1.) I feel so insecure about my body, and it's really getting me down. Like when I wear baggy clothes I feel ok because no one can determine what it looks like (also islamically correct) but I feel like I couldn't even marry because I am so ashamed of my body. I have fat on my arms which is so ugly, and my stomach is starting to gain weight, but I simultaneously have small boobs and big shoulders which look really bad. I think of dieting and excersising but I used to have anorexia so it's really
2.) difficult to do any kind of dieting without it turning very dark again. Sometimes I wish so badly I could be skinny and cute and petite like other girls, or even thick curvy and sexy-it’s still a beautiful body. But I can’t be either. I’m just this ugly blob that doesn’t have a good figure and is just ugly. It is so difficult to look in the mirror sometimes, I can’t take it somedays. I really don’t know what to do. Help please :(
First up, please forgive me for how long it’s taken me to get around to this. But, I’m here now, and inshaAllah, I’m going to try and not answer your question (because this isn’t one of those yes/no, right/wrong things), but rather talk to you about it how I would have if you said the very same thing to me in person. (I just wanna point out that I see you’ve mentioned you’re Muslim, so I’m not going to shy away from putting this out there with reference to our relationship with Islam and Allah)
I want you to do this for me every time you feel any less than beautiful: remind yourself that He has made ALL of His creations beautiful - whether or not the majority agrees. I know it’s pretty easy to say “yeah, but whatever, some people have beauty AND brains, what’s that all about” because I do it myself all the time, but at the end of the day, we have to remember that we weren’t made by chance. Allah (swt) actually took His time out (ok, I know there’s not really a divine sense of time, but for description’s sake) to create us the way that He did. He put a little bit of His light in all of us so that we could shine on this earth and always return back to that goodness.
But, of course, I’m still a firm believer that if we truly want to know Allah (swt) and the beauty He has put in us all (and take pride in it), we need to understand the state of our hearts and souls. To do this, we actually do need to spend some time alone - and no, when I say time alone, I do not mean lock yourselves in solitary confinement, alright? So don’t do that, please. What I mean is that we need to spend time away from the people we are constantly comparing ourselves to, and see what we are for ourselves.
Here are a few activities you can take part in to help get to know yourself better:
Indulging in a long bath – take away all distractions and indulge yourself, water has therapeutic qualities
Reading books – reading helps you calm down and lets you travel across the world through words and an imagination
Getting creative – paint, write stories, poems, cook, anything that breaks down any boundaries you have and lets you relax and relieve yourself
Spending time outdoors – the outdoors and nature are a fantastic way of finding yourself and realising our position in the grand scheme of the world
Exercise more often – it’ll release more endorphins and maintain positivity throughout the course of the day
Take long walks/drives without music – music distracts you from your thoughts, walk/take a drive without them and acknowledge where your mind wanders
Meditate – this is a great way of not only calming down, but addressing all the thoughts that go through your mind both consciously and subconsciously
Sure, right now this list of activities will look like a whole load of bogus, but I promise, they do mean something. A lot of the time, we get so caught up with needing to be this perfect being, this perfect ideal for beauty, we forget all the things outside of physical appearance that make us beautiful. Which is why I need you to learn to love yourself without looking at your physical body. We are all souls, and our bodies are simply just another material thing that we have possession of. Learn to see more of yourself than the reflection in the mirror. Because if we’re honest, in that moment, you don’t get to see the excitement that fills your eyes when you find a new book you love. In that moment, you don’t get to see your face full of pride when you’ve completed a task you thought was so difficult, you’d never live to see it complete. In that moment, you don’t get to see the corners of your eyes crinkle out of joy, and love. In that moment, when you look in the mirror, you don’t get to see everything that makes you beautiful, and everything that makes you, you.
A partner will come when it is written for you. Don’t despair in Allah (swt)’s plan because I promise you, He knows what He’s doing. He knows when we’ll be ready to support another human alongside ourselves, and He knows when we need to work on ourselves. He knows what He’s doing, trust Him. The way you look will have absolutely nothing to do with whichever soul has been paired with yours. Sure, attraction is key, but surely you’ve noticed that we’re all attracted to different people? No two people have the same perception of beauty, and that’s what’s so unique to us humans, and we need to use that to our advantage. Use this time to learn to understand yourself. Use this time to boost your own confidence. I promise you, with self-acceptance, comes a whole lad of perks (for example, looking hella fly to the perfect guy because he thinks your confidence is to die for).
I know that it’s rough not meeting the Eurocentric beauty standards that have taken the world by storm after so many years of colonialism, but it doesn’t always have to be like that. You can make your own ideal. Heck, we are our own definitions of beauty. So, I’m going to start to wrap this up now because you have probably been scrolling for an age. It will get better, but I want you to promise me one thing: you will try. Please, you have to try to accept and love yourself, or at the very least, accept that you may never be at peace with yourself, which will almost automatically be transmuted into inner peace and allow you to create a healthier relationship with yourself.
On a final note, I’d also like you to watch this short video which changed the lives of a LOT of people I know: Meet Yourself in the Mirror.
I pray that things will get better for you, and I request that you please forgive me for my shortcomings. May Allah (swt) give us all the strength and patience to understand His blessings, and live in His way. (ameen)
With all the love in the world,holy-m0ly
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