ill suck yours if you suck mine.

just your awverage sensitivwe guy with a classy chassis, utterly unsuspect inner human cassnanowva and penchant for any tunes vworth their salt. ((A bloodswap ask-blog. Links and details coming soon!))

[ask-the-jade-bard]

((ACTIVITY-BOUND AGAIN IN LIKE A WEEK, tee why vee em for your patience, folks. <3 ))

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM:I’m co+ming right back.

PORRIM: There’s no+ way I’m leaving yo+u unattended fo+r lo+nger than necessary as things stand right no+w.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: HAHA. HA. 

CRONUS: NO.

CRONUS: NO, YOU SEE, IM NOT LETTING THAT HAPPEN. YOURE THE ONLY ONE TO EVWER GIVWE ME ANYTHING EVWEN SLIGHTLY CLOSE TO A CHANCE AND NOWV YOU VWANT TO LEAVWE ME HERE, ALONE AGAIN. VWELL THATS NOT GOING TO BE THE CASE, 8A8E. VWHAT VWAS IT YOU LAID ON ME JUST NOWV? OH YEAH. YOURE A “GREAT ANGLER”. I CANT ATTEST THE FACT, PORRIM. 8UT… IM SICK OF BEING ALONE. IM SO SICK OF IT.

CRONUS: AND YOURE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: Excuse me?

PORRIM: Yo+u do+n’t get to+ decide that.

PORRIM: Just stay here fo+r a few minutes and do+n’t to+uch anything o+r speak to+ anyo+ne. Trust me, yo+u’ll o+nly regret it later if yo+u do+. I can’t actually fo+rce yo+u to+ behave, but I am go+ing to+ find Kankri either way, and then we are go+ing to+ find so+me safe way o+f returning yo+u to+ no+rmal.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: 8IG SURPRISE.

CRONUS: HOWV VWAS ANYONE EVWER TO TAKE SHOCK IN THE FACT THAT YOUD LEAVWE EVWENTUALLY? EVWERYONE SAWV IT COMING. 

CRONUS: SERKET HIMSELF TOLD ME.

CRONUS: HAHA.

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: …

PORRIM: No+.

PORRIM: I’m go+ing to+ go+ find Kankri.

PORRIM: Maybe when we get back we’ll find that so+me ano+n to+o+k pity and ended this rainbo+w-fueled disaster spincircle already.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: DONT LEAVWE ME.

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM:I’m co+ming right back.

PORRIM: There’s no+ way I’m leaving yo+u unattended fo+r lo+nger than necessary as things stand right no+w.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: HAHA. HA. 

CRONUS: NO.

CRONUS: NO, YOU SEE, IM NOT LETTING THAT HAPPEN. YOURE THE ONLY ONE TO EVWER GIVWE ME ANYTHING EVWEN SLIGHTLY CLOSE TO A CHANCE AND NOWV YOU VWANT TO LEAVWE ME HERE, ALONE AGAIN. VWELL THATS NOT GOING TO BE THE CASE, 8A8E. VWHAT VWAS IT YOU LAID ON ME JUST NOWV? OH YEAH. YOURE A "GREAT ANGLER". I CANT ATTEST THE FACT, PORRIM. 8UT... IM SICK OF BEING ALONE. IM SO SICK OF IT.

CRONUS: AND YOURE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: No+, I just need his help.

PORRIM: This has to+ sto+p, and maybe he’ll be better equipped…

PORRIM: Better equipped than I am right no+w.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: AWV, BABY, YOURE REAL CUTE VWHEN YOU TALK COMPLETE AND TOTLA MUSCLEBEASTSHIT.

CRONUS: IT NEVWER STOPS, DONT YOU SEE?

CRONUS: IT GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON, AND AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND.

CRONUS: YOU LOOK LIKE ITS DIZZIED YOU UP A LITTLE, AS A MATTER OF FACT. HAHA. DONT VWORRY IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO FALL… IM WVERY FAST VWHEN IT COMES TO CATCHING, AND YOURE JUST ABOUT PRETTY ENOUGH TO MAKE IT VWORTH THE EFFORT. 

CRONUS: THAT IN MIND…

CRONUS: VWHAT DO YOU SAY, DOLL? CARE TO TAKE A SPIN?

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: …

PORRIM: No+.

PORRIM: I’m go+ing to+ go+ find Kankri.

PORRIM: Maybe when we get back we’ll find that so+me ano+n to+o+k pity and ended this rainbo+w-fueled disaster spincircle already.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: DONT LEAVWE ME.

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: Ugh… shit.

PORRIM: I need to+ go+ find Kankri. Oh Go+d he’ll be lo+o+king fo+r me.

PORRIM: And Latula.

PORRIM: I have to+…

PORRIM: Ngh.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: HEY HEY HEY NOWV.

CRONUS: VWHATS YOUR RUSH, PORRIM? NOT FIVWE MINUTES AGO YOU VWERE ALL OVWER ME, AND NOWV VWHAT? YOURE LOOKING TO KICK ME TO THE CUR8 SINCE YOU GOT VWHAT YOU VWANTED? 

CRONUS: YOU REALLY NOWV HOWV TO VWOUND A FELLA GOOD.

CRONUS: VWHY, IF I VWASNT NOT CRAZY, I MIGHT EVWEN ASK IF IT VWAS MY HAIR - 8UT OF COURSE ITS NOT. INSERT LAUGHA8LY VWAIN REMARK ON THE SUBJECT OF MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE FOR THE SAKE OF HAVWING SOMETHING TO HOLD ON TO HERE. HAHA.

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: No+, I just need his help.

PORRIM: This has to+ sto+p, and maybe he’ll be better equipped…

PORRIM: Better equipped than I am right no+w.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: AWV, BABY, YOURE REAL CUTE VWHEN YOU TALK COMPLETE AND TOTLA MUSCLEBEASTSHIT.

CRONUS: IT NEVWER STOPS, DONT YOU SEE?

CRONUS: IT GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON, AND AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND.

CRONUS: YOU LOOK LIKE ITS DIZZIED YOU UP A LITTLE, AS A MATTER OF FACT. HAHA. DONT VWORRY IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO FALL... IM WVERY FAST VWHEN IT COMES TO CATCHING, AND YOURE JUST ABOUT PRETTY ENOUGH TO MAKE IT VWORTH THE EFFORT. 

CRONUS: THAT IN MIND...

CRONUS: VWHAT DO YOU SAY, DOLL? CARE TO TAKE A SPIN?

[askthevioletmaid]

> The vicious pounding in your skull is making it hard to think, or to concentrate on anything beyond the dizzying weakness that has stolen over your limbs. Ha, you feel as feeble as Megido, and one tenth as coordinated. You have no idea how long that candy-magic trip through the bubbles lasted, but now that it’s over you’re finding that even the wobbly memories that you do have of your adventures are more than what you want to recall.

PORRIM: What just-

PORRIM: Oh my Go+d. What did I do+?

PORRIM: What did I just do+?

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: VWHAT YOU JUST DID VWAS GIVWE A GUY A LITTLE 8IT OF A PICK-ME-UP, VWAS ALL. NO NEED TO LOOK SO GLUM, 8A8E. REST ASSURED IM FEELING MIGHTY FINE NOWV. HAVWE A LOOKSIE - MY SKIN IS THE RIGHT COLOR AND EVWERYTHING.

CRONUS: “REST ASSURED”. HAHA. I CRACK MYSELF UP VWITH ALL THAT MALARKY WVIS-A-WVIS THINKING YOU ACTUALLY CARE. 

CRONUS: MAN I FEEL GOOD. YOU COULD EVWEN SAY…

CRONUS: ALIVWE. 

CRONUS: HAHA. 

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: Ugh… shit.

PORRIM: I need to+ go+ find Kankri. Oh Go+d he’ll be lo+o+king fo+r me.

PORRIM: And Latula.

PORRIM: I have to+…

PORRIM: Ngh.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: HEY HEY HEY NOWV.

CRONUS: VWHATS YOUR RUSH, PORRIM? NOT FIVWE MINUTES AGO YOU VWERE ALL OVWER ME, AND NOWV VWHAT? YOURE LOOKING TO KICK ME TO THE CUR8 SINCE YOU GOT VWHAT YOU VWANTED? 

CRONUS: YOU REALLY KNOWV HOWV TO VWOUND A FELLA GOOD.

CRONUS: VWHY, IF I VWASNT NOT CRAZY, I MIGHT EVWEN ASK IF IT VWAS MY HAIR - 8UT OF COURSE ITS NOT. INSERT LAUGHA8LY VWAIN REMARK ON THE SUBJECT OF MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE FOR THE SAKE OF HAVWING SOMETHING TO HOLD ON TO HERE. HAHA.

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: OH GOODY!

> You kiss him without wasting a moment, leaning in and capturing his mouth with sugar-slicked lips. For one crazy second the whirlwind of overstimulated ideas and sensations in your brain doesn’t slow, it only seems to get faster. Then the energy drains out of you all at once. Your stomach drops as the bubbly floating sensation enveloping your person pops, forcing you to tighten your arms around Cronus’s neck to avoid collapsing entirely. You’re still trying to find your footing and reeling from the pressure throbbing through your sponge when you pull away, face pale.

PORRIM: Oh no+.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

> So you do it: you kiss her. You kiss her like it’s going to make some kind of difference, like it grants you the ability to change a thing, like that single embrace can raise you up into something, someone who’s worth it. Your arms tighten around Porrim instinctively as her stance against you slackens, and when you bury your face in her hair for just a moment, breathing in through a throat far too tight, you’re already smiling and can’t understand why. After a beat, you pull your head back.

CRONUS: NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE SUGAR TO START THE DAY, EH GORGEOUS? 

[askthevioletmaid]

> The vicious pounding in your skull is making it hard to think, or to concentrate on anything beyond the dizzying weakness that has stolen over your limbs. Ha, you feel as feeble as Megido, and one tenth as coordinated. You have no idea how long that candy-magic trip through the bubbles lasted, but now that it’s over you’re finding that even the wobbly memories that you do have of your adventures are more than what you want to recall.

PORRIM: What just-

PORRIM: Oh my Go+d. What did I do+?

PORRIM: What did I just do+?

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: VWHAT YOU JUST DID VWAS GIVWE A GUY A LITTLE 8IT OF A PICK-ME-UP, VWAS ALL. NO NEED TO LOOK SO GLUM, 8A8E. REST ASSURED IM FEELING MIGHTY FINE NOWV. HAVWE A LOOKSIE - MY SKIN IS THE RIGHT COLOR AND EVWERYTHING.

CRONUS: "REST ASSURED". HAHA. I CRACK MYSELF UP VWITH ALL THAT MALARKY WVIS-A-WVIS THINKING YOU ACTUALLY CARE. 

CRONUS: MAN I FEEL GOOD. YOU COULD EVWEN SAY...

CRONUS: ALIVWE. 

CRONUS: HAHA. 

[askthevioletmaid]

> Since he hasn’t moved, you take advantage of Cronus’s hesitation and  draw nearer, casually resting your arms on his shoulders with your fingers loosely linked behind him. Yes, this is how it’s done. You remember now. How could you have thought this was hard? God, it’s so hard to focus.

PORRIM: SO, WHAT’LL IT BE? YOUR CHOICE, TIGER SHARK!

[ask-the-jade-bard]

> … it’s not like you were never unaware of the fact that can do, has done, and will once again do better than you in her red quadrant, if that’s even where you can shakily claim to be right now. Maybe halfway there - yeah, that sounds about right. One foot placed in that scary, vermilion territory that now seems intent on crumbling away beneath the sole of your shoe. You don’t want to kiss you. You really, really don’t want to kiss her, and yet a feeble little part of you strains for it, urges you not to give up, not to let her go so soon. You’re not looking at her, yet the too-sweet smell of her breath is already halfway in yours. You feel tired, and when at long last you speak, your voice is so quiet you may as well not have said anything at all.

CRONUS: you got it. 

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: OH GOODY!

> You kiss him without wasting a moment, leaning in and capturing his mouth with sugar-slicked lips. For one crazy second the whirlwind of overstimulated ideas and sensations in your brain doesn’t slow, it only seems to get faster. Then the energy drains out of you all at once. Your stomach drops as the bubbly floating sensation enveloping your person pops, forcing you to tighten your arms around Cronus’s neck to avoid collapsing entirely. You’re still trying to find your footing and reeling from the pressure throbbing through your sponge when you pull away, face pale.

PORRIM: Oh no+.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

> So you do it: you kiss her. You kiss her like it's going to make some kind of difference, like it grants you the ability to change a thing, like that single embrace can raise you up into something, someone who's worth it. Your arms tighten around Porrim instinctively as her stance against you slackens, and when you bury your face in her hair for just a moment, breathing in through a throat far too tight, you're already smiling and can't understand why. After a beat, you pull your head back.

CRONUS: NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE SUGAR TO START THE DAY, EH GORGEOUS? 

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: DON’T BE LIKE THAT!

> You zip around so you’re back in his line of vision, deliberately holding eye contact. He just doesn’t know. He needs to be convinced. You can help him. You can help him help himself.

PORRIM: I WANT TO HELP YOU OUT, CRONUS, BUT I CAN’T STICK AROUND FOREVER FOR A GUY WHO DOESN’T EVEN TRY!

PORRIM: THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER FISH IN THE SEA, AND I’M AN EXCELLENT ANGLER.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: … oh. 

> This is the part where a narration of your inward thoughts and outward actions are supposed to kick in, but there’s not much to say where either is concerned. All that it really boils down to is why are you so surprised, nitwit?

[askthevioletmaid]

> Since he hasn’t moved, you take advantage of Cronus’s hesitation and  draw nearer, casually resting your arms on his shoulders with your fingers loosely linked behind him. Yes, this is how it’s done. You remember now. How could you have thought this was hard? God, it’s so hard to focus.

PORRIM: SO, WHAT’LL IT BE? YOUR CHOICE, TIGER SHARK!

[ask-the-jade-bard]

> ... it's not like you were never unaware of the fact that can do, has done, and will once again do better than you in her red quadrant, if that's even where you can shakily claim to be right now. Maybe halfway there - yeah, that sounds about right. One foot placed in that scary, vermilion territory that now seems intent on crumbling away beneath the sole of your shoe. You don't want to kiss you. You really, really don't want to kiss her, and yet a feeble little part of you strains for it, urges you not to give up, not to let her go so soon. You're not looking at her, yet the too-sweet smell of her breath is already halfway in yours. You feel tired, and when at long last you speak, your voice is so quiet you may as well not have said anything at all.

CRONUS: you got it. 

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: YOU DON’T WANT TO?

> Without really meaning to you float nearer to him, the tips of your pink-shod toes just barely clearing the ground. The grin on your face isn’t quite flirtatious; flirtation requires a certain amount of subtlety, something which you once took pride in being good at, but right now you can’t remember how it’s done. All of your quicker, finer thoughts have been obfuscated by the sugar-laden fog clogging your sponge. Some part of you wonders whether that’s cause for concern, but like everything else, your worries are quickly swallowed by this incredible ongoing high.

PORRIM: YOU DON’T WANT TO WHAT, CRONUS? YOU DON’T WANT TO KISS ME?

PORRIM: I WANT TO KISS YOU. COME ON SWEET TOOTH, TAKE A LITTLE BITE.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

> You’ve never wanted to kiss anyone less in your life, and you’re not sure whether it’s the fact of it or her horrifyingly close proximity that makes your blood pusher feel like someone just kicked it. Briefly, inexplicably, you think you might puke. You almost miss the feeling when it’s gone, because what’s left feels like nothing in a pretty big way You turn your face away from her. Just beyond your brow, something is beginning to pulse sorely. That’s not nothing, so you’ll take it. Maybe if you focus hard enough on that, you can pretend she’s not here. 

CRONUS: …

CRONUS: no.

> Despite all things, you never were to great at make-believe.

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: DON’T BE LIKE THAT!

> You zip around so you’re back in his line of vision, deliberately holding eye contact. He just doesn’t know. He needs to be convinced. You can help him. You can help him help himself.

PORRIM: I WANT TO HELP YOU OUT, CRONUS, BUT I CAN’T STICK AROUND FOREVER FOR A GUY WHO DOESN’T EVEN TRY!

PORRIM: THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER FISH IN THE SEA, AND I’M AN EXCELLENT ANGLER.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: ... oh. 

> This is the part where a narration of your inward thoughts and outward actions are supposed to kick in, but there's not much to say where either is concerned. All that it really boils down to is why are you so surprised, nitwit?

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: YOU’RE JOKING, RIGHT? YOU’RE SUCH A SCREW-UP YOU DECIDED TO PRETEND TO BE AN ALIEN SPECIES RATHER THAN OWN UP TO YOUR FAILURES. HAHA! GOOD ONE.

PORRIM: NOW COME HERE, GUPPY, AND GIVE ME A KISS.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: hey, thats - 

CRONUS: VWOAH. vwoah vwoah vwoah. look. no. you need to back up here. right nowv. just put it in revwerse and simmer dowvn, you hear me? fuck. your on the prowvl for trouble right nowv and im sure as hell not gonna be the guy to hand it ovwer, so vwhat needs to be done here is you cooling it and casting an eyeball at vwhat the heck youre doing. 

CRONUS: look, i…

CRONUS: i dont vwant to.

CRONUS: thats it. thats all. not right nowv. 

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: YOU DON’T WANT TO?

> Without really meaning to you float nearer to him, the tips of your pink-shod toes just barely clearing the ground. The grin on your face isn’t quite flirtatious; flirtation requires a certain amount of subtlety, something which you once took pride in being good at, but right now you can’t remember how it’s done. All of your quicker, finer thoughts have been obfuscated by the sugar-laden fog clogging your sponge. Some part of you wonders whether that’s cause for concern, but like everything else, your worries are quickly swallowed by this incredible ongoing high.

PORRIM: YOU DON’T WANT TO WHAT, CRONUS? YOU DON’T WANT TO KISS ME?

PORRIM: I WANT TO KISS YOU. COME ON SWEET TOOTH, TAKE A LITTLE BITE.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

> You've never wanted to kiss anyone less in your life, and you're not sure whether it's the fact of it or her horrifyingly close proximity that makes your blood pusher feel like someone just kicked it. Briefly, inexplicably, you think you might puke. You almost miss the feeling when it's gone, because what's left feels like nothing in a pretty big way You turn your face away from her. Just beyond your brow, something is beginning to pulse sorely. That's not nothing, so you'll take it. Maybe if you focus hard enough on that, you can pretend she's not here. 

CRONUS: ...

CRONUS: no.

> Despite all things, you never were to great at make-believe.

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: YOU MAY BE ONTO SOMETHING THERE! KANKRI WANTED ME TO WAIT IT OUT TOO, BUT I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.

PORRIM: SINCE BEING CHEERFUL AND SUPERCHARGED IN VIRTUALLY EVERY WAY HAS DONE WONDERS FOR MY PRODUCTIVITY AND HAS LET ME REDISCOVER SOME IMPORTANT PRIORITIES, I’LL JUST GIVE THIS BOON TO YOU INSTEAD OF LETTING SOME ANON SNUFF IT OUT.

PORRIM: TRUST ME, IT’S A BLAST!

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: givwe - 

CRONUS: vwhat? no!

CRONUS: i mean, i - yeah. no. thats… lets not do that get too rash here. i mean, i figure im doing just dandy already, actually, vwithout the… vwhole rainbow head deal you and serket are just, uh… rocking. yeah. 

CRONUS: im not yanking your chain here, porrim. ill livwe vwithout the sugar rush. 

CRONUS: thanks for… offering, i guess?

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: YOU’RE JOKING, RIGHT? YOU’RE SUCH A SCREW-UP YOU DECIDED TO PRETEND TO BE AN ALIEN SPECIES RATHER THAN OWN UP TO YOUR FAILURES. HAHA! GOOD ONE.

PORRIM: NOW COME HERE, GUPPY, AND GIVE ME A KISS.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: hey, thats - 

CRONUS: VWOAH. vwoah vwoah vwoah. look. no. you need to back up here. right nowv. just put it in revwerse and simmer dowvn, you hear me? fuck. youre on the prowvl for trouble right nowv and im sure as hell not gonna be the guy to hand it ovwer, so vwhat needs to be done here is you cooling it and casting an eyeball at vwhat the heck youre doing. 

CRONUS: look, i...

CRONUS: i dont vwant to.

CRONUS: thats it. thats all. not right nowv. 

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: I TOLD YOU I WOULD BE BACK! NOW THAT I’VE DONE EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO AND MADE  A GOOD START ON SOME IMPORTANT PROJECTS, I FINALLY HAVE TIME FOR YOU AGAIN.

PORRIM: DID YOU MISS ME?

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: uh, yeah, sure.

CRONUS: look, babe, youre probably not evwen listening right nowv judging by the vway youre staring at the vwall like its diamond encrusted and sprinkled vwith swveetgrain, but hear me out if you can: ivwe vworked out a vway to fix this. the anons givwe, the anons taketh awvay, right? some cats gonna havwe to take pity sooner or later. its all a matter of vwaiting it out.

CRONUS: simple, right?

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: YOU MAY BE ONTO SOMETHING THERE! KANKRI WANTED ME TO WAIT IT OUT TOO, BUT I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.

PORRIM: SINCE BEING CHEERFUL AND SUPERCHARGED IN VIRTUALLY EVERY WAY HAS DONE WONDERS FOR MY PRODUCTIVITY AND HAS LET ME REDISCOVER SOME IMPORTANT PRIORITIES, I’LL JUST GIVE THIS BOON TO YOU INSTEAD OF LETTING SOME ANON SNUFF IT OUT.

PORRIM: TRUST ME, IT’S A BLAST!

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: givwe - 

CRONUS: vwhat? no!

CRONUS: i mean, i - yeah. no. thats... lets not do that get too rash here. i mean, i figure im doing just dandy already, actually, vwithout the... vwhole rainbow head deal you and serket are just, uh... rocking. yeah. 

CRONUS: im not yanking your chain here, porrim. ill livwe vwithout the sugar rush. 

CRONUS: thanks for... offering, i guess?

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS! CRONUS CRONUS CRONUS! CROOOOOOONUUUUUUUUUUS!

CRONUS: oh god. 

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: I TOLD YOU I WOULD BE BACK! NOW THAT I’VE DONE EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO AND MADE  A GOOD START ON SOME IMPORTANT PROJECTS, I FINALLY HAVE TIME FOR YOU AGAIN.

PORRIM: DID YOU MISS ME?

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: uh, yeah, sure.

CRONUS: look, babe, youre probably not evwen listening right nowv judging by the vway youre staring at the vwall like its diamond encrusted and sprinkled vwith swveetgrain, but hear me out if you can: ivwe vworked out a vway to fix this. the anons givwe, the anons taketh awvay, right? some cats gonna havwe to take pity sooner or later. its all a matter of vwaiting it out.

CRONUS: simple, right?

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS! CRONUS CRONUS CRONUS! CROOOOOOONUUUUUUUUUUS!

CRONUS: oh god. 

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: OH, ALRIGHT KANNY! ENJOY YOUR REST. I’LL COME FIND YOU LATER, HOPEFULLY WHEN YOU AREN’T FEELING SO SUCKY!

> You give your moirail a gentle little shoulder pat before he goes. Poor guy, he really does look terrible. You’ll have to fix him up later, after you’ve taken care of a few other things. Right now he seems keen on having a big ol’ lie down, which is just fine by you because you have other things to take care of than looking after your palemate for hours on end! Namely EVERYTHING!

PORRIM: I’LL TELL YOU LATER, CRONUS! THERE WILL BE ALL THE TIME IN EXISTENCE FOR US TO CHAT AFTER I GET SOME IMPORTANT THINGS DONE.

PORRIM: JUST BE A SWEETHEART AND WAIT FOR ME, OK? YOU CAN USE THE TIME WHILE I’M GONE TO CLEAN THAT DISGUSTING SHIT OFF YOUR CLOTHES.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: …

CRONUS: i.

> How does one ideally respond to this? You’re not sure where to go with this situation, but you’re not quite stupid enough to consider “along with it” a viable option right now. As such, you’re pretty hot on Porrim’s head-splittingly fluorescent tail as she makes as if to prance off. God, she’s giving you the heebie jeebies, but this is no time to turn out all yellow. There’s got to be some kind of solution to this creepy-ass gig, and - holy shit does she move fast.

CRONUS: porrim hey! vwait!

[askthevioletmaid]

> The great thing about trickster candy magic is that it means you are now able to fly around at a pretty good clip, without the need for a flying mount or fancy bug wings. Actually there are a lot of great things about trickster candy magic, and that is just one of them, but it’s one of the things you’re enjoying the most right at this very second! You’re still heading overland so there’s no need for you to gain very much altitude. As a result, you’re mostly just floating a handful of meters off the ground while you make a beeline for a memory which you HOPE will be fertile ground for growing new and exciting opportunities. Hey, is Cronus still following you? Didn’t he leave to change his clothes or something?

PORRIM: CRONUS, WHAT IS IT? YOU ALWAYS WERE A PERSISTENT KIND OF GUY BUT I DID TELL YOU I’D BE BACK. THERE’S NO NEED TO WORRY!

[ask-the-jade-bard]

> You know what? She can fly (fly. What? She's flying. Flying) all she wants - distance from the ground is still no match for rainbow-drinker speed, especially when you put your back into it and let yourself go full tilt like you currently - 

CRONUS: fuck - 

> - are going, all seemingly for the purpose of slipping on the slick of asshole-vomit still coating your shoes and thudding firmly to the ground. Shit. There she goes. You pull yourself up and hiss in frustration: she's getting away. She's gotten away.

CRONUS: that...

CRONUS: could havwe been handled more smoothly.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: …

CRONUS: rats. 

> So, apparently not only is this business irritating beyond belief and admittedly pretty damn unnerving: it’s contagious, too. Great. Really. That’s just great. You feel something clench unpleasantly in your abdomen as you watch what happens… happen. The colors, the scent of confectioneries, the smile - they all seem to practically BOUNCE from Kankri to Porrim, and your think pan can’t make much more sense of it than that. Her hair is so damn green. You feel a little sick.

[askthecobaltseer-blog]

P9rrim- 9h G9d damn it.

> This isn’t good. Whatever infected you has now bounced over to your moirail, like some kind of brightly colored parasite. In fact it kind of makes you sick to look at her. Not through any fault of her own, but because she is so damn colorful. Your eyes don’t know where to go or what to do. Your stomach churns more violently, and you realize two seconds too late that you’re going to puke. You turn away from Porrim - partly so you don’t have to look at her in her new technicolor glory and partly because she’s your moirail - and empty the contents of your stomach on to Cronus’s shoes and the lower part of his pants. You didn’t actually intend to do that, and under normal circumstances you’d feel oddly satisfied by the action. But right now you mostly just feel like shit.

9k. Y9u kn9w what. I’m just g9ing t9 tag 9ut f9r a while. P9rrim, y9u stay right here. Cr9nus, make sure she d9esn’t kill any9ne. 

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: …

CRONUS: youre the devwil. 

> There’s vomit coating your pant-legs and boots. There is vomit coating your pant-legs and boots. There’s VOMIT COATING YOUR - okay. Okay. You can handle this. You’ve got this. Everything is going to be fine. You’re cool, remember? You’re cool. It’s all good. Nothing to get anyone’s panties in a twist over. Zen. Zen’s what you are. You. Have. Got - 

CRONUS: ALRIGHT, just vwhat the fuck is going on here?!

[askthevioletmaid]

PORRIM: OH, ALRIGHT KANNY! ENJOY YOUR REST. I’LL COME FIND YOU LATER, HOPEFULLY WHEN YOU AREN’T FEELING SO SUCKY!

> You give your moirail a gentle little shoulder pat before he goes. Poor guy, he really does look terrible. You’ll have to fix him up later, after you’ve taken care of a few other things. Right now he seems keen on having a big ol’ lie down, which is just fine by you because you have other things to take care of than looking after your palemate for hours on end! Namely EVERYTHING!

PORRIM: I’LL TELL YOU LATER, CRONUS! THERE WILL BE ALL THE TIME IN EXISTENCE FOR US TO CHAT AFTER I GET SOME IMPORTANT THINGS DONE.

PORRIM: JUST BE A SWEETHEART AND WAIT FOR ME, OK? YOU CAN USE THE TIME WHILE I’M GONE TO CLEAN THAT DISGUSTING SHIT OFF YOUR CLOTHES.

[ask-the-jade-bard]

CRONUS: ...

CRONUS: i.

> How does one ideally respond to this? You're not sure where to go with this situation, but you're not quite stupid enough to consider "along with it" a viable option right now. As such, you're pretty hot on Porrim's head-splittingly fluorescent tail as she makes as if to prance off. God, she's giving you the heebie jeebies, but this is no time to turn out all yellow. There's got to be some kind of solution to this creepy-ass gig, and - holy shit does she move fast.

CRONUS: porrim hey! vwait!