. He always prided himself on being honest. He always thought Tee was too. But if they didn’t say anything at all, were they truly honest, or were they simply hiding behind their insecurities.

He didn’t want to think about that anymore, not when Tee was giving him so much reassurance, so much more than he deserved. “I’d be more than happy to kiss you again.” He told her, a small smile rising to his lips again. A smile that became a little more forced at her next words. It seemed a bit out of place, for her to mention not being afraid to be in his arms. But if she wasn’t scared in his arms, it meant that she was afraid in another’s. That thought chilled him, swirled around his heart and pulled tight. He knew someone in her past had hurt her. He didn’t know who or how or why, but she’d let enough hints drop over time that he’d picked up that small clue. Maybe that was why he was always so patient and gentle with her, even though he knew that fragile and delicate were the last things she were. She was too strong, powerful, determined to be either of those things. That was all he could see when he looked at her, even now at one of the most vulnerable she’s been with him in a long, long time. How could she be anything else?

He leaned into her touch, turning his cheek into her hand, feeling her soft skin drag against his. Soft and delicate fingers, but he knew better than to be fooled by them. He kissed her back, softly at first. It was less reverent than before, cooled off by the small break. He reached up, sliding a hand around her neck to pull her closer and deepen the kiss. Words had never been their strong suit, but he still hoped that she could understand through his actions how deeply he felt about her.

[artsyryan]

It’s the only thing I know || Ryan&Tee

[teepls]

It truly felt like Ryan was everywhere, at times. When every inch of her skin awakened just because he was near – and that didn’t seem to be a normal enough reason for that all to happen – but everything that made Ryan the person that he was just seemed to do the trick for her.

Her attention being caught again by the sound of his voice, mind being jolted away from her thoughts and towards reality, Tee felt her eyebrows arch in surprise over his use of the word ‘sweet’. If anything, and specially compared to him, she would’ve thought she fit better under the definition of ‘sour’. Her fingers tugged lightly at his hair, a blush she’d forever deny rising to her cheeks the more he spoke, and she ultimately decided against calling him gooey. Fat lot of good that’d do if he chose to step away and her legs just gave out underneath her.

“Don’t,” she said, perhaps a beat too late, fingers finding their way to his lips in a gesture that was intimate, soft. Her blush deepening, she retrieved her hand and instead offered him a small smile, moving just so she could touch his chest instead, tilt her head in his direction. She’d always loved nights, after all, one too many forcefully insomniac evenings having stripped it away from everything that seemed dangerous. The thought made her shudder, some of the magic of this encounter disappearing when all of what was still unsaid between them crossed her mind once again.

Fireworks? She was on fire, already, her entire body buzzing with the anticipation, the need for something she couldn’t fully describe. Something that he had to know was provoking, or at least know that it was a probability. Her body was drawn to his, eyes fluttering closed, mouth focused only on reciprocating his touch, giving as good as she had to give. A part of her body wanted more, more, but the bigger and more irrational side of her mind had awoken again, and with it all the reasons she couldn’t… be more for him. She pulled away with a regretful look, but immediately laced her fingers with his so he didn’t take it as a complete rejection. “S-Sorry, I… I just…” A small shake of her head failed to clear her mind up, however, or make the rest of her words come out.

[artsyryan]

Ryan opted to stop talking. She didn’t want to talk, nor listen to him spout on about his feelings. So he got lost in her instead. There was so much in which to get lost with this beautiful girl. There was her scent, flowery shampoo and ocean breeze. It was as if the water never left her skin, she spent far too much time on the beach. Her skin forever tasted of salt, sand and summer sun. He loved it, all of it, the taste of her, the feel of her against his skin, pressed against his chest. It was comfort and fire all in one, leaving him feeling oh so full but ever hungry for more.

He wanted so much more, it was hard not to when her touch set his skin on fire and her kisses dragged him down into a fire that had him needing so much more. It was passion, and despite what history always proved true to him, what he knew was bound to happen, he let himself get lost in that passion. Because this was Tee and they were here and things were different now. That was his mistake, he never should have lost himself.

He felt the cool air seep between their bodies, and instinctively he bent down to chase her lips as she pulled away. Only until his mind caught up with what was happening, because this wasn’t the first time Tee had ever pulled away from him, recoiled from him completely because he’d gone too far. For a moment his expression fell, disappointed in himself for getting carried away again. He knew better, to let her take control because if experience taught him anything it was that was what she needed. But he’d lost himself in the moment and now look at where they were.

“Hey, no, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.” He told her, picking back up his demeanor and giving her a small smile. Being rejected sucked, but at least she was still here. That was more than enough for him to set his own feelings of being rejected aside so he could take care of her. “It’s…It’s okay.” He told her, picking up their laced hands to kiss the back of hers. A small gesture of good will to comfort her, since he was hesitant to hold her again after she’d pulled away. “Are you okay? Do you maybe want to go for a walk or something else instead?” He asked, hoping she would at least stay. Maybe they’d rushed into this, maybe they needed to cool down. As long as she didn’t turn and run away he could figure it out.

[artsyryan]

It’s the only thing I know || Ryan&Tee

[teepls]

She pouted, always one to play the part of the dissatisfied half, and tapped her index finger gently against his cheek. “Definitely sloppy for what our first kiss should’ve been like. But we can work on that.” Because there was a line between teasing him and being outright hurtful, and she meant to skirt that - on the safe side. “I’m going to need more… fireworks.”

It was ridiculous, what with him in front of her, there were plenty of fireworks going off inside her mind. On the back of her eyelids, even. Her head leaned into his touch, his hand, eyes just the slightest bit afraid as they focused on his. “Think you ruined me from wanting to kiss anyone else, ‘s what you did,” she murmured, her tone low, although not entirely regretful. After all, if she could pick between an eternity of kissing strangers or having found one person she didn’t mind kissing over and over… well, that person had always been him.

A small noise came out, from somewhere inside her, and she felt half her body giving in to his casual demand. This was familiar, this was something they’d done before, but letting herself feel made it infinitely more… meaningful. At the same time, it was something she appreciated, trusting him enough to let him take control of what was happening. Something that she’d owed him for a while, at least.

She made an attempt to lean in, closer, her arms winding around his neck so she could pull themselves together, hold on to him for support. She trusted him - probably had for far longer than she’d known. It was a shame so much had had to happen in between before she could reach that point of acceptance. “Again,” she asked, her lips slightly bruised, breath hard to find by the time they pulled apart. “And again, and again, please.”

[artsyryan]

Ryan could only give Tee a playful smirk in response to her light teasing. His ego could take a few hits, especially when he knew that the one thing they lacked was fireworks. He could feel the electricity between them, surging from just under his skin and settling in the air between them, drawing them closer together. It was such a strong force, pulling him in and setting him off all at the same time. Then again, he expected nothing less of the woman in front of him.

Her next words, in their earnest pulled on him like strings on a guitar. “You know, you always do that to me.” He murmured, figuring honesty was what they were here for and to let the words fall out where they may. “Like don’t get me wrong, I always think you’re sweet and cool and awesome. But there are moments where you’ll say something and I just…” He chuckled, trying to find a way to describe how he was feeling that didn’t sounds so lame and cliche. “Melt.” He settled, already cringing at his choice of words. “It sounds stupid, but it’s nice to know that you could feel about me the way you do.”

He was talking too much. She’d texted him to make out, not to listen to him try to poorly sort out his feelings. “Sorry.” He gave her a sheepish smile, hoping his actions could make up for verbal outpouring he was too stupid to contain. He was always a bit silly around Tee. Not that he was suave and poised to begin with, but she brought out the fool in him. Somehow she had managed to put up with it, at least for as long as they lasted.

So he let himself get wrapped up in her, move past his own oversharing and live in the moment he was in with her. Because this was a beautiful moment, one he didn’t think could capture on a canvas no matter how hard he tried. The feeling of elation that lifted him off the sandy beach and onto cloud nine, that couldn’t possibly be replicated. Neither could the warmth he felt holding her in his arms, or the passion that surged through him when their lips met. Again and again and again, she asked of him, and he was more than happy to oblige. “As you wish. You did demand fireworks. I’ll just have to keep trying, again–“ He pressed a kiss against the side of her mouth, “And again,” Another kiss along the side of her jaw, “And again,” And another just behind her ear. “Until you feel like it’s the Fourth of July.” He whispered in her ear, nipping lightly at her earlobe before moving back to her lips for a deeper kiss.

[artsyryan]

It’s the only thing I know || Ryan&Tee

[teepls]

One of her eyebrows went up, minimally, a small smile on her lips even as she tried to speak as though he was rushing her. “I will, you don’t need to dare me to,” she pointed out, head tilting to one side, eyes focused on his face. Every little inch of his skin that she remembered, wanted to rediscover with her fingertips and store away for future reference.

And then she was letting go, claiming what she’d come here this night looking for, eyes falling shut naturally as she focused on touching him, being with him. With more abandon than she had in the past, when the briefest touch of his own fingers could send her away, take her mind places she’d rather not visit then. The moment stretched on forever, in the good kind of forever that she’d never had enough of, and the only reason she didn’t protest when they pulled apart had to be because her eyes opened again, and she was looking once again up at him.

Her cheeks were flushed, she could feel that, although she hoped the minimal lighting wouldn’t, and her lips were definitely missing his. It wasn’t the sort of addiction that got better if you indulged just a little, sadly, because she didn’t think she could let go of him again now that they were… wherever they were, whatever they were.

“You can’t just repeat what I just said,” she was quick to chastise him, another smile on her lips, thumb finally finding its way to trace his cheekbone. He was all boy, mostly man, but the type of man she wasn’t afraid of. “I think you got sloppy at it, if possible. Think you should kiss me, show me what’s what.” Not that she had actually kissed anyone since Ryan - something she would tell him, eventually - having been too busy trying to fix what was broken inside her to bother trying with anyone else, even for a passing fling.

Being with him, however, pressed so close she could feel his warmth, and his solidness, and how nicely he fit against her, in no way compared to what she remembered them being. Had she always been so afraid that she’d kept this from the both of them? Guilt crept up in her mind, that old friend of hers, but she gave her head a quick shake and instead looked up at him again, head thrown back so her eyes could meet his. “I definitely told you to come to the beach tonight to kiss you, though. In the spirit of being honest.” At least this part of this trip had had its ulterior motive.

[artsyryan]

Had it always felt this good to be with her? Ryan knew he missed it, but he didn’t think it compared to how he felt with her now. Maybe it was because they had to work so hard to be together. Travel to a different country and expose themselves in front cameras and audiences just to get to this moment where they could be in each others’ arms. “Sorry, can’t help it if being around you short circuits my brain.” He chuckled softly, the laugh dying in the small space between them. What a small space it was, and everything was driving him to close the distance, bring their lips together in another kiss, this time never letting go.

He’d already lost her once. His own stupidity, selfishness and insecurity getting the better of him. It was a terrible decision with terrible consequences. The fear and memory of that was very much real to him, and he knew he couldn’t screw this up. This second chance was probably the only one he was going to get, and he didn’t want to ever let go of it. Let go of her.

“Oh, I’m sloppy now am I? Don’t remember you ever complaining about my kissing before.” He laughed, more than happy to take on that challenge. Not that he deluded himself into thinking he was a master of the art of kissing. He’d definitely gotten sloppy in the past, side effect of the many mistakes he’d made. But he was cleaning up his act, especially for her. Something about being around her always motivated and inspired him.

“I kind of thought as much, but I can’t say I’m complaining.” He told her, lifting up a hand to brush the hair out of her face. “I’ve always liked kissing you.” His fingers traced the curve of her cheek down to her jaw, missing the feel of her skin under his fingertips. He gave her a half lidded smile as his hand slipped into her hair, cupping her face so he could kiss her properly. After all, “I do believe you asked me to show you what’s what.” He teased lightly before leaning in to capture her lips in his. His other hand settled in the small of her back, pulling her body closer so he could deepen the kiss, pouring out all the words he should have said and all the feelings he couldn’t contain. Words always failed to do them justice, but perhaps in a small way this could reveal to her just how much she meant to him.

[artsyryan]

It’s the only thing I know || Ryan&Tee

[teepls]

She didn’t really appreciate being told that she didn’t look camera ready – not when the cameras were the biggest obstacle in her current mission. Besides, nobody was born that way, no matter how many of the other housemates preferred to parade around in their underwear like they were paid more to do it. Which, they probably were. Whatever.

It was something that she should’ve seen coming earlier than she had, and something she’d been risking by texting Ryan, letting her thoughts pour out as if they were a normal thing to be shared. Maybe too many thoughts had slipped, but he’d been kind enough to accept her dodging his questions so far. He always had been. His consideration was just one of the reasons why she called him her sunshine, after all.

Having got there early, like she was prone to doing when there was so much in her mind, only led to overthinking. Remembering how much she’d done wrong by him, all the times she’d pushed him away when she should have tried to explain. Then again, she’d been younger then. Kept everything more locked away than she should have had a reason to. Being told that there was no shame in her past, or her actions, had helped let some of that tension ease up.

Had she forgotten a jacket on purpose, or was she angling for a hug? Truth be told, she was intending to get more than a hug from him, if he’d be willing to concede that much. Touching Ryan had never been enough, especially with the very defined physical walls she’d held between them. And between herself and the rest of the world. Her breath whooshed out of her and he was suddenly standing right there, although she should’ve seen him coming, and her hands reached out for him just as she felt him hold her.

“I’m going to kiss you,” she whispered, wetting her lips with her tongue, giving him an extra second to react. “I’m going to kiss you because I really need to and I’ve really missed you and I’ve just – really needed you.” While not the best speech she’d ever made, she hoped he would excuse her under the current circumstances. It was harder, on the uneven land, but he’d always been quick to respond to her, leaning in just so so that their lips could touch.

[artsyryan]

That was his Tee. The girl who ran up to him at the beach and declared she would kiss him. That was the person he’d missed so much, and to see her now, in his arms, as real as ever. That was all the affirmation he needed because his dreams couldn’t duplicate her spirit. And even if this all were in his head, he wouldn’t want it to end. Not with the way his heart was soaring, his body feeling light as a feather yet more grounded than ever now that he was with her.

His eyes traced followed the path of her tongue on her lips. An act that sent tingles down his neck and along his arms, reacting at fingertips that pulled her closer. Because damn, that was an enticing thing to watch, and oh how it filled him with need. As if he weren’t already filled with need, the need to touch her, hold her, kiss her, never let her go.

He wanted so much, but he refrained from jumping straight in. Because history told him he’d always crossed a line, he didn’t know where it was but it happened so often. When he got carried away and she would pull away and withdraw. It was crushing, and he was determined not to let that happen again. So he waited, let her make the first move, let her take the lead. Because that was the independent little firecracker she was, she needed to be in control as much as she needed to be cared for. He was always willing to comply.

“Then kiss me.” He told her, dopey smile gracing his lips. He couldn’t help but smile, he was on cloud nine with a girl he never thought he’d get a second chance with. Yet, here they were. He leaned down to meet her, even finding comfort in the awkwardness of their height difference. This wasn’t unfamiliar, wrapped up in each other’s arms on the beach, sand between their toes. The familiarity of it filled him with warmth, encouraged him to pull her closer, returning her kiss. Gentle at first. As much as his passion was driving him, he was still hesitant, scared that if he wanted too much this would all fade away into nothing. Maybe part of him was still convinced this wasn’t real.

After all, how many guys can be with the girl of their dreams on a beautiful beach in Rio?

He didn’t care for the answer, only that he was with her. He pressed his forehead against hers, still smiling that dopey smile. “I’ve missed this so much. Being with you. I can’t–“ He licked his lips, his words faltering because he didn’t know what he couldn’t do, just that he needed Tee. “You’re an even better kisser than I remember.” He joked, licking his lips as he tried to lighten the mood, despite the mood having completely shifted. His eyes were compelled by her lips, soft and sweet and just a little salty. Like the ocean water never fully washed off. He was dying to kiss her again, dying for more.

[artsyryan]

It’s the only thing I know || Ryan&Tee

What just happened? Ryan often felt like he lived in a state of confusion and blissful ignorance, but even this was a bit too much for him. He wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, only that he was staring at his phone with a dumbstruck look on his face even as he made his way down and out of the resort in which they were staying. He was going to see Tee, face to face. And this time without the awkwardness and half apologies that had plagued their easier meeting. This time they both knew that they still cared for each other.

And damn, was that a mind-blowing to know.

If he were being honest with himself, he’d entertained the fantasy of getting back together with Tee. Mostly right after they’d broken up and he’d moved away for his internship. His heart aching for her presence and mind running through scenarios to help ease the pain. He’d long since thought he’d moved past that sort of wishful thinking. He was good now, he was happy now. When he came here it was completely to mend bridges and gain closure. He never in his wildest dreams would have thought getting back together with her would have been an option.

Now it was at the forefront of his mind and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. On one hand, there was no doubt that he was still as head-over-heels for her as he’d been when they were together previously. Maybe even mores now, seeing how much she’d grown since they’d been apart. At the same time, neither of them had really gotten what they needed to off their chest (he sure hadn’t) and he wasn’t quite ready to yet, either. That he still remembered their breakup. He didn’t know if he could bounce back again if she up and left him again. Not after everything they’d been through.

He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. Partially to prepare himself to see Tee again, the rest trying to ignore the camera just off to his left and the producer following him reminding that whatever happened next was going to be aired for a huge audience. There was a chance for serious national humiliation here. And he was willing to take all of it just for another moment with Tee.

Moment over, he made his way down to the beach, eyes scanning the area for the beautiful blonde girl that never failed to take his breath away. In that moment the cameras, the beach, the sky fell away. Because this was Tee and of all things, she was real. “Tee.” He breathed out, already reaching out for her. He couldn’t stop himself, he just needed to feel that she was really there. That all of this wasn’t just a dream in his head, another one of the fantastical scenarios his brain made up to quell his heart.

[artsyryan]

Texts || Tee+Ryan

Tee: I'm sorry that you have, honestly.

Tee: Not saying that you have to carry that weight of being my personal ray of sunshine all on your back, I didn't mean that.

Tee: You've got strange tastes, my friend. That includes your pizza toppings & me.

Tee: Yeah.

Tee: We should meet. Don't get weirded out if I touch your face.

Tee: @ the beach?

Ryan: It's not a burden. I'm happier when I'm sharing that happiness with others.

Ryan: If my taste are strange, then I'll happily take them.

Ryan: I wont get weirded out. I'll meet you there.

[artsyryan]

Texts || Tee+Ryan

Tee: I can't even imagine you not looking on the bright side of things.

Tee: Not to say that I'd hold you up on a pedestal or anything, but that it's not something I'd associate with you.

Tee: Gonna try doing that more often, then.

Tee: There's a fine line between thinking I deserve you and thinking I deserve to be happy anyway.

Tee: Not that I've crossed any of those yet but, you're more tangible.

Tee: I need to see you.

Tee: Because sometimes I have a hard time believing this could all be real and.

Tee: I really can't do words the way you do.

Ryan: I've had my days, but I've put those behind me.

Ryan: Then I'll try to stay optimistic.

Ryan: I don't know how you could ever think you don't deserve me. I'd always be with you.

Ryan [unsent]: If anything, I don't deserve

Ryan: Sometimes words like to fall short. If anything doesn't serve us justice, words don't.

Ryan: But I know what you mean.

Ryan: Can we meet?

[artsyryan]

Texts || Tee+Ryan

Tee: Yeah. I like how you made that sound, too.

Tee: It's gotta be positive.

Tee: Maybe someday I'll feel that way, too.

Tee: Look at me sounding optimistic and all. Who would've thought? But yes, that's what I think it was.

Tee: Even when it meant, you know, not being with you. Hopefully just momentarily.

Ryan: Thanks, maybe it's just how I see it now that we're already here and things are working out for us. I might not be singing the same tune if things had turned out differently. But I'm glad they didn't.

Ryan: I like when you sound optimistic.

Ryan: I wish you would feel that way now, but I get that it'll take more time for you. Sometimes I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. Though, then again maybe not. That could get creepy or embarrassing or something.

Ryan: Maybe we needed to be apart so we could be the people we need to be to be together.

Ryan: That was kind of confusing, but I guess basically I mean maybe it just had to happen. Maybe now it's the right time and the right place.

Ryan: Granted, every moment feels right when I'm around you.

[artsyryan]

Texts || Tee+Ryan

Tee: I object.

Tee: Still don't know if it's such a positive thing to miss something after you've lost it.

Tee: I mean in this case it kind of is but.

Tee: That's one of the things I've been trying to change.

Tee: I want to be.

Tee: Afraid I'm gonna disagree on that.

Tee: If you hadn't, then I probably would've never looked to fix things.

Ryan: Maybe not, but it doesn't stop it from happening. I think the more important thing is what you do once you realize what you miss.

Ryan: I like to think it's positive this time.

Ryan: You should always want to be happy. It's what you deserve.

Ryan: So even if it was bad, it still turned out to be a good thing in the end?

[artsyryan]

Texts || Tee+Ryan

Tee: Nooooooo.

Tee: That's what it reads like when I blush.

Tee: I think whoever invented them just hoped they would prove to be true someday. Smh.

Tee: And you did! You do.

Tee: I think I just wasn't ready to be happy. It wasn't because of you.

Tee: Oh. Shit, I know. I'm sorry.

Tee: You scared me because I felt a lot for you?

Tee: And I didn't know what to do with half of it. No one had put me in that position before.

Tee: Does that sound more reassuring?

Ryan: I stand by that absolutely adorable comment.

Ryan: Probably. I'm sure it came from somewhere, but sometimes it just sounds like they were pulling things out of thin air.

Ryan: I always thought everyone wanted to be happy. I can't imagine not being ready to be happy. Are you ready now?

Ryan: It's okay. I mean, I kind of get it. So it's kind of reassuring. I just sorry I was the cause of that kind of stress for you.

[artsyryan]

Texts || Tee+Ryan

Tee: That's not fair you look so cute when you blush.

Tee: Cute in a manly way that then makes me blush.

Tee: I think I've heard that saying yep. Hate when they come back and bite you.

Tee: You gave me the best I was capable of receiving, I promise. Maybe even more.

Tee: Which is probably what made you so terrifying.

Ryan: Well, you're absolutely adorable when you blush, so I'd say the unfairness comes full circle.

Ryan: Who knew those silly sayings could be right?

Ryan [unsent]: Then my best wasn't good enough for you.

Ryan: I just wanted to make you happy.

Ryan: You know, the last thing a guy wants to hear a girl call him is terrifying...

[artsyryan]

Texts || Tee+Ryan

Tee: I wasn't sure it was you or the actual sun at first. Maybe that's why I tried to keep you around.

Tee [unsent]: Oh.

Tee: Didn't really know that's what it was like. Or how it's like. Until, you know, it was all kind of gone.

Tee: I started working on it after I realized I missed you.

Tee: And when I realized you were a good thing I'd gotten rid of because I believed him when he said I didn't deserve anything good.

Ryan: Speaking of when you say things to remind me of how awesome you are...you really know how to make a guy blush.

Ryan: Isn't that what they say? You don't know what you have until it's gone.

Ryan [unsent]: I know I learned that one the hard way.

Ryan: Believed who?

Ryan: You only ever deserve the best. I wish I could have given it to you.

[artsyryan]

Texts || Tee+Ryan

Tee: Kinda hard when I'm next to you. You're practically all light.

Tee: Did that just sound cheesy? Because you literally made me feel like I was all warm inside.

Tee: So very great. Like, really happy.

Tee: I didn't think I'd miss holding someone's hand. Or feeling their arms wrapped around me. Or just the sound of their voice and then you happened.

Tee: ...

Tee: Okay, it may have not been a completely one-sided decision but. I had reasons I considered to be a complete roadblock towards us having something meaningful?

Tee: More.

Tee: More meaningful.

Ryan: If it was cheesy, I wasn't able to tell. I can honestly say, I know the feeling.

Ryan [unsent]: It's how I feel whenever I'm with you.

Ryan: I knew I missed it. Like how I missed your laugh, and your smile, and the smell of your shampoo mixed with the ocean breeze. I didn't think it'd still feel so natural.

Ryan [unsent]: Or so right.

Ryan: We could have worked through it. You've obviously been working on it, or we wouldn't be here now.

[artsyryan]

Texts || Tee+Ryan

Tee: You are a pretty hard person to dislike.

Tee: It kinda does, doesn't it? But you know I wouldn't blame me if it wasn't really the case.

Tee: Not even to spare anyone else's feelings.

Tee [unsent]: I was so close to loving you that I pushed you away, kinda counts as leading you on in my book. Making you believe that I actually could.

Tee: It felt... good. When we were together.

Tee: As in, better than good, really great, actually.

Tee: Yeah. Same. I thought it would be nice to go on knowing I hadn't made you doubt yourself or anything of the sort.

Ryan: You're pretty likable yourself. Even if you deny it.

Ryan: Yeah, I know. It's what I like about you. It's why I know I shouldn't doubt you.

Ryan: Yeah, exactly. It felt great.

Ryan: And I kept thinking, maybe I was just missing us, or how good we used to be together. But then you'd say something or do something and it was like...whoa, she's even more awesome than I remember.

Ryan [unsent]: Like falling for you all over again.

Ryan: I think it'd also be really nice if you didn't fully blame yourself for our breakup.