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@ashleythewhovain
feel like I’m gonna break. I’m mentally and physically exhausted. I’m touched out. I have to have surgery in 4 days and what if I can’t take care of megan. What do I do? I’m so ducking scared and it’s been one god damn thing after another.
Tired
I’m so tired of feeling alone
You're always on your phone
We have a daughter together
but I feel like I’ve fallen under weather
i get no time off
no alone time
but you get upset when you don’t get your precious time
bur I get none
im so exhausted.
moms so tired
i feel so alone.
the house isn’t empty
shes all around.
I feel like falling to the ground.
im crying out loud.
Loneliness
holy Hell. I feel so lonely.
it’s 5pm and no ones responding.
I know- everyone has their own lives and stuff to do.
I’m home with the baby.
she wants to play with her toys. so I’m sitting here. Scrolling.
I look through my entire friends list.
just looking for someone to talk to.
nobody. Nobody will understand.
no one to talk to. nothing. Lonely
Exhaustion. no one talks about the moments when you just have nothing left in you. I know that I still need to make dinner, shower, and clean the house... but I’m so tired from work, not sleeping well and taking care of Megan. so I’m just sitting here. Staring at the mess on the table in the living room, thinking about how dinner is supposed to be easy to make tonight... but I just can’t make myself move right now. I’m so tired. I need a boost. I need... something
You thought I was turt! Bamboozled again!
(via)
I’m sorry for how I acted
its okay we all do stupid things. Don't know why im just getting this now
Hormones
Y'know I never really understood why my sister was so angry while she was pregnant. But now I completely and utterly understand. If i'm not getting angry at something I cry. Or I cry because I am angry. It's so exhausting and to be honest I just don't know where to start. I am so exhausted. I sleep, and it feels like I haven't rested. I am not allowed to lift or do anything so I feel really useless. And I hate feeling useless. And there is so much that needs to be done. But Raymond works such weird hours, and 5-6 days a week. I feel like I'm never going to get anything done. We need so many things... To be honest I'm afraid about the money. I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt her, (Megan, our baby). Something just... is gonna go wrong. Or she's gonna be sick. Or we don't make it. I'm not sure but its definitely something. With the virus going on and me being prengnat, immunocompromised, and having heart/lung issues I have to wear a mask. And I am so afriad that I am gonna get sick its crazy. So many people just dont care, and apparently my mom doesn't. Or at least it feels like she doesn't. She only wears one during work, because she works at a school. And no where else. It just feels like after all the bullshit I went through trying to get her to take care of herself and all the bullshit with her saying she feels so guilty for not protecting me as a child and she pulls this? What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to feel? I can't see my mom, my best friend, until the school year is about to start and she has been tested AGAIN to make sure she doesn't have it. But all she could say was "I've gotta do what I've gotta do to make money." I am so fucking angry. Ugh. I understand needing to make money. With all the BS im still working and I work in a higher risk environment than she does! I keeo going between crying, being exhausted, and being angry. At this point I just don't know where I am at. This post was just to vent. Please be aware of that. I a not trying to sound ungrateful or anything. Anyways, I'm not sure that anyone even reads this. But whatever. I'm done writing.
Well guys this is it. I’m pregnant. I’m writting this because I’m pretty sure no one cares to use tumblr anymore. So I can vent and not be afraid. On Valentine’s Day I had a miscarriage, and I am... so afraid that I’m about to screw everything up. Again. I mean, with the virus and my job, what if raymond doesn’t want the baby? What if I’m not a good parent or.. I don’t know. I’m just so scared I’ve been crying the past.. basically 3 hours. I just don’t know what to do. Anyways. That’s it. I guess.
I’m so afraid because things are going so well that I’m gonna mess it up. I really don’t wanna mess it up. And my hormones are going crazy for absolutely no reason. This is dumb
“Most of the stuff in here is fake. Or weak.”
Thor: Ragnarok (2017) dir. Taika Waititi
Jethro
It’s 3 am and I’m laying next to you. Your snoring is calming my anxious storm. I miss Jethro. And it hurts so bad. I got his paw print in and I can barely look at it. Whenever I hear a specific song I just burst into tears. And see you gone... I love you so god damn much. But now I can’t sleep. I’m so tired but I can’t sleep. I hope your in heaven, with Holly and Ally... running around chasing bugs. I miss you Jethro. I love you my precious puppy...
Goodnight Jethro
Jethro
I did good all day. I cried taking you to the vet, I cried when they put you down, and for an hour afterwords... but then I distracted myself. And then the distractions stopped working. And now I’m sitting here on my apartment bedroom floor crying uncontrollably. Shaking. I know you were in pain, I just didn’t know that much pain... I am so sorry Jethro. I am so sorry. You fought until the very last second to stay with me because I was crying so much. And then you were gone. I want you to come back to me. I need you. Who’s going to protect me now? I don’t know how to live without you baby boy...I love you so so much Jethro. So much. I’m so so sorry.
The month of February is the shortest month in the year. And I have barely been home to use the electricity. HOW THE HELL IS MY ELECTRICITY 135 ! ARE YOU IDIOTS JUST NEVER TURNING OFF THE LIGHTS? Are you trying to make me pay out the ass before I move out? Because I’ll put a real quick stop to that. Don’t think I won’t. Try me assholes. Cause our electricity shouldn’t have gone up by 35 fucking dollars this month. In fact it should have gone down. So. Fucking. Try. Me.
My disability is not a joke. Don’t make fun of me for being sick.
Sometimes I need help walking inside, cause I feel like I’m gonna collapse.
THAT DOES NOT MEAN FUCKING VIDEO IT AND PUT IT ON FACEBOOK
DO NOT WALK UP TO SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS PTSD. Be behind then then tap them on the shoulder and say booo! You will upset then :/
Leave being childish at the door, no one wants that.
