Prompt idea since you are an EXCELLENT writer like seriously you slay...Tony giving Peter advice on girls and/or Tony finding out Peter has a gf
fjovidjo THANK YOU??? THATS SO FREAKING SWEET?
Here’s a rapidly composed little number where Tony finds out that Peter’s got a girlfriend and that they’re, uh, doing some other stuff, too. Naturally, he uses the opportunity to embarrass the hell out of his kid.
The kid doesn’t even look up from his AP Biology homework when he answers. “Yeah, Mister Stark? What’s up?”
Tony strolls over to where the kid is stretched out on the workshop’s couch and gently tugs the book out of his hands. “We need to have a chat.”
Peter’s full attention is trained on his mentor now. “About what? Is it about the Avengers? Is there a mission? I have a Decathlon meet in a few days but I can totally-”
“It’s not superhero related.”
“Oh.” Peter twists sideways and fixes Tony with a confused gaze as the billionaire sits next to him. “What’s it about, then?”
“I had a talk with May yesterday.”
The kid, bless him, seems to be completely oblivious. “That’s… nice?”
Tony sighs. “She told me that you’ve not been checking in when you’re on your patrols as much as you used to. She asked me if everything was okay.”
“Oh, Mister Stark, everything’s totally fine. I was just-”
The billionaire talks right over him. “So I checked the suit’s logs. And, well, it seems like you’ve been taking the suit off in the middle of patrols, kid. There’s chunks of hours where there’s no activity.”
He’s quiet for a moment, hoping the kid would hop in with a perfectly logical explanation. Instead, the teenager just stares at his lap and fidgets nervously with his hands.
Another sigh. Damn, this parenting shit was hard. He should’ve left this to May. “You wanna tell me why?”
Tony is slightly surprised by the kid’s words. They were meant to be snarky, but they just come out defeated and… shy? The kid hadn’t been shy with him for months. It makes the billionaire’s heart clench.
“Hey, kid. It’s alright. Whatever’s going on, we’ll handle it. Just tell me what’s up.” He considers his next statement for a moment before pushing it out. “I care about you, kid. And I’m worried. So is May. Just be honest with us, and everything’ll be alright. Can you do that?”
Peter takes a shaky breath. “I was with MJ.”
And… oh. That wasn’t what Tony was expecting. At all. “Your scary friend?”
The blush that races through the kid’s cheeks is bright and awkward. “My scary, uh, girlfriend.”
Tony can’t help it. He laughs. It is loud and breathless and desperately relieved. “That’s it? You’re sneaking out to spend time with your girlfriend? Peter, I thought you were doing drugs or something.”
Peter’s eyes widen. “No! No! I wasn’t-I was just-”
Something clicks in Tony’s head. “Peter. Why were you sneaking into your girlfriend’s apartment at 1:00 am?”
Wow. If Tony thought Peter was blushing brightly before, it was nothing compared to now. “No, uh, no real reason.”
“Yeah?” Tony shoved a hand over his mouth to hide his smirk. This was golden. Truly, wonderfully golden. “Well, congratulations, kid.”
Tony shrugs, still fighting back the laughter aching in his chest. “Getting laid for the first time is a big milestone in a young man’s life, and all that jazz. It’s a hell of a lot of fun, isn’t it?”
The kid looks like he’s torn between crying, laughing, and sinking into the floor. “Oh my god, Mister Stark.”
The fact that the teenager doesn’t stutter out a series of indignant excuses only confirms what Tony had suspected. Fantastic. This was, without a doubt, one of the best days of his life. Tony was gonna rib the kid about this moment for centuries. “You’ve got condoms, right?”
The use of Tony’s stern voice makes the kid’s protests silence instantly. The teenager gives a dejected sigh before murmuring. “Yeah. I’ve got condoms.”
“You’re using them, right?”
“Good.” Tony gives the kid’s back a friendly slap. “I’m proud of you, kid. The first notch in your belt.”
“Can I please excuse myself from this conversation?”
“Nope. Not excused.” The billionaire grins at the way Peter shifts uncomfortably. “Well, I’ve only met this girl a few times, and that’s completely unacceptable. So, we’re gonna go on what you kids nowadays call a double date. You and your little girlfriend plus me and Pepper.”
“God, that would be so embarrassing. Please don’t make me.”
“It’s either a double date, or I tell May what you’ve been up to and she grounds you until you’re 25. You pick, kid. Don’t let me down.”
“You’re not going to tell her?”
The juvenile hope on Peter’s face is adorable. God, how the hell is this precious child actually getting laid? He’s a baby. Still, Tony isn’t about to rain on his parade. He started a hell of a lot younger, and he went about it with a lot less sense than Peter. “Nah. Just… keep the escapades to a minimum, okay? Everything in moderation.”
“Perfect!” Tony claps his hands and then ruffles Peter’s hair. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Call Happy and Rhodey. Tell them we’re having a celebratory dinner with the Spider-kid. Don’t give them an option to decline. It’s mandatory.”
The AI responds about a minute later. “Colonel Rhodes inquires about the occasion we’re celebration.”
“Tell him that our favorite neighborhood vigilante is actually getting some action. We’re celebrating his transition into manhood.”
Peter buries his face into Tony’s lap with a strangled groan. The billionaire has to choke back a laugh as he sets a hand on the teenager’s head. “Oh, I’m definitely sure.”
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