Art. Writing. Nerd Stuff.

Ash || They/Them. Just decided to actually put my mind somewhere.

[ashtholomew]

By the time we eat the rich, we’ll be cooking them on our only funeral pyre.

[ashtholomew]

I’d rather be zero instead of one. Having potential is so much better

than being measured.

[ashtholomew]

I feel so empty I could burst.

[ashtholomew]

Why did I carefully curate myself to be someone I’m unhappy to live with

[ashtholomew]

There’s a storm coming. I wish I could serenade you, And it be beautiful— My soul resonates so beautifully for you, All golden and horrible

[ashtholomew]

I don't know that kisses heal wounds faster, but fairytales taught me they're worth suffering for.

[ashtholomew]

All these years I have mistaken your cologne for oxygen and now I don't know how to breathe

[ashtholomew]

I am like the universe, I am selectively ruthless. Selectively kind, selectively dark, selectively bright Selectively quiet, selectively horizon-sharp or merciless or mercifully toothless So hot and so fucking cold, selectively explosive Selectively bold. Selectively. Yes, selectively.

[ashtholomew]

Being alive is like walking a road of wicks. And being blamed for the ignition when you trip.

[noorshirazie]

“There is a monster in us all. Some of them are simply bold enough to breach our surface.”

— Noor Shirazie, Into the Wildfire: Battle Scars

[ashtholomew]

But it’s something.

He said stop wanting and start Accepting - I have been stuck In such ennui that I have mistaken Nothing for Satisfaction and won der why I’m still catching mascara  before it stains the rug. 

The thing he won’t tell you -  The pills won't work, won't save you. sadness is just a response to the Nothing. And nothing. And nothing. And nothing is still there, sipping your serotonin cyanide Remorselessly. Supercilious and silly. Unsatisfiable. Disconnected Circuits. 

I have only accepted that it’s difficult  To want / or not want. Because dissatisfaction is a response to living: to choice, to feelings, and needs. Even Longing, in the end, is just fond unease.

[ashtholomew]

Sometimes I wish I had a better memory. But I've probably mercifully forgotten a million things that would have otherwise kept me up at night. Lost histories and small victories.

[ashtholomew]

can I sit in the room with you With no movies or songs playing Can I be in the room with you, gently whispering, laughing, complaining? Can I be in the room with you, can I be quiet? I fly-fish for your glances. I cast my lines from my chest. I would like the hook to hurt you as much as it hurts me. Can I be in the room with you?

[sandandglass]

New Girl s05e06

[luce1ence]

Virginia Woolf // Night and Day

[text id - what if I told you I’m incapable of tolerating my own heart?]

[ashtholomew]

What I wouldn’t give to be that kid across the room. First day of school. I wish I didn’t know who I was yet. I wish, nervous but optimistic, I could become again. God, I wish I could be that kid across the room again.

[ashtholomew]