Starman - Poe Dameron X Fem!Reader - Chapter 29: More Than A Feeling
GIF by: can't find the owner - lmk if it's yours!
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Length: 8.6k
The friendly banter was reduced to short, polite quips and three-word sentences. Barely there, wishful glances, cautiously adverted eyes, pointedly superficial conversations when they had to be held. Repressed physical contact âPoe wouldn't even squeeze her shoulder anymore, for crying out loudâ and awkward, polite smiles.
Warnings: character death, canonical violence, no smut but allusions to it.
A/N: Hello. I am alive. This update was long overdue and sitting in my drafts for months at this point. Hope you've been well.
It took her fellow soldiers a grand total of two days to detect something was wrong. Y/N and Poe had gone from two peas in a pod to near strangers, barely sharing superficial comments and glancing at each other in passing. The glances were awkward; the conversations were even more so. Frowns and baffled whispers followed everywhere Y/N went until the rumor of a fight between them got big enough for Vik to ask bluntly during one of their smoothie rendezvous. Putting down his glass, he had crossed his arms over his chest, detailing her with a scrutinizing gaze that was very unlike himself and a hint of nervousness that was not. "Uh, Teach, I don't want to intrude, but... Is everything alright with the General? The two of you are usually joined at the hip, but it's been bizarre lately." Of course, she had denied that anything odd was going on. If the soldier believed her, he certainly didn't show it. But she had to acknowledge the obvious: things were, in fact, not okay between them. The leftovers of the cataclysmic evening hovered over their heads like a sad little cloud of uncertainty. Force, Y/N loathed herself with a burning passion. She knew Poe wanted to keep his distance; she did, too. What happened was a devastating blow to their friendship and their budding whatever. They both needed time to compute it, to come to terms with what they had done. But what if it didn't die down? What if Poe decided it was too big a mistake to go forward, and their friendship was over? It kept Y/N up at night, despite Klana's adamance that everything would sort itself. "He's never been in this situation before; at least, I don't think he has. Give him time. He'll come around." But two days turned into three, and nothing had changed. She loathed herself.
She missed him. The jabs they'd exchange, the time they'd spend together. The knowing glances shared during meetings, the occasional training sessions, and Poe's impromptu visits when she taught her students. He didn't visit anymore. Finn tried to tell her he was swamped with work, but Y/N knew better, and his feeble attempt at a reassuring smile was not fooling anyone. She was also pretty sure Finn knew about this whole mess. Klana had remained faithful to her word and vow of secrecy; she hadn't spoken to Skylen. But the pilot knew better than to take his friend's bleak lies at face value. "Who do you think you're fooling, Duckling?" "I'm telling the truthâ" "No. You're not, and it's your prerogative, but I'm just worried about you, you know?" She did know. The friendly banter was reduced to short, polite quips and three-word sentences. Barely there, wishful glances, cautiously adverted eyes, pointedly superficial conversations when they had to be held. Repressed physical contact âPoe wouldn't even squeeze her shoulder anymore, for crying out loudâ and awkward, polite smiles. It drove her insane.
It took Y/N four more days to be completely fed up. In the cafeteria, she sat with a bowl of soup, crumbling her piece of black bread as Poe's animated voice carried across the room from the corner he stood in, enthusiastically debating on some random topic with Jessika. He stood up, headed for the buffet with his tray, andâ His gaze fell on Y/N, who sat next in the last chair of the row; he stopped mid-step, made a sharp turn left, nearly bumped Skylen, and made a beeline for the coffee machine he had definitely already visited earlier. Skylen's confused eyes trailed after him, and when he awkwardly turned his perplexed-turned-sympathetic look to Y/N, she jumped to her feet, fists balled up, earning quite the attention from her fellow soldiers as her empty bowl clattered against the tray. She discarded it on the cleaning droid's head and swiftly beelined out of the room, ignoring Skylen's surprised interjection and the burning weight of the soldiers' bewildered looks. Her steps carried her in the busy hallway as she slalomed between her coworkers, aimlessly scurrying toward the door. She stumbled out of the base, ramming the emergency exit open before taking a few steps on the damp soil. The air was nippy yet manageable. It was never that cold on Kuat; the odd freezing days were far and few in between. But even if the weather weren't so forgiving, Y/N would still have found herself outdoors. Â The serenity of nature was what she needed, away from the sea of people and, above all, from Poe. Leaves rustled as she briskly strode past, lost in her thoughts. The past few days had been eventful. Though they had received the Senate's complete records and investigation results, they had yet to get a solid lead on Jaso's disappearance. No ransom was requested, and no proof of life was submitted. On the bright side, the blood stains on the scene didn't match Jaso, as Y/N had inferred, meaning he was kidnapped outside the Senate. She hated to be right sometimes. It wasn't until she heard water flowing and the distant yet unmistakable sloshing of a waterfall that Y/N realized she might have gone too far into the woods. She wasn't particularly concerned; it was daytime, she was on protected grounds and had her commlink with her. Instead, she was curious; she tracked the noise and found a waterfall disturbing the quiet surface of a small pond. But her attention was drawn to the pier built next to it. Barren and built out of wood, it didn't appear molded or damaged. Upon closer inspection, she realized the rocks in the pond formed a precarious trail across the body of water, leading deeper into the woods. Peculiar. It prompted further investigation. It didn't take long until she found a discreet symbol carved on a rock; a half circle facing upwards with a vertical line in the middle. The symbol of the Jedi Order. Y/N swooped the area with a sharper stare, taking in the small details she had brushed off upon her first inspection. A subtle yet distinct trail slithered deeper into the woods, and the low branches of the trees were jaggedly ripped at the base. She had stumbled upon Rey's training path, had she not? A muted smile erased her scowl. Of course! Rey had warned her it was out here. She had also mentioned it was guarded âbesides the heavy door barring the nearest exitâ but Y/N had yet to see anyone, human or otherwise.
She backtracked on the sinuous path, trying to find its start. To an untrained eye, this was your run-of-the-mill trail tucked away between the trunks, but once one started paying attention, they would notice the discreet hints, the faint traces of the Jedi's presence. The snapped branches, the scuffed barks. No plants grew on the ground, relentlessly trampled, leaving the damp dirt to form an easily-followed path. If she focused hard enough, Y/N could hear the labored breaths, the huffing and puffing, the hurried footsteps bolting through the woods, the metallic buzz- Wait, hold on. What metallic buzz- Caught off guard, Y/N whirled around too slowly to avoid the hit, and a white-hot laser hit her square in the arm, causing her to lose her footing and tumble to the ground with a very distinguished squeak. She spit out a tiny leave, grunting as her arm tingled from the zap. With her knees and hands firmly digging into the moist soil, Y/N angled her head to get a good look at her attacker, only to find a ball of all things. It hovered at arms' length, steady and unassuming. Y/N squinted in annoyance. What the hell was that?! It purred and wheezed back between the trees, disappearing with startling ease. Carefully, Y/N pushed herself up, warily eyeing the spot where she had last seen the enemy ball as she slowly rose. When she was sure it wouldn't return, she craned her neck to peek at the back of her arm, finding it devoid of any trace of the attack save from a contusion and a prickling sensation. Walking away from the gurgling waterfall and the whooshing water, she trekked deeper into the woods, following the subtle path she could see on the forest ground. Curiosity was making her reckless. Rey's warning, initially eagerly heeded, was no more than an afterthought now. The trail was guarded, rightâ by those orbs, the aforementioned droids, Y/N extrapolated. They didn't seem harmful. Mischievous, yes. Painful, yes. But not dangerous. This thought had barely been formed in her mind that another buzzing sound was heard. Y/N's head whipped around, catching a glimpse of silver in her peripheral. This time, she dodged the shot and grinnedâ Only to be hit again. Okay. So, they would not relent on their own. Right. Destruction was the only way, then.
She grabbed the knife she always had in her boot and threw it at the offending contraption, hitting it dead in the âeye? The ball blinked red and retreated into the treeline, defeated for now. Though her sense of direction on firm ground wasn't phenomenal, Y/N could get by sufficiently to notice her footsteps were carrying her in a circle. The path didn't go on indefinitely into the woods; it gently led her back to the base. Her suspicions were confirmed when the dark grey facility became discernable between the silhouettes of the trees. But the trail made use of every natural obstacle: a boulder became a stepping stone, a tree, a shield. Sometimes, man-made contraptions were added, but they were scarce and simple âropes, a chopped-down trunk. At the leisurely speed Y/N was walking, the whole experience was very soothing. She tried to commit the track to memory like she would with a flight map. It was serene but chilly, but it didn't matter. The place exuded focus and willpower, the earth drenched in the resolve of Jedis that came before her, embued with the yearning to be better, to thrive, to become who they ought to be. The forest seemed to hold its breath, blindly observing the progress of the padawans that trekked through the woods. Y/N didn't know whether she would ever be one of them again, but she quietly admitted that the Force was thick around these parts of the grove and shrouded her like a blanket. Her anger was long forgotten; only quietude subsided in her heart. No other droid jumped at her âperhaps they pitied the lone soul walking the path backward. Upon reaching the edge of the woods, Y/N found a small shed no taller than her waist. Its door was unlocked and she peeked inside, finding two dusty helmets. Her fingers went to grab one, but blue and green flashes flooded her mind as soon as she touched it. The pungent, overbearing scent of moist soil and the feeling of wool rubbing on one's skin saturated her senses. Determination pumped in her blood. The tingly yet uncomfortable zap of a flying droid prickled her shoulder, and Y/N let go of the helmet, pondering on this new vision. It wasn't a vision per se but a collection of stimuli amassed by innumerable Jedis before her, training with these same helmets. Now wary of any physical contact with the smooth surface, the pilot studied the contraption from afar, quickly noticing that the visor was not transparent. It was designed to block one's vision. Were they supposed to run through the path completely blind?! It wouldn't be surprising. Well. Closing the door, Y/N returned to the base, only noticing then that the entrance was marked by several signs, warning any curious souls of the dangers they could face. Apparently, everyone knew better than to stick their noses into this part of the woods... The heavy door opened easily with her access code, and Y/N smiled to herself, silently thanking Rey for her foresight. She had rarely felt such peace of mind.
"If you don't stop tapping on this notepad, I'm going to tie you up to the chair," Finn snapped. Poe's index finger stilled over the cool surface he had been, admittedly, relentlessly tapping on for the past ten minutes. He couldn't help it; he'd been a bundle of nerves for the past few days. And the scene in the cafeteria earlier had frayed what was left of them. Satisfied with the hard-earned silence but probably worried about his friend, Finn stood up and sat on his desk, facing Poe's. "Are we finally going to talk about it?" Poe opened his mouth but closed it swiftly. His intuition advised that responding with 'about what?' would earn him a ticket straight to ass-beating town. "I don't think there's much to discuss beyond what I told you already. It is what it is." "I've never known you to be that cynical." "What can I say? I'm maturing." "What you are is avoiding the issue." That was an accurate deduction. "No idea what you mean." "I'm sure you don't. I'm also convinced everyone else does." No, they didn't suspect a thing; Poe was confident. How could they? It was easier to suppose that they had a falling out than to theorize the General and his best pilot were sleeping together. "Come on, Poe. It's not like you to ignore an issue and hope it goes away. You deal with them head-on." "I just don't want to make things awkward for her." Finn snorted. "So you're doing that by making things awkward for everyone else, ignoring her, and running out of the room when she walks by. Smart of you." Rude. Also, untrue. "I'm not-" "Poe." Okay. True. "Fine! Okay! I don't know what to do! How do you tell your coworker and friend, whom you slept with, that you lied to her face and didn't actually want a one-night-stand?!" "...Like this." "Finn! Not helping!" Poe threw his hands in the air, aggravated. His friend pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply. "Listen, man. I don't understand what the big issue is. You cleared the air. Y/N said it's okay, and you said it's okay. All you have to do is either act like it never happened or do something for it to happen again." "It's not that simple," Poe grumbled, fumbling with a leather strap that had mysteriously appeared on his desk. Finn rolled his eyes. "Yes. Yes, it literally is. Unless, of course, something makes it harder for you to say that." Poe wasn't stupid enough to miss the clear innuendo in Finn's sentence, but he was stupid enough not to understand it. "What something? What the hell are you talking about?" Finn shrugged, sharing a glance with BeeBee. "Well, you know. Something. Like opinions. Or something." ... Hold on.
"You mean, feelin- no," he scoffed. "You're telling me you don't have feelings for Y/N?" Was that a trick question? It sounded like a trick question. It definitely was a trick question. "I'm telling you she is a great woman, and I'm aware of that, and I like her as a person." Whew, that was a diplomatic way of wording it. Leia would be so proud. The look Finn sent him was unimpressed enough to make him wince. ...Right. He wasn't convinced by his own answer either. "You're avoiding the question." Oh, yes, entirely. "What? She IS a great woman," he grumbled. "A great woman." "Yes." "...That's it." "Yes." Finn stood up, jumping off the desk. "A great woman you were so worried about that you were pulling your kriffing hair out. A great woman you slept with after basically confessing your lo-" "WHAT THE HELL?!" Poe screeched. "Don't say that word!" The tide of panic he felt nearly knocked him over. No, no, no, no. He would NOT think about that. Fin crossed his arms over his chest, cocking an eyebrow in surprise at the sudden outburst. "What are you so afraid of?" "I'm not afraid of anything. Well. Maybe a few things. But not that." "Define 'that.'" "...You know what." "You're avoiding the question again." Poe pinched the bridge of his nose, finding nothing but grumbled, vague insults to quip back at his friend. "I'm done with this conversation." A grunt of disapproval was heard in response. "Fine! Have it your way! At least talk to her. Stop dragging all of us in your misery. You're the General; act like it." With a noncommittal growl, Poe kicked his chair away and stood up, headed for the door. He had better things to worry about.
Three more nail-biting days trickled by. Nothing changed. Or, rather, nothing changed between them. Y/N's days, though, were filled with novelty. Every morning, bright and early, she would wake up, put on a simple training ensemble, and sneak out of the base, long even before Klana's morning jog. There, at the edge of the forest, blurry from the fog, stood the entrance of the Jedi training path, distant enough from the rest of the amenities to be inconspicuous to the untrained eye. Y/N's eyes were sharp, though. Sharp enough to make out her destination through the mist. She felt gauche in her probable misuse of the equipment, but she had no mentor and no tutorial to go by. Her training sword joined her on the second dayâ she figured it would be quite helpful to defend herself against the unrelenting and random sneaky attacks of the flying blobs. Besides, Jedis trained with their lightsabers, did they not? It was not cheating. She jogged as fast as she could, her feet treading timidly on unfamiliar ground. The path was lengthy and treacherous, and it would take many moons to master its quirks. Still, Y/N did not give up, no matter how many times she came home with leaves in her hair and bruises on her skin. It was a question of pride. She would not be bested by a flying ball. She also naively considered that if Rey had mentioned the path's existence, she must have believed Y/N could conquer it. No? Her friends were none the wiser, though Skylen had grown quite suspicious of the various bumps on her arms. Despite the ache in her muscles and the frustration of slipping yet again on a rock, Y/N found the training to be an excellent outlet for her pent-up frustration. And it had a face: Poe's. Their frequent evening training sessions had been halted, too. Y/N attended them alone occasionally, mercilessly slicing at the dummy with a dull sword, diligently going through her drill. The moves were second nature by now, but she never once skipped training. Kylo's âBen'sâ old threats were still as vivid in her mind as they had been years ago, and the discipline he had instilled in her was now a personality trait. It dulled her thoughts, which was more than welcome. But sometimes, in the heavy silence and the crushing loneliness of the training room she had learned to call her own, Y/N missed her training partner. In a vain attempt at stopping her brain from picturing Poe leaning against the wall as she trained, she put on a blindfold, honing her other senses. Her intuition had always been off the charts âno doubt a side effect of her Force sensitivityâ but it never hurt to sharpen it, too. After one particularly harsh punch, Y/N halted, catching her breath. She was drenched in sweat. The day hadn't been particularly forgiving on her body as the flight training had been particularly tedious, and she was more exhausted than usual. Still, she persevered, stretching with the blindfold still on, eager to keep her muscles in movement. That's how she heard the footsteps coming closer. Her heart leaped to her throat. No one came in this section of the base, per Poe's orders. So if someone was here, it meantâ They stopped in the doorway, and Y/N stopped what she was doing, tilting her head toward the newcomer. She didn't take the blindfold off. She simply stood there, motionless, silent. The other person did the same. Seconds ticked by. The footsteps receded into the night, and she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. The following evening, she didn't go to the training room. Instead, she went back to the forest and ran, and collapsed in her bed upon her return.
An alarm beeps. Y/N looks through the transparisteel canopy behind the dangling trinket, peering past the side of her X-Wing's fuselage, past the tip of the open wing. Nearby, the friendly ship flew lazily, staying in loose formation, its silhouette contrasting starkly with the lush, green planet beneath. Then, a shape zooms forward, a ship dropping out of hyperspace, and its canon blasts a laser across the vastness of space, leaving no hope for the X-Wing to evade, and it blows up as the pilot screams in terror in the radio- Â Y/N shrieked, jolting awake as terror coursed through her veins, chilling her to the bone. Wheezing as she tried to catch her breath, she frantically looked around, only to find her clock staring at her in the dark. It was three in the morning; everything was quiet, yet she couldn't shake off the overwhelming dread. "Dank Farrik," she lowly cursed, rubbing a hand over her face. Her sheets stuck to her body, covered in a thin layer of sweat. She was shaking, still trying to relax as the dream faded away. What the heck was that? It felt too real, and perhaps it was. A memory of some sort, undoubtedly. Perhaps from the infamously deadly mission she had gone on with her squad right before leaving for her Jedi apprenticeship. Regardless of the exact timing, Y/N knew she wouldn't fall back asleep anytime soon. Shuddering, she pushed the covers away and headed for the bathroom, opting for a quick splash of cool water before grabbing her trusty leather jacket. A few moments later, she was in the hallway, letting her feet carry her as she wandered aimlessly. Taking a stroll to clear her head was what she needed. She wasn't reckless enough to go to the forest at night, though. Everything was silent. There was no cleaning droid in this section of the base, and no soldier was patrolling the grounds. Y/N felt like she had just stepped into an abandoned Resistance outpost, and it crept her out. Her brain, wired by years of hyperawareness of her surroundings, saw threats everywhere. The hallways were too maze-like, too empty; it was too big. She needed to shrink the size of her surroundings. Taking a sharp turn left, she strutted down the hallway.
The hangar was uncharacteristically noiseless, too. Despite frequenting the place daily, Y/N had never seen this side of it. The bustling of it all, the clatters of tools, and the mechanics' chatter had become background noise. Noise that lulled her into a sense of security and familiarity: but now, at nearly four in the morning, in the sparkling moonlight, it was a whole new world. The silence was deafening and, frankly, unnerving. It felt eerie enough to make Y/N jump at the slightest sound. Old habits died hard. The X-Wings stood on their spots, put away for the night. Perfectly lined up, they formed a kaleidoscopic garland, blotches of color under the moonlight. From her spot on her ship's wing, Y/N had a perfect view of the scene. Though the air felt stuffy from the lack of life forms, it was also surprisingly relaxing. A cool breeze blew through the open doors, and she shivered. Despite the comfy weight of the jackets on her shoulders, she was still cold. That was what you got for wearing flimsy shorts to bed. Y/N decided to slide off the ship and get some work done. Might as well make the most of the night, huh? It was always therapeutic to tinker around. Perhaps doing some manual work would drain her enough to return to bed. She grabbed a set of tools and a cart she laid on, rolling underneath the cockpit. She popped the panel open; as expected, nothing really needed fixing, but she could still tidy up the wiring. In the distance, a sound. She pricked up her ears; it sounded like muffled thuds. Footsteps. The hangar's door whooshed open quietly, and the footsteps got closer. Y/N recognized them instantly. The sound was so familiar to her. The footsteps stopped. "I hope you're not staring at my ass," she said. Poe laughed. "How did you know it was me this time?" "I know your footsteps," she admitted. She rolled away from the ship, forsaking her idea of tinkering around. No use to it; besides, with Poe being here, she couldn't focus. It reminded her of their first encounter. He, too, must have been thinking about it.
Looking up, she found Poe leaning against the side of her ship, eyes down on her. He wore his usual jacket, but he, too, was in his pajamas: a simple grey tunic and dark pants. Y/N shivered. It wasn't from the cold. It was their first encounter of the week since the incident. The first time they found themselves alone together. By Malachor, it was nerve-racking. Upon closer inspection, she noticed his bouncy leg and the discreet cheek biting. Ah, she wasn't the only one sweating bullets. Good to know. Before she could get to her feet, Poe offered her his hand. She gladly took it, and he hoisted her up. The sudden contact, sorely missed for the past few days, sent thunderbolts zapping through her entire body. Poe's hold lasted a smidge longer than required. When he released her fingers, he stretched his. "Can't sleep?" Y/N shrugged. "Not really. Figured I'd come here and clear my head." She absentmindedly dusted herself off, looking around the hangar. But there was nothing to distract her from Poe's quizzical gaze. Dank Farrik. This whole 'let's ignore the Bantha in the room' thing was not working out. There was no use pretending to be distracted by nothing, so Y/N turned her attention back to Poe. They stared at each other for a few moments in perfect, tense silence beforeâ "Are you okay?" The hurried words, spoken in perfect unison, made them both jump before they shared a giggle. "Let's not discuss that standing there. Hop on." Poe didn't argue and didn't even joke, for once. With the assistance of a nearby ladder they dragged near the ship, the pilots climbed up, settling on the wing with their feet dangling in the air. From this vantage point, Y/N spotted a forlorn cleaning droid, hard at work in the distance. "Come on. Something's clearly bothering you," Poe pressed on, nudging her side softly. Y/N grimaced, adverting her eyes. "It's just a stupid nightmare." "It's not stupid if it keeps you up." "It's another repressed memory, I guess. I'm in my X-Wing. Alarms go off. I don't have time to react, and enemies drop out of hyperspace and blow up the ship next to me. I scream. I woke up after that." "Do you think it's from the accident? With your old squad?" "Must be," Y/N shrugged. "Whatever it was, it's not a pleasant dream to have. The feelings are just a little too real, you know?" Poe froze, eyes burning a hole through her skull. "Poe?" She gently called out. He startled. "Right. Feelings a little too real. One of those dreams."
Whatever had gotten into him, he shook it off. Y/N didn't push the matter further, but not for lack of curiosity. She was still walking on eggshells with him and didn't fancy pushing him away with meddling inquiries. Instead, she changed the topic, but only slightly. "What are you doing out here, General?" Y/N tried to keep her tone light, but they both knew Poe wouldn't take a late-night stroll over a frivolous matter. Triviality wasn't his thing, not regarding the Resistance. He didn't answer, opting to admire the quiet hangar instead. Whatever it was, it was gnawing at him. Y/N could feel the angst rolling off him in uninterrupted waves. "Hey," she softly added, placing a hand on his arm. "Are you alright? You can talk to me, you know." "I don't want to add more to your plate," he answered vaguely. Y/N rolled her eyes. Ever the gentleman. "Alright, enough of that. Your problems are my problems, too. We're friends. Don't ever feel like you're a burden to me, okay?" Poe gave her a meek smile in answer before meeting her eyes. They were full of melancholy and weariness. "Heavy is the head that wears the crown," he declared with a self-deprecating huff. "It's always the same thing." Well, Y/N wouldn't know. He usually kept to himself. "Is it about everything that's going on?" she astutely offered, and he nodded. "We still aren't any closer to uncovering who killed the Chancellor and where Jaso is. The Alliance and our people are working together, and Rose has a few leads regarding Jaso's mother's whereabouts, but it's taking some time I don't think we have. Tarsen's uncle has taken over as Chancellor for now, and we've managed to keep his cause of death under wraps, but it will get out eventually." He exhaled, partially breathing out his unease. "Things are going downhill again. Everyone is looking at Finn and me. And they're not just looking; they're looking up to us. What if we- what if I can't figure it out? What if I let everyone down? We can't afford that. I can't have that. Not now. Not over this." He spoke faster, trying to get the words out as quickly as possible, dismissing them with rapid-fire sentences. Without thinking, Y/N grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "I wish I could talk to Leia," he whispered. "I miss her. I miss her every day." Oh, Poe.
He let out a shaky breath. Y/N had never seen him so exhausted, nor his eyes so dull and clouded. It was a rare moment of vulnerability on his part. He did nothing to try and camouflage it, a tell-tale sign that he was too weary to maintain his carefree facade in her presence. Y/N gently squeezed his knee, trying to give him a modicum of comfort as she gracefully allowed him to collect himself. She started softly speaking up after carefully collecting her thoughts. "Do you think she had all the answers?" He glanced inquisitively in her direction but settled for a snort. "It sure looked like it." "Perhaps," Y/N conceded. "But you know better." She brought her knees toward her torso, shuffling around to sit cross-legged on his ship's wing. "Leia didn't know everything. No more than you do. She didn't have the gift of clairvoyance. That's not what made her a capable leader. You know what did?" Poe humored her with a shrug. "Her beliefs and the fact that she stuck to them. She always believed in you, in the Resistance, no matter what the war threw at her. When all seemed lost, she relied on your strengths. On your core values. It's okay not to have the answers people seek, Poe, as long as you keep faith in your men. As long as you show the soldiers you believe in our victory." "I do," he insisted. "Then that's enough. That's what being a leader is about, isn't it? Being larger than life; inspiring others. Being our rock in the storm. It doesn't matter if you don't know how or when the storm will end. Perhaps we won't find Jaso alive. Perhaps we will lose more battles before we finally win one. But you can't know that. What do you know? That we'll make it through, and we'll make it work." He studied her for a minute before a smile eventually bloomed on his face. "You're really good at this, you know?" Y/N giggled. "That's a surprising turn of events, considering my former frequentations." He laughed, and some tension melted off his shoulders. His smile faded away in favor of a more solemn look. "You will make a great leader one day, Y/N. I don't know what we would do without you. You're the glue holding us together right now." "Oh, come on," she huffed, cheeks heating up. "You're exaggerating." "I'm really not." "Force, shut up; I hate compliments." He cackled. "I know. It makes it even funnier. Watching you squirm is honestly the highlight of my days." ... He had NOT just said that.
Judging by his sudden yet discreet look of alarm, Poe had realized the double meaning of his words. Y/N couldn't help it. She giggled and decided to put him out of his misery. "Come on, why don't we do something? Is there anything that needs fixing on your ship?" "My ship is in PERFECT condition, thank you very much," Poe scoffed without missing a beat. It wasn't until he saw her sly smirk that he realized he had played into her hand by reacting as she had anticipated. "... Insulting my talents as a mechanic will not score you a promotion, Thunderbird." "Aw. Did I hit a nerve?" "I hate you." "No, you don't." "...No, I don't." He slid off the ship with an exaggerated eye roll, and Y/N followed suit. Granted, the X-Wing was kept squeaky clean, but it didn't matter. Knowing Poe, he would unscrew a panel just to screw it back together and waste time. With a critical glaze, he looked the orange ship over. "Hm. I suppose we could get some work done on the nose. Why don't you grab the cart over here? Knowing Varun, it's stocked with various tools. You can help me get that panel off." Y/N froze in her spot, blinking so rapidly she swore she could hear it. Poe cocked an eyebrow. "What?" "You want ME to help you on your ship?" He snorted. "You do know how to hold a screwdriver, right?" "Yes, but... You're trusting me with your wingman?" He blinked. He scoffed. "You're NOT funny." "Oh, I think I'm hilarious." She obeyed his request while cackling, rolling the cart under Poe's ship. The hangar was luminous enough from the moonlight to allow them easy access to their workshop. "I think the problem is the waiting part. We're all growing a bit restless," Y/N commented, handing over a screwdriver to Poe. He hummed noncomittally, unscrewing the panel with his usual amount of adroitness. "I know. Which is why you're going on a special mission tomorrow." His tone was faintly tainted with the unmistakable flavor of smugness. Y/N raised an eyebrow. "A special mission?" "Uh-uh. You'll be glad to know I pulled some favors with the General. One of Skylen's pilots called in sick this afternoon, meaning he's one flyer short for his mission. I figured you'd be more than happy to fill in the spot and get the chance to fly with your friends."
Wait. Hold on. Y/N was going to fly with Skylen and Klana?! Poe's vanity grew tenfold when she squealed, jumping on the spot. "Dank Farrik! Poe! That's awesome!" "Told you." "Please pass my gratefulness to the General," she joked, and he chuckled. "I'm sure you can do that yourself one day." She punched his shoulder playfully, and he pinched her gently in retaliation. "Come on. Hand me the bigger screwdriver. We've got work to do." He wiggled his fingers as Y/N rummaged through the toolbox. She stopped when her fingers clutched the handle, staring absentmindedly at the clutter of tools. "Hey, Dameron?" "Yeah?" "You're pretty kriffing great." He sniggered. "I know."
Their impromptu tinkering session lasted a full hour before Poe decided to call it a night. They worked in cozy silence, and Y/N used Poe's attention âor lack thereofâ to admire his side profile. The light-heartedness of their interaction brought levity to her day and brightened it immensely, but her heart was still heavy from the recent events. She yearned for his contact. Just a hug would solve ninety-nine percent of her problems. He caught her staring right as he pushed the panel back. "What?" "Oh, nothing. I was thinking." He sent her a pointed look but didn't comment on it. A few moments later, after they had put away the borrowed tools and washed their hands at a nearby water station, the two pilots returned to the base. It was just as quiet as the hangar, the hallways dimmer and barren of any lifeforms. Before they reached her hallway, Y/N stopped, unable to keep quiet any longer. "Hey, uh... I've meant to talk to you about something." Poe immediately froze and tensed up. Y/N could just sense angst rolling off him in waves. "Force, don't make that face," she chuckled. "It's nothing bad." "You had me concerned for a second," he tried to joke, though Y/N could barely see any difference in his posture. Selfishly, it made her feel better about her apprehension. She usually shirked situations like this, but... She had to try something new. Poe was too dear to her heart; Y/N couldn't let the problem fester. "I know it's been awkward between us recently, and we both know why," she added quickly, "but I'm... I'm glad we're friends, you know? I hope you're aware that no matter what happens, I'll be there if you need me. Please don't think I'd push you away just because... You know." Crap, she could feel her cheeks burning up and definitely couldn't look Poe in the eyes. "Y/N. I know that. And I appreciate it. More than you know. I've missed you the past few days, to be honest. I just didn't know, well. You know." She risked a glance toward his face and found it tinged a deep hue of crimson. He wasn't looking at her and was somewhat interested in a random spot on the wall. And he was chewing at his bottom lip. Cute. "Anyway, I... should probably let you sleep. You need to be well-rested for tomorrow. If you meet Skylen half asleep, you'll never hear the end of it." "Maker, don't put that fear into me. That man is ruthless." Poe laughed, finally looking at her. He opened his mouth, but his commlink went off. "Huh." "What? What's wrong?" "Nothing. It's Rey. She's scheduled to land in about an hour." "That's awesome!" Y/N grinned. "I'm glad she's back." "Yeah. Me, too. I sleep better knowing she's around. But you'll see her tomorrow afternoon after your mission. Come on. Off to bed, you go." Y/N clicked her heels together and straightened her back, giving him a mock salute. "Sir, yes, Sir." He chuckled and leaned against the wall as she typed in her code and waved at him. "Night, Poe. Get some rest, too." "Will do." She let out a soft squeal the second the door closed. A mission with her friends?! Poe was a blessing. She snuggled under the covers after a quick shower, staring at the ceiling in the dark, head buzzing. Rey was back. And with her, the younglings she was training. Soon, she would have to make a decision. The proposal of resuming her Jedi training loomed over her, always at the back of her mind. Y/N shifted in her bed, suddenly uncomfortable. She had yet to choose. "You know what? That's a problem for me in the future. It's not like I have to choose right now," she mumbled, burying her head under the covers.
Y/N had a spring in her step when she woke up the following morning, bright and early. Despite the sleep deprivation, she was buzzing with energy and joined Klana for her morning run. Upon carefully poking her for information, Y/N found she had no clue who would fill up the spot in Green Squad. "Don't you have a mission today?" Klana inquired, pushing her curls away as the two women stopped for a water break. "I do," Y/N casually answered. "And once that's over with, I'll meet with Rey. She returned last night. Haven't gotten the chance to see her yet." "Yeah, I think you should talk to her. Also..." She nudged her with a grin. "Have you talked to Poe yet? Please, put us out of our misery. The base isn't nearly half as fun when you avoid each other." "We were not," Y/N scoffed. "And for the record, we had a chat last night. Don't make that face, Maker! I ran into him in the hangar. Neither of us could sleep. We had a chat. We're good." "Good, good, or good, we're finally going to date? Because that's not the same thing." "Klana." "Oh, come on! It has gone on long enough. Sit down. Tell me what the real problem is." Y/N opened her mouth to protest, but Klana physically wrestled her to the ground, and the two women landed in the grass. "What the-" "This is me kidnapping you. Start talking." "I told you the other day, I-" "No. You were in denial the last time we spoke about it." Okay. That wasn't inaccurate. "I've thought about it," she confessed. "It's simple. I don't..." It was simple and ridiculous. "I don't wanna be heartbroken again," she blurted out. "I like Poe a lot. But we've both decided to keep it as a one-time thing. And, yeah, it's partially because of the Jedi training thing. But it's also bound to fail at some point, you know?" "No, I really do NOT know," Klana deadpanned. "Oh, come on, Klan'. You know him. We're talking about Poe Dameron. The poster boy of the Resistance. The General. This fearless leader, incredible pilot, and awesome friend. He is confident and brave, and I'm not. Not anymore. He deserves better. He doesn't see the true me, I can assure you. I've made progress, but nearly not enough to..." "To date him?" "Yeah." "By Malachor, Y/N, I love you, but you're an absolute dumbass." "Okay, rude-" "No! Not rude! True! I don't think you see the true you either. I hope training with Rey finally fixes the lack of self-confidence you've been dragging along for years." Oof.
Y/N grimaced. Klana spoke harsh words, but they rang true. If anything, the past few days âweeks, reallyâ had shown her she couldn't idealize Poe, but it was one thing to be confident as a pilot. It was entirely different trusting herself with a relationship with someone she looked up to. "I'll think about it. That's all I can promise. Also... I haven't decided on Rey's offer." "Oh, yes, you have," Klana cackled. "You're gonna do it. I know it." Y/N giggled and smacked her friend's shoulder playfully as they brushed the dirt off their clothes. The soil was moist and cold, and Y/N shivered. "Enough about me. How are things between you and Varun? Are you officially dating or what?" Klana grumbled, pulling at her braids before twisting the curls that had escaped. "Ugh. Why do we have to talk about me?" "Because you're not about to lecture me on Poe if you can't follow your own advice, woman." "That's reasonable. And really irritating." Y/N cackled. "Come on, Klan'. The guy is practically in love with you. You're the kindest person here, and it's obvious you two are hitting it off. What's the hold-up?" "I don't know! It's funnier to annoy you about your crush, that's for sure," she muttered. "I just... I've never done that before. Gone out with someone I truly like, I mean." But her face bloomed into a sly smirk. "It didn't stop me from making it official yesterday, though." Y/N jumped to her feet. "WHAT?! You minx! You were messing with me! I'm so happy for you!" Klana giggled as her friend bent back down, squeezing her into a tight hug. "I had to mess with you a little. Try to give you a taste of your own medicine for making me wait an eternity for you and Poe to get together. Honestly, you've cost me so much money already. I have bets with half of the base, and I greatly overestimated his ability to not be an idiot for once." "You do NOT. Who did you bet with?!" She cackled. "I'll take that secret to the grave." "Fine. Keep your secrets, then. I'm still happy for you." For the first time in a long time, Klana smiled bashfully. "Yeah... So am I. I really like him." "I call dibs on being the maid of honor." "You are insufferable." "Would you rather have Skylen fill up that role?" "Force, no. He would entirely commit to the role and wear a tacky dress three times too small just to annoy me." They burst out laughing. Above the treeline, the sun timidly shone, warming up the earth and the two pilots. It was a beautiful morning; foggy, chilly, but welcoming. "I'm glad things are looking up. I have hope for the future," Klana stated, eyes trailing after a curious bird pecking at a branch above them. "I know we'll get through this. We will find Jaso, the Chancellor's murderer, and move forward. And you and Poe will be a couple. I will make it happen if it's the last thing I do." Y/N laughed warmly. With Klana being such a positive force in her life, how much time could she hold on to her insecurities and comfort zone? "Come on, Omaso. We should get back. You'll have plenty of time later to be your scheming self." "Race you to the base, Thunderbird!" Klana took off at a dizzying speed, and Y/N shrieked in surprise, scrambling up and sprinting after her friend.
One shower later, Y/N strutted across the hangar in her jumpsuit with her helmet under her arm. She nodded at the mechanics she passed by, sending Varun a grin âthe poor man returned it with fear in his eyes, as he shouldâ before heading toward Green Squad's assigned spot. She found Skylen in an energetic presentation. "And since Mala is sick, we're gonna need- ah, there she is! Fancy meeting you here, Lieutenant." She grinned as the squad turned around, surprise blooming on their faces. Klana's was priceless. "Wait- she- you- KRIFF! Y/N! You're flying with us?!" she shrieked. Y/N laughed. "Uh-uh. I'll be filling up Mala's role for the day. Poe graciously lent Skylen his best pilot." "And the most modest one, at that," Skylen cackled. "Anyway. Duckling here will be flying Green Four. As I was saying, this is an open-and-shut mission on Hapes. Our allies have reported some sketchy activity near the planet. Some of our friends from the Gold Circle are trying to set up an operation in the wilderness. They're keeping a low profile; no warship was spotted, only transport shuttles camouflaged as commercial flights. Our task is fairly simple: get there, scan the planet, look for anything suspicious, and investigate stealthily should we need to. Standard formation, we'll be back late this evening. Any questions?" Y/N couldn't think of any. Soon enough, the squad was cleared for takeoff, and the six pilots climbed into their seats as mechanics hurried around the X-Wings. Klana waved at Y/N from her cockpit, and her friend chuckled. She really owed Poe one. Her helmet secured and her commlink functioning, she was ready for takeoff. "Green Leader to Green Four. Status update." "Green Four ready for takeoff, Green Leader." "Then let's get those ships in the sky, fellas. May the Force be with us." She powered her ship on, swiftly following Skylen's lead as they left Kuat's surface in tight formation.
The lightspeed trip was short and uneventful, filled with shared jokes and anecdotes from the pilots. Despite being the squad leader, Skylen was still his funny self. And despite knowing them and her ship, Y/N was still nervous. She had an insubordinate pit in her stomach. It was to be expected, as she had never flown in another squadron yet, but still. "Look alive, Green Squad; we're about to drop out of hyperspace." Skylen's voice shook her out of her reverie, and she tinkered around the ship, following his call and shutting off her reactors. Once the familiar drop was behind her, Y/N faced a verdant, lush planet. ...Which she had seen before. Frowning, she looked at her squad, spearheaded by Skylen's X-Wing. "Great. Let's have a look around. We asked the Navy to give us free space. Any ship you see ain't with us. Comm any sketchy activity you see, eh?" "Copy that, Green Leader." They turned toward the planet, turning on their short-range scanners. It was tricky to get a reading, as they soon detected, and Hapes's topography made it challenging to scan its surface. "Gotta get closer," Y/N reported to her droid. She broke from the group, heading closer to the planet's surface. After a few moments spent staring at trees and mountains, she frowned. Her radar was picking up an unnaturally-shaped object. "Green Leader, this is Green Four. I'm picking up a signal. It seems to be technology. I'll need a few seconds to identify the signature... It's another radar. A space radar." Skylen was silent for a moment. "That shouldn't be here. Come back up, Green Four. Green Five reported two more east of your position." So, no enemy base on the surface, but several radars? Something was fishy. The nose of her ship was swiftly pointed back to the stars, and Y/N fell back into formation. The five X-wings cruised not too far from the planet's atmosphere, spread out to cover more ground. Something wasn't adding up. There were no signs of construction, flimsy infrastructures, or convoys slithering into the woods. The whole planet was untouched, save for those radars, which looked modern. A hunch. She had a hunch. "Green Four to Green Leader. May I ask who provided the intel for this mission?" "The Senate's spies." As expected. Y/N's brain was working overtime, cogs spinning in the bony machine. "I don't like this," came Skylen's voice. "Something is not right. Let's finish the swipe and report to the base." All ships copied, and their ranks tightened. Call it paranoia or experience, but Y/N had a bad feeling about this. The Senate's spies were under the command of the Chancellor, the late Senator Xalun. But from Poe's reports, she knew Jaso had a hand in it. He didn't sit in the military council, but he was well-versed in security matters, as seen during their last visit to Coruscant. Could it be that his abductors had tampered with the intelligence somehow? It was a possibility, right? They had issued a request for a watch change through his commlink the night the Chancellor was murdered. It wasn't implausible.
The grating sound of the radar alarm rose through the cockpit, and Y/N glanced at her screen. Hyperspace signals â not uncommon in this part of the Galaxy. She looked through the transparisteel canopy behind the dangling trinket, peering past the side of her X-Wing's fuselage, past the tip of the open wing. Nearby, Klana's ship stood in loose formation, its silhouette contrasting starkly with the lush, green planet beneath. ... Wait a second. The sight jumpstarted her memory, and pure dread coursed through her body as she realized. But it couldn't be. Y/N frantically pressed her commlink, calling Klana's name on her radio right asâ "Green Three to Green Leader, we're about to have company. Thisâ" A shape zoomed forward, flashes of light receding around the hull of the ship as four others followed close. Time slowed down to a heap of molasses. Despite the pilots' lightning-fast reflexes, no one could do anything but watch helplessly as the newcomers opened fire the very second they dropped out of hyperspace. The X-wing didn't stand a chance to escape. Y/N's heart stopped. The last thing she heard was Klana's scream on her frequency right before her ship exploded.
