I donāt know
I just donāt feel well
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@asensesublime
I donāt know
I just donāt feel well
pms and overwhelm donāt mix
Itās time for a shift in perspective.
āFall in love when you are ready, not when you are lonely.ā
ā
i just want somewhere i can be me
overwhelmed
car wash paolo raeli
Forever in love with daisiesš
lately Iāve just felt the need to write; I just need somewhere to share my thoughts in order to reflect. for some reason, keeping my thoughts buried in a google doc doesnāt work. there are moments that i want to remember forever. and there are ways in which iāve felt that i never want to feel again, and sometimes the best way to do that is to reflect. and write. i donāt know.
i am just struggling. with my body. with my image. i donāt know what it is. i am in love - i am loved. and i donāt hate who i am necessarily, but i just get so frustrated with my body and appearance.Ā
a little over a year ago, i was about 10lbs lighter than i am now. and the year before that i was 10 lbs heavier than i am now.Ā when i was lighter, i didnāt even know how much i weighed. and i didnāt know how much weight i had lost until i came home and could see it on peopleās faces. they kept complimenting me. making jokes about how now that i am home, i will gain it back. and i did. plus some. i donāt know if it would have made me happy to know that i was at that certain weight, but now that i know howĀ āgoodā i looked, i am fixated on becoming that size again.Ā
but even at that size, i wasnāt happy. thatās whatās so twisted. i fixated. i nitpicked. i stared at myself. i saw flaws in all who i was. but now i long to be her again.Ā
how is it possible?
Notting hill
La jalousie
is it godĀ
or is it nature
are they the same?
I donāt think I want to be here anymore
and that scares me more than anything