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if i look back, i am lost
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EXPECTATIONS

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@askifwehaveavocados-a
THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE.
come follow me here!
THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE.
come follow me here!
THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE.
come follow me here!
THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE.
come follow me here!
THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE.
come follow me here!
             RELOCATING! same url, new start.
( pretty sure i know what iâm gonna do, but opinions are welcome and encouraged, please! )
( pretty sure i know what iâm gonna do, but opinions are welcome and encouraged, please! )
so iâve come to the conclusion that my lot in life isnât destined to improve ( re: my constant state of exhaustion and brain fog; had my thyroid checked and while my t3 levels are high ( indicative of hypothyroidism ), my t4 is fine and they donât treat until both are wonky ), and the only way to endure is to plow forward and work on bettering myself in whatever way i can. part of that is by returning to something i love.
iâm going to be going through threads and deleting almost everything, save for threads with @amostdistinguishedrapscallion, @captaindashingrapscallion and @princesircastic ( though if any of you want to drop some threads, let me know! ). please, please, please: if you want to plot or send me a starter, do it! iâll probably be posting some verse specific starter calls in the near future as well.
iâm starting fresh so i can get back into the swing of things. iâve been gone for too long and my love of ruby has literally not faltered, just my drive for ... well, anything. that changes. i miss writing way too much.
there might be a journal move in my future as well. iâm contemplating moving over to @atemyboyfriend or just starting fresh on another blog with the same name as this. weâll see how motivated i am to move everything.
for those of you who have stuck around - thank you for your patience and understanding during these rocky few months.
A post regarding my return will be here on Sunday. Stay tuned, sports fans! I miss you all!
LIFE UPDATE!
okay, so. i have a doctorâs appointment tomorrow, finally. iâm willing to bet my thyroid is completely fucked in one way or another, so iâm hoping that after i get the results and start meds, or otherwise figure out wtf is wrong with me and why iâm exhausted 24/7, that iâll be back here.
i miss all of you and i miss ruby! i havenât disappeared, fret not. xD
( bed now but itâs good to be back! though iâve lost followers since i started actively writing tonight??? nice.
the nye kiss meme will get done tomorrow. <3 )
( ...
has the maturity in the rp community gone down the tubes or is it just me? ( i would ask if it was the fandom, but this is from an oc. )
not anything that happened over here/in this fandom, mind, but on my other blog. someone sent me an anon getting hissy about me âignoringâ them and âreplying to everyone else.â then they owned up to the anon in ims and apologized?
like. rp is not my job. yeah, it may look like iâm replying to other memes and threads before you, and i may not reply to ims in a timely manner because there are a lot of days where iâm just not up to being social unless itâs with people i have bonds/friendships with, but those things that iâve replied to have been sitting in drafts/my inbox for several days/weeks or since i started the damn blog last month.
if youâre looking for a fast rper, youâre barking up the wrong tree. i donât have much of a life, but i donât spend every waking minute on tumblr either. )
amostdistinguishedrapscallion:
Killian glowered at the wall, barely aware of her gentle touches and soothing words. His temper had always been gunpowder waiting for a match, but hearing the slander pouring from that bastardâs mouth infuriated him beyond all comprehension. Very few people had earned the fierce loyalty of Killian Jones, but the she-wolf had proved herself more than worthy of it; and hearing anyone speak against her was to test that loyalty and see just how fierce it could be.
âYou shouldnât have stopped me,â Killian muttered through his teeth, seething with rage; clenching his fist tightly. âYou should have heard the things he saiid. The things he called you.â
Monster. Half-breed. Spitting her name like it was a curse. Heat burned behind his eyes as the manâs cruel words echoed in his head, his temper rising with every one.Â
âIâll bloody kill him,â he growled, getting up to pace the small space. âThe next breath he draws in my presence will be the last one he ever draws!â
     His sense of rage cancelled out her attempts at comfort, drowning out the soothing lull of her voice and the reassurance behind her words and touch. Though the brunette had never once feared being on the receiving end of his ire ( perhaps in the beginning, but even then the she-wolf hadnât doubted her ability to put him in his place ), she often worried about those Killian deemed deplorable enough to end up on his shit list; had Ruby not intervened, there was little to no doubt in her mind that Grannyâs would have turned into a crime scene ( never mind the words the elder Lucas would had for the pair ).Â
     Tempering Killian and setting him on an even keel required tact, and for several long moments, she merely allowed him to pace the length of the couch and back, digging the soles of his boots into the rug beneath his feet with each pivot on his heel. It was best, she had learned, to let him settle for a bit before confronting him with the logic he otherwise wouldnât pay any mind to.
     Verdant gaze watched him -- the tension in his shoulders, the vein in his forehead bulging in his unfettered anger -- before standing, moving in front of him so she might grab his shoulders and force his eyes to meet hers.
     â I know what they say about me, Killian. But do you really think itâs worth ending someoneâs life over? â Before he could speak, she raised a hand to silence him, not yet done making her point. â And donât you think that if you so much as lay a hand on him that itâll paint me in a more negative light? Theyâll run us both out of town. â Or find some other, less savory way to enact their own form of vigilante justice.
     â So please, Kil. Please. Just let it go. I donât care what one of Reginaâs former guards -- a man who has virtually no honor to speak of -- has to say about me. â
amostdistinguishedrapscallion:
âWait, what?â Killian stared at her with wide eyes, stunned; barely registering her kisses. Numbly, he circled one arm around her, too shocked to do anything but stand there and try to absorb the fact thatâŠ
She said yes?
A surge of euphoria burst through his chest, heart leaping and hammering like a frenzied butterfly. Words tumbled from his lips, he couldnât quite decipher them: something along the lines of, âSeriously?â, âYou mean it?â, and âAre you sure?â It hardly mattered, it was a wonder he could even breathe right now, let alone speak.Â
She said yes.
âOh, God, I love you,â he whispered; and kissed her with everything he had, holding her tightly against him, as though she could never be close enough. âI love you, I love youâŠâ
âI love youâ was a poor representation of how he felt about her, because it wasnât just loveâ it was so much more. His heart was broken and scarred and blackened with past sinsâŠbut it was hers, every shard. His soul was mottled and torn, worthless by anyoneâs standardsâŠbut hers, every last bloody piece. She was everything to him. Everything.
âYou know what this means, though, donât you?â he grinned, his voice still uneven and shaking. He pushed his hand clumsily through her hair, gazing into those green eyes he loved so well. âYouâre stuck with me. Thereâs no getting rid of me now, itâs you and me, forever.â
     The grin on her lips only widened, the brunette almost positive that the muscles of her face would be aching and sore for days to come as the expression of pure, unadulterated happiness would undoubtedly remain -- even linger -- for the foreseeable future.
     All her life, Ruby had so longed for someone to share herself with, wholly and without apology, but fate had inevitably toyed with a then newly broken heart and locked it away, perhaps by design ( for safe keeping, until the right one happened along and shattered any and all defenses that had been held in place for so many years ). Her hope had come to town with nefarious intentions, clad in leather and brandishing a hook for a missing appendage, though Ruby hadnât seen much of kindness and love that now blossomed in his heart. Theyâd both needed something -- someone to understand, to take the time to find the people theyâd been before tragedy had unfolded and altered their perceptions -- and neither the she-wolf nor the pirate would have believed, upon first blush, that it was in the other that theyâd find what their lives had been missing.
     â Forever, â she echoed, her own voice quivering under the syllables -- not because she feared solidifying their love with a promise of eternity, but rather had never anticipated that such a notion was feasible. Lips pursed as fingertips traced the line of his jaw, over its hinge before disappearing into dark locks and tangling amidst the strands.
     â Think I can keep you in line for that long? â she teased, hoping to add some levity to an otherwise emotional exchange. â Iâd put my odds at about 30/70, in favor of you wreaking havoc like you always seem to. â Killian may have been a kept man, but some things would never change -- nor did Ruby want them to.
bandithearted replied to your post:
diD SOMEONE SAY RED SNOWING AND ALSO BROMANCE
( *sliiiiiides in*
*GRABBY HANDS INTENSIFY~*
i have the mightiest of needs for the things!! BROMANCE BUT ALSO U CANâT TELL ME THAT RED WAS NOT INVOLVED IN THE SNOWING SHIP, OK. there were at least snuggles, fite me. )
hey, why donât you send me a đ for a new years kiss!