Ask U.N.C.L.E.

[best-russian-blorbo-bracket]

Who's the best fictional russian?

Constantin/Evil Kermit (The Muppets)

Ilya Kuryakin (The Man from U.N.C.L.E.)

Voting ended onNov 7, 2023

Evil Kermit:

He’s Evil Kermit what more can I say?

Kuryakin:

Played by EXTREMELY handsome 1960s David McCallum, so he's not the most accurate depiction of a Russian ever, Illya was one of if not the very first positive depictions of a Russian on American television. He is second in command of the agents at the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement, or UNCLE, an international spy organization that is implied in-show to be an arm of the United Nations...but the real life UN didn't want anything to do with it at the time, hence the "United Network." His spy partner, American Napoleon Solo, is the only agent higher-ranking than him. The man is FUCKING ICONIC, he has such an amazing, droll personality. My favorite line of his is, upon being asked if he's "free," to reply: "no man is free who works for a living, but I'm available!" OH OH HE ALSO SAYS ONCE, which I quote ALL THE TIME, "oh I'll live, but I won't enjoy it." MOOD!! He is depicted as an open communist without condemnation, he still holds a rank in the Russian Navy while working for UNCLE, he has a PHD in quantum mechanics from the University of Cambridge, his fashion sense is FIRE. Oh and The Man from UNCLE is perhaps THE predecessor to Star Trek in terms of shipping - Napoleon and Illya were having fiction written about them before Kirk and Spock turned it up to eleven! Seriously they're fucking adorable. Uhhh what else - hes great at undercover work because they work in Europe all the time and Napoleon is an obnoxious American, he tries so hard but he just is lol. I just fucking love him and you should too!!!!!!

[ceescedasticity]

I see a lot of people are voting for Evil Kermit, I assume because it's Evil Kermit, but I don't know how many times I've seen Evil Kermit and this is the first I've heard of him being Russian. Possibly I've just been living under a rock again, but it doesn't seem very important to the character. Whatever Evil Kermit's other virtues, he doesn't seem very good at being a fictional Russian.

[askuncle]

April, have you ever had to flirt with another woman for a mission?

“Yes, I think it had been like two or three times? I don’t know, somehow my missions don’t involve much of that. Maybe I am not the right agent for them? Oh god, maybe I am bad at that! Should I get to study more? Is there a book on flirting around? I’ll ask Napoleon.”

[askuncle]

Illya, if Napoleon were to give you flowers, what would you most like in your bouquet?

“Anything but bees or deadly spiders.”

[askuncle]

Illya, do you like to eat fish?

“If it doesn’t have ketchup on it, then yes, I do.”

[the-dork-neko]

I just wish to send my best wishes to miss April Dancer from @askuncle, since two of my favorite singers of all time made - especially for her! - such a touching, lovely and poetic song. :* <3

Só passei para desejar tudo de bom para a srta. April Dancer, da página @askuncle, já que uma das minhas bandas prediletas de todos os tempos compôs, especialmente para ela, uma música tão adorável e poética.

[askuncle]

Oh my, this made me so happy 😊 thank you so much 💞 - April

[askuncle]

aconitum-napellus replied to your post “Why do you want our fur? Is it tasty?”

But - hairballs?!?

What, do you think I’m a cat? Oh wait, it’s in my name, right. Take your fur away, anons, I’m not gonna eat it.

[askuncle]

Napoleon, what flowers do /you/ think Illya would like best?

Chocolate ones?

[askuncle]

Napoleon, do you have a sweet tooth?

I do enjoy good food in general. And sweet things as well, but not too sweet, just good.

[askuncle]

So, we can be naughty??? LETS BE NAUGHTY! Napoleon, what's your fave food to eat off Illya?

Melted ice cream.

[askuncle]

Napoleon, care to explain what the fudge is a Quasimodo delight???

Ah, you see, a Quasimodo delight is, um, a most wonderful thing. It comes in all flavors and in the perfect size. But, I’m afraid, it’s a house special. You can’t get it anywhere.

[askuncle]

Dear Illya: do you (or have you ever) keep pet cats? What are (were) their names? Could you tell us about them?

Surprisingly enough, no. I have never lived in pet-friendly buildings, but I used to take care of a neighbor’s cat when I was a child. Her name was Cream, I think.

[askuncle]

This question is for dear April. Would you like to join an international group of women dedicated to eradicating the world of silly young men, or at least enslaving them into doing our every whim whilst wearing fine uniforms that show off their fit, lithe bodies to full advantage? We have excellent pay and benefits.

Well, I already belong to an international group, but I don’t really need to be in order to enslave anyone.

[askuncle]

Napoleon, why do you flirt so much with the ladies? Aren't you concerned about people getting the wrong idea?

What kind of a wrong idea? Are we living in the XIII century? Smiling to someone doesn’t mean you’re going to marry them. I’m sure that modern girls get this idea, the right one.

[askuncle]

STOP ASKING ILLYA SAD QUESTIONS

GO ON AND ASK SOMETHING NICE

[askuncle]

Oh, Illya. That sounds terrible. What happened?

Nearing the end of our studies, someone informed me he was engaged. He... got married a month after graduation. I was invited to the wedding.

[askuncle]

Oh, Illya, you were in love? Who was he? Or was it a woman?

He was a classmate, but he had a different idea of what our relationship actually was.

[askuncle]

Illya, Napoleon: have you ever been in love before?

…once, in college.

Isn’t being in love easily the best state one can be in? I certainly have, I would even say that most of my life.