“You look familiar.”
“Why would I? I don’t think I’ve ever m–”
The Askbox Ghost raised his head.
“Oh, my rotten heart. Are you… This isn’t a prank, is it?!… ”
“Well, unless it’s from your part, my dear fellow, no, I don’t believe it is. I am, indeed, the unique Hatbox Ghost.”
The self-important smile draining from his face, Hattie then considered the other man with a critic eye.
“Key word being, unique. Just who do you think you are, young man?”
“I-I-I am–” sputtered the Askbox Ghost, his excitement at meeting his afterlifelong idol drowning out his normal acting talents. “Can I have an autograph?”
Hattie regained his friendly demeanour at this unwitting explanation.
“Ah. A fan, are you? I always indulge my mortal fanbase, of course.” (Even as he looked around the Attic for a quill, he kept muttering.) “Of course, this isn’t really the ideal time for such things, my boy. I’m just about to pull such a spectacular prank on the old hag that she might finally get the boot for good! Heheh!”
“Prank the old h… you mean, Constance?”
At the Hatbox Ghost’s brief nod, Askie joined his hands together in bliss.
“You mean I get to see you bicker with Constance Hatchaway? For reals?!?”
“Um, yes?” he said absently.
Finally, he drew what may have been the skeletal remains of a feather very, very long ago from the depths of a cupboard, and, with a triumphant cry of:
“Here we are!”
— he beckoned the Askbox Ghost to come forward with his parchment… note… notepad,… with whatever mortals use these days to stock autographs.
Overjoyed, Askie held forth an ipad.
Hattie took the item in both hands, clumsily, confused.
“Ahem… My dear boy, you must have misheard. I require some sort of papery substance on which to imprint my fabled autograph. Nor a… mirror? Is that a mirror?”
“Oooooh, that’s right, you don’t know that that is…”
The Askbox Ghost fell to his knees as if in prayer.
“Oh please forgive me! I was tactless and senseless and stupid and unworthy of your ghoulishly divine attention!!! In fact –”
Picking up the ipad, Askie began to methodically smash it onto his head.
“– such a worthless object that you do not know of its existence does not deserve to exist upon the same Earth as you, my idol! Here! Let me free you of its horrible, horrible modernity!”
*CRASH!*
*BANG!*
*CRACK!*
Unsure how to react, Hattie stammered:
“Now! Now! Keep your temper! Don’t hurt yourself!”
As the rythmic CRACKs and BANGs continued, a horrible thought occurred to him.
“Hey! Boy!!! Doesn’t this kind of trauma kill mortals? STOP!”
“Yes it CRASH does, my Master, bu BANG while I would CRACK!!! happily sacrifice my CRACK! life for your sake, BANG, I’m afraid I’m, CRASH! BANG! already dead, BANG! Owww. This does CRACK make you dizzy, though–BANG! CRACK!”
“Yes, well I’d still appreciate if you didn’t do that. You’ve just about crushed this object to a powder already, anyway.”
“Aye aye! Sure thing! Anything you say!” said a somewhat dizzy Askie, immediately dropping the unrecognizable remains of what had been a costly bit of equipment.
“So you say you are a ghost, yourself? That’s a novelty. Most of the Manor’s residents are more jealous than admirative of my fame.”
“Oh, I’m not from the Manor, Mr Hatbox Ghost Sir. In point of fact, I’m not really from anywhere. I haunt the Internet, usually. Mostly tumblr. Call myself the Askbox Ghost.”
“That name isn’t the most original thing I’ve ever heard, if you get my meaning, young m-… ghost.”
“Uh? Oh! Oh right. I just… you don’t mind, do ya? You’re such a big inspiration. You’re what every ghost should try to be. So…”
“Weeellll… When you put it in that way, of course, I can hardly complain. Ahem. So. What might your reasons for visiting my Attic be?”
“Well…I’m sorry if I’m intruding, o greatest of the greatest… but as I told you, I can move about through the Internet, and through my travels I happened upon your thrice-blessed tomblr, through which I could then exit through your own computer. Actually, I just wanted to make sure this brr-log was genuinely yours — I don’t know what I’d do to anyone who dared impersonate you, but it’d be nasty.”