on Navigating changes and the passing of a Parent
Three weeks ago, my father passed away. My husband and I had moved back to California from Washington about a month before, and during our move, we were fortunate enough to see my dad one last time, it had been a year since the last time I saw him, and that was at my wedding.
Life is strange. Sometimes you get hit hard by things that are out of your control, things that call your faith into question. Faith is something I have been struggling with for the past ten or so years, and while I am still not sure exactly what I believe, I do wish I wasn’t struggling so much with my faith because in all honesty I could use it right now.
The past year, in and of itself, has been difficult. I got married, I moved to a new state, I left my friends, and my family, and to be honest, I haven’t kept much contact with either over the past year. After my father passed, I attempted to mend this, I have been reaching out to people trying to let them know that they matter to me, and trying to stay in touch,
I do want to admit that it has been hard. Even though we now only live 8 hours away from friends and some family, its still hard to find that sense of community and healing that we had when we were closer. If I’m being completely honest, for the past year, I have felt pretty friendless, I am thankful that my father was around to speak with during the darkest times of my life in Seattle, when I was feeling depressed and my husband was underway for three months.
Being alone in a new city, especially in a city that is constantly dark, where people are always moving, looking down, not acknowledging anyone else, was hard. Not having a support system, or friends who were checking in on me, was hard, and now, having moved again, and having my father pass, and still feeling that sense of loneliness, is hard, especially because now that my father is gone, I have one less person to turn to in my ever dwindling list of people who offered support and encouragement,, and that, is probably the hardest thing of all.
I want to encourage anyone who reads this to please reach out to your loved ones, try to mend any bridges that you may have burned, try to stay connected, no matter how far away you are, or how busy you are, because the people that are in your life matter, your family and friends, the stranger on the street who may be struggling: All of these people matter and could use you. I myself am trying to navigate through this, I am trying to build myself up where I’ve broken and while it is slow going and often painful work, I know that eventually I will be able to turn inwards and find that strength that I feel I have been missing. I encourage you all to do the same.
