inferno

[ashfxlling]

🚩🚩🚩

look at me, squeezing in here right before the deadline like the dirty, little procrastinator i am. but actually, i’m very excited to be here and write with all you!

mun info

name/alias: jin age: 18+ pronouns: she/they timezone: est (gmt -5) discord: just ask! i actually slightly prefer dc little trivia fact about yourself: i recently watched street woman fighter and am highkey obsessed so if you have also fallen down this rabbit hole, gimme a holler lol

character info

character name: im hyunwoo stage name: ASH (he jokes that it’s inspired by ash ketchum, but in all honesty? it’s short for asher, which was his baptismal name. no way he’s religious, but his mom was catholic and voila. ironically asher means #blessed #happy) age: 26 zodiac sign: gemini (pretty accurate) group/band/position: solo_03 info links or quick points about your character:

human red flag. jk? the scene’s resident ‘bad boy’, not because he’s big and scary but because he seems like a guy who’ll end up emotionally wrecking you and make you like it anyway 🙃 . a lot of not-so-great rumors around this guy, but also nothing completely incriminating. like if you ever meet him in-person, you’d think he’s a pretty nice, likable guy honestly. just a bit of a bad taste in your mouth, but hard to pinpoint exactly why. unfortunately lots of ppl are drawn to things that aren’t good for you?

was born to a young, single mother who never really could provide him much emotionally or materially. his dad was never in the picture, but hyunwoo is pretty indifferent about it (no daddy problems ...). if you were to ask him he’d probably say smth like 'i don’t hate him. he wasn't abusive or an alcoholic or an asshole, so that’s nice. he just wasn't there."

rumor #1: he has gang ties. sorta? actually he just hung out with a not-so-nice crowd of misfits and delinquents, because that’s what he was growing up. not much of a home presence, so he just kinda floated around in sketchy scenes, did a lot of drugs, was linked to a number of petty crimes. certainly not a respectable group of folks, but it’s not like he was part of major organized crime or shit. he’s gradually and naturally grown distant from this group as he committed himself more to his music 

he really did have some very dark times. won’t go into great detail, but just think very unsustainable, unhealthy, un-anything beneficial lifestyle. but cliché ‘music saved my life’ kinda thing. at first it was more of a distraction / let’s try something else, but he really did fall in love with it and turns out he’s alright at it too. gets a bit obsessive about it, but it was largely better for him than the alternative.

which gets us to rumor #2: he doesn’t write his own music. ok this one is an actual lie, but likely the most widely-spread and problematic one for an aspiring artist. he basically tells one of his ‘friends’ that ‘HELL no, i didn’t write this gushy shit’ because he felt... embarrassed? self-conscious? thought his music wasn’t good enough? it’s complicated, but now this one interaction has ballooned into a widely known rumor. 

so why doesn’t he come out and deny it? uhh (1) he’s stubborn as fuck, idgaf about what ppl think about me vibes (lies). (2) he’s still very self-conscious about his music. trust me, he doesn’t take music lightly and really does pour his soul into it. but he also feels very exposed and vulnerable when he does music, so in a way, it’s a convenient shield when people don’t think he actually writes his songs. like it’s good? ok cool, glad u like it. it sucks? not mine! also his music tends to be pretty emotional, ~love songs~ and heartbreak, sad boi shit so that’s kinda embarrassing yo

rumor #3: his superficiality towards fans (i.e. he prefers the pretty ones). this one he thinks is so stupid that he refuses to even acknowledge it. like wtf are there people out there who don’t like pretty people??? what kinda bullshit-- 

honestly a pretty charismatic guy. could probably talk to a brick wall. uses humor as a crutch big-time. knows a little about everything, not a real expert at anything. joking as flirting. arguments as flirting. just flirting. he does have this habit where he sometimes tends to look at people like he’s in love with them, but you should do yourself a favor and learn quickly that it really doesn’t mean much

leans reckless and hotheaded, but he’s really mellowed out over the years. saw enough fights and nasty encounters when he was younger, so he’s kinda over that. yet gets wrapped up in a fair share of drama

so like any good bad boy type, he does have a good heart buried in there somewhere. but he also has asshole tendencies ngl. same things that make him fun and great to be around would really piss off others, depending on who you are

plots or any development you’d like to see for your character:

musical collabs and interactions! people who are fans, people who think he’s fake trash, people who really challenge him on his ‘i’m so fucking insecure about my music’ cowardice (like please dude, be better). he likes doing his own thing and getting his own spotlight as a soloist, but also gets fomo looking at u band folks. like aww, you guys have friends(?)

the man sings a lot of love songs and songs about heartbreak very well and very convincingly at that. but he genuinely sucks at actual romance and doesn’t really date date much, just gets around enough to spark ~inspiration~ (again, dude. please be better!!!). but yeah, if you want a very painful ride, he is here. and i am all for it!

mutual bad influences -- can be genuinely toxic or kinda funky friendship. he parties a lot, still does drugs (umm ngl he probably thinks he’s the weeknd), can’t back down from a dare, just does stupid things because he’s naturally stupid, okay?

friends. vague, i know, but might be nice to have someone he learns to genuinely trust / vice versa. the man is actually really lonely and not used to having a support system of any kind, so it’d be nice to have some peeps who are the exception to this rule.

someone who does not like him / is afraid of him / * insert any negative sentiment here*. usually hyunwoo would be like ‘oh well, that’s too bad’ and move on with his life. but with you he somehow really feels like he needs to redeem himself?

enemies to friends / lovers(?). he doesn’t have the most amazing rep around, so wouldn’t be a shocker if there is initial discomfort/conflict/misconceptions flying around

more than friends, less than lovers - i honestly really dig this trope heh

and of course anything else that might fit our muses better! always open to chat and v excited

[ashfxlling]

abracadavra​:

𝟎𝟏.  𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇  / from MIDO to HYUNWOO.

{ ... }

“i hope that coming here isn’t, like, too much… i know it’s a little over-the-top, but i wanted to treat you to something special. i mean, it’s just been so long since we’ve talked…” she trails off, pursing her lips together in thought for a second before continuing. “tell me, did you think i got abducted by aliens? did you not think of me at all? did you think i flew away on a witch’s broom to a faraway land?” her tone is playful and soft, her eyes locked on him all the while. “i can tell you that i thought about you every once in awhile, especially whenever i listened to your music. you’ve come out with some gems, by-the-way. just.. so, so good.”

her name flashes onto his phone screen, and he spends an eternity simply staring at it. blinks hard once, then twice; but it’s still there at the end of it all. then he spends far too long staring in the mirror as he gets ready — and no, it’s not out of vanity for once. he worries if he dresses up, that she’d think he’s trying to impress; and that if he doesn’t, that she wouldn’t be impressed. he settles for a messy middle, wherever things land when the clock strikes the time he mandates for himself to be out the door by. for once, he decides he will not be late to an occasion. he thinks he owes her that much at the least.

she thanks him for coming, though he really wishes she hadn’t. it makes it seem like it was an easy decision for him to come to, but it’s not. because he doesn’t know what it all means, when hwang mido says she’d like to see him again — just like he didn’t know what it meant when she fell out of his life in a blink of an eye, or how to feel about it. the safe default for him is ‘nothing.’ it’s the constant pattern of his existence, to swing like a pendulum between two impossible states. sometimes he wishes nothing meant anything. other times, he wishes anything would mean something. tonight, he’s sick with vertigo.

“no. thank you,” he replies curtly with a tight-lipped smile. immediately he fears whether his response was too stiff, too polite, too careful — and so he clears his throat quietly before adding on, shoulders dropping slightly as he loosens up to manner that is more typical for him. “i know it’s hard to believe… but i actually don’t get asked out on dates all that much.” he flashes her a cheeky smile, because per usual, shameless, egotistical humor is his closest and dearest ally.

though maybe he loosens up too early, because her question stings, despite how she sandwiches it between two joking ones. ‘did you not think of me at all?’ quite frankly, there is no benign answer. say yes, and he’s an asshole for feeding her sweet lies; for ascribing meaning to a relationship that probably never should have been. but say no, and he’s an asshole for forgetting, for moving on so cruelly and cleanly when once upon a time, he looked at her like she was the most unforgettable face in the world. the reality is somewhere in the middle, with the only commonality being yes — im hyunwoo is an asshole.

his lips part to respond but instead fade into a coy grin. he simmers in silence for a few seconds before choosing to avoid the question altogether. modus operandi, number two. “well it is you that we’re talking about. neither of those options felt impossible,” he teases with a light chuckle. “wherever you were though… i hope you’ve been alright. actually, hopefully better than just ‘alright.’” his eyes fall back upon her at the conclusion of his statement, a rare look of sincerity.

“but come on now. you don’t have to flatter me like that.” his unwarranted self-confidence has always faltered under the topic of his music, despite how he puts it out to of course be listened to. but it’s the thought of her listening to him, his voice, the lyrics, the emotions, the experiences — all fabricated or not — that makes him feel suddenly all too seen. “and quit staring so much. you’re gonna make me blush.” he speaks matter-of-factly, the wisps of a smirk dancing on his face, as if half-flirtation, half-provocation were second nature. probably because it is.

their server reappears with appetizers, a welcome interruption in the programming. he reaches for his wine glass, giving it a swirl before taking a slow sip. “anyways. what have you been up to? besides hiding from me.” in truth, he already knows bits and pieces. word spreads across hongdae like a wildfire, especially if it’s about a new entrant to the music scene. the true question at the tip of his tongue is some combination of ‘why are you back? why now? why me?’. but he at least has the decency not to phrase it like that.

[ashfxlling]

meiodramatics​:

{...}

“oh, there’s also one from this club where i popped a bottle of champagne and it literally sprayed all over my face. it was kinda sexual. got kinda weird comments from incels for a bit – and you know, if i find that shit weird, it was really fucking weird.”

scrolls down to find the-said picture. audibly gags before reaching for another shot of soju.

“okay, my turn,” she says, turning to face him, brown eyes locked onto his, expectant beam glowering. “truth or dare? don’t get soft on me, hyunwoo. i promise i’ll be nice.”

there’s a split moment of unnerving silence before he darts his probing gaze away. especially unnerving because silence is completely uncharacteristic between the two of them in any form. and it’s a moment so brief you would’ve missed it if you blinked. a split moment when he’s scared she catches him looking at her like that. a moment when he’s scared he’s looking at her like that. but she soon enough starts talking tik toks at him, so he feels assured that the moment – the sentiment – is nothing but a fluke.

all in all, he considers himself to be a pretty hip guy. to be fair, no one trying to make it in hongdae would think otherwise. but hyunwoo keeps his tabs on music trends, likes to think he dresses well, keeps a nice insta feed. but tik tok? not really in his repertoire yet. yeah, he sees the people doing random dances and jumping on random trends, but that’s about the extent of his familiarity. though from what he’s been told (as he is now), he thinks it might just be an app created so that anonymous people can roast him – which he respects too, to be honest. still, his nose scrunches up in faux disgust as he shakes his head in denial. “that’s bullshit,” he says with a half-scoff, half-amused chuckle (he’s at least self-aware enough to know that it’s not). “save yourself the time, and don’t send them to me. please.”

the storytelling begins, and he quickly downs his shot before sliding over some number of inches closer, angling so that he can peer both at her face and over her shoulder as she scrolls though on her phone. the corners of his lips creep upwards, because somehow he finds this supposedly horrifying episode horrifyingly satisfying (and admittedly more than a tad relatable). and because she’s having too much fun telling it. it’s really the latter that truly amuses him.

“hmm...” he ponders far too seriously, combing his bangs back a bit. “i think i like the first story better. less fucked up incels, and more of just... fucked up you.” he flashes her an apologetic smile, since he really does mean it in the best way possible.

he quickly sits up when she moves again, lunging over to grab his shot glass and motioning to ask her to pour him another one as well. “uhh... dare,” he answers matter-of-factly. the hesitation is really just a formality. “you really don’t have to be all that nice. i won’t hate you for it,” he teases with a cocky grin. after all, it’s just the two of them here in his own apartment – not many avenues for deep public humiliation or near-death experience, so he’s not too pressed.

[ashfxlling]

" in my room “ ;; ft. @4004notfound​​

this is not how his first meetings with people typically go. well, maybe that’s not all so true. reflecting on his plentiful and extravagant track record of hookups over the years, there must have been a handful (or more...) where the first ‘date’ starts him coming straight to his date’s front door and then to the bedroom. turns out dinner, drinks, and such formalities are pretty fucking pointless when both sides are painfully aware of the final destination for the night.

but really, that’s all besides the point. because this is not a hookup. far from it. nor is it exactly his very first meeting with her either. the actual first time must’ve been after a show of his, yet another night he struggles to recollect from his fragmented memory. though he does remember her very clearly, because she makes an impression that’s genuinely impossible to forget. swimming through to the front of a crowd of raging fans was a feat in itself, but she yells at him, stringing together an opening line so memorable that he actually does text her the day after. 

now if we’re being completely honest, hyunwoo can’t actually remember the exact words she said. a little something something about making him sound ‘fucking amazing.’ maybe he was making that shit up. but he knows he can’t be making up the stone-cold certainty in her eyes when she said it – because it has him believing it too. enough that he’s here, standing in front of her door despite the nervous tapping of his toes inside his sneakers. or maybe he can convince himself that it’s just the winter cold.

now his knuckles rap against the door, an erratic rhythm that falls somewhere between impatience and timidity. he can see his own breath in the air, feels his cheeks reddened by the cutting wind because he’s always hated wearing proper outerwear. lord knows he’d knock a lot harder – if you know, this weren’t his first time coming over or actually meeting with her one-on-one like this, outside the studio and outside a group setting.

at last the door cracks open, and he greets her with a wide grin which belies his true state of being, which is presently a cross between suddenly doubting his decision to do this and just being fucking cold. “well, took you long enough,” he chides with a playful glare. “truly honored to be here. now let me in please?”

[ashfxlling]

“ breathe ” ;; ft. @sunneburn

"fuck, sungbin. i’m dead.” the statement would’ve been more believable if it weren’t the 500th time he’d self-proclaimed his death in the past hour. and then even more so if not the stupid grin hanging off his face as he glances over at his taller friend, as if he were some tired yet fulfilled puppy looking towards its owner after a long walk. actually, maybe that’s exactly what it was like.

somehow this has become a routine; a rarity amongst the chaotic shambles that usually make up his life. and despite how he claims he’d ‘much rather die’ every time he steps out of his doorway, these runs with sungbin have become one of the very few choices that hyunwoo can confidently claim are objectively healthy for him. physically, sure. cardio is supposed to be good for you, whatever. but given the plethora of his other unhealthy choices in consumption and indulgence, he’s not dumb enough to really believe that the occasional run will make a difference in the grand scheme of things. not for his bodily health, at least.

instead, he does it for the psychological respite. turns out it’s much harder to drown in his own thoughts when gasping for breath and simply trying to push forward, one stride at a time. and of course, there’s some rather special company that comes with. one that’s seemingly stuck around longer than most anyone else in his life, and for that, he’s genuinely grateful although he’d be tight-lipped to admit it.

“i’m fully ready to not move for the rest of the day,” he proclaims with a deep exhale, hand rising to wipe some sweat off his brow. “you’re insane for doing this as often as you do. why would you choose to run, unless there’s something chasing you.” he grumbles, more to himself, though clearly the other can hear him. and so hyunwoo flashes him a sweet and easygoing smile. “but come on. coffee’s on me today.”

[ashfxlling]

meiodramatics​:

{…}

“nah, not crazy at all, i knew it was just a matter of time before you would try to get into my pants. i know this is totally an excuse just to get a hot girl alone in your house,” she responds sardonically, coupled with a pert smile. (she is also very conveniently ignoring the truth of the events, which is that she was the one who had shown up at his front door, teetering hazardously on stilettos with a look of triumph and a “so. guess what happened last night?”) “but wow, even offering to call me a cab? look at you, hyunwoo. the very spitting image of chivalry! i’ll make sure to let everyone know about this if they ever call you a fuckboy again.”

she lets out a small laugh before shifting closer to him, lets her shoulder brush across his in a wholly platonic manner as if she hadn’t been making lauded jokes just mere seconds ago. cocks an eyebrow at him. “dare. and you can’t say something lame like you have to kiss me. you actually have to earn that one.”

there are certain people you meet and wonder where they’ve been your entire life. to hyunwoo, min haera is one of those people, for better or worse (definitely for the better, if you’re basically anyone else but these two). it’s uncanny how immediately they hit it off after first meeting and how quickly they’ve gotten comfortable with each other. but in a world where he feels as if he’s always putting on a show, at least for someone out there, it’s refreshing. with haera, he doesn’t have to try to be anyone he’s not, doesn’t have to try to hide whoever he is. they’re not the exact same person (god forbid if they were), but he thinks he gets her and thinks she too gets him – and that’s good enough for him.

“psh, come on now,” he waves away her accusation with an actual backhanded wave of his hand. clearly it’s a joke, but a rebuttal seems well warranted. “you’re not even wearing pants.” yes, as if that’s the most important thing about what she’s implying about his character and reputation. unknowingly his gaze falls towards her lap as he says this, catching a glimpse of her thighs left uncovered by her short dress. he clears his throat slightly as he’s forced to look away inconspicuously.

in all fairness, were she anyone not named min haera and not his friend, maybe the implications of her ‘accusation’ of his motives would’ve carried more weight. but alas — she is who she is, and both of these things.

“i really don’t know what you’re talking about,” he chirps back once more. “i’ve always been a gentleman. have i ever given you a reason to think otherwise?” he flashes her a wide and proud grin, making it hard to tell if he legitimately believes the bullshit spewing from his mouth. if you didn’t know hyunwoo well enough, you might have been convinced so. he’s always been told he has the type of face that makes you want to believe in him. “anyways, i’ll take it that you’d rather stay,” he says, voice perking up a bit with an instant intrigue. suddenly he feels more awake, more energized. she always has this sort of effect on him.

somehow she takes him up on his stupid offer to play this stupid game, and somehow he knew with unwavering certainty that she’d pick ‘dare.’ knows with sheer confidence, because he knows that’s exactly what he would’ve done. his nose scrunches up in playful distaste at her joke about a kiss — at least he thinks it’s a joke. “i don’t intend on earning anything from you,” he goads. “i’ll pour us some drinks though,” he says, sitting up straighter to do just that. “and you can go ahead and show me the most embarrassing photo on your camera roll. not gonna lie, i have high expectations here.”

[ashfxlling]

cvetus​:

{...}

Before she could spiral into her newfound worry, their eyes meet. It was the first time that night, she knows because she never took her eyes off him. It feels like the air got knocked out of her, just one gaze from him was all it took. She inhales sharply, a desperate attempt at composing herself and pretending like he no longer had any effect on her, willing herself to look away but failing so terribly. With eyes still locked onto his, the first bars of the unfamiliar song fills the room. It’s hard to focus when he was looking at her like that; a deadly distraction from her task at hand. It gets worse when he starts to sing, his gaze glued onto her like he was searing his soul into her; like she was the only one in the room. The song plays out into its first verse, and she’s not sure if what she felt next was relief, or horror, but she thinks this song is about her. 

he’ll make fun of taylor swift and her music on any day of the week, but maybe she does have one thing right. writing songs about your exes could be rather satisfying. cathartic. commercially appealing. whatever. the point is, he writes a song about hwang yena, hoodwinked by whiskey and rum (or perhaps just emboldened into honesty...) and regrets it immensely when he wakes up the next morning, head pounding and throat hoarse from the psychotic recording habits he has. well, he could’ve done worse, he supposes. god forbid, he could’ve texted or called, drunkenly spilling to her all the words he’s putting pen to paper on instead. turns out that despite his indignant claims, he hasn’t actually deleted her number.

the relief of having recorded an incriminating song like this (alone in his bedroom with a simple mic and laptop setup as opposed to having five other people in the studio) is that it’s easy to wipe his hands clean from the record — just hit delete and never let it see the light of day. the worst part of it all is that… shit. the song is really good. good enough that he’s convinced to release it. and he’s the only one stupid, reckless, and vengeful enough to perform it live.

the instrumentals fill the venue and he does feel a sharp twinge of unsettling emotion. he’d feel bad for being so petty with what he’s about to do, but no. that wouldn’t really be very in character would it? besides, it’s not like anyone in the audience (but her) is going to pick up on the fact the lyrics to his new crooner are oddly specific to a certain person (ahem, her). still there’s a bubbling sensation in the pit of his stomach, something in between anxiety and the sickening excitement you gets when you’re about to do something you’re not supposed to. 

the song goes on, and he performs because that’s what he is — a performer. and he puts his back into it, because if he’s going to do this, he’s going to put on a damn good show and intends to make her feel the heat, the shame, the sense of utter helplessness. whatever he felt when he found out that everything they had was but a mere mirage, some figment of his imagination or her career arc. his eyes remain fixated on hers through the song, and he wish he could look away, but he can’t. that’s always what her eyes did to him. he’s afraid his focus and immersion on-stage will falter if he does. 

but the song ends at last, and it’d be a lie if he doesn’t let out a relieved sigh when it finally does. he looks away from her coolly now, feeding the audience a few quick bows, waves, locks fingers with a few fans in the front row. whatever it is to try to remind himself that she’s not the only one who matters in this entire crowd (she might just be). his main priority now is getting backstage and finding a bottle or two so that he can drown his conscience in yet another night of debauchery and not have to weigh the consequences of his own actions. that is, until he remembers the goddamn interview he owes first. it couldn’t be with her though, could it?

[ashfxlling]

“ swing my way ” ;; ft. @meiodramatics

they say opposites attract, but it’s the like-minded that last. at least that’s how hyunwoo likes to justify his striking affinity for those ‘like’ him. those who flock to trouble like a moth to a flame, whom others love to hate and hate to love, whom nobody would want to bring home to their parents – at least if you’re not actively trying to get disowned (if you are, he’s reachable seven days a week and takes payment in both cash and credit card). perhaps it’s just the inevitable, that the ones you’re warned to look out for in life end up looking for each other.

prime exhibit number one: his wonderful rapport with none other than the min haera. he can’t really pinpoint why he finds her company so... comforting. especially given that her reputation – no scratch that. the both of their reputations – don’t quite put the unsuspecting heart at ease. he also forgets the details of when they really met for the first time or when he started letting down his guard like this (meaning he’s more insufferably himself than usual, which is a force few humans can tolerate). again, perhaps just the inevitable.

“hey. i’m bored,” he remarks out of nowhere, giving her a light nudge in the side. the cheeky grin spread wide across his lips seems to suggest otherwise; but also maybe if he weren’t such a shitty host, there would be less ‘boredom’ going on. though it’s not his fault that the rest of their friends decided to head straight to the club, therefore skipping his turn at hosting the pre-game. he lets out a defeated sigh, reaching out to spin a bottle of soju on the table like a grumpy child before slouching backwards into the couch, just narrowly avoiding collapsing onto her.

“is it crazy if i don’t really want to go out tonight? i’m pretty sure it’s raining or something. but i’ll call you a cab if you still want to go join the others.” im hyunwoo is rarely one to skimp on a party, but in all honesty, he’s probably slept about 5 hours in the past 3 days. and if haera wasn’t the only one who actually showed up at his door, he would’ve happily ghosted everyone to stay home in the company of himself and his neglected bed. “or we could stay in. and play a game.” he shoots her a inquisitive glance, eyebrows raising in clear mischief. “truth or dare?” very creative and very mature, he knows. just two of his most redeeming qualities. he waits patiently for her to answer, doe-like eyes fixated onto her and wondering if she’d entertain his proposition. despite the sarcasm laced in his voice, he’s only half-kidding. 

[ashfxlling]

cvetus​:

Wildfire ft. @ashfxlling

{ ... }

She would’ve gone for a third glass if his sickeningly sweet voice hadn’t boomed from the speakers, commanding her (and every other person’s) attention back on stage, where he basked beneath the stage lights like they were made for him. That’s something that really gets on her nerves (besides that annoyingly charming grin she wishes she could wipe off his face)—the way everything seems to revolve around him, like he is the center of her world. Probably is. Was. Okay, a third glass would be great. 

he gets the briefing 30 minutes before he’s scheduled to get on stage – maybe he should start picking up his phone more, particularly when it’s work-related. ‘yeah, you’re the closing act. just give the crowd whatever they want, send them home happy.’ brilliant. ‘you owe the ritz an interview afterwards though. they’re primary sponsors.’ not as brilliant. but nevermind the initial name that pops into mind in association with that damn publication. the ritz is the ritz; it’s not like he was realistically going to say no. plus, he figures they’ve got to have more than one writer around. he actually hasn’t seen her much around, which is impressive for how small the scene could be. maybe she’s avoiding him on purpose. ‘as she should,’ he’d reply snakily if asked. the complete truthfulness of that sentiment? up for debate.

most importantly, a show is a show – it must go on. plus it pays the bills. and so he takes a final swig of his drink before rising onto the stage, welcomed by a healthy and incited crowd. it takes a moment for his pupils to adjust to the stage lights, and once his vision returns, there’s only one face that comes into focus. hers.

the heart is a fickle thing – a lesson he learns all too well from the woman in sight and well in mind. though to be fair, it’d be dishonest, hypocritical, or just plain out stupid for him to have been too surprised. the very first time he learns is once upon a time, during the classic 'well, mommy and daddy loved each other very much’ talk from his single mother; only for conversation to be utterly and awkwardly derailed when young hyunwoo’s follow-up question is ‘then why is he gone?’. and then of course, the many girls over the years whom he’s told that he loves them. very rarely he meant it. sometimes he believes it, only to change his mind soon after. many times, it’s a white lie. and so he stops saying it altogether.

stops saying it, starts singing it. because a song is just a story, some magically convenient structure where he can tell countless girls that he loves them – or so that’s what they’d like to imagine they hear in his voice. ‘it’s really all figurative’, he’d explain like he’s some sort of poet, writing lyrics about love and heartbreak as if he wouldn’t cringe if they were written by literally anybody else. 

at least he’s convincing when he sings them. hence the appeal of live shows, ones just like this one where he’s in the flesh, not oblivious to the fact that his mannerisms feed fantasies as he feeds his own ego. ‘eh, less figurative. but still performance. it’s all harmless fun,” he’d insist. 'fun’ meaning he gets to indulge in the crowd’s metaphorical ‘i love you’s’ (or the less pg equivalents) without facing the real-life consequences of such words. no betrayal, no void, no gutting feeling like anything hwang yena made him feel; not when he didn’t think he was capable of such emotions at all.

some say you learn from your mistakes. well no, correction: hwang yena was not as much a mistake as she was a very tragic mishap. he’s noticed his life happens to be filled with those. although he’s not sure he’s ‘learning’ much of anything though. not much character building going on, unless you count pettiness as a character trait. he spends the entirety of the show ignoring her, despite all his senses being painfully aware of her presence. tries to find any sort of pretty face in the crowd to take his mind off hers, but it’s really a futile attempt.

the intro bars of the last song come on, earning a welcome reaction from the crowd, but he frantically cuts the audio off. “woah, woah, woah,” he exclaims, waving his arms in the air, much to the crowd’s confusion and entertainment. because what artist cuts off his own hit song at the end of a set? “let’s do another one. something fresh. do we have the new song on hand? penciled in to drop next week, but we can do a little spoiler for my good friends here tonight. we can make it our little secret,” he proposes with a shameless wink at the end. as if it’s possible to keep a secret with hundreds of other people, phones in hand and full-on recording. “i’m not kidding,” he re-iterates, the showy playfulness in his voice fully gone for a split second. at last, his eyes lock onto hers and truthfully? he regrets it dearly and lives for it, all at once. “put it on.” the audio comes back with a brand new tune.

[sunflowerhowlbluebae]

ONE

[typhoidmary]

[ashfxlling]

~ tag dump ~