Oh, brilliant-- brilliant! Someone to talk to! D'you know how long I've been up here? Just sort of... Floating aimlessly, around and around and around this stupid moon? No one to talk to, all alone-- well, not alone, really, but... er... well... SORRY MATE-- ah, he can't... He can't hear me, can he? Doesn't matter.
Anyway! You're here now! So, er... I dunno, maybe we could chat for a bit? Anything you want to talk about - listen, mate - I'm all ears! Metaphorically speaking, of course. Can you imagine if I was all ears? That would be-- well, it would be horrific, really.
. ⋆. *⋆ . ⋆ ⦿
☆ OOC yapping under the cut
I'm sure there are plenty of Wheatley ask blogs, but I felt compelled to make my own because... Well, I just love the stupid little orb. You know? Of course you do, you're here. I look forward to being silly with all of you, and I hope I can do the definitely-not-a-moron justice.
Hi, all! My name is [REDACTED] - long time Tumblr user, writer, roleplayer, and Portal enjoyer. I've always wanted to make one of these silly little ask blogs, but I've never really had the nerve... Until today, apparently!
I'll be reblogging general Portal/Wheatley content between asks (I'm not exactly sure what to expect in terms of how many asks I'll get, considering ask blogs seem to be a dying breed), so even if you're not in it for the roleplay, feel free to stick around for the Wheatley content!
GENERAL NOTES:
- Please be patient with me, as I am an adult with a full time job (disgusting, I know).
- Speaking of being an adult: NSFW doesn't phase me. You want to come on here and thirst for Wheatley? Brother, GET IN LINE! Fr though, go ahead, but a couple things -
1. As I am not a fan of romance in general, I'll be playing an aroace Wheatley. I'm sure there are ask blogs out there willing to humour romance, but I'm not one of them. Sorry!
2. If you send me something particularly egregious, or something that could get me banned into oblivion, I'll delete the ask. I also will not humour any asks that make me uncomfortable. If I didn't answer your ask, and you find yourself wondering why, please don't hesitate to DM me.
- If you have any issues with me or what I post, feel free to DM me and we can discuss it, or simply block me and move on. Hostility will be immediately ignored/blocked/deleted. I'm doing this for fun, and nothing I post will be worth taking seriously enough to lose sleep over.
- That's it! Thanks for stopping by, and have fun yapping with Wheatley! (Or don't - I can't tell you how to live your life.)
Answered asks will be tagged #Wheatley Yaps
UPDATE: When I first started this blog, I honest to God thought I'd get max 5 messages a week - y'all have completely surprised me! I'm having so much fun. Thank you to everyone who's been sending in asks, RPs, silly pictures - all of it!
That said - I think to balance my life and this blog, I'm going to switch to a weekend posting schedule! Please continue to send in asks and roleplay responses throughout the week - and I'll queue all the answers up for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, at a rate of about 10-15 per day. I think that will just make it much easier for me to maintain! :)
It's been a year since I've updated the blog. It got really popular and I had a ton of asks that I still feel terrible about not answering. I just got overwhelmed and couldn't keep up. Between full time work, theatre, being in 3 bands that perform pretty regularly, and working on my own novel I just couldn't find time to respond at the rate messages were coming in.
Recently, another RP blog got an anonymous message that mentioned my Wheatley blog, about how my writing 'still blew them away to this day'. Y'all, I actually teared up. A year later, and people still remember.
I don't know where I was going with this. Maybe some day I'll dust the orb off and jump back on and clear out that inbox. In the mean time, if any of you beautiful people who made my RP experience fun see this, thank you. Fr.
If you were a human, what kind of life would you want to live?
What kind of life would I want?
He thinks about it. Really thinks about it.
I... I dunno, maybe... Maybe a rock star, or something. Yeah, actually - that-- heh - that sounds mint, if I'm honest. Thousands and thousands of people, paying to see me! Shouting my name! No one... you know, telling me to go away, or 'Hey, don't touch that button you moron', or... doubting me. Ever. Just... fans. And friends. I think... that would be really nice.
i am coming to save you weatly. Aperture is not far
Aw, bless your little heart. Trying to swim all the way out here to get me. I do hate to be the one who has to tell you this - and don't get me wrong, I, er... appreciate the gesture, but: it's the sun - that's at the edge of the water. Not the moon. Easy mistake, I know - but, just... go ahead, and have a look - at really any picture of a sunset, over a beach. Bam. Sun - edge of the water. Basic science, really.
You're going to need... some sort of - spaceship to come up here and save me. It was a nice, er... thought. Though. So... thank you. Don't drown.
I'm sorry, mate - what?! Are you... having some sort of a medical emergency? A stroke, perhaps? If you're having-- if it's a stroke, just, um... chew an aspirin, and call for help. Or - wait, is that... aspirin was for seizures, wasn't it? Uh oh...
Okay, new plan: if you are having a stroke, um... Why not get yourself - well acquainted with your favourite God! Yeah! Because... because I can't help you. Unfortunate. So, you know. Best to, sort of... get all that out of the way now since - and not to alarm you - but, you're probably... definitely going to die soon.
Do try the aspirin though. Just in case - for a laugh, even. Why not? What have you got to lose? Nothing! Ha! Too-- ahem - too soon.
I actually quite like birds, if I'm honest. Yeah - very, sort of, majestic creatures, them. With their - their wings, and their... ability to fly. Magnificent.
Tell you what - was attacked by one, once. Not fun at all, wouldn't recommend it. If you're-- if you're asking if you should get yourself attacked by a bird: no. Definitely... definitely not.
Wasn't entirely unwarranted, mind you - I did, er... steal its eggs. For a good reason! But, still. You know. I get it. Anyway - not afraid of birds, too reiterate - unless they're... actively attacking me. And then, in that case... well, heh, I'm sure you could figure out, why I might be afraid, in that moment.
Ummmm... D'you know-- this time, I think I gotta give it... to owls. Smart blokes, them. Very intelligent. Relatable - I'll say it. You know, with their brains, and their... sort of, massive eyes. Like me.
Um... The power... of flight. Which - you know... Considering I'm in the sky, technically... we, er. Also have that in common. If you were making a list of things we have in common. Oh! Or! A list... of reasons why they're my favourite. Alternatively. Or simultaneously, really - up to you. Same thing.
No, periods are once a month. And not always painful.
Oh! Then what are you all whining for?! Ha! Honestly, mate - it - he chuckles - sounded like it was something you went through all the bloody time! Pun intended!
You only have to endure it once a month?! Augh, I'll tell you what - I could do that... no problem. With my... with my optic shut. Piece of cake. Sympathy... redaAUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!!! - he gets another cramp.
Panting. Ugh... Never... nevermind. I take it all back. I'm sorry, women...
// replying to https://www.tumblr.com/ask-wheatley-core/776776900272078848/hhaiiii-wheatleyy-can-i-rizz-you-up-pls-youre?source=share
it means ill KISS YOU on the MOUTH that you definitely have and itll be AQESOME now cmere buddy boy
Flustered - O-Okay! Well, um - you-- I'll allow you to, er, kiss me. If. If that's what you, er, want-- but! Of course. No mouth, despite your, um... insistence. So. I dunno... Maybe... Just, right beside my optic, there? Cheek adjacent. That... seem like an alright spot to you? Just spitballing ideas here. Brainstorming. Do let me know - if you think of a better place.
Aw, come-- that doesn't even make any sense, mate! That's-- alright, d'you know what? I think you may have spent - a little too much time in the, er... relaxation center. Gone... absolutely feral, or something. No offense.
Oh, yeah. Crepes. The pancake's... er. sophisticated cousin. Never tried 'em. On account of the old, um... inability to consume food. Never even been in the vicinity of a crepe, if I'm honest. You know - the scientists weren't exactly keen on bringing food into the labs. Which is-- which is good - if you really think about it. Less, sort of... waste to clean up when they, er... died. Horribly.
Hang on - is that... Is that a real photo? From... From Earth? Do they have the Sponge in charge now? Augh, man alive. What a mad idea - that would be. Putting someone... so, er... moronic - in a position of so much power. Got chills just thinking about it, actually. That's how bad of an idea it would be. Mental.
Let's zap moon debris okay buddy? I'll go first! 😁
(she aims for the rock moon anon is clinging onto with her blaster)
Woahwoahwoahwaitwait-- God - are you out of your mind?! There's-- there's a person on that one!
They-- hang on. Hang on, I know that anon! Hey! Over here!! Oh, this is brilliant - pretty, um... big coincidence, actually. If I'm honest. Ahem. Don't shoot.
