"The words we yearn to say" Featuring Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Nanami Kento, Shoko Ieiri, Toji Fushiguro for part: 1
Synopsis: One argument can lead to words they never meant to hurt you with.
6k words in total for all of them.
implied fem!reader (anyone could read), allusions to blood, sex (not descriptive but for the plot in Geto's), swearing, yelling, murder (Toji), Cult leader! Suguru, They a little ooc and kinda mean.
A/N: this has been sitting in my drafts for quite some time! I will have Yuji, Megumi, Choso, Sukuna, Maki and Yuta in a different part as soon as i finish them, but that will take some time. I was too lazy to keep posting so I just threw it all up into one post. Enjoy!.
Satoru:
You waited for him. Every single night.
He would come home late at night, tired and bruised from fights. Of course he was pushed to the very edge, because to the higher ups, he was just a weapon.
He promised a date night this Friday. Promised after not being able to take you out for weeks, and you were looking forward to it. You wore your new clothes he had bought you long ago, carefully curled your hair and watched make up tutorials before finally perfecting your makeup.
You felt pretty indeed, and in a good mood as you waited on the couch, purse perched on your lap as you kicked your legs in impatience until it was 7 when he’d pick you up. Ten past seven you texted him.
“Hey, we still on?”
There was the typing bubble with three dots jumping around until he sent a text.
“shit.”
“Sorry baby, can you meet me there? Stupid mission’s running longer than expected” you texted a thumbs up.
getting ready and arriving at the restaurant. The place was lavish, and you told the waitress your reservation under Gojo. She gave you a smile, clearly confused where the other person to your two seat dining was but took you to your table. You waited for twenty minutes. Turning down waitresses who asked if you were ready to order. After twenty five, you were restless and texted your boyfriend.
“Where are you?” you were left on delivered. Almost ten more minutes slowly ticked by before you called him. He didn’t pick up. Your reservation was almost up, before he finally texted. “Baby I’m so sorry I just crashed after my mission and forgot” your heart dropped. You left the table and drove to your shared apartment. Pretending that you weren’t overreacting.
He was Satoru Gojo after all. You quietly slipped in where you saw Gojo sprawled on the couch, half asleep before seeing you.
“Oh. Hey.” He said groggily. “Hey..” you mumbled. “You’re not upset, are ya?” He asked. You were. You knew that his missions always took long, you knew that he was on demand all the time, but it still hurt.
He promised you and booked the reservation, and stood you up because he forgot, leaving you looking like an idiot while waiting for him for almost an hour, waitresses giving unnecessary sympathy. “No..” you lied. Satoru gives a sleazy grin. “That’s good. Didn’t feel like going on a date anyway.”
That hit harder than it was supposed to
. “You didn’t wanna go on a date? You found yourself asking without realizing. He raised an eyebrow.
“I mean, I was tired, girl. My missions aren’t easy.”
“Yeah, but you promised we’d go on a date.” You reminded him. “It was just a date, I’ll reschedule another one, you don’t gotta be dramatic.” “I’m being dramatic? It’s not about the date, you promised we-“
“I was on a mission, Y/n. My missions aren’t fucking easy. I cancelled some missions just for you.” “You didn’t even show up! And you think I don’t know how hard your missions are? I already had difficult missions today, and I rushed to get home.” Satoru laughs. In that condescending way, a way he never used with you. “Are your missions hard?” You freeze.He stands up, ripping off his blindfolds to show his eyes and eyebags. “Your missions are a piece of cake compared to mine.”
Everything stops. Those nights of feeling like you weren’t enough as an unknown second grade sorcerer for your boyfriend who everyone knew and feared where he’d cuddle and reassure you all shattered. Tears prick your eyes as you realize how all he had given you, those praises, the comforting, all just lies to make you feel better and shut up. But Satoru just kept going.
“I can’t just rush my missions, if I could I would’ve, but my fights are bigger than yours, the higher ups work me to the bone and i come home tired because they don’t give a damn if I kill myself in the process until I’m dead. And you’re upset over me being tired because of a date?”
You say nothing. J
ust let his words pierce your heart.
“You think you’re on my level? You aren’t. That’s putting it bluntly. You don’t know how it feels to have migraines and wear a damn blindfold. You don’t know how it feels to always be considered on top, and not as a human. You won’t ever know.”
His words echoed in the now small apartment.
He rubbed the bridge of his nose, waiting for a response back. Nothing
. He finally looked up at you, and watched you,teary eyed, in the new outfit he bought you with love. Your hair was frizzed and your makeup was now smudged as tears ran down your cheek.
“Fuck.. baby I didn’t-“ he reached out, you slapped his hand.
“Don’t touch me.” He ran a hand through his hair.
“Baby, I was just.. I really didn’t-“
“get out.” He straightened. Trying again
. “Don’t make me repeat myself. Go to your missions, they’re more important than us, right?.” Usually when you were mad, he thought you were cute, and would cuddle you until you weren’t.
But you weren’t just mad, you looked heartbroken. Like you didn’t recognize your boyfriend. Satoru, the loud extroverted man, fell silent and closed the front door quietly, leaving you in the middle of the living room. You didn’t fully sob until you were in the shower. The water was scalding hot, you didn’t care, as your tears mixed in with the water. Satoru walked out hands in his pocket, kicking a rock around.
The next day, you made sure to get to jujutsu high early and start early so you wouldn’t see Satoru.
You avoided him while teaching classes, locked yourself in your office to do reports that usually, Gojo would’ve coaxed you out of. You returned home late and didn’t eat. Satoru had tried everything to make you talk to him that day. But couldn’t find you anywhere. The next day, he tried speaking with you, and you just walked past him. Didn’t flinch even when he called after you.
He bombarded you with texts.
“Baby, can we talk this out?”
You deleted all texts and closed your phone. He delivered flowers, mochi, and everything to your office. You threw them. The students even noticed how the usually loud and fun couple wasn’t loud, and how Satoru seemed less cheerful, in his own world. But Less cheerful was an understatement.
Satoru was wrecked.
His eyebags were dark purple, he killed off curses more quicker, he even snapped at one of his students. He didn’t sleep. Just threw himself in missions, pretending he was beating up himself instead of a curse. Why did he say that? How could he say that to you? After loving you regardless of your grade.
Because you were the only person he could be himself. He could be tired, bruised and battered in front of you. And you wouldn’t see him any less, just bandage him and his insecurities, holding him in your arms when everything was spiraling, and caring for him when he was at his lowest.
Fuck.. Gojo never cried, never cared this much, but tears ran down as he replayed all the cruel words he said, how he barely even gazed at how beautiful you looked for him, how he stood up the person he swore was his soulmate for eternity.
His insomnia, that had left him after sleeping with you, came back. And suddenly he couldn’t fall asleep. He didn't deserve to, after making you kick him out. Satoru Gojo, was nothing without you. And he knew that. It wasn’t you who needed him, it was him who needed you.
Suguru:
For years inside this cult, you obeyed every single command from Suguru. How could you not? For you were the only ‘monkey’ as he called humans, ’ he tolerated. More than tolerated, truly.
You could tell he favoured you over anyone else. How he spoke only to you about his past and his old best friend who didn’t see eye to eye with him. Or while he was disgusted when touching non-sorcerers, with you, he leaned in closer - whispering praises when you did your job.
Earlier Times when instead of walking past you, he’d gently place his arms and maneuver himself around you. And when you were deep asleep, after grueling days of leading, he found his way to your room, and pressed soft kisses onto your skin, soaking in your scent, memorizing each eyelash covering your eyes, and brushing your hair with his fingers before slipping away.
In fact, you were so special that his fondness of you escalated as you had found yourself kissing the cult leader, in his chambers as he was vulnerable without clothes and messy hair.
Loving you in a passionate way, not the way of you trying to please him, not the way of a one night stand, but the way that ended with you still floating like clouds. Because In truth, it was more than tolerating you.
He hated to admit it, yet he was falling deep in love with you, a non-sorcerer of all people. How couldn’t he, as the moonlight reflected off of your own body pressed to his chest after another night of sex. But you were a human. You followed his command and sought out his protection like a puppy.
But soon enough you were comfortable with him, telling him your interests and dreams, practicing makeup on him and “hang outs” that were too formal to be casual. But in truth, as you laughed and spoke with him, you found yourself wondering, were the two of you even more than friends?
It should be implied, but it wasn’t like he said anything. No confession, no establishment. And it bothered you how much that thought resurfaced every time. It was another moonless night.
His chamber smelt like him, sweat and the musky scent of sex. Though he was passionate, you felt nothing this time, too much in thought about what you were to him. You had woken up, an arm curled around you as the leader slept peacefully beside you. You stared at him, grazing your finger lightly around his jaw.
It had been two years of this, and you still didn’t know, nor ever asked. It felt wrong. It felt like maybe he only kept you around because you didn’t mess up anything, you treated his girls with love, and you didn’t speak out. Quietly, you slipped out of the lush bed, and in the dark, felt around for your clothing to maybe spare you decent. And you snuck out of his large room, maneuvering in the dark towards your smaller bedroom. But the second you had found it, you could hear his voice.
“Running away from me?” He grinned as you turned back.
“Your clothes are backwards. In a rush?” You bowed your head at him but he frowned. “None of that, how many times do I need to remind you?”
“Sorry, Suguru.” You mumbled, knowing he also despised it when you addressed him by his last name . He smiled softly, stepping in. “You know I can’t sleep without you. Did you want your leader to be unwell? Hm?” You shook your head, yet his sentence stung as he said that. You knew he meant for you to come back, but it sounded like for his sake. “I just needed air.”
“You weren’t as, dare i say loud today. Tell me what’s on your mind, dear.” Your lips pressed together as you knew you couldn’t say it wasn’t anything. Yet the words to speak light of your troubles never came. Suguru waited for a couple of seconds, shirtless with his pants and hair still tousled
. “Suguru.. what are we?”
You finally blurt out.
“What do you mean?”
You bit your lip as you struggled to find what you did mean. “I mean, you aren’t as close to anyone else except me, you let me do and talk whatever I want, we sleep together once a week…”
“and?”
“Are we… dating?” You strain out. It’s silent for a few heartbeats, before you hear his condescending laugh. “Ah, i see. Do you really think you’re special?” That punched you in the gut. You look down. “Look at that. All you do is bow down to me, lower your gaze and obey me in every way like a teacher’s pet.”
Your hair falls to protect your glimmering eyes. “Do you think I need you?” He snarls. “But.. i thought you couldn’t sleep-“ “don’t be smart. I keep you around because you listen to me.” You don’t speak. You were never allowed to speak when your elders battered and bruised you with hateful words.
“There you go, nonverbal again. Do you think I want someone who can barely speak to me?”
“Sir…”
“Do you think you’re on my level? You can’t even look at me. At the end of the day, you’re just another monkey. I’d never date a monkey like you.”
And suddenly, you could hear your heart drop to your feet, and shatter onto the ground. You tremble, looking up at him and his malicious gaze that then contorts into something else. Suguru didn’t even realize until your eyes were bright and glossy.
“My pretty.. shit-I didn’t mean that..” you swallow dry saliva, so you didn’t choke, and you nodded. “No.. I shouldn’t have asked a silly question.” Geto feels like he got slapped. How could he have said that to his soft-heartened crush? The only one he’s been vulnerable around, the one who listened and gave well spoken advice to him, the one who did everything to make him happy?
“Y/n.. I shouldn’t have-“ “it’s alright.. it’s my fault to ever think you’d like someone like me.. good night, Geto.” You bowed your head and closed the door to your room. And he was left standing there.
He covered his eyes with his hand, bitterly smiling at himself. “Wonderful.” He said sarcastically. Not to you, but to himself. Of course he had you wrapped around your finger, and in the morning, you’d sure and come back to him. at least that was what he thought. But morning came and you weren’t found. He knocked on your door, but when he opened it, it was empty, bed made.
You avoided him through out the large building. Doing your tasks diligently and quick enough before he could get even a glimpse of you. You didn’t want to see him. All those feelings you had for him, all the love shown in tiny things you meticulously did was down the drain
. You were foolish enough to think Leader Suguru Geto would want a shy, non-sorcerer girl like you. Because to him, you were a puppy.
A fuck-toy and someone to pass the time with. Day after day, Suguru realized he was falling apart. He could barely even look at himself in the mirror, without seeing a fading mark of yours leaving his chest, the only part he was carrying with you.
Toji
He said he’d quit.
If there was one thing about Toji Zenin, it was that he was a dangerous man. You were well aware of his duty in his clan, as he came home all bloodied and bruised, tired and hair messy. You on the other hand were pious. The one thing that you always stood by was never harming anyone.
And though as rugged as your boyfriend’s exterior, you knew he’d never hurt you, hell, the second he stepped inside your small apartment it was like something in his demeanor shifted as he gazed upon you. You knew that it wasn’t like Toji willingly chose his job. He was good at it, because of his clan. But your heart would lower every time you had to patch him up and provide food as his clan could care less not that you wouldn’t otherwise.
You would always for him. Toji knew that you didn’t like his job. He could see it as your eyes flickered for a split second of sadness until you smiled and took him by the hand. And he hated that you hated a part of him, a forced part, yet still attached to him and his name
. But he continued for one end goal, and that was to save up enough money to surprise and run away with you, and have a steady income to go by with. It had taken months. Months of him sneaking out after his mission to your little home, watching your eyes droop before acting like nothing is wrong. You hated seeing fresh new wounds on his body, he hated you looking at them.
You hated how tired and beat he looked, and he hated how it had been a long time since you didn’t see him like.. this.
As a man who refused to tell you where and what missions he was on for your sake, you accidentally found out, from a hushed phone call and a cigarette near the balcony while he was supposed to be sleeping over. You had woke up, confused for where his touch was beside you, and you had stumbled out of bed, following the hushed voice from the balcony
.“Yeah, the girl’s dead. I did my job, where’s my payment?”
Your body froze. Dead girl? What girl?
“Some pest, maybe a second year was in th’way, yeah, classmates with that Gojo kid. Almost killed him too.”
You mentally calculated and realized in horror how the second year would’ve been sixteen.
“I don’t give a damn about the girl. Maybe 13? 14?”
And that’s all you need to hear before You let out a gasp way too loud. Toji’s posture straightens.
“I need to go.” He muttered before closing his flip phone. “Doll, it ain’t what you thinkin’-“ “is this why you don’t tell me shit about your cases?” Toji flicked his cigarette and let it drop from your floor.
“That wasn’t the main reason..” he muttered. “What was?” You snapped. “Listen, ma’. I ain’t fightin’ you over this. You know this is what I do.”
“That girl was barely a teen! She had friends, she’d be sleeping until she had to wake for school, she-“ “she had to go for a specific cause anyways.” Your posture was rigid as you stepped forward. “Ma’, you barely wearin’ anything in that skimpy shirt and shorts, g’nna catch a cold-“ “I don’t give a damn about why she had to die, she was a kid!”
“Y’think I don’t fucking know that?” His question hit you like a brick. Toji never yelled at you.
“Y’think I didn’t think of that? Y’think I wanted to fight that student? Why did you think I killed? For fun?”
“I thought you killed random billionaires or some shit. Not children!” You yelled back. Toji stepped in, towering over you, running his hand over his hair as he chuckled. “And you? You act like some saint but here y’are. Providin’ for a killer like me.”
You try pushing him away by his chest, but he doesn’t move “Toji! What don’t you understand?! Those kids had a whole life awaiting them! And what are you even killing them for? Money?” Your voice breaks at money. He looks you in the eyes. This wasn’t how he wanted to tell you.
Not when you were horrified at his actions. Not when you were in a livid state.
“You’re right. It is for the damn money. You can’t do shit without money. You can’t do shit when people are draggin’ you down. And honestly, if yer so upset about this, then maybe we shouldn’t be together.”
Toji didn’t mean it like that
. He only realized how different it sounded than in his head.
“I’m dragging you down?” You repeated in a small broken voice. And Toji doesn’t agree or take it back in that second, just frozen.
“..wow..”
“doll..” he reached for you.
“Leave.” You say, voice firm but still shaky.
“Doll..” “I’m dragging you down, huh? Fine! Then you shouldn’t even be here! Go kill more people for all I care.”
You yell, voice rising higher and higher. “You’re being ridiculous.” He barked back.
“LEAVE!” You finally shriek
. And Toji stops.
Closes his mouth. You stand in the same position as he walks past you. You don’t watch him. You just stood still until you heard the door close with a click before falling apart onto the cold pavement.
He trudged out of the apartment, replaying the fight over and over. He thought he was still right. How you knew either way his job, and you had said nothing. But he was cursing himself for yelling at you.
And in those final sentences he spat out before seeing a face from yours that he never wanted to see, disgust in him.. He thought to himself how nothing wasn’t gonna be the same. He really blew it this time..All the money he had saved up for you, and now you were probably horrified by him.
The one good thing in his life and he already fucked it up. But he didn’t want to give up that hope and those two years up.
He couldn’t. Because it hurt how deep he loved you.
He’d never make you join his world. You didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve any of it. The next morning was bitter. The cigarette and bitter words aftertaste lingered on his tongue. But he could afford to try and call you.
He called, and called. Throughout the day, the week. Two weeks. You didn’t decline his calls. Just watched your flip phone ring as you cried. He had bought you flowers at one point. It hurt to throw them in the trash, but you were livid with him.
Your mind spiralled with all the different ways, different people he must’ve killed. How he questioned the relationship the both of you had established. How you were being ridiculous. Toji Zenin was a man of steel, and was always punished as a child if he shed tears. But as he sat in a car, to his next mission, knowing you wouldn’t help him, he let tears slip
. He didn’t sniffle. Just let them fall. Didn’t try and stop them either.
He wasn’t sure if he just lost the love of his life, his will to live, or both.
Kento:
You didn’t mean to push. But when you’re cooped up at home after being sent on rest from the higher ups after your injury, you get restless after quite a bit. You weren’t going to on leave for a significant amount of time, but the filled documents had (in bold and underlined profusely) that you weren’t supposed to partake in any jujustsu sorcery, and weren’t even allowed to train, that’s how badly you messed up.
It was a mission gone wrong a few months ago, and you hadn’t heeded your husband’s and your partner’s warning carefully, so now you made do with the house you shared with him. You could tell Kento wasn’t happy when you were on rest, but nevertheless he didn’t speak a word of it.
The house was pristine from one of your cleaning moods and you had made Nanami’s favourite dish. You already knew the day he had from the lack of his texts, and a new case he was to take on because of a new curse. It was nearing midnight when you heard the muffled jingle of keys and a heaved exhale as the front door shut. You strode towards him. His hair tousled and damp with sweat, coat in arm and a sour mood on his face.
“Welcome home..” you spoke softly, reaching to touch him, where he didn’t return his usual forehead kiss. You awkwardly rubbed his arm still to his side before letting go. You cleared your throat at his odd silence before trying to make yourself useful.
“Oh! I’ll take your—“
“you don’t need to.” Nanami cuts you off. He never cuts you off. Your eyes slightly widen but then smile at him. “Alright, come take your shoes off and I’ll run a bath for us, I’ve been so sweaty with chores and-“
“I’ll just take a shower, it’s fine.” He mutters, taking off his shoes and meticulously aligning them on the shoe tray. He always loved bathing with you, hell, it was one of the many things if not, the only one thing he looked forward to, other than seeing you. You shook your head from thoughts creeping in.
“O..kay. Do you want to shower first or should I take some food out.”
“Just take out food please..” he murmured, tossing his coat on the couch with exhaustion and slumping onto his seat. You didn’t like how he was acting. He must’ve been tired or he wasn’t telling you something. But he would never act like this. Still, you made an effort to try and cheer him up, back turned towards your husband as you served a hearty portion of food with utensils and a glass of water. Y
ou patted his shoulder, softly kissing his head before walking around the table to sit across from him.
“Y’know.. that Yuji kid somehow found my email and sent a cute photo of a dog and a “get well sun sensei!”. He misspelt soon wrong..” you chuckled. Kento weakly laughed, like a laugh of filling in the awkwardness.
You sighed, placing your hand over his calloused one. “Kento.. I don’t like it when you’re like this, what’s on your mind?” Nanami didn’t even look up, just stared at his plate, stirring food around to seem busy.
“It’s just work, darling. It’s been hectic lately.” There he was with vague answers. “Ken, I know it’s more than that. You can tell me and we can sort it out together! I’m your-“ “wife? I know.” He tersely intervened.
But what made you second guess was his condescending words as if it was dripped in resentment. “Nanami, I just want to know what’s wrong?” Kento stood up, palms flat on the table, refusing to look at you.
“You know what is wrong. Y/n? I’m overworked, stressed, exhausted and dealing with a pounding headache. You know why? Because you decided the second I got home was to pester me.” Pester? You swallowed dry saliva as you tried finding the words to defend yourself but before your lips parted, he contunued.
“Ever since you decided to play hero, after i explicitly warned you that I would handle it, you sit at home, and you still can’t read the room.”
“What room is there to read if you’re being so cold towards me?” You retorted, standing up, the chair behind you almost tipping over from your words. He laughed bitterly. “Oh? I’m being cold? For having to take on missions you decided to pile up before making irrational decisions and leaving you here at home?”
Your mouth snapped shut. Nanami started pacing around. “Do you really think the higher ups care? No, no they don't. And now I’m responsible for cleaning this all up. Responsible for making sure you’re healing and responsible for you in general.” You scoffed.
“Oh, so i’m a burden? Like i would've known i would’ve almost died? Do you think I’m stupid? I know i’d get injured, not be on the brink of death. I wouldve hoped my husband cared, it seems not.”
And Kento didn’t shout. But he said it loud enough to echo in your mind, eardrums. “Maybe it’s because all I ever do is care about you.” And the blow feels worse than that curse you just barely killed before almost dying yourself. You couldn’t cry, you couldn’t, not right now, yet a hot tear trailed down your cheek.
“Kento, all I wanted to do was make you feel better.” And he perked up, immediately turning towards you as he noticed your eyes glossier by the moment.
“You think it’s easy always being compared as the weaker sorcerer in our marriage? It’s easy to pretend it doesn’t hurt that you don’t even believe in me? And now you believe I’m a burden, and another stupid thing you have to worry about?” Your voice cracks.
“Oh my God, Y/n, sweetie..”
“please don’t.” You brush his hand that was already reaching for your face away and walk towards your room as he followed you from behind, like a shadow. His heart sinks as you take out a bag, your phone and charger, your own (not his) credit card and some clothes before trembling with a high speed towards the front door, almost, before hanging up the coat left strewn lazily on the ground.
“My dear, I didn’t mean and shouldn’t have yelled or said any of those-“
“you did mean it. It’s alright, you need your space..” You whispered. You didn’t say I love you as you closed the door.
And Kento immediately burst open the door, calling and pleading you back inside. “It’s freezing, please love, we can talk this out, you were right, I was being an-“
you didn’t listen to his pleas, as much as it felt heavier by the step to ignore his calls. Because he did mean it. And that was colder than the weather, and enough to keep you trudging forward until a nearby taxi. Nanami had rushed after you, anxious
. “Y/n, please think the through, you’re in no condition-“
“you don’t have to worry about me, Nanami.” You curtly interrupted before closing the door and driving off, muttering an address to “any hotel..” and Kento had let you leave. As he walked back, in the rain and wind mixing together, appetite and mood fully gone.
He wanted to bash his head against the front door. You were only trying to be helpful, to assure him he could come back home, even in his bad moods, into your embrace, yet the home that was littered in you and him felt cold and stale.
How could a stale man be able to have someone like you in his grasp, before unravelling you with the stupid mistake of not guarding his tongue around the right person?
Shoko:
It was suffocating being a first grade sorcerer. “At least I’m not like Gojo.” You once muttered to Shoko after you swore he was going insane with his students. But the missions were long, hard. All you wanted to do was just come home, and fall on top of your girlfriend to cuddle with her. But the universe had other plans. It wasn’t until two in the morning until you got home. Trudging into the apartment.
You probably popped your shoulder as you winced in pain, carrying it. “Finally decided to come back?” The smell of smoke from Ieiri’s cigarette had come back into your apartment. You exhaled heavily. “Baby..” you whined. She was wearing your pajamas (but you usually settle for hers, either way) and your pink slippers while she stepped out from the balcony and crushed the burnt cigarette.
“Damn.. you look like shit.” That was Shoko’s bluntness for you. “Thanks.” You mutter as you look up at her. She didn’t have her usual smug grin as she had with her sarcasm.
“What the hell, Y/N.”
“What? If it’s about the blood I’ll clean it.” You shrug. She huffs at your response, guiding you to her medical kit.
She didn’t say anything after that, almost ignoring you if she wasn’t tending to you at the moment. She worked busily, not even giving you kisses on your wounds. You could immediately tell something was up.
“Babe? You seem quiet today.” You softly spoke, breaking the silence other than the sound of rustling tools and your slight hisses of pain. “Yeah?” Was all she said. “Yeah.. you’re not mad.. are you?”
“M fine.” She said, voice gruff as she tightened a bandage. You sighed. “Ieiri… I know that look on your face.” She looked up to meet your gaze to give you a sarcastic smile.
“Look, perfectly fine, see?”
And her eyes darted back towards your wound. “Fuckin’ Hell, Y/N.. why do you do this to yourself.”
“See? You didn’t call me Angel.You’re literally lying right to my face!” She exhaled sharply. “Look, all I am is tired. I’m fine.” Your voice raises higher and sharper than you expected.
“When will you stop lying to me right in front of my face?”
“When will you stop trying to kill yourself.” She sharply interjects. You freeze, and she stands up, leaving you unable to meet her eye to eye as you sit on the dining table.
“Every single day, night, you decide to take stupid and reckless risks and I have to patch you up every damn time.”
“You don’t have-“
“I do. Don’t you get it?” She shoots back.
“I patch everyone up. They’re bloodied, my hands get dirty and once they’re done, I take a smoke. You on the other hand look like you almost killed yourself. And I have to pretend that I’m fine.”
“Ieiri, what are you..”
“do you think just because you’re a high grade, means you’re unstoppable?” That twists the knife.
“You aren’t Satoru Gojo. You don’t have RCT. Stop trying to act so high and mighty, because you aren’t.”
She didn’t yell. She said it quietly but firmly. And that hurt. Nights where you told yourself and compared you to Gojo. Though it’s true that he was Gojo, it hurt that no matter what you did, even if you almost died, it wouldn’t ever be enough for anyone else. And
you cried every time as Shoko would kiss your tears away, cuddling and lulling you to sleep with coos, praises and reassurances.
“Damn, Shoko..”
was all you could manage.
“Angel…hey..”
“here I thought that you said I was strong. Always telling me I was good enough.”
“Baby I was just..”
“tired? Yeah I know.. I’m tired too. Tired of hearing lies from you.”
Tears stream down and this time Shoko couldn’t kiss them. Not after all th trust. The fear and the anxiety you poured out to only her, disappeared .
Like she just put salt in your wound. You hobbled up, and limped to the guest room. “I have another mission tomorrow, early. No need to patch me up. I know you hate doing it every damn day.” You choked, trying to sound manipulative, but all you could hear was the little girl’s voice in you training hard every day just to seem like a respected sorcerer.
And Shoko let you. Let you close the door, and hear muffled hiccups from the doorway. Ieiri never got mad. She never at work colleagues, never at students, not even at Gojo. yet she got mad at the love of her life.
The one person that she could let her guard down with. You didn’t come out for a while. And Shoko could understand. She placed some left over dinner you didn’t eat and hoped you tended to the rest of your wounds.
Even though you didn’t live together, it felt silent the next couple of nights when you didn't crash at her place. And each night that went by, with the moon changing by the days, had it felt like an eternity.
The moon wasn’t there for Shoko to lie your head down on her lap as you gazed at it. God knows where you were as Ieiri’s apartment buzzed with the emptiness of a house, not home. Shoko just prayed you were okay.
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