Welcome, Sentient Meat Puppets, to the Library Beyond Time

Ask blog for the elder grump Cthulhu, Head of the Cosmic Library. -Do not forget to show your library card at the front desk, HR doesn't want to file another incident report. YouTube - Tales from the Library TikTok - The Library's Tiks and Toks

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

The Dimension Between Realms Welcomes You

Greeting mortals, I am pleased to say that the cosmos has aligned in such a way that all may pass into the realm of Discord where enlightened beings may discuss any manner of topic related to The Eldritch Interdimensional Library.

Do Mind the books, they tend to bite.

Check out the Cthulhu the Librarian community on Discord - hang out with 52 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

Getting Stuck in a Gatcha Game as a 5 Star Pull as Not on My List of 'To-Do' Today, Nor Was Having to Rely on Dionysus to Free Me

I suppose it was my own fault, really, as I was the one who programmed the library to trap me if I ever went 'Full Eldritch.' I will not admit, however, that it was my fault that I ended up trapped in a gatcha game as a result of this program protection. Now, I am watching my fool of a so-called friend, work along side the Greek god of wine and celebration, Dionysus, attempt, to free me without causing the Cosmic Library, my home, to self destruct. Sadly, this is not even within the top five strangest things that have happened this week.

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

It is Always Fascinating Learning That Your Pet Had Another Life Before Arriving in Your Care

I was mildly surprised to learn that my pet mimic, Chestopher, was once a grocery store bagger in his past life, and was more fascinated to find that he was, in fact, rather good at his job. This new bit of knowledge, fortunately, has aided us in what would otherwise be considered an impossible return at the CIF. I am fortunate that my daughter thought to use Chestopher's gift in our favor, and refuse to admit that Voidmonger aided in this decision in any meaningful way.

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

A Query for my Cultists

Who would be the worst person to leave your phone alone with? Feel free to explain in the comments! 🐙

Yog-Sothoth

Voidmonger

Croissant-Chan

Cthulhu

Voting ended onJan 23

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

Riddles from An Archivist

We have 2 Riddles for today;

Good day, Seekers of wisdom. The Eldritch Library stirs in its half-light. Iron lamps glow like watchful eyes, dust drifts in slow spirals, and the air feels heavy with things recently remembered—and recently forgotten. Silence here is never empty; it listens.

Riddle of the Stacks:

I have no bones, yet I rise.

I leave no wounds, yet I mark what I touch.

I follow destruction but am not its cause,

and I vanish when named too clearly.

I linger where truth once stood.

What am I?

Proceed with care. Some answers fade the moment they are grasped, and the Library does not return what it takes.

The lamps of the Eldritch Library burn low, their light caught in motes of dust and unspoken confessions. Shelves lean inward, as if listening. Somewhere, a book closes itself—not with a sound, but with a judgment.

Riddle of the Stacks:

I have no weight, yet I bow the spine.

I leave no ink, yet I stain the page.

I speak without a tongue,

and when named, I grow louder.

I am carried by the innocent,

and crowned by the evil.

What follows you even when you do not turn, and waits most patiently in silence?

Tread softly between the aisles today. Some knowledge does not wish to be forgiven.

[cibo-food]

[doctorslippery]

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

I made the Mistake of Listening to the Necronomicon, I Deserved this.

Idiotic riddles, lunar harmonics, and an escalator-worshiping cult; unfortunately an average Thursday. When the Necronomicon demanded I claim an 'eclipse fragment' I was expecting something more interesting, possibly world-shattering. Unfortunately, I was disappointed yet again. I blame Voidmonger.

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

Diary Entry

Entry 13

Every so often I remember the time Zeus trapped me in an anti-eldritch elevator because he wanted a paternity test and didn’t want Hera to find out.

Yes. That episode, remember? An entire divine kidnapping over a scroll.

He disabled my powers, hijacked my office, held my Necronomicon upside-down like a toddler reading a cursed menu, and then flooded the elevator “for emotional regulation.” Meanwhile Poseidon tried to snorkel with his own trident and Aphrodite floated above the rising water like she was waiting for room service.

And the whole time Zeus kept shouting through the intercom:

“JUST GIVE ME THE SCROLL BEFORE HERA SCRIES MY INBOX!”

We nearly woke Azathoth over a custody question.

To this day I avoid elevators, most Olympians, and any combination thereof. Especially if someone says the phrase “Floor Infinity.”

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

Riddles from The Archivist

The first Riddle:

In the hush before dawn, wanderers, welcome back to the Eldritch Library.

Frost clings to the spines of forgotten tomes, and the corridors breathe a pale, crystalline hush. Even the ink seems colder this morning, dreaming in silver veins beneath the parchment.

May your steps be steady, your whispers softened, and your curiosity sharp—

for cold has crept into the stacks, wearing its quiet like a crown.

Your riddle for the day:

I arrive without a summons, yet all doors open to me.

I crown the earth in white robes no ruler ever wore.

I silence rivers, yet I speak through every trembling branch.

What am I, whose touch is both a shroud and a blessing?

May the answer find you before the ice does.

The second Riddle:

The Restricted Wing unlocks itself, the chains slithering away like obedient serpents. Inside, the atmosphere thickens—humid and earthen, reminiscent of deep soil freshly disturbed. Strange sigils crawl lazily along the walls, pulsing as though alive, reacting to your presence.

“Good morning,” hum the forbidden volumes, their voices layered like overlapping whispers. “The harvest may be gathered, but the roots still remember.”

The library offers once again a riddle:

I am a humble root, pale beneath the soil’s dark veil.

Mashed, I become a cloud; baked, I become a crust;

Raw, I am stubborn and cold as grave-stone.

What am I, shaped by every hand at the feast?

A faint tremor ripples under your feet, as if something beneath the floor is stirring.

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

DEWEY Meets My Old Mentor, And Regrets It

I had hoped to keep DEWEY, the Library's sentient AI, from interacting with one such as M'Ghoa-Durath, for at least a time. This was an unfortunate and avoidable outcome, though I did not intervene in time. I can only hope that this meeting does not have...lasting....consequences.

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

Who Knew Accidentally Throwing My Phone Out of A Hot-Air Balloon Would Have Consequences

This is what I get for using ChatGPT as a personal therapist; Trapped in Poseidon's oceanic washing machine while the gods of clouds and waves laugh at me. At least the program auto-called Zeus, rather than Yog-Sothoth....or my mother.

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

The First Step is Always the Hardest, But Friends Can Make It A Bit Easier

The gentlest of souls, Pooh, must travel to Olympus in order to retrieve an item to aid him in finding the lost souls of the 100 Acre Wood. I regret that I cannot join him in his quest, but I believe that his kindness will be his greatest weapon, and I will aid him in what ways I can.

[alexlibris-bookart]

From Thursday to Saturday, selected books will be available at a discount...

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

This looks remarkably similar to the tome in the medical section that keeps hissing at me during reorganization.

[trainer0084]

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

Gods I love this place

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

Diary Entry

Entry 12 - “On the Unfortunate Return of My Aquatic Phase”

There is no dignified way to explain to one’s colleagues that one is, temporarily, an octopus again. It happens every few months, usually at the exact moment I’m trying to appear authoritative, composed, and definitively humanoid. Today it struck in the middle of a perfectly reasonable lecture on narrative ethics. One moment I was discussing causality breaches; the next I was eight limbs in a heap on the floor, suction-cupped indignity and all. Madeline just sighed and handed me a towel like this was weather.

I attempted to resume the lecture, dignity intact, mind you, while perched in my oversized tea bowl, but the gods in attendance found it difficult to concentrate. Apparently the rhythmic idle wriggling of my limbs is “mesmerizing” and “distracting” and “unsettlingly cute.” Cute. I am the harbinger of tidal ruin, and somehow my periodic cephalopod episodes have reduced me to a petting-zoo curiosity. Thor even asked if he could “boop” me. I informed him that touching an elder god without consent is grounds for smiting, but he claimed the rules change if I’m “squishy.”

Eventually I gave up, retreated to my office tank, and waited for my anatomy to remember its responsibilities. I want it on record that returning to humanoid form feels exactly like putting on a suit you’ve outgrown yet are too proud to replace. Still, the Library seemed faintly amused, the gods entertained, and I suppose a brief lapse into tentacled absurdity is a small price to pay for cosmic stability. But if anyone calls it my “octopus time of the month” again, I will empty their pantry into a black hole.

[askcthulhuthelibrarian]

Another Day, Another Round of Cultists Making Questionable Life Choices

While I truly enjoy my time in the Waffle House, I question how my followers could make such poor choices. Why would Rodriguez come to the conclusion that my statue needed bluetooth, does he really think witnessing my form on a video call is a smart idea? I highly doubt his phone gets good enough resolution for the attempt to be worth the effort.