Happiness for Sale

Collecting information for the Ad Network.

[ask-leslie-meyers]

It's been 3 year's Leslie. I really really miss u. Mommy said u went to a better place. Whatever that means.

...they still miss you...

> Leslie > It’s not like you stopped because you wanted to...

Does that make it better...?

> Grant > It’s not about better or worse. It’s about not destroying yourself.

I hardly think it’s fair to say this blog was destroying me...

> Leslie > Depression doesn’t play fair... especially now, without your medicine...

> Grant > How many games have you bought over these last three years only for them to sit in your library untouched because you had no energy? If you forced yourself to keep going, you’d have burnt out completely, and never wanted to come back.

...

...I do want to come back...

> Leslie > Are you ready to come back...?

...I don’t know...

> Grant > We’re not going anywhere. We’ll still be here when you are. And by the looks of it, so will some of our fans.

> Leslie > Whether it’s tomorrow, or in another three years, you come back when you’re in a better place.

...ok...

[ask-leslie-meyers]

Ever thought of making a "Start at the beginning" link?

Ask, and ye shall receive.

[ask-leslie-meyers]

wait, he killed his own parents too? another episode of the kids having no parents to supervise again wouldn't be good.

> Leslie > I… sorry, I misspoke on that. His parents don’t really attend attention-grabbing public rallies like that, so I forgot to count them. I’m just… a little shaken. 

> Leslie > I mean, I know he’s fought adults before, I hear he’s even killed people before. But those people were zombies, or government agents trying to kidnap him, or Lovecraftian cultists trying to murder him. He was defending himself in those cases, but here… 

> Leslie > I guess… I never had a real grasp of what this kind of thing was like. My race, the AdNet, we were essentially trying to do the same thing, to wipe out humanity through poverty and starvation… but seeing civilians butchered right in front of me… 

> Leslie > I don’t know if I can ever look at Grant, or myself, the same way agai-

> Leslie > Why do I want to apologize to them?

> Leslie > …you ever get the feeling this timeline is a little unstable?

[ask-leslie-meyers]

Leslie what happened?

> Leslie > Grant, he…

> Leslie > I picked one hell of a week to finish all my homework…

> Leslie > There were a bunch of shootings at school this week, and… today, we heard the adults all gathered at the school. We thought they were going to help us, but when we went to see… they were just putting on some stupid, overblown musical thing for Sharon Marsh.

> Leslie > Then when the shooting was over and they were outside, the other adults started saying Sharon only cared about the shootings because she was going through menopause, and then said it was because of her period, and then Grant just…

> Leslie > He snapped. Every single parent in South Park except for Sharon Marsh is dead. Grant killed them all. And I can’t get the things he did to Randy before he let him die out of my head…

[ask-leslie-meyers]

> Leslie > ...

> Leslie > ...

> Leslie > A-Ah! Grant, how long were you following me!?

> Grant > You don’t have to be so jittery.

> Leslie > Kind of hard not to be after what I just saw.

> Grant > They deserved it.

> Leslie > Maybe they did, but... I can’t believe you just slaughtered them all...

> Grant > You can’t? That seems pretty in-character for me.

> Leslie > I just... I think I need to be alone for a while...

> Grant > Sure, I’ll just let the guest kick me out of my own room.

> Leslie > Grant... I didn’t mean...

> Grant > No, I... I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.

> Grant > I’m gonna go think things through in the bathroom. Go ahead and sort out your thoughts...

> Leslie > ...

[ask-leslie-meyers]

[ask-leslie-meyers]

Do you feel any shame for what you did to Jimmy? Come on I can see a little regret peeking in there ;)

> Leslie > Nope! None at all! I feel absolutely fantastic about everything that’s happened in my life so far! 

> Leslie > I feel absolutely no shame whatsoever for how I manipulated and beat up a crippled child who I definitely don’t have any extremely complicated feelings for, all to save my people who, ultimately, ended up dying anyway! 

> Leslie > Oh wow, would you look at that! 

> Leslie > They updated my sarcasm subroutines. 

> Leslie > What do you people want from me? Do you want me to break down crying over things I can’t change? Lament how I hurt the people “close” to me when I was a barely sentient reconnaissance drone for a hive mind? 

> Leslie > I don’t know if you noticed, but Jimmy is fine. I didn’t hurt him that badly in the first place because half the people in this town are just flat-out invincible for some reason. 

> Leslie > And it’s not like he actually cared about me either. He was just thinking with his dick, just like any other boy I’d manipulated up til that point. He didn’t “love” me any more than you could claim to love a Raisins girl. So why should I want to apologize to him? Why should I want to apologize to either of them? 

> Leslie > Why do I want to apologize to them?

[ask-leslie-meyers]

We miss you, Leslie! Are you okay? Is Grant holding up alright?

> Leslie > I’m alright. Better than alright, really. I’ve been working really hard to get to go back to school and… see someone again. 

> Leslie > Grant… kind of talked PC Principal into “un-expelling” me. I’m not sure how, really, he didn’t actually say anything while we were in his office, PC just sort of had a one-sided conversation with him and then agreed to let me come back if I finished every last bit of homework I’d missed since then. 

> Leslie > I don’t think he thought I could do it. Or would be willing to do it. I’ll show that smug asshole...

> Leslie > As for how Grant himself is doing… he’s still taking those pills I think. It worries me, but I guess he’s doing alright all things considered. 

> Leslie > As far as the Kyle thing is concerned… I don’t know. What should I do? What would I even say to him? It’s not like it is with… her. I manipulated Kyle’s feelings and probably broke his heart. What would you humans do in a situation like that?

[ask-leslie-meyers]

((Guess who didn’t die, despite their brain’s sincerest efforts. 

Been a long, stressful, busy while since I’ve posted here, but with the DLC out, I figured “Maybe I should post to that blog that gives my pointless existence meaning”, and so lo I return. :3 

If any of you out there still watch this blog with bated breath waiting for new updates, feel free to send in some asks and see what Leslie’s been up to while I’ve been screaming into the void for 3 months.))

[ask-leslie-meyers]

> Leslie > Could you run it in the background? I think I’m finally almost done with all of this. 

> Leslie > Thanks. And... finally. It’s been three months, but it’s finally done. 

> Grant > You finished all the homework PC gave you? 

> Leslie > Yup. It was a dick move of him, but I think it’ll be worth it. Thanks for helping to convince him. I can finally go back to school again, now that I’ve finished everything I was supposed to be doing. 

> Grant > Didn’t you have a blog or something? 

> Leslie > Oh yeah...

> Grant > Well, I gotta go. Looks like Mysterion needs my help dealing with a nest of vampires or something. 

> Leslie > Vampi- you know what, never mind.

> Grant > Oh yeah, and have this. 

> Leslie > What is it? 

> Grant > Just a picture of Kyle’s closet. I thought you might find it interesting. 

> Leslie > Why were you rooting around in Kyle’s closet? 

> Grant > Please. I root around in everyone’s closet.

> Leslie > No way...

[ask-leslie-meyers]

((For the record, since songs playing in the background of reality has been a theme for the past few episodes, I just want to let everyone know that this is officially Old Grant and Annie’s joint theme, and totally started playing when Annie showed up. XD))

[ask-leslie-meyers]

> Leslie > Nevertheless, I still want to see this thing you might be able to do. 

> Gracie > Very well. Stand over here with me. 

> Leslie > Guess the followers won’t get to see this. 

> Gracie > I’ll just switch my computer to Selfie Mode. 

> Leslie > To what? 

> Gracie > Not important. Now, I’m going to try to summon the other version of me here. 

> Leslie > You can do that? 

> Gracie > Maybe. It’s a combat skill. I’ve never tried to use it outside of combat. 

> Leslie > And if it works, you can bring my Grant back? 

> Gracie > No. Combat or not, this will only last for a short while. In combat, it only lasts for a few rounds. I don’t know how long it’ll last out here. 

> Leslie > But if it won’t bring him back for good, what’s the point? 

> Gracie > You’ll get to say goodbye. 

> Leslie > ...do it. 

> Gracie > Very well. 

> Leslie > What are you...?

> AdNet > Visual data integrity lost. Attempting rec-

> Leslie > ...Grant?

> Grant > Hey Leslie. I was hoping you might find me again. 

> Leslie > Where... are we? 

> Grant > Nowhere. Or everywhere? It depends how you look at it. 

> Leslie > Is that us up there? 

> Grant > Probably. 

> Leslie > Grant, what happened? I still don’t understand what happened to everything. 

> Grant > It’s a lot to explain, but think of it like this: Our universe, the one we lived in, is a tangent of a much “larger” universe. However, another, more powerful tangent split off from that main universe, and ran into ours. And, well, what happened next was just what usually happens when a large thing runs into a smaller thing.

> Leslie > I... guess I get it? So our universe was destroyed? Then how did I end up in the one I was just in? And what happened to you? 

> Grant > You ended up there because I sent you there. 

> Leslie > Alright, I know you’re pretty amazing, but how did you pull that off? 

> Grant > The reason the second tangent was created was... because of me. And when they collided, there was a brief moment where I was sort of jumbled up with all the information of that other tangent, and I could see everything. What was, what is, what will be. And everything about me. For that one instant, I knew exactly what I was, and what I could do. 

> Grant > So I used all that power, and sent the one person I cared about most to a safe place. 

> Leslie > And what happened to you? 

> Grant > I don’t quite remember. I was sort of cast adrift between universes, I guess. I can’t seem to go anywhere right now. 

> Leslie > Can you come with me? Back to the other you’s universe? 

> Grant > I doubt it. I’m guessing when the effect of the Timefart wears off, you’ll slip back into that universe, and I’ll be left here, no matter what we do. 

> Leslie > I... I don’t want to lose you again... 

> Grant > ...I don’t want to go either...

> Grant > The time power is likely to wear off soon...

> Leslie > ...

> Leslie > Will I ever see you again? 

> Grant > If there’s a way, I promise I’ll find it. I promise we’ll meet again, some day. And until then, you’ll be safe... 

> Leslie > What do you mean? 

> Grant > I picked a universe in a more flexible position. This one should be able to work with any new tangents that come through it, rather than being destroyed by them. You’re officially free of the shadow of that prime universe. 

> Annie > Yeah, so maybe consider telling some people how you really feel this time around. 

> Leslie > A-Annie!? 

> Grant > Ok, so maybe I saved one other person I cared about... 

> Annie > It’s lonely out here, after all. 

> Grant > Take care of yourself, Leslie. And don’t worry about us. I think we’ll be just fine... 

> Gracie > Well, did you get to say your goodbyes? 

> Leslie > ... 

> Leslie > Yeah...

[advertiser-leslie]

LESLIE: Hello in any form you take it, my name is Leslie Meyers.

LESLIE: To put it simply I have no other form of communication to the outside world except this outlet.

LESLIE: So you may go ahead and ask me any questions. It gets boring in the technological void.

[Ask Box Is Now Open!]

[ask-leslie-meyers]

> Leslie > ... 

> Gracie > Do you need hel- 

> Leslie > Nope!

[askleslie]

Ask box is open!!

(this was a dare i swear to god the actual art on this blog will be somewhat good)

[ask-leslie-meyers]

> Leslie > Hey look! New alternate timeline, and another new alternate version of me! How thematic! 

> Gracie > Are you gonna be ok? 

> Leslie > Nope! 

((Man it’s been a while since another Leslie blog popped up, I was starting to feel lonely. You guys know the drill: Head on over and share the product placed love. Don’t question it, just obey. :3 ))

[ask-leslie-meyers]

> Leslie > Well, what’s this thing you can do? 

> Gracie > Before I answer that, are you sure you want me to do it? Like I said, there’s no guarantee this will work, and take it from me, sometimes answers just make you feel worse. 

> Leslie > That’s never seemed to stop you before.

> Gracie > Well, that’s because my amygdala is damaged, isn’t it? 

> Leslie > W-Wha- You knew about that and still took- 

> Gracie > Your blog is public, you know that, right? I could see your posts as you made them. 

> Leslie > W-What!? But there’s measures in place to ensure it filters information on a case-by-case basis! 

> Gracie > Maybe in your timeline, but I guess when you restored the blog here, all that stuff didn’t get restored with it. It’s plain on the internet. You’re lucky you’re small enough that it hasn’t caught the principal’s attention yet. 

> Leslie > I see... I guess I’ll just... deal with that as it comes...

> Gracie > I told you answers can just make you feel worse.

[ask-leslie-meyers]

> Gracie > When time alteration is involved, there’s no telling what might have happened. Especially if you’re not sure what actually did happen. It’s entirely possible that your timeline was destroyed and you were dumped into an adjacent one, meaning nothing has “changed” about this reality except for you arriving in it. 

> Leslie > Does that mean that my Grant is essentially dead? 

> Gracie > Who knows? If there’s one thing I’ve learned from recent events, it’s that time in South Park is in a constant state of flux. Even events in my own timeline seem to be hacked together piecemeal from all the Glitching and Leaping I’ve done. It’s like all the different timelines of this town are fractured, but at the same time somehow whole. 

> Leslie > Fractured... but whole... 

> Gracie > Huh... nostalgia... 

> Leslie > Will I ever see him again? My Grant? 

> Gracie > Well, there is one thing I could try, but I make no guarantees that it will work. Or that it won’t break things even more...

[ask-leslie-meyers]

> Gracie > No reason at all, I picked it at random. 

> Leslie > Oh really? You’re sure it has nothing to do with the fact that half of the Raisins employees are blondes? 

> Gracie > ...why would you say something like that? What did the other version of me tell you? 

> Gracie > It’s Gracie. And who’s Annie Knitts?

> Leslie > Oh come on. This timeline can’t be so different that you don’t know who Annie is. My Grant was head over heels for that curly blonde. 

> Gracie > Curly blonde? The one with a brown jacket? You mean Annie Nelson? 

> Leslie > Ok, now that doesn’t make any sense. Why would her last name be different in this timeline? 

> Gracie > I don’t know, but if it’s the Annie with the blonde curly hair and the brown jacket, her last name is definitely Nelson. 

> Leslie > Do you still have a crush on her? 

> Gracie > ...no. 

> Gracie > Why are you staring at me? 

> Leslie > I see that! You’re blushing! 

> Gracie > Shut up. 

> Leslie > Maybe things aren’t so different after all...