jon xiii, adwd and jonās unique love for arya
this passage from jon xiii, adwd is one of the most crucial and carefully constructed passages necessary for understanding jonās character. his themes, values, motivations, and the people who have cemented themselves in his worldview all come to a head in this moment.
for context, jon has just received ramsay boltonās letter informing him that his plans to steal āarya starkā had failed. mance and the spearwives have been captured, stannis is supposedly dead, and, most dammingly, āarya starkā has escaped her marriage. ramsay threatens jon and the nightās watch, promising to cut out jonās heart if he does not return āaryaā along with several other people. remember that jon had already associated arya with his heart when melisandre first proposed rescuing her, because this is a connection that informs how he will proceed.
tormund asks jon what he means to do. jon flexes his sword hand and george runs him through the major formative phrases and relationships in his arc before the breaking point. the passage follows a deliberate pattern: an important phrase, warning, lesson is followed by the memory that embodies or challenges it.
the nightās watch takes no part.
words that belong not to him, but the watchās doctrine, jeor mormontās warnings, and the institutional framework jon has been trying to operate in and uphold. here he canāt summon l his own resistance; instead itās the dogma of the institution he recites, attempting to suppress the feelings that threaten to overwhelm him. george marks his first line of defense against collapse with borrowed language, suggesting that his resistance doesnāt rest in a conviction he can fully claim as his own.
the ensuing action is jon opening and closing his fist, the burned hand that acts as an unforgettable reminder of the true battle and struggle he has learned to be paramount. it recalls the wight attack, the ever looming presence of the others, the coming eternal winter. the realm will not care about one little girl when the threat of humanity is at its doorstep, and the watch is desperately unprepared to handle it. yet this reminder does not sway jon. his heart still prevails.
what you propose is nothing less than treason.
this warning echos jonās first desertion attempt in AGOT, when he sought to join robbās war against the lannisters and avenge ned. it is immediately followed by jon thinking of robb with snowflakes melting in his hair. the last trace of innocence that belonged to them both.
now there is treason against the watch. treason against his vows, responsibility, and the identity jon has spent months crafting as lord commander. the last time jon felt this pull of family over duty, he stopped himself, chose the watch, and robb died anyway. what then, has that loyalty accomplished? itās not lost on the reader that robbās own death came through betrayal. both robb and jon struggle as leaders isolated by responsibility, surrounded by followers who they miscommunicated with, and decrescent loyalties that eventually fracture. here, george reminds us of the real consequences of the choice that jon is about to make. but the heart is all that matters.
kill the boy and let the man be born.
abandon childish attachments. your only family is the watch now. become the man who can face winter.
but what follows is memories of bran and rickon and sansa in moments of domesticity. memories of spring that will never come by again. bran climbing before the fall, rickonās laughter and joy before family is ripped away from him, sansa with lady before ladyās murder. jon remembers them as they were when they were most fully themselves, lives suspended in a past sacrificed to duty.
maester aemonās advice was meant to make this burden bearable, to give jon the strength to do what duty demands. but it could not spare him from the grief of losing the family he had already renounced. jon returns to these words as he makes his greatest decisions, trying to let go and grow into the lord commander the realm requires. he cannot help them, he has a new purpose now.
yet the boy never fully dies. the memories remain, still exacting their price. they wounded him, but they didnāt break him because he had already done the work of resolving to be the man his duty demanded. and still, the heart shines through. he cannot let go. but can the man find the courage to forswear what he had committed?
you know nothing jon snow.
ygritteās words function differently from what came before. theyāre not an institutional creed, or accumulated family memory, but as the voice of someone who loved him and died. they challenge his certainty rather than his duty.
and then thereās arya, her hair tangled as a birdās nest.
ygritteās words arrive attached to aryaās image in reason. arya, who jon saw so much of in ygritte. the memory of jonās lost love is linked to the memory of the sister whose imagined suffering immediately overwhelms every principal that has restrained him. he knows nothing about where this feeling is taking him. he knew nothing when he loved ygritte. he knew nothing when he chose duty over her. he knew nothing when she died in his arms.
now he imagines a similar cold fate awaiting arya if he does not act. the responsibility he feels for both of their tragedies intersects with the guilt, fear, and love to collapse into one single image: ramsay bolton, who makes cloaks of the skins of women. ramsay bolton who wants his bride.
at this, jon can no longer hold the line.
the arguments for obligation, the grief of loss and resignation to duty, buckle at the thought of his beloved sister in the clutches of a man who brutalizes women for sport. ramsayās words, āi want my bride backā hammer through every defense jon has built in his arc.
the nightās watch takes no part. what you propose is nothing less than treason > i want my bride back.
kill the boy and let the man be born > i want my bride back.
you know nothing jon snow > i want my bride back.
arya is the final image in the sequence, the heart that ramsay has swore to cut out, and thus, jon makes his decision, the only decision he believes he could make, and love as the death of his duty to the watch. the heart is all that matters.
in the passage, we explore one of jonās defining internal conflicts: love versus duty, and the price he is willing to pay when he abandons one for the other. more importantly, we learn of the price jon is not willing to pay.
george guides the reader through the core lessons that have shaped jon snow. the life of loyalty he surrendered to the nightās watch in order to guard the realm. the impending threat of the others and the mythical long night. the need to grow up and make impossible, and even morally dubious choices for the better of the realm and the watch. the life lived beyond the wall and westerosā political web, confronted with the lived experiences of those once believed to be enemies, a life unconfined by vows and borders.
we see the many voices that taught jon how to bear that burden, and what can exist outside it. he recalls the memories of home and the past that tether him to his humanity, his lost family, his lost love, and the relationships that continue to define him.
each reminder is meant to steady him and pull him towards duty, but instead, each one ultimately leads him to the same place. his heart and home, arya stark. the final memory, and the one he canāt surrender. arya, the person he is unable to let go. in the end, nothing built or promised can outweigh the thought of her in ramsay boltonās hands, and it is his love for her that drives him to paths once he rejected.