It’s like being alone in the house, in your room, none of your friends are online, you’ve exhausted all the regular things you do to keep yourself occupied, there’s no background noise, no music, no birds, the neighbors are even quiet.
It’s like the world stopped and everyone but you went away. Like you missed the last bus home, alone at the bus stop. Like you missed the last train and there’s no security and if you don’t hurry you’ll be locked in somehow.
It’s like when work is done and you stayed late and exit the building into a dark and totally empty parking lot. Like an ever busy amusement park after closing and all the staff have gone home.
It’s like shutting off your brain, leaving nothing to think about, nothing to dream about, nothing to feel, nothing to ponder, nothing to imagine….
Just an empty space filled only by a dark cloud. A dark cloud that whispers one thing. Softly, slowly, but oh so clearly.
It’s a small thing, so small. Of course you’re alone you say to yourself.
The what if? The what is lurking in that dark? You’re so used to being around noise, around others around something, anything, that there MUST be something somewhere nearby just waiting. watching. Maybe it knows of you, maybe it too thinks its alone, maybe to it you’re the one lurking nearby. Or maybe it’s been stalking you from the start?
Your heartbeat quickens, so does your pace, your slow stride becomes a quick amble and then a power walk, before you’re racing from street light to street light, from car to car, looking over your shoulder periodically.
You hear a noise? Maybe? Perhaps you imagined it but either way you look over your shoulder and see something. A SOMETHING. Could have been anything but in the adrenaline it takes hold of you, you imagine a figure, or maybe it WAS a figure. Slowly following behind you. Maybe it was as clear as day and you saw exactly what it was, doesn’t matter.
Are you ever truly alone?
You round the corner and take a breath. Whatever it was is gone, never there. Imagined it in your need to picture something or someone there while you’re so alone.
Things settle into an eerie silence once more, all to be heard the sound of your own breath, short with the racing of your own heart beat.
It’s too quiet…
Perhaps you weren’t outside. Perhaps you were at home. Home alone with no one there but you. Hearing a sound from the kitchen, from the back yard, something is there, with you, it got in, you see a shape pass by a door or a figure by a window. A reflection you could have sworn was real. You arm yourself with the nearest object suitable for a weapon in order to defend your life and dignity.
But its gone… Nothing and no one was ever there.
It’s funny how being alone and in the silence can generate it’s own sense of panic… All it takes is a What if? and everything spirals from there.
Are you afraid of the dark?
Are you afraid of the outdoors at night?
Are you afraid of being home alone?
Are you afraid of empty rooms?
Of course you aren’t. No one is. But rationality tells you to be AWARE. It tells you to be ALERT and it tells you to be on your guard.
It isn’t fear…
It’s survival.
Could you take the trash out to the dumpster at 11:45pm? Could you do it and do so calmly without a slight haste in your step or the lights on?
Could you walk to the 24 hour store at 3am without looking over your shoulder just once?
Could you head downstairs unarmed and unafraid without an increase in your heart rate if you heard something in your back yard?
Do you think you could survive on your own?
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