ruinous @ashtoashes - Tumblr Blog

brittany

Roswell New Mexico | 1x03 - “Tearin’ Up My Heart”

#musing #q

what's the first word you think of when you think of pari?

"dunno, cool... bearable."

#pari #a #she's a poet #such beautiful words

zzekii

Zeki felt like he was just watching the events of Darkwood come and go. Easter rolled around and then rolled right back away in the blink of an eye. All he could ever think about was what was yet to come while everything passed by so quickly. Too quickly. The more normal Darkwood events that happened, they were accompanied by things he didn’t remember happening the first time, and closer they came to the fires. He watched as the flea market was packed up and taken out of town, a coffee in his hand. A familiar face appeared in front of his eyes, seemingly watching the same thing. “Hey. Get anything good before they shut down?”

ashtoashes

at the sound of another voice she turns, a distraction from box upon box being put away. fuck, sometimes she wished she left with the market or the fair or the circus, packed away into a little box to some new and exciting life outside of darkwood. she knew it would never happen. people never really left. it was like a rule, you could leave but you always had to come back and when you did you must pretend there was no place you'd rather be on earth. she whips around, "well, i was kind of looking for the will to live but no such luck," she regards with some charm, a small smile on her face. placated for now. "what about you?"

#zeki

godseen:

𝙷𝙴 𝙷𝙰𝙳 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙻𝚃 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝙾𝚂𝚃 𝙼𝙴𝚁𝙲𝚄𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙻 , 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝙾𝚂𝚃 𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙱𝙱𝙾𝚁𝙽 , 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝙾𝚂𝚃 𝙸𝙽𝙲𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚂𝙲𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙾𝙵 𝙿𝙴𝙾𝙿𝙻𝙴 , but she had always been another on another playing field — always presenting a new challenge , always pulling him back down to the ground whenever he would get too quixotic for anyone’s good . his patience never seemed to ran thin with her , their lives too intertwined and reggie knew he couldn’t live without her at this point . and maybe , he didn’t know whether that was a good thing . maybe , he was DELUSIONAL in thinking that he could soften her hardened heart , in thinking that she could see anything other than how she wanted to see them . they were both stubborn , PRIDEFUL , but maybe , it was time for one of them to lose — and he would rather it be him .

he was also EXHAUSTED , FRIGHTENED , CONFUSED , LOST , the mask he wore — that everlasting smile , meant to provide comfort and security — finally WAVERING at every word that spilled from her lips . he had always tried his best to care for people , always put his own problems on the back burner while everyone else’s piled up on him because he couldn’t stop himself from getting involved . and maybe ash was right , that he didn’t do enough to help eddie and that he only made things worse . he didn’t speak until she was done , only recited a prayer in his head as she continued to spew dismissals and blame — god , grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change , courage to change the things i can , and wisdom to know the difference . what was there to say out loud ? too many things . he could argue , defend himself , list all the good he had done but none of it would make a difference because it was ash .

❛ YEAH , OKAY , ❜ he spoke timidly , resigned . ❛ i don’t know how much longer i can do this — you only hearing what you want to hear , only seeing what you want to see … ❜ his words were low , LIFELESS , uncertain whether they would matter at all , and maybe he was only rambling at this point because it was easier to deal with than silence and the inevitability of one of them walking away . ❛ you can be terrible . intolerable .SELFISH , all of those are true . but how is it hard to understand that despite all of that , you make me feel ALIVE ? that maybe i don’t just tolerate you , that maybe i actually LIKE being around you ? ❜ his expression subtly shifted from one of defeat to devastation , as if hearing his own words out loud led him to a realization . ❛ and i don’t think it’s right because all you’ve done is make me feel TERRIBLE . you’re right that i should have done more about eddie’s situation , but i’m not going to take BLAME for an arsonist’s action . that’s on them . and i’m not going to take some masochistic delight in you telling me that i’m to blame for something i did NOT know would happen . i’m DONE with that . ❜

never had he felt more uncomfortable in his life , unfamiliar with how to navigate his emotions after an outburst that might just ruin his relationship with ash , whatever that was . ❛ so , what now ? you clearly don’t need me since i just make things worse and you don’t want pari’s help . in fact , you don’t want anyone’s help . it’s always YOUR WAY OR NO WAY , isn’t it ? ❜

.

she was a habitual creature, she followed the same patterns time and time again. a creature of the night that dipped behind cars and hid her true thoughts and feelings beneath a million layers. nobody would ever be able to HURT her because they couldn’t REACH her. she found it intangible to be liked just as she found it impossible to be loved, something beyond her understanding or imagination. she cut those closest to her down, she gave them hell... made sure that they’d never dare to get close to her again. she bared her teeth like a wild animal at anyone who approached and she didn’t hesitate to leave a scar; just as she feared may one day be done to her if she stopped.

sympathy? she hated it. empathy? she possessed it. somewhere deep down she felt bad for the words that spilled from his lips, the resignation and more than that the reinforcement of everything that she believed spoken from those lips. she was terrible, intolerable and selfish. she never tried to hide he true colours ( unless they weren’t that ). despite it all, she did think it was his fault in some way... it wasn’t BLAME but for the first time he was laid bare, exposed for who he really was. she could no longer live in her delusion that he was some grand master, some puppeteer... he was just a human being who made mistakes. he was not perfect. before he had been infuriating, someone to lay her sheer fury at the imperfect world upon but now he was undressed... naked and human.

for the first time she felt she was lost for words, a pregnant pause in the middle of a conversation. her walls had flown up to the sky and never seemed to falter, her lips pressed together and the storms that were normally in her eyes dimmed away for a second or two. her hands clenched and unclenched in fists and she swallowed, a glance sidewards before she cleared her throat. “i...” she stops, “i do... i do NEED you.”

her heart beats fast in her rib cage, the confession not something she was fond of. a part of her mind was urging her even as she stood there that she should turn and walk away. she was a loose canon, a stubborn and unpredictable person with little to no concern for others in the grand scheme of things but she had never imagined she was important enough to ever make a lasting impact on anyone’s life. “it’s you that jumped to asking for someone else’s help at the first opportunity. you didn’t even give us a chance.”

#ladies and gents fasen your seatbelts and ensure your valuables are safe #reggie

heyluca-deactivated20210531

𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 on his thigh absently to the beat of the music that was playing through his headphones as he waited for his order to be ready. the music was a little too loud for him to hear the name that was called out with the order, which was why he didn’t realize that the drink he grabbed wasn’t his until he felt someone tap on his shoulder. he turned around, pulling one headphone out so he could hear the other person better. “oh … sorry!” luca quickly replied, holding the drink out for them to take. “i didn’t drink any of it yet so you’re all good!” // open starter !

ashtoashes

"do you ever just fucking hate your life?” her head almost distends her body falling back as she lets out the longest groan known to man, a statement and complaint in itself. she looks at the drink that he holds out to her like some sort gift. it was her drink, wasn’t it ? what a douche. look at him ! who did he think he was ? “as if it’s not bad enough someone burned down my family business, now i have some random touching my drink. this isn’t city living starbucks, i live in a small town specifically to avoid strange men handling things that don’t belong to them,” she glares. she’s not telling the truth about why she lives in darkwood but that’s irrelevant right now.

#luca #i am......... so SorrY

godseen:

𝙰𝚃 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴𝚂 𝙻𝙸𝙺𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙺𝚆𝙾𝙾𝙳 𝚂𝙴𝙴𝙼𝙴𝙳 𝚃𝙾 𝙱𝙴 𝙸𝚃𝚂 𝙾𝚆𝙽 𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶 , 𝙱𝚁𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙲𝚁𝙴𝙰𝚃𝚄𝚁𝙴 — a place with its own personality , an unremarkable sleepy little town on the surface but underneath brewed drama , trouble and secrets that lingered on his mind . and now , arson had been added to the mix . yet , reggie still loved darkwood with all his heart . he was tied to this place , forever trying to make it better than how he found it , even better than how his father found it . maybe ash was too stubborn to admit it , but reggie wanted to believe that she loved darkwood all the same , too . or at least , she knew how to love something so greatly that she would lose sleep over it . that was why she was obsessed with this mystery , right ? all for her love for holy cannoli . heaven knew he’d be same if it was the diner .

while the whole scorned lover might have been a reach , it wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibilities . ❛ don’t make that face . eddie’s COOL . people just need to start giving him a chance , ❜ he quickly responded to the look of disgust on her face , always quick to defend darkwood’s chosen pariah . but for some reason , there was a STRANGE RELIEF that washed over him once ash denied it — relieved that ash wasn’t into eddie ? relieved that eddie wasn’t in a relationship with her ? both ? relief was then replaced with rising panic , but reggie quickly shrugged it off with a quick touch to his cross pendant and a deep breath . ❛ it’s NOT idiotic to care about people , i don’t think it will ever be … ❜

and of course , he was scared . of course , he was on high alert . hell , he had thought about bringing a sleeping bag in the diner to make sure no one would burn it down overnight . but he couldn’t show weakness and he couldn’t let some note break his will . ❛ i don’t want eddie to feel more alone in this town than he already does and if i have to face the consequences for that ? then , so be it . and i’m the same for you , you know . why do you think i’m still standing here , talking to you no matter how INTOLERABLE you can be ? ❜ it was because he cared about her . but that didn’t need to said , he knew she could figure it out and saying it out loud might only lead to her fist connecting to his face anyway .

❛ we’re not SCREWED . we’re still just trying to figure it out . but maybe , we don’t have to do this just by ourselves . maybe , we can ask someone like pari for help . who knows , maybe she already figured it all out . ❜

x

"it is idiotic to care about people because people fucking SUCK,” she corrects, a frown on her face. a million familiar lines, a petulant persistent dismay at everything the world has to offer her. people were boring, people wasted their time pretending they were better than reality and in the end... ash knew better than anyone that people ALWAYS let you down. she should know, she was able to let down literally everyone in her life. everyone except for isaac. she was a catalyst and whatever she did she seemed to trigger a set of reactions that went like dominoes until her mother was crying about her reputation like one of those housewives who thought sadness was an illness and having a baby as a teenager was enough to make the planet combust. “you’re just too delusional to know that yet, maybe it’s the power of christ,” she dismisses him with an eye roll.

it’s not that she isn’t listening and doesn’t think it’s relevant that eddie isn’t the arsonist, she may be a bad person, a selfish person and someone entirely absorbed by her own narration but she does know right from wrong. maybe reggie thinks that she’s so horrible that she doesn’t understand his point but it’s him who doesn’t understand hers. what was the point of him going around telling everyone eddie wasn’t the arsonist when he didn’t do one useful thing about his suspicions?

“yeah, i get it, i’m a TERRIBLE person and you, kind little reggie, take time out of your precious day saving the world to TOLERATE me. thanks so much,” the words dripping with sarcasm, her eyes narrowed. she had always known that was how he truly felt about her and now all the things she had been thinking earlier were diminished, dismissed, the strange unsettling connection she thought they were building DESTROYED. “all i’m trying to say is that you didn’t actually do anything useful. you just ran your mouth. you didn’t open your door, you didn’t let poor little foster kid eddie crash at your place or convince the parishioners of darkwood to give him a second chance. if you thought he was innocent then you could of done something other than incite some psychotic person to start burning down the rest of the town, reggie.”

defences are up, walls rebuilt to the very top. irrationality, “no. she doesn’t know anything about this and she doesn’t have to. not her and not chance. okay?”

#i feel like.... we always end up in this situation #we're simpyl drawn to each others chaos #reggie

dxrcymoore

Moodboard – Pari & Ash

#moodboard #pari #sfiudshfsdf

TEXT: OPEN

kyra: boredom

kyra: do you need any other reason?

ash: around here i need at least 10 to leave my house

#kyra #text

TEXT: OPEN

kyra: wanna hang out?

kyra: im bored. we can order take out! my treat.

ash: what's the deal?

#kyra #text

↳ ashley vaughn moodboard 1/?: iconic images

#moodboard #task

godseen:

𝙰 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙴𝙽𝙶𝙴 𝙰𝙻𝚆𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝙷𝙰𝙳 𝚂𝚄𝙲𝙷 𝙰𝙽 𝙰𝚁𝙳𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙴𝙵𝙵𝙴𝙲𝚃 𝙾𝙽 𝙷𝙸𝙼 , similar to how people could not help but sometimes stare at the HORRORS right in front of their eyes . maybe , the challenge was to figure out how every odd thing that happened in their little town were only threads in a tapestry he was yet to fully see . or maybe , the challenge had always been ash herself and trying to figure out where the cogs of her mind would take them . but whichever it was , the anger ( or was it desperation for answers ? ) he recognized in her voice was enough to push him to COMMIT to whatever it was they were bound to do next .

he had always believed in a higher power — a GOD with a plan for everyone and everything , even if said plans sometimes transpired through mysterious ways . he found comfort in it , knowing that everything will be okay in the end . but he knew well that wasn’t what ash needed , after all , she had always been more of SEE IT TO BELIEVE IT kind of person . and if anything , he wished she could at least find comfort in the way she wouldn’t have to go through this alone — because he’d always be with her whenever she needed him come hell or high water , even if she wouldn’t say it out loud . so the next question was , how could they get answers to their questions ? ❛ so , you think i’m ANGELIC ? ❜ a smug smile , a final hurrah for a joke before they could venture into the more nitty-gritty parts of whatever they’d cook up .

❛ everything i’ve seen , you already have . so i don’t really have anything to report , ❜ hands momentarily raised in feigned surrender , but his voice was free of defeat . on the contrary , he sounded READY . ❛ look , it’s obvious that you think the note i got is connected to the holy cannoli fire . and it’s obvious that i don’t think eddie has ANYTHING to do with that … ❜ he paused for a moment , thinking and thinking of how to connect things with little to no avail . ❛ so , it’s obvious that they want me to stop talking just so eddie will look more like some heretic everyone refuses to get close to and that’ll make it easier for people to believe he’s capable of the things they accuse him off . and for the not obvious part , why holy cannoli ? you and eddie are not in a love triangle that left someone scorned and decided that arson was a crime of passion … RIGHT ? ❜

.

" i DON’T think of you at all , ” it’s an instinctual response, the words violent and tasting like chaos on her lips as soon as they are spoken. an angel he might have been but she had always seen him as something quite different ; his very existence antagonistically opposite to her own. more than that, in that moment, she actively knew that was a lie because she had been thinking of reggie more often than not since their last conversation. she was no psychologist but she was pretty sure than there was something her subconscious was sneaking into her dreams, a completely alternate reality that she refuted completely. a lot of things could happen in reality but ash knew for sure that their rivalry was a fibre of universal harmony that must never end.

“ what the fuck are you talking about ? ” she spits, a look of utter disgust on her face. it’s not that she has a problem with eddie, he might of even been sexier if he did think that torching darkwood was an idea. she was on board with chaos but everything was pointing in another direction... another person that had hidden in plain sight. she had always thought darkwood was the home of the boring, the dull, the absolute mind numbing... a bunch of happy shiny people like reggie and his father that made her clench her jaw. she had never fit in here. she had never really wanted to, had she? “ stop being such an idiot. not that i should expect anything more from someone who literally gets an ominous note from a fucking arsonist and decides to keep running their mouth all around town , ” now, that’s not her being her normal self... it’s just the TRUTH.

her arms are crossed, her brows furrowed into a frown as she shakes her head. the audacity. she’s looking at reggie and she’s searching for something... maybe she’s waiting to find out why everyone loves him so much... “ shit, we are so screwed. eddie was on the other side of town, a literal arsonist is loose, everyone’s acting out of their fucking mind and all i have is a you. a man who ignored semi-blackmail to be-a-good-person. ”

#reggie

godseen:

𝐅𝐓. 𝐀𝐒𝐇

𝙸𝚃 𝙼𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝙱𝙴 𝙰 𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙰𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙲 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 , 𝙼𝙾𝚁𝙴 𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙰𝙻 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝙽 𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚂𝙸𝙱𝙻𝙴 , but DARKWOOD WAS REGGIE’S FIRST LOVE . and his love for the town also came with adoration for its residents — so , how unsurprising was it that little reggie would be too busy trying to look for the good in people’s hearts to see them holding a knife to his throat ? and while the note about eddie concerned him , it was not in his blood to back down , to show any hint of INTIMIDATION against petty threats when his solicitude for eddie was far greater . if his word carried any weight at all in their little town , then he hoped it would sway others to see eddie’s innocence rather than pinning all their sins on him because he was an easy target .

❛ YOU’RE SO ANNOYING , ❜ groaning at the girl suddenly blocking his way , but he didn’t sound annoyed at all — more of an specific fondness that only came out whenever he knew ash was about to rope him into some trouble or another pissing contest . but the closer he studied that look on her face , his body became rigid if not only for a moment , realizing that her reasons for finding him must be serious . could she possibly think that the person responsible for the holy cannoli fire was the same person that sent him the note ? or worse , could she think that eddie was the arsonist ? still , reggie cleared his throat and forced the corners of his mouth to curl into a smile as he tilted his head back for a moment to look at the sky . it was a beautiful day — and now the rest was up to her . ❛ if you missed me SO MUCH , then you could have just gone to the diner . but , TO WHAT DO I OWE THE PLEASURE ? ❜

.

HISTORICALLY, it would of been a scowl or a snort of utter disgust at the audacity but instead, “cut the bullshit, junior,” her tone is cold and blunt, delivery lacking an ounce of charm. that was one of the things that was so different about them, a reason that they would always belong on opposite sides of the street in her opinion. her self constructed IMAGE less of a reflection of a truth and more to do how she felt about herself. and why? she was nothing more than a disaster, naturally occurring but able to destroy anything in it’s path... what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object... HERE they were.

“things around here have been ABNORMAL. usually you’re the weirdest thing about this town,” insult? no. it’s a fact. reggie and his ever sunny disposition, his creepy smiles and can-do attitude... his idea that you should be nice to everybody. ash had always thought she was the one with a dustbin as a mouth but apparently it was reggie who had been going around town flapping his lips resulting in holy cannoli being torched to the ground. a set of happenings that were no accident. ash was a suspicious person, constantly paranoid about what others were up to, full of mistrust like a stray dog who had never had a home. when someone called, she would run in the opposite direction. their whole lives she had been the opposite of reggie, watching him from across the street as he astounded everyone with his wonderful personality. ugh. “fires, someone threatening your angelic self, new people in town, weird phone-booths and people having abduction style personality transplants,” her eyes are narrowed, almost a wince. the pieces of a puzzle coming together to look like... fucking nothing because it made no sense. “you must have noticed something.” there’s something threatening about her tone, her eyes hard and searching.

#reggie

@godseen

she had been looking for him. nothing more than a less than thoughtful scowl and a strange look in her eye. she has not seen him in almost a week, a notable absence at a barn dance that she can’t help but think he would have been obsessed with. yes, she had been part of the decorating committee and quite enjoyed herself but it was never quite the same without her old rival to roll her eyes at. ever since the holy cannoli fire and the strange note that reggie jr had showed her, something was seeming to change. the world seemed to be spinning off it’s axis -- god, it must have been because she sure as fuck would not have let up any other time. it turned out that reggie was above arson, although maybe she had known that all along... he was just the absolute fool that would not heed a note that was clearly a threat. what a fucking idiot. at least she had been right about that.

“i’ve been looking for you,” she announces, clearly blocking the walkway so they are face to face. something other than the normal scowl of rage on her face. something closer to indifference ( almost more dangerous ).